THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MYSTICALLYQUEER FOR HER AMAZING COVER (external link)! She even made a movie poster but unfortunately you can only put one link in the external.

Chapter 26

What have I done? I just told Noah that I liked him in a stupid game. Why didn’t I just lie? I mean, the goal of the game was not to lie, but I could’ve made an exception. I should be relieved that it’s out there but I would’ve rather told him in a more…private setting; for example, it would’ve been nice to tell him during a guitar lesson, or I could’ve asked Marissa to form a get together between the three of us, but she “accidentally” forgets about it and we end up alone. That would have been great! He wouldn’t have been pressured to react! But like I said, I wouldn't have the nerve to say it if it was just the two of us.

As I buried my face in my pillow, I groaned loudly. It wasn’t the right time! I should’ve waited! I didn’t even wait to see his reaction! Like a wimp, I ran out of there without even thinking! I didn’t even bother to grab my stupid guitar! I rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

After gazing at the ceiling for an hour, I picked up my phone.

‘I hate you,’ I wrote to Floyd, sending it six more times before I got a response.

‘Thanks. You have to love the haters,’ he wrote back, adding in a kissing face at the end of the text.

Oh, he replies to that? I quickly dialed his phone number, waiting patiently for him to answer it. “Hey girl,” he responded casually, as if I didn’t just ruin things with his cousin with help from him.

Sitting up in my bed, I began ranting. “What’s your problem? You put me on the spot like that! You planned that, didn't you?”

“Hm, I have a lot. You have to be a bit more specific. Do you mean mental or physical?” he replied, ignoring my last two sentences.

“You know what I mean! Why’d you do that? I could’ve told Noah on my own time,” I said sadly.

“No one said you had to tell him,” he drawled. “You could’ve lied or something. I just gave you an opportunity to tell him and you gladly took it, aside from your stutters.”

“I don’t know what to do!” I complained as I dropped back down on my bed. “It’s going to be extremely awkward from now on! He probably thinks I’m like Chloe!”

“You’re not like Chloe,” he told me.

“I basically am! I’m the definition of clingy!” I groaned and rolled over again.

“You’re not clingy,” he assured me. After letting out a loud groan, I rolled over once more and I gasped as I hit the floor with a loud thud. “Did you just fall off your bed?” he asked with a quiet laugh.

“Yes and it’s not funny!” I told him as I got up, crawling onto my bed. I had the urge to ask what Noah said after I ran out of the house but I held back. I have a feeling it wasn’t anything good.

<<>><<>>

The following Monday, I was freaking out. This isn’t like the time we shared a kiss; back then, we were both equally guilty. This time, however, Noah wasn’t the one blabbing about his crush on me. When I saw Marissa standing at her locker, applying a layer of lip gloss in her mirror, I ducked my head and kept walking.

“Are you seriously going to try and ignore me, Kennedy?” she asked with a sigh.

Slumping my shoulders, I looked at her. “Hey,” I greeted dully.

“Hey, you totally didn’t ignore my phone calls and text messages this past weekend or anything,” she smiled before leaning against her locker.

“I’m sorry. I was just drowning in embarrassment. I almost cried because I was so embarrassed!” I confessed in a whisper as I stood beside her.

The bell rang and I was about to tell her that I’d talk to her later but she closed her locker and motioned towards the doors I just entered. “Come on.”

“What?” I asked her, watching as she walked towards the exit.

“Come on. The teacher’s start to take hall shifts in about three minutes so we better get out while we can,” she told me.

Hesitating a bit, I decided that I’d rather not have to deal with Noah today and exited the school behind his sister. “So what are we doing?”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe we can go to the nearest store that sells ice cream, buy some, sit in my car, and talk about it,” she shrugged simply as she held the door open for me. We entered the parking lot, walking towards Marissa’s car.

“Won’t we get in trouble?” I asked her.

With a shrug, she nodded. “Probably, if people tell any teachers that they saw us here today,” she admitted.

“Good,” I said with a sharp nod. We walked towards her car and I sighed, suddenly remembering my guitar. “Uh, do you think you can bring my guitar tomorrow?”

“No need,” she told me with a smile. “Noah has it in his car.”

I stared at her. “What? Why would you let him do that?” I hissed as I buckled my seatbelt, watching as she started the car.

With a shrug, she backed out of her parking space. “Well, why wouldn’t I?”

“Uh, maybe because I embarrassed myself in front of him on Saturday,” I retorted.

“Calm down, it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be!” she assured me.

“He probably hates me!” I groaned, placing my hands on my eyes.

“Yeah, probably,” she casually stated, causing me to jerk my head in her direction. “I’m joking!”

“How did he take my confession?” I quietly asked, staring at my lap.

