Chapter 30 in Noah's Perspective

I pulled up to the front of my house and swore rather loudly.

What's wrong with me? Just about everything.

I kissed her. Why did I kiss her?

I shouldn't have kissed her.

I let out a sigh as I pressed my back to my seat, rubbing my temples with my index fingers. I'm an idiot- a complete and utter idiot. And why did I leave like that? I should have just stayed and talked to her.

I got out of my car and stormed into the house. "Hello brother," Marissa greeted me from the couch. She was throwing jelly beans into the air and catching them, or at least trying to. Half of them landed around her face and I swear I saw a red one on the table near the door. When I didn't respond, she sat up and addressed me in a tired tone. "What did you do this time?"

I jogged up the steps to my room and closed the door, locking it before dropping on my bed. I stared at the ceiling, thinking about how much of an idiot I am. She's probably crying. I hope she isn't crying. Please, don't be crying. I looked at my phone, debating whether or not I should call her. When I decided that I should, Floyd's name appeared on the screen and I sighed, answering it.

"Dude, you'll never guess what happened to me!" Floyd exclaimed into the phone.

"What?" I asked dully.

"What's wrong with you?" Floyd inquired, sensing my sour mood.  

"Nothing, I just messed up," I muttered as I held the phone in one hand and draped the other over my eyes, blocking out the obnoxious light. I'm too lazy to get up and turn it off.

"With Ken?" he queried and I was silent. "What did you do now?"

"I kissed her," I grumbled.

"Well, did you at least tell her?" Floyd asked.

"Tell her what?" I responded as I stood up, deciding to change my clothes. I yanked on some sweatpants as I balanced the phone between my shoulder and my face.

"Don't act stupid, Noah. That you like her- did you tell her that you like her?" he blurted and I slipped on the sweatpants, falling and landing on my stomach. What?!

I shuffled to get up, yanking the pants up so I won't fall again. I lifted the phone from the floor and pressed it to my ear. "Are you crazy?" I snapped. 

"Did you just fall?" he asked. I walked over towards the light switch and turned it off before going back to my bed, lying down on my back.

"Are you crazy?" I repeated.

"Everyone knows," Floyd retorted with a scoff.

"Yeah, except me apparently! I don't like her, Floyd," I snapped.

"Oh, really? So you just grin whenever a girl tells you that she likes you?" Floyd asked.

"I didn't grin!" I retorted.

"You were dancing around your room!" Floyd cackled.

"I was not!" I told him.

"When are you going to tell her?" Floyd inquired casually.

"I'm not going to tell her because I don't like her!" I barked.

"The more you say it, the less believable you become," Floyd muttered. "I think you should tell her before she starts to think that you're never going to like her."

"No one asked you, Floyd," I scowled.

"Fine, no one asked me. Just don't come crying to me when she dives into Ronnie's arms," Floyd muttered.

"That won't happen," I informed him.

"Was that a care that I heard in your voice?" Floyd asked. "A care? One individual care?"

"No, I just know that she doesn't like Ronnie, okay?" I bit.

"Fine, fine, another guy will come trotting along who's willing to kiss her and tell her how much he likes her," Floyd sighed.

"Shut up," I groaned.

"And you'll sit, watching from afar, taking creepy pictures on your camera. You'll probably crop his face out and replace it with your own," Floyd snorted.

I felt my face heating up. "Shut up, Floyd, seriously!"

"Fine, fine, have fun being alone forever," Floyd muttered before hanging up. I glared at the phone, tossing it to the end of my bed before I turned on my side.

Me? Liking Kennedy?

And I thought it wasn't obvious.

<<>><<>>

I was sitting in the gym, on the bleachers, waiting for Kennedy. Hopefully she'll come. I heard the familiar sound of footsteps on the bleachers and I looked up, watching as she approached me.

"Hey," she greeted. She didn't sound too happy.

"Hey," I responded quietly. I'm probably the reason she's unhappy. It wouldn't be the first time.

