Amanda

I thought I came to Zeke's pack to find my mate. Unfortunately, I just found an asshole who literally ran away from me. Just like Zeke suggested, I've been devouring all of the ice cream in the fridge for almost ten minutes. "Panda!" I looked away from my bowl at the little boy entering the kitchen. "Can I have some too?!" Kenny chirped.

Asking Valerie and Zeke popped into my head, but I decided against it. I know that he ate actual food already. There isn't a reason he can't eat ice cream. If he gets hyper, I'm the one watching him later. "Chocolate or cookie dough?" I wondered, opening the fridge. He couldn't have the coffee one. I don't think kids are supposed to have coffee- even if it's just coffee flavored ice cream.

Kenny grinned at me. "Both!" Laughing, I took out the tubs and got a bowl. I gave him a scoop of each flavor before helping him onto the stool so he could eat. I stood next to him and ate my own ice cream.

Honestly, I didn't even try to stop my mind from drifting off to that damn doctor. I don't even know his name because he didn't give me the chance to say anything before running off! I sighed and stuffed more ice cream in my mouth. One single interaction with a guy and my day is absolutely ruined. I'm not even sure it counts as an interaction. I just bumped into him, then he runs away. My own mate ran away from me without a single word.

A few tears leaked out. I wiped them away before they could fall into my ice cream. "Panda?" Kenny said softly. I wiped my face again and looked up at him. "Why are you sad? Valley only gets sad when she fights with Bubba because they're mates" he pointed out. He cocked his head while staring at my face. "Did you fight with your mate?"

For only being four years old, Kenny is one smart kid. "I don't have a mate, Kenny" It hurt to say that. But it was the truth. That's about as close you can get to rejection without actually being rejected. The guy ran away from me, it's pretty clear that he doesn't want to be with me.

Someone suddenly cleared their throat. My head snapped to the doorway, where the doctor was standing. He couldn't hide or prevent the hurt on his face from hearing my words. Even if he didn't want to be with me, the instant bond between us was made. He couldn't stop it.

Looking away from him, I mixed my ice cream around in my bowl. "Kenny. Can I talk to your friend for a little bit?" the doctor wondered. Kenny looked at me before nodding his head. The doctor helped Kenny off the stool and handed him the bowl of ice cream. "Valley is in Bubba's office. You can go finish your ice cream in there" he offered. Nodding his head, Kenny walked away from us. The doctor stuffed his hands into his pocket and hesitantly looked up at me. "So I'm not your mate?" he asked rhetorically.

"You ran away from me"

He sighed and took a seat next to me. "It's not what you think" he told me softly. What a typical start. Nevertheless, I continued to eat my ice cream and attempt to hear him out. But it seemed like he was about to pay me off. He took out his wallet and looked through a couple pockets. "Oh, sorry" he shook his head and reached into his back pocket, retrieving a small paper.

He handed it to me and I hesitantly took it. Needless to say, he wasn't paying me off. My heart instantly dropped as I stared at the paper. It was a picture of him with a woman- a pregnant woman to be more exact. He has a kid and a girlfriend- possibly a wife. I suddenly wanted to slap him, but I refrained from doing so. Biting my lip, I handed the photo back to him.

Wordlessly, I took my empty bowl to the sink and began to wash it. "She was my first mate" At the sound of his voice, I paused my dishwashing and turned to look at him. "You're my second chance" he informed me.

"I'm sorry for your loss" It was lame, I know. But I had nothing else to say. I still wanted to know why he had to run off.

He took a step closer to me. "They both passed away in a rogue attack. I was getting her to the safe house and we were running. She fell down the stairs and passed away from the blood loss. Her stomach hit the stairs during the fall" I didn't even know that these people existed, but I cried for them. A couple of tears were rolling down my face as the doctor continued his story. "Her name was Krysten. We were going to name him Todd. He didn't survive the impact" he told me.

I had no idea what to say. There was nothing I could do to make it better- to take his pain away. He lost his mate and his unborn son. I was still curious, but I no longer wanted to force him into giving me answers. I partially understood. I wasn't his mate. Maybe it felt different for him. Or he isn't over Krysten. I'm not sure how long ago this was; but I could tell it was still new for him to talk about. He definitely wasn't over their deaths- and maybe he will never be. It would take a lot of time. I mean, he lost his family.