“Well, at first he was just quiet while we listened to you peel out of the driveway and down the street. Then, he got up and closed the door. Next, he looked at me and asked if you were serious. I nodded and then he walked upstairs to his room. Floyd followed him and they talked for, like, fifteen minutes before they left to bring Floyd home,” Marissa explained.

“Oh, my gosh, he hates me,” I complained as I buried my face in my hands yet again.

<<>><<>>

After talking to Marissa for an hour and a half over ice cream, not including the drive there and back, she decided that it was time to get back to class. Once we arrived, we had to sign in as late and we received passes to get to class. I, unfortunately, had American Literature with Ms. Walters, and guess who? Noah! Yes, I know. Are you as excited as I am?

To be completely honest though, my time spent with Marissa helped me to realize that Noah is Noah, and if he reacts badly, then he reacts badly. I can only explain myself to him and hope he understands that I do like him; however, I can put my feelings away in order to maintain our friendship. Of course the beginning could be awkward but Noah’s my friend and I don’t want my crush on him to ruin it.

“Just go in there with a smile on your face,” she told me with a nod and an encouraging smile. I stood outside of the classroom, letting myself have a moment to breathe. Not only was the guilt of skipping first and second period hitting me, but my nerves were too. I knocked on the door and waited, listening as footsteps grew closer to the door. It swung open and I sheepishly approached Ms. Walters with my pass from the office. I handed it to her before going back to my seat.

I sat in the middle of the classroom, near the window, not bothering to sit in my usual seat, mainly because it was next to Noah. But I also wanted to be able to look out of the window. As I settled into my seat, I glanced at Noah, only to see that he was occupied with a book. Heaving a sigh, I looked towards the teacher, placing my hand on my face as I listened to her lecture about reading in-between the lines.

Once the class ended, I began to gather my things. Glancing up, I noticed Noah zooming out of the classroom. I slowly walked to Physics, not at all excited by the idea of spending fifty five minutes with Mrs. Joni.

<<>><<>> 

By lunch time, I was extremely tired and a bit upset. I’ve come to the conclusion that Noah is avoiding me. Although, I’m being a hypocrite here (because those were my tactics just this morning), it still hurts to know that my declaration has pushed him away to the point where he dove back into his classroom when we were alone in the hallway. Let me explain. I decided to leave Algebra 2 because, well, why not? He happened to be leaving Photography class with a bathroom pass and the moment his eyes landed on me, he quickly opened the door to Photography and dived back in like I was breathing fire. As if my self-esteem wasn’t already crushed, he continued to stomp on it with no remorse whatsoever.

“Bad day?” Marissa asked from beside me in the lunch line. I hadn’t even noticed her presence.

I shrugged, grabbing a tray of lunch- which was a burrito. “You could say that,” I responded quietly.

“Did you guys talk?” she asked me, furrowing her eyebrows as she looked at me.

“Nope,” I replied with a loud huff.

“Well, maybe you’ll talk later when you get your guitar,” Marissa explained.

<<>><<>> 

We didn’t talk when I got the guitar. Instead, I left US History and practically dove down the steps in order to get to Noah’s car. Although I wanted to talk to him alone, I was still a bit nervous. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to locate the vehicle because he was standing outside of my own with my guitar’s case in his hands.

Before I could even thank him and apologize for embarrassing him (and myself) at his house on Friday, he shoved the guitar towards me and walked off in the direction of his car. I stared at his back and exhaled loudly, shoving the guitar in my backseat, muttering obscenities under my breath.

This went on for the entirety of the week. It was easy on Tuesday mainly because we only had lunch together, which I was grateful for. Marissa and I kept conversation light, trying not to talk about the boy who was ignoring me, even though I decided that I didn’t want to ignore him. I wanted to apologize; I’m even willing to shove my feelings into the back of my head to make our friendship work.

Wednesday was okay, I guess. We had Creative Writing together, which isn’t a class where we have to work in groups often. I wish we had to though because Noah is my only friend, or ex friend so it seems, in that class. I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for Mr. Abraham to tell us to pair up with someone so I could “accidentally” wait too long to find a partner. But that never happened because Mr. Abraham wasn’t fond of group projects.

I even got in trouble in piano class because I “wasn’t practicing enough” when, in fact, I was practicing twice a week. I managed to play the song right the third time around, but that wasn’t good enough for the teacher because he insisted on calling home. I was able to talk him out of it by explaining that I was already grounded and that by calling my mother, she’d revoke my rights to doing anything fun- which includes playing the piano. Of course my mother would never do that, but Mr. Durante doesn’t know that. Lying does help, and if it wasn't for my truthfulness, I'd still be friends with Noah.