"I, uh, I need to talk to you," she informed me. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, swearing quietly. I slowly put my sketchpad down beside me. Is this how she's going to break the news to me? How she's met a guy who she'd rather spend time with? Is it Ronnie? It better not be. As I was about to ask what she wanted to tell me, the coach blew his stupid whistle and she ran her hand through her hair. "I'll talk to you about it some other time, I guess."

No! No you can't! Now, tell me now! I watched as she walked down the steps and joined the rest of the class. I really should be down there, but I get "participation points" by taking pictures of the class and giving them to him. He gives them to the school newspaper and whoever does the sports and fitness column does whatever they do with them. Floyd thinks I'm creepy because he was looking over my shoulder while I was going through the pictures I'd taken and he saw a picture of Kennedy in there. So now, he thinks I'm a pervert who takes pictures of her without her knowledge. I deleted the picture immediately to show Floyd but he was convinced that I had an entire folder full of pictures of Kennedy. I can assure you that I do not.

Once gym ended, I practically jumped from the bleachers in order to reach Kennedy. She saw me following her and she immediately ran up the stairs. I would've pursued her if the rest of the class hadn't swarmed the doorway. I watched as she disappeared up the stairs, followed by a crowd of people. I noticed Ronnie off to the side, smirking at me as if he'd won an imaginary contest. "What?" I snapped, annoyed.

He looked shocked that I bothered to speak to him. "Nothing, just wondering why she's avoiding you." I simply glared at him and he continued. "She's probably confused, you know? We kissed yesterday and she—."

"You and I both know that she didn't kiss you. She's repulsed by the idea of you even touching her. Trust me, I know," I bit before walking up the steps to my next class.

I kept trying to grab her attention in American Literature but that's hard to do when she sat in the front of the classroom. She didn't glance back not once. In fact, her form was so rigid that she looked like she'd swallowed a board that was keeping her from moving in even the slightest way. She continued to avoid me until lunch time, where I watched her sit next to my sister. Dana and Chloe joined them, blocking my view of Kennedy and blocking hers of me.

I managed to get out of my last period class, US History, in order to go to the library. I had that class with Ronnie and he wouldn't stop glaring at me, even after I flipped him off. He even tried to tell Ms. Knightly that I didn't plan on going to the library, so I pulled a book from my bag and contemplated slapping him across the face with it. I really don't like him, if it wasn't obvious already.

I figured that Kennedy would use the main exit to get to the parking lot, so I waited there. The moment I saw her familiar sweater, I grabbed the hood. For a second, I was scared it'd cut off the air from getting to her lungs, but she stopped running immediately. I placed my hands on her shoulders and brought her towards a less crowded place.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I asked her once I let go of her hoodie. She had a defeated look on her face as she chewed her bottom lip. It reminded me of our kiss so I looked away, glancing towards the crowded main exit.

"I-I don't think we should be friends," she explained and my neck practically snapped as I looked at the short girl. I narrowed my eyes at her with confusion written across my features. She shook her head almost immediately after the words slipped from her tongue. "Wait, no I didn't mean that. I meant that I think I should take some time away from you."

What? What does that mean? I went to voice my thoughts when she shook her head quickly. "Don't say anything, please."

"But—," I tried but she cut me off yet again. This isn't fair. She can't do this.

"You already know that I like you, and...I like you so much that it scares me. And you don't like me back, and I know that. I also know that you won't like me back, and I've accepted that. I love our friendship, I do, but I can't do this to myself. Kissing you whenever and acting like it never happened- I can't do that," she explained before taking a large breath. "Y-You can't just turn feelings on and off."

I stared at her, watching as her hands played with the hem of her shirt. She was staring at the floor with a sad expression etched onto her face and I felt my heart break. I did that to her. I need to apologize before she goes off and ignores me. "Kennedy—," I started but she stopped me. I clenched my fists and shoved them in my pockets. I need to cut in at some point so she won't be able to cut me off.

"No, Noah. I-I need some space. I hope you understand, and I hope you're here when I get over you. Until then, I won't talk to you. I hope you understand. I really do. Take care, Noah," she expressed before she began backing away. I stared at her, battling myself internally to call out to her and tell her that I think I like her, but my throat closed and all I could do was watch as she walked away, getting into her car and driving off.