"I was wrong" he blurted. I shook out of my thoughts and looked at him in confusion. "Running away- it wasn't the right thing to do. I should've explained when I bumped into you. And I owe you an apology for that" I gave him a small smile and told him it was fine. This was a hard thing to explain, I would've ran off too. "I'm going to be honest here. I still love Krysten. She was my mate. But I don't think I'm able to deny the bond I feel with you. It feels like it did when I first met her. I know comparing you two isn't something you want to hear. But that's all I can do. I found her and I lost her. I don't want the same thing to happen now. I can't be with you because I can't lose you"

Taking a deep breath, I looked away from him. I understood why he was comparing us. But that doesn't mean that it didn't sting a bit. It made me feel like I'm just some replacement, not a second chance- but a second choice. "Hey, Amanda. Did you-" Sam stopped in the doorway. Our eyes locked together, but I quickly turned my head and wiped away the tears. "What's wrong?" he asked concernedly. Sam looked back and forth between the doctor and I. "Pete?" Hearing his name caused my heart to skip a beat. "I'm just gonna go" Sam dragged out as he backed away and left the kitchen.

I kept my back turned to Pete, in attempt to keep my stability. "I'm leaving tomorrow night. You won't have to worry about whatever this is" I informed him before slipping out of the room. I darted up the stairs, to the guest room that Zeke allowed me to stay in. After locking the door, I went straight to my phone and called my big brother. He answered on the third ring and I completely lost my composure. "C-Caleb. I wanna come h-home" I choked out between my sobs. It was a bad idea to come here. I should've just let nature do it's thing. Maybe Pete and I would've met later on in life; and it wouldn't end up like this.

Caleb began to coax me into calming down. "Take deep breaths. In and out" he said softly. I shakily inhaled a breath of air and let it out. "What happened, Amanda?" Caleb questioned once I was calm. I explained the incident with Pete- leaving out Sam's awkward entrance. "You can come anytime you want. No one is forcing you to stay there. It's all your choice" he told me, still using his soft tone.

A sudden knock on the door startled me. "Amanda? Sweetheart? You alright in there?" I recognized Thalia's voice. Caleb urged me to speak to her about Pete and I before he hung up. Wiping my face off, I opened the door. "Oh, who made you cry?" Thalia asked softly after taking one look at me. Once again, I explained the situation. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart"

"What should I do?"

Thalia shook her head at me as she brushed my hair behind my ear, like my mother used to do. "You do whatever your heart tells you to. No outside opinions. No overthinking. Just do what feels right" she instructed. I don't know what is right. But it definitely didn't feel good being here. I decided to babysit Kenny for as long as Zeke needed me to- which was a day at the most. Then I could go back home and act like this stupid trip never even happened.

After giving me a hug, Thalia left me alone in the room. I packed up majority of my things before Kenny appeared in the doorway, holding Valerie's hand. "You guys leaving now?" I guessed. She nodded her head as Kenny ran inside and hopped onto my bed. "Have fun"

Valerie gave me a sad smile and a hug. "I'm not happy about that suitcase being full. But do what you need to do" she stated. I mustered up a smile and nodded my head. "I'll see you when I get home" Valerie told Kenny, kissing his head. She gave me another hug before disappearing out the door.

I jumped onto my bed, landing next to the kid. "You wanna watch some T.V.?" I wondered, already turning the device on. He nodded his head and asked to watch Frozen. "How about Mulan?" I suggested. With a shrug, he agreed and I put in the movie. I needed to watch a movie with a lot of girl-power. I love Frozen but it gets old. Mulan is amazing. I mean, she beats the crap of of guys and she's so small. I pressed play and sat against the headboard with my legs crossed. Kenny crawled over and sat on my legs. "After this movie, we have to eat dinner then we can watch another one" I informed him.

Kenny nodded and I became silent so we could watch. I really wanted to watch the movie to get my mind off of Pete. But he was still floating around every single one of my thoughts. I began to think about the what ifs.

What if I didn't leave? What if we could work out? What if I'm making a bad decision? What if this is the right decision? What if I never see him again? What if he's right? What if something happens and I do die? What if I'm just over thinking all of this?