Thursday wasn’t so great either, mainly because the moment Noah entered US History, our first period class together, he visibly and audibly groaned when his eyes landed on me. In a desperate attempt to get him to talk to me, I sat in the seat behind the one he usually sits in. What can I say? He’s been ignoring my texts and I haven’t worked up the nerve to talk to him outright, mainly because I don’t want to embarrass him again, and I don’t want him to embarrass me. Even if he doesn't want to be friends again, I just want to apologize for ruining everything.

<<>><<>>

(Friday)

I tried to act a bit happier; my mother was growing concerned and questioning why I was constantly frowning and acting like my life was over. Personally, I feel as if she’s overreacting, but then again, she might say the same thing about me. I guess you can say that I’m sad. I wish Noah would give me a chance to explain myself and at least tell him that I won’t let my feelings for him affect our friendship. Times like this, I wish Noah was a normal guy, who’d most likely feel flattered that someone has feelings for him. But I like Noah because he’s not like normal guys, so him being ordinary would defeat the purpose in a way.

“I’m so excited!” Marissa cheered as we exited lunch, which is the only place we can talk openly without having to worry about a teacher diving into our conversation. Right now, we’re in dangerous territory.

Tonight’s the concert for One More Try, and Marissa hasn’t been hiding her excitement very well. But her excitement makes me excited, I guess. It makes me happy to see that she’s happy; I feel like I’ve been making her sad this past week so it’s good to see a smile on her face.

“I’m excited for you,” I told her with a grin.

“Chloe’s coming over right after school and we’re going to be getting ready together. We’re leaving at five in order to make it to the concert,” she informed me.

“At five? The concert doesn’t start until eight,” I told her with furrowed eyebrows.

“Yeah, it takes an hour and a half to get there. It might take two, who knows? We have a better chance of catching them at their hotel if we leave early and swing by,” she explained with a grin.

“Don’t you think they’ll be at the arena already? Probably doing things, like, I don’t know? Mic checks?” I shrugged as I closed my locker. I have a study hall period; I’m not quite sure what Marissa has.

“Maybe, well, I'll see when I get there,” she squealed.

“What time does the concert end?” I asked her, quirking an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. Eleven? Maybe ten?” she shrugged.

“And you’re going to be driving home at midnight? After a tiring day?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“No, Floyd’s mom said we could stay at their house. It’s only a half hour away for the arena,” she shrugged.

With a nod, I let out a quiet breath. “Don’t you have a class to get to?” I asked her.

“Yes,” she confessed the moment the bell rang. Turning on my heel, I walked down the opposite end of the hall, towards the library.

<<>><<>>

When I arrived home, I sighed and dropped down onto the couch like I’ve been doing this past week. I'd play with Dakota as I watched television, too lost in thought to comprehend what was going on in whatever show I was watching. Normally on a Friday, I’d go out for ice cream, or something, with Marissa, and maybe Noah if she can convince him. This past week has made me realize how lonely I am without my two friends. Is this how I was before I became friends with them?

Seeing my sad state, my mom convinced me to watch a movie with her. She also talked to me about her new book and how she’s almost finished with it. I was happy for her, but I was sad, too. A new book means another tour, which means that she’ll probably be gone for a month or so. I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility of keeping everything in balance while she’s gone. Of course, my aunt will probably make a “surprise visit” or something. The last time she was here, she told my mom that I’m “too immature to be alone in a house” and my mother didn’t bother to defend me, but I honestly didn’t care.

“Now do you plan on telling me what happened to you?” she piped the moment she finished explaining the process of publishing a book.

Feigning a laugh, I smiled at her. “What do you mean?” I inquired as I pulled Dakota onto my lap, petting his soft fur.

“You know what I mean. You haven’t been yourself lately. Usually, you make stupid jokes and weird puns that annoy the life out of me, but you haven’t been doing that lately. So what’s wrong?” she asked me.

It’s hard to not notice when something’s wrong with someone you live with, especially when it’s only you two in the house. “Oh, I’m just having some friend troubles. It’s no big deal,” I explained.

“I’ve met Marissa; she doesn’t seem like the type of person to let a friend problem last longer than two days,” my mother scoffed. “Noah, on the other hand, seems stubborn.”

“You got that right.” I shook my head as I rubbed my dog’s belly.

“So it’s Noah problems?” my mother figured.

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” I responded.

“What happened?” my mother persisted and I sighed.

“I told him that I like him,” I replied.

“And? What did he say?” she asked me with a hopeful but knowing smile.

“I don’t know. I ran away before he could say anything,” I muttered like the idiot I am.

“You…ran away?” she asked with a confused look on her face.

“Yes,” I nodded. “I got up off of the floor, grabbed my bag, and darted out of the house and into my car.”