Stupid Floyd and his stupid predictions. Stupid me and my stupid, stupid mind. I got into my car and drove to Floyd's house. It took me a while to get there but once I did, his mother let me in with a smile. "Noah!"

"Is Floyd here?" I asked her breathlessly. Why is the pathway to their house so long and steep?

"Yeah, he's upstairs on the phone," she told me with a smile. I gave a tightlipped smile in return before jogging up the steps, shoving my keys into my pocket.

I barged into Floyd's room to see him lying on his bed upside down with a goofy smile on his face. "No, you hang up first—er, I mean, don't forget to add pepperoni to my pizza." I stared at him; he quickly flipped upward and cupped his mouth to the phone. "Sorry, my cousin's here and he'll probably verbally abuse me for being whipped! Bye, Liz!"

"Who was that?" I asked him.

"Pizza guy," Floyd tried to lie as he smoothed out his pizza onesie. I wonder if "Liz" knows that he was wearing this while talking to her.

"Named Liz?" I inquired as I sat down in his desk chair.

"Short for Liz—ard," he explained.

"Lizard," I nodded with furrowed eyebrows.

"Anyway, why are you here?" he asked, swiftly changing the subject.

"Thanks for instilling your stupid 'avoid and get over' tactic upon Kennedy; she's decided to put it to the test," I scowled at him.

"Ken's ignoring you?" he asked me with wide eyes.

"Yeah, she's ignoring me," I ran my hands through my hair. "She told me today."

"She told you that she's ignoring you?" he asked, earning a nod from me. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do?" I sighed.

"Oh, I don't know- try and talk to her. Tell her how you feel," Floyd sarcastically retorted.

"What part of ignoring don't you get, Floyd?" I groaned as I stood up, pacing around his room. "And I don't know how I feel!"

"Can you sit down? Standing people make me nervous," Floyd muttered and I glared at him before sitting down.

"I mean, I think I like her, but I don't know," I shrugged, tapping my foot incessantly.

"Does the idea of her getting with Ronnie upset you?" he asked. I thought about it, glancing at Floyd who had a smirk on his lips. I grudgingly nodded and he laughed loudly. "See! You like her!"

"Or maybe I just hate Ronnie," I excused and Floyd sent me an annoyed look.

"She talked to me, you know?" he muttered.

"What?" I asked.

"On Saturday," he nodded. "She asked me about you."

"And what did you tell her?" I inquired.

"I told her that I don't feel comfortable telling your secrets," he nodded. I let out a sigh of relief. "And then I told her about Liz—ard, the pizza guy."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Lizard? Why would you tell her about the pizza guy?"

Floyd began to panic; I could tell by the way his eyes darted around his room quickly. My eyes landed on a notebook sitting beside me on his computer desk. Written in a heart were the names Elizabeth and Floyd in Floyd's sloppy handwriting. The two names were written all over the notebook pages. I slowly flipped through it, looking at each individual heart. "Elizabeth?"

"What? Where'd you hear that?" he began crawling across the bed to grab the notebook from me.

"You're like a twelve year old girl!" I told him as I held the notebook in my hands, inspecting it.

"Give it to me, Noah!" Floyd fought and I held the notebook out of his reach.

"Not until you tell me about her," I retorted.

"My Piglet chased her Piglet!" he cried out and I stared at him with a look of disgust plastered on my face.

"Is that some type of code?" I asked.

"No! My ferret, Piglet, chased her dog, Piglet, into our neighbor's yard. And he chased us with a pee mop!" Floyd stated and I stared at him, completely lost. He began explaining it again, but with more detail this time. I slowly lowered my arm and returned the notebook to him.

"So you like her?" I asked.

"Yes, very much," he nodded.

I stared at him and sighed. "I messed up."

"I know," Floyd casually responded.

"I don't know what to do. She's just going to avoid me," I groaned.

"Maybe that's what you two need- some time apart. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to talk to her when you get a chance; I'm just saying that you shouldn't get angry at her for doing this," Floyd elucidated.