"Panda" Kenny snapped me out of my thoughts. "Someone is knocking" he told me as he climbed off of my lap. I stood up and walked to my bedroom door. My breath stopped once I saw who was standing in the hallway. Kenny chipperly greeted the doctor and asked him to come watch the movie with us. Kenny seemed happy, so I allowed Pete inside.

He took slow hesitant steps into the room as his eyes wandered around. "That suitcase is full" he mumbled. I nodded my head and got back onto my bed against the headboard. Kenny- being a sneaky little matchmaker- told Pete to sit next to me. I kept my eyes glued on the screen, but I wasn't really able to watch. He was sitting on my bed. Next to me.

I took deep breaths to calm my heart as Kenny innocently sat at the foot of the bed with his face tilted towards the television. I didn't like the way Pete made me feel. I was nervous and flustered. Trying to get those feeling out, I thought about our conversation. The way he compared Krysten and I. I didn't belong here. I didn't belong with him. The bond didn't matter if he wanted me to be her. I couldn't be her. I couldn't have a kid with him and name our son Todd. I couldn't be his mate.

I almost fell of the bed when I felt something touch my hand. I scooted away, thinking that Pete's hand just accidently grazed mine. But as I kept my eyes on my hand, I watched him reach out for my hand. I quickly pulled my hand away and kept it rested on my stomach. Yes, it might've been a bit rude. But I don't even know why he was trying to hold my hand.

"I want popcorn. Do you want some popcorn, Kenny?" Pete blurted. Kenny was vigorously nodding his head, but I denied him of having popcorn. He couldn't spoil his dinner. "He can have a small bowl" Pete negotiated. Kenny gave me a pleading look and I complied. "We'll be right back" We? Pete stood up and went to the door, but paused once he realized I wasn't moving. "Please. Two minutes" he begged.

Two minutes. I had a feeling he was going to try to convince me to stay. The question was: did I want him to? The words second choice continued to float around in my brain. "Panda" I looked at Kenny, who not-so-subtly glanced at Pete. "I'm thirsty. Can you get me some water, please?" he asked kindly.

Curse this kid's innocent looking face and manipulation. With a sigh, I got up and followed Pete out of my room. "I don't want you to leave" he claimed while pulling out the box of popcorn. He set the microwave for two minutes. Once it beeps, I can leave. "Zeke said that you're my mate just as much as Krysten was. But you two are completely different people" Pete told me.

I refrained from looking at him and stared at the microwave timer instead. He didn't say that I had to speak to him. I'm giving him his two minutes. He can talk. "Krysten was a fighter. She never gave up. She always picked fights in attempt to prove her opinion right. She was outgoing and lazy. She could never compromise. It was her way or nothing" he explained. The way he was describing her didn't sound appealing, but I could hear the love in his voice. And that hurt- a lot.

"You-" he let out a low whistle. "You're almost the complete opposite. You understood. You were sympathetic. You didn't fight me on the subject because you knew it was hard for me. I know that I hurt you; and I am so sorry for that. You didn't deserve it" Pete was interrupted by the microwave beeping.

Before I had the chance to second guess myself, I took a deep breath. "Keep talking" I breathed out. Maybe I was just chasing the possibility that we could actually be an us.

He grabbed the popcorn, but continued to speak. "You and Krysten aren't the same. I can't compare the experiences because you aren't the same person. And I don't want you to be" I glanced up at him. "Can we try this?" Pete was motioning between us. "I can't let you go without giving this a chance. I can't live without knowing if we could actually work out" he abandoned the popcorn to move in front of me.

"I smell popc-" Sam paused in the doorway. "I have to stop doing this" he muttered to himself as he turned back around.

I let out a small laugh. "Well, he ruined the mood" Pete murmured, taking a step back. I nodded my head in agreement. "Are we gonna try this?" he wondered. Without much hesitation, I nodded. "I already have our first date planned out" he declared.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as we grabbed the popcorn and began walking back to my bedroom. "What's our first date?" I inquired. Pete turned to me with a small smirk on his face.

"We're unpacking that damn suitcase"  

_______________

"Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law"

-Boethius

Well, that's interesting. But anyways. This is extremely late. But I come bearing good news!

Now, I am not promising anything. But in the future, there may be a book about Kenny. Maybe. 

Kayyyzzz Byeeezzz

~A.J.