“And he hasn’t brought it up this week?” she asked.

With a laugh, I shook my head. “Brought it up? He hasn’t even talked to me. He’s avoiding me.”

“Have you tried texting him?” she continued to question.

Unlocking my phone, I held up our one sided text conversation.

‘Hey.’

‘Can we talk?’

‘I can explain.’

‘Are you going to continue ignoring me or are you going to respond?’

‘Noah…’

‘Come on. Just let me explain.’

Noah didn’t respond to even one of the messages I’d sent over a span of five days. I tried not to come off as clingy, but it’s hard not to when someone isn’t responding to your messages and you only see yours in the chat.

“Did you try calling him?” she asked.

“Every morning,” I told her with a sigh.

“Talking to him?” she asked.

“He sits on the opposite side of the classroom, and he breaks into a sprint whenever he sees me in the hallway,” I told her as I rested against the back of the couch.

“Give him time. I’m sure he’ll come around,” she told me.

“You don’t know Noah. To be honest, I don’t either,” I replied in a dull voice.

“Trust me, he’ll come around,” my mother responded.

“I sure hope so.”

<<>><<>> 

I was woken up at ten o’clock by the incessant ringing of my cell phone. Sitting up and squinting at my phone, I answered it groggily. “Hello?”

“Kenna! Oh, my gosh! Hey!” Marissa exclaimed in my ear.

“Marissa, hey,” I responded as I rubbed my eyes. After a long shower, I fell asleep at nine, only to be woken up an hour later by my cell phone. Great. 

“Have you talked to Noah today?” she asked in a panicked tone.

“Uh, no, I haven’t talked to him all week,” I told her. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“He’s not answering my phone calls and he always answers my phone calls,” she told me. That makes one of us.

“Did you ever think that maybe he’s asleep?” I muttered, rubbing my eyes.

“No! Kenna, he isn’t asleep!” she continued. “I called him at eight o’clock before the concert started and he was wide awake. I just texted him at nine and he told me that he was studying for a test on Monday. There’s no way he could’ve fallen asleep in an hour!”

“Maybe he could’ve. I mean, studying gets hard,” I told her.

“He’s an insomniac, Kenna. And he’s stopped taking his pills because they made him dizzy,” she told me. “And he doesn’t fall asleep until after midnight almost every day. I’m really worried, Kenna.”

“If you want, I can call him for you. I doubt he’ll answer but he’ll probably know that you’re worried,” I suggested. “It’ll make him call you back sooner, I guess.”

“Yes, please, Kenna,” she told me in a rush and I hung up, dialing his number. It rang several times before his voicemail picked up. I tried three more times but it all ended up the same way- no answer. Calling Marissa back, I sighed in a disappointed manner.

“Yeah, he’s not answering,” I told her.

“Kenna, can you please go check on him? Please,” she pleaded. “Something can be wrong! He could be hurt!”

“Okay,” I muttered without hesitation. Pulling on a pair of jeans, I placed the phone between my shoulder and my ear, listening to Marissa’s ranting.

“I would go myself but I can’t find Chloe. She kept trying to make her way to the front of the crowd, and she has her car keys. I tried to text her but she isn’t answering me! I shouldn’t have left him alone, not after last time!” she continued and I heard a flushing toilet.

“It is okay, Marissa. I’m sure he’s fine,” I told her in a soothing manner.

“I wouldn’t be so sure! Last time he was left home alone, he got drunk and crashed my mother’s car! He ended up in the hospital with a concussion and thirty-something stitches. And he was only fourteen,” Marissa told me and my eyes widened. I mean, I know Noah wasn’t the best behaved adolescent but I didn’t know that he landed himself in the hospital.

“It’s going to be okay, Marissa, trust me; I’m leaving the house now,” I told her as I grabbed my keys. Quietly making my way out of my home, I got into my car and drove in the direction of the sibling’s house. I began to grow worried myself. “I’m pulling up to the house right now.”

“There’s a spare key behind the mailbox,” she told me. Once I found it, I unlocked the door, peeking into the house.

The only source of light in the living room was the television and Noah was sitting in front of it, on the couch, with his head resting against the back of it. I glanced towards the kitchen doorway to see that it was lit up. I also noticed a few things littering the table. Noting the empty beer bottles, mixed in with a large bottle of whisky, sitting on the kitchen table, I sighed. “He’s alive, but he’s probably drunk and passed out.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Marissa began to thank me. “Thank you so much, Kenna.”

“It’s whatever,” I replied, feeling relief myself. “You can go back to enjoying your concert now.”

Turning off my phone, I sighed and walked back towards the door, preparing to leave. “I’m awake, you know?” Noah’s voice reached my ears.