"How long do you think she'll need?" I asked him.

"It took me a month to get over her, but she likes you a lot- I mean a lot. And I just had a simple crush on her, so it might take her longer," he shrugged.

"A month?" I asked, bewildered. Floyd nodded. "An entire month?"

"That's how long it took me," he shrugged before smirking. "Why? Don't think you can last an entire month?"

"Honestly, no," I confessed. Floyd looked shocked that I admitted it and I shrugged. "She's my friend, and I think I like her."

"Yet you'd always complain when she hugged you. And you'd ignore her every time she kissed you," Floyd sighed.

"What was I supposed to say? 'Hold me, Kennedy.' 'I enjoy kissing you, Kennedy.' Yeah, no," I rolled my eyes.

"That's exactly what you should've said. You overcomplicate things," Floyd muttered.

"Shut up," I responded. "I'm going to text her."

"Have fun with that," Floyd relaxed on his bed, placing his hands behind his head. "I hope she doesn't respond."

I glared at him as I allowed myself to send her a message.

'Kennedy.'

"I sent it," I told him.

"What? That took you three seconds. There's no way you wrote a heartfelt apology, confessed your feelings, and wrote another heartfelt apology. And then another text message threatening to go to her house and serenade her if she doesn't respond in ten minutes," Floyd sat up.

"I-I just said 'Kennedy'," I muttered as I held up my phone.

"You just said her name? What's that going to do? If she bothers to respond, which I doubt, she'll probably say 'Noah' before she deletes your contact and blocks you. At least that's what I'd do," Floyd harshly explained.

'Can we talk?' I sent.

"About how I'm going to block you?" Floyd finished in a feminine voice, imitating Kennedy, as he peered over my shoulder.

"I'd rather apologize in person. And I'd rather tell her how I feel in person," I retorted, shoving Floyd.

"In six months when she's over you?" Floyd asked.

"Six months?" Six months?

"Yes, what do you expect? Her feelings aren't going to just disappear," Floyd shrugged.

I sighed as I sent her another simple text message: 'Kennedy?'

<<>><<>>

"You're such an idiot, Noah!" Marissa continued to shout at me as I sat on the couch. I thought I was in the clear when I snuck in at eleven, but no, I was not.

"Don't you think I know that?" I muttered as I stared at her.

"Why are you so stupid?" she asked as she sat down beside me.

"I tried calling her. I tried texting her," I shook my head.

"Did she respond?" Marissa asked glumly.

"No, but she saw them," I sighed, resting my head on the back of the couch.

"It's what you deserve. You put that girl through so much," Marissa explained with a shake of her head.

"Don't you think I know that, too?"

"Do you like her? Honestly?" Marissa asked.

It was quiet for a moment as I stared up at the ceiling. After much thought, I finally replied. "Yes."

"Seriously?" Marissa asked. When I nodded, she squealed, causing me to cringe away from her. "So are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

"You don't know?" she snapped. Here she goes again. "That girl has liked you for so long and you've been treating her like crap! And now, when she chooses to try and get over you, you decide that you do like her! At least tell her! Maybe you can change her mind!"

"How am I supposed to tell her?" I inquired. "She isn't going to talk to me. I've tried calling her. I've tried texting her. I can't just drive over to her house and throw rocks at her window at one in the morning, Marissa."

"You're going to have to try harder than that!" Marissa exclaimed.

"Can you at least tell her that I'm sorry?" I asked, turning to look at her. Marissa sighed and nodded.

"I'm disappointed in you, Noah," Marissa muttered with a shake of her head.

<<>><<>>

I couldn't sleep that night, not like it's unusual. I didn't take my medicine to help me sleep, which will probably mess up my entire sleeping schedule- or what was left of it. I prayed that Kennedy wouldn't get over me and that I'd have a chance to talk to her- a chance to tell her how I feel. I don't think I can go a month without speaking to her. I wish she would've let us talk about the kiss before she went and made the decision to ignore me.

I stared at the ceiling and sighed loudly. I constantly make mistakes. I always mess things up. How am I going to fix this?