I felt foolish. I wanted to turn around and run away, but it was too late. My mom opened the door, and I found myself enveloped in her embrace. I handed her the flowers and the gift I had brought, and we exchanged another awkward hug.

Entering the house, I saw my father sitting on the sofa. "How is my son?" he asked with a fake tone of excitement. Without waiting for an answer, he immediately followed up with, "How's your studies?" It was clear that the second question held more importance to him.

"My studies are going very well," I replied, blushing as I lied to my father.

"Haha, of course. You're my son!" he chuckled.

As I approached the sofa, my knees weakened, and I could feel my anxiety building up. The notification bell on my phone rang, but I resisted the urge to check it. I'm sure it was HIM.

"So tell me, how many girlfriends have you got?" my father asked, bursting into loud laughter that hurt my ears.

"I'm not in middle school anymore, father," I told him, trying to maintain my composure.

"Yeah, that's the thing. You're not in middle school anymore. You're a grown man now. You have to start thinking about starting a family of your own," he proudly proclaimed.

"I have to tell you something, Dad," I said, my voice catching for a moment.

My mom sat down on the sofa next to my father, her eyes filled with anticipation.

"I have to tell you something, Dad," I repeated, now looking at both of them intently.

"I..." I paused, feeling my breath catch in my throat for a second. "I have got a new job," I finally managed to say, pretending as if that was my original intention.

"Great! Do you make good money?" my father asked.

"Yes, I make pretty good money," I replied.

"You know, my car is really old now. It would've been nice if my son could gift me a new one," he said, laughing as usual.

"Yes, of course, Dad. I will buy you a new car," I assured him, speaking quickly.

Just then, the doorbell rang, interrupting the conversation. "Oh, it's probably your sister," my mom said.

"I'll open the door," I offered and stood up, needing a moment alone.

I opened the door to find my sister, her husband, and their son standing outside. "Omg, Alex, hello!" she exclaimed.

"Hi," I replied, the fatigue evident in my voice.

My sister hugged me, but her looser husband didn't even acknowledge my presence. I suggested they come inside, excusing myself to the bathroom. I needed a moment to collect myself.

In the bathroom, I pressed my body against the cold tiles and tried my best to collect my thoughts but I couldn't hold back the overwhelming emotions any longer so I ended up vomiting.

After flushing the toilet and washing my face, I emerged, pretending as if nothing had happened.

Dinner was ready, and the whole family gathered around the table, waiting for me. "Mom and Dad said you found a job. Congrats!" my sister said, genuinely happy.

"Thanks," I replied, trying to keep up appearances.

"Where do you work?" Ben, my sister's husband, inquired.

"I... I work..." I faltered, unsure of how to respond.

"In a club?" Ben finished my sentence for me.

"Yes, I work in a club," I admitted reluctantly.

"And how's your boss? Does he pay you enough?" Ben asked, wearing an unbearably disgusting smirk.

"Yes, I am making more than enough money," I replied, forcing a smile.

"Alex, you really work in a club??!?!" my mom asked, her tone filled with shock.

"It's a very famous nightclub," I quickly added, hoping to ease their concerns.

"Oh, poor Alex. He has to work at night so he can study during the day," my sister chimed in, trying to calm the situation.

"Oh no, dear sister," I said, my voice steady. "I dropped out of..."

"I dropped out of uni," I calmly confessed.

"You did what??!?!" my mom exclaimed.

My dad started choking on his food, the news clearly catching him off guard.

"You know what? I should go now," I announced, standing up from my place.

Everyone stared at me with anger-filled eyes. Collecting my belongings, I had a crazy idea. And without thinking twice, I acted upon it.

As I closed the door behind me, I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Also, I am VERY GAAAAAAY!"

Running straight to my car, I slumped into the driver's seat, my emotions overwhelming me. I reached for my phone and dialed Lila's number.

"Lila!" I shouted into the phone.

"What?" Lila's voice came through.

"I am an idiot, Lila! I am an idiot! Lila, I am an idiot!" I continued shouting, tears streaming down my face.

"Save me, Lila. Please, save me," I pleaded, my voice choked with panic. I was on the verge of a breakdown, feeling like I had lost everything—family, education, career, reputation, connections, love life, job, and money. I had nothing.

All I had was my shattered soul and my weary friend, Lila, on the other end of the line, listening to my cries and screams.

I had never felt more pathetic in my life. All I could feel was pain.

And what about Ben? What did he truly know about my life? And how did he know all that?

When did I manage to ruin everything? How could I do this to myself?

I peeled off the suffocating long-sleeved shirt, allowing my body to breathe. My tattoos stared back at me, a reminder of the life I had destroyed. They didn't belong on me.

I hung up the phone and sat in my car, bare-chested, sobbing out my pain. That's all I could do—let the tears flow freely.

All I ever wanted was love. And now, I was barely breathing under the weight of my broken heart. For a moment, I had allowed myself to believe that something good could happen in my life, but I was wrong. It seemed like misery and sadness were my destined companions.

In that fleeting moment, I lived my happiest, most delusional dream life. And now, I was left alone, surrounded by the wreckage of my shattered illusions. I was left alone with my inner demons.

"Fight, baby, fight," I whispered to myself, my voice barely audible.

But for how long? Did I have enough energy left for the next battle? Life never asked for my consent, never sought my opinion. It simply threw more problems, obstacles, and pain onto my already burdened shoulders.

They said it would get better, but it didn't. In fact, it only got worse. What should I do now?
*****

There is nothing more consistent in life than pain.
You have to deal with it.
Either you cry and suffer or you become used to it.
There's a special kind of immunity you can develop for that.

I think I already developed that immunity because, as I returned to my apartment after a long drive, the first thing I did was call HIM. This time, he was serious, but it was I who laughed. I wasn't drunk on alcohol or high on drugs; I was simply exhausted. Exhaustion turns people into horrifying beings, for once you reach that point, something inside you switches off, and you stop caring.

Cursing him and laughing simultaneously, I found it amusing. No normal words or form of communication could possibly express the depth of pain I felt in that moment. Numbness engulfed me.

"You disrespected me, you piece of shit!" I yelled into the phone, letting out all my frustration. "Because of you, I lost everything I had. Open relationship?! Have you ever thought about my feelings? What am I to you? An object? You know what? Maybe you're the object! Yes, you're the real object. You're soulless! I feel so sorry for myself. I feel so foolish for loving a piece of shit like you! I will never return to work again. Goodbye."

With those final words, I hung up the phone, cutting off any remaining ties.

The doorbell rang, and I heard Lila's voice calling out my name. Opening the door, I saw her in tears.

"I'm so sorry, Alex," she said, her voice trembling. "For what?" I asked, surprised by her apology.

"I feel guilty. If it wasn't for me, you would never have met him, and none of this would have happened," she explained, her remorse evident.
******
For better or worse, the truth was that HE had changed my life. My life would never be the same after being with HIM. And though I could never love HIM, a part of me would always love HIM. HE would never truly comprehend just how special HE was to me, as HE will never be able to feel true love for someone.

He would never understand the incredible feeling of loving someone.

So, my love, tell me, who was the winner ?

𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨, 𝙫𝙤𝙩𝙚 & 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬!