This chapter is dedicated to FrostyBananacx because she made an amazing cover.

Chapter 23

Somehow, some way, I managed to sleep until 3 in the morning on Monday. I woke up thinking that it was around six but when I checked my phone, I noticed that it was actually three. After trying to fall back asleep and failing, I just sat up and opened my text messages. I stared in horror when I saw that I had more than 10 messages, most of which were along the lines of: “Answer me or I will kill you.” I had a few missed calls and they didn’t stop until midnight. Guess who they were all from?

Not Noah. They were from Marissa.

I apologized for not responding, making sure to inform her that I was asleep. I ended up taking a shower at 3:30. It lasted until about 4:15 and I took my time getting dressed, dancing around as I did so. I was fully energized, which was weird, seeing as the sun wasn’t even up, yet I was bouncing around my room like a bouncy ball.

I even went as far as to dress for the weather, which was rainy. I pulled on a pair of black jeans; my last pair in fact, remind me to wash my jeans when I get home. Originally, I was going to wear a blue shirt but decided against it because I don’t want to seem overly happy with bright colors, well, blue, to be specific. It is Noah’s favorite color. So I pulled on a simple gray t-shirt with a purple sweater. I grabbed my purple, black, and gray Supras (which cost more than I wanted to spend on a pair of shoes) and sat on my bed. I don’t have to leave until 6:40 and it’s only 5.

After checking my phone again and seeing no new messages, I turned on my laptop and went to Netflix.

<<>><<>>

When I arrived at school, after I went to Dunkin Donuts and bought a bagel to go, I walked into the building gripping my bag. What am I supposed to do? Do I walk into the gym and act like everything is okay? Do I casually go into the girl’s locker room and hide out in there until gym actually starts? Do I skip? As I was approaching the gym, Marissa shouted my name I turned towards her, where she was shoving a damp coat into her locker.

“Kenna!” I began approaching her and she smiled at me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, I just don’t know what to do.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, she asked me to explain. “Well, do I just walk into the gym like nothing happened? Do I acknowledge it if he brings it up? What do I do?”

“Go in there with an open mind. He might bring it up, he might not. Don’t freak out if he does, okay?” she told me and I nodded. She turned my shoulders and lightly pushed me towards the gymnasium. Taking a deep breath, I entered and began walking towards the bleachers. Noah was sitting there examining a camera. Like every gym class we have together, I stepped up the bleacher steps, walking towards Noah. I plopped down in the spot beside him. “Hello,” I greeted him as I crossed my legs on the seat.

“What?” he responded as he squinted at the screen of the camera.

Be casual. “What’s up?” I asked as I opened my Dunkin Donuts bag, taking out the bagel with the provided napkin.

“Uh, nothing,” he responded as he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

I took the bagel halves apart, placing one on the napkin resting on my knee while I began eating the other. Quick, think. “Do you want a half of my bagel?”

He looked at me with furrowed eyes as I motioned to my knee. “It’s buttered,” I told him.

“Sure,” he said warily. Where’s the confident Noah from yesterday? He took the bagel and the napkin from my knee and bit into it, holding his camera in one hand while he ate with the other. I watched him until he looked at me. “Yes?”

“Ah, nothing,” I muttered as I stared at the bleachers below me. What do I talk about? Why does it have to be so awkward? I shouldn’t have kissed him. But then again, I’d rather feel awkward because we actually kissed instead of things being awkward because we almost kissed. At least I got a kiss. I finished my bagel and wiped my hands on a napkin, trying to think of something to talk about.

“So…how’s the weather?” I asked him.

Glancing at me again, he shrugged. “It’s nice, I guess, same as yesterday.”

Like a war veteran, flashbacks began flowing through my head and my ears began to heat up along with the rest of my face. I quickly squeezed my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms as I tried to calm the blood flow. The thoughts of kissing him wouldn’t go away so I tried to avert my contemplations. “Those are nice shoelaces!” I blurted.

“Thanks, I got them with the shoes,” he told me as he put the camera back in its case.

“Yeah, that usually happens,” I muttered, mentally stabbing myself in the face. We were silent as we watched people start to enter the gymnasium. “So are we going to talk about it or what?” I asked. My eyes widened as I considered jumping off the bleacher and leaving the school.

“What’s there really to talk about?” he asked. “You kissed me. I kissed you back. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.”

“It’s happened one other time,” I replied.

“You’re right,” he nodded, “It did.”

“Yeah…but this time was different. I-I didn’t just peck your lips,” I muttered as I curled my hands together.

“I’m aware. I was there, you know,” he told me. It was silent and he sighed. “Unless you have something to say, and it seems like you don’t, then there isn’t anything to talk about.”

Just tell him. Do it. Just say it. As I opened my mouth, the gym teacher blew the whistle and everyone began approaching him, ready to start the class. Letting out a huff of breath, I did the same.

+++

I didn’t have the guts to tell him in American Literature, nor did I have the guts to tell him during lunch. In fact, I sat down across from Marissa with a frown on my face. “I hate having a crush.”

“What happened?” she asked me as she put mayonnaise on her sandwich.

Letting out a huff of breath, I opened my drink. “Well, like an idiot, I brought it up.”

“The kiss?” she asked and I nodded. “Speaking of the kiss, I have a few questions.”

I quirked an eyebrow as if telling her to continue and she did without hesitation. “Did you use tongue?” My face began to burn as I buried it in my hands. “Oh my gosh, you did! Is he a good kisser?”

"He's your brother!" I snapped immediately.

"You guys did!" she laughed loudly.

I sat back in my seat and pulled my knees to my chest, groaning loudly. Marissa began laughing at full volume as I glared at her above my knees. “You’re an evil person. I hate you.”

She stopped laughing and leaned forward on the table, the grin on her face mischievous. “Did your tongues to do the tango?”

"You're his sister," I told her. "You don't ask those types of questions."

"I'm only teasing you," she smirked at me.

I groaned again and hid my face again, listening to Marissa’s mocking laughter. “Shut up. Can I confide in you about my problems or not?”

She slowly calmed her laughter and let me talk. “Anyway, I brought it up and he said that there wasn’t much to talk about. He said that unless I had something to say, then the conversation was over.”

“There’s a lot that you don’t know about Noah, and I think he doesn’t want to jump into something without you knowing who he really is,” she told me.

“How am I supposed to know who he is if he doesn’t tell me?” I asked with an annoyed look on my face. “I mean, I’m not going to force him to talk to me but we’ve known each other for some time now. All I’m asking is for a little trust. Can’t he trust me enough to stick around when he does decide to tell me what happened to him?”

“It’s a lot of baggage for a seventeen year old boy. You might not know how bad it is,” she told me. “But he’ll tell you sooner or later. I mean, just be patient.”

I nodded, letting out a huff of air.

<<>><<>>

The winter basketball team had a game today and Marissa somehow convinced me to stay after. I called my mom and got her permission to stay so when I found myself seated in the bleachers, I let out a sigh. I’m not a big fan of basketball, or sports in general, and the team doesn’t have many cute players, so there isn’t anything to look at, not that I’m a shallow person. People are still coming into the gym, getting onto the bleachers, so I’m hoping that Noah will come. I’m trying to avoid asking Marissa if he’ll show up. I don’t want to seem clingy so I’ll just wait and see if he does.

Noah didn’t come to the game. When it ended, Marissa was cheering. I honestly had no clue what was going on so I just nodded along to what Marissa was shouting towards the players from beside me. We exited the gym and Marissa told me to follow her upstairs, so I did. Noah was galloping down the steps with an annoyed look on his face. As he stepped between us in order to get in front of our small group, he scowled and said: “I’m hungry.” Like we care, Noah.  

“Who peed in his corn flakes?” I muttered under my breath.

Marissa giggled and Noah turned around, standing a foot away from me, furrowing his eyebrows. Slightly leaning forward, he blinked a few times. “What was that?” he asked.

I let my eyes examine his face- his long eyelashes, his beautiful blue eyes, his dark hair, and his cute nose. I avoided looking at his lips. I was shrieking inside my head as the memories of kissing him infiltrated my mind. I knew I was blushing. I could see the amusement on his face and I knew that I embarrassed myself without even trying. “I thought so,” he responded with a scoff before turning away.

I looked at Marissa and with a smile, she shook her head. “So are we getting food or not? I’m not in the mood to cook,” Noah complained.

“Are you up to some dinner, Kenna?” she asked. When she saw my indecisive look, she grinned. “I’ll pay,” she sang.

“Okay, I’m up for it,” I told her.

“I’ll go elsewhere,” Noah concluded.

“What? Why?” Marissa asked as we stood in the parking lot, preparing to split up to go to our cars. Noah childishly motioned to me and I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “You sure didn’t mind her presence yesterday when you were making out with her in—,” she began but I punched her in the side. She let out a yelp while I glared at her, not daring to look at Noah.

“Whatever,” Noah murmured as a layer of tension and awkwardness settled around us.

“Should we go to the Chinese buffet?” Marissa asked.

“No,” I answered quickly.

“Why? Afraid you’ll meet another cute gay guy?” Noah chuckled.

“No, I’m just not in the mood for Chinese food,” I told him and grinned innocently. “And if I want a gay guy, you’re always here.”

“I’m not gay,” he told me. “You said it like it’s an insult.”

“I’m not!” I responded. “I’m just trying to let you know that we’ll be here for you when you decide to come out.”

Noah narrowed his blue eyes at me, taking a step towards me. I stood my ground with the grin on my face. Marissa turned from her spot a few feet and laughed. “Technically you just called him cute. Oh, and you know that he’s not gay. I mean, you made out with him yesterday.”

I was looking directly at Noah, and he was looking past me (but that’s as close as he’ll get to making eye contact again) when Marissa said that and I immediately looked away. “Just choose something,” I said as I glared at Marissa, keeping my gaze off of Noah.

“Pizza!” Marissa cheered with a grin. “At Pizza Kingdom.”

"I'm sick of pizza," Noah muttered.

"Pizza! At Pizza Kingdom!" Marissa repeated more firmly.

“Fine,” I hissed, walking in the opposite direction of my car. Give it to Marissa to make everything extremely awkward.

<<>><<>>

Fifteen minutes later, when I arrived at Pizza Kingdom, Noah was the only one there. “Where’s Marissa?” I inquired.

He shrugged. “I’ll call her,” he answered. After a few seconds on the phone, he hung up and sighed. “She made a stop on the way. She told us to go inside and order.”

He glanced at me before his eyes shifted to the floor and then to the door. He entered the restaurant and didn’t bother holding the door for me, not like I expected him to. Like the last two times we had dinner in a restaurant together, he chose a booth without even asking me. We were silent until a waitress came and started to take our order.

“What can I get you two?” she asked with a cheery smile on her face.

“Uh, we’re waiting on our friend,” I told her and with her smile, she nodded and walked away.

After ten minutes, Marissa didn’t show up and I began texting her with a rumbling stomach. She wasn’t replying and I growled in frustration. “Calm down, hulk,” he shrugged. “We’ll just order without her.”

“Plain cheese,” I told him.

The waitress came over again and took our order. “Can we get a large bacon pizza with two cokes?”

The waitress nodded and began walking away while I stared at him. “Does everything I say go in one ear and out the other?”

“I just like bacon,” he told me with a simple shrug.

My phone vibrated on the table and I quickly picked it up, looking at the text: ‘Oops, I can’t make it! Sorry! Looks like you’re going to have to eat with Noah.’ I glared at the message from Marissa. She totally set this up.

“Is it from Marissa?” Noah asked as he looked at me.

“Uh, yeah, she can’t make it,” I told him.

He looked at me and blinked a few times before looking towards the area the waitress disappeared into. “Whatever,” he shrugged. He probably thinks I have something to do with this.

We sat in pure awkwardness until the waitress came and gave us our drinks, telling us that our pizza will be out shortly. Deciding to slip away from the tension, I began to scoot out of the booth. “I’ll be right back,” I told Noah as I got up to go to the bathroom.

“Whatever,” he murmured as he sipped his Cola. I walked to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. After I used the bathroom and washed my hands, I fixed my ponytail and made sure my clothes looked okay. Yesterday, I looked up how to gain confidence online, and I found that you’re supposed to say and think good things about yourself.

“You’re beautiful,” I muttered uncomfortably as I shed my jacket. The restaurant is chilly but with the jumper, it’s too hot. I folded my sweater and put it in my arms while internally telling myself that I was beautiful.

I got to the table and smiled when I saw the pizza. Finally! I sat down, grabbing a slice of pizza and putting it on my plate. “You’re beautiful,” I said to myself inside my head and across the table, Noah began choking on his food. I looked up to see him holding his throat and I began to panic. Before I could punch him in the liver, he regained his ability to breathe. He inhaled deeply and exhaled intensely with a panicked look on his face.

Red faced and shaky, he looked at me. “What did you just say?” he asked.

I stared at him for a minute before my eyes widened. “What?”

“You said something. What was it?” he spoke.

“I didn’t say anything,” I quickly shook my head.

“Yes you did!” he responded.

“I did not!” I retorted.

“Fine,” he hissed before going back to his pizza. I don’t know what’s worse- me saying that compliment to me or to him. Well, let him think that I said it to him. It’s not exactly wrong.

It was quiet as we ate and I found myself growing curious. “Are you mad at me or something?”

Shaking his head, he glanced up at me. “No, why would you say that?”

“Well, you’re not exactly talking to me,” I shrugged, eating the crust of my pizza.

“Well, maybe I don’t like you,” he responded with a small smirk on his face. I could tell that he was joking. Or I hope he was.

“Come on, you know that’s not true. You’ve said it yourself. We’re friends,” I told him.

“Yeah, we were before. But now we’re not. In my book, friends don’t kiss their friends,” he replied and I wanted to slam my head on the table.

I know what you’re thinking: You set yourself up for that one. But no! I didn’t. I honestly didn’t think he’d bring up our kiss! I thought it was a taboo topic for the both of us! Earlier, he ended the conversation once and for all, or so I assumed! “People don’t kiss random people, either,” I told him.

“Depends on the person,” he shrugged.

“Well, friends can kiss friends. It just depends on the person,” I told him.

“Maybe in your book but not in mine,” he replied.

“W-well, your book is stupid,” I told him.

“Is it?” he asked.

“Yeah, your book is…some crappy book, and mine is The Hunger Games, or something,” I told him. I tried not to include a book with a lot of romance. The Hunger Games is pretty good when it comes to the non-romance, but I can’t speak for the rest of the series.

“Yeah, no, your book is Fifty Shades of Grey, or something,” he mocked me.

“You’re a creep!” I hissed, wrinkling my nose.

“Says you,” he responded.

“Okay, if you don’t want to be my friend, then I’ll find new friends,” I told him.

“Can you? I mean, I’m the lowest of the low when it comes to friends,” he retorted.

“What?” I asked him, furrowing my eyebrows. “No you’re not. A lot of girls like you- take Chloe for example. Girls like jerks, no offense. And you can run pretty fast and you’re okay at sports; guys would be your friend. You just don’t put yourself out there and you always look angry, and because of that, people are scared of you.”

He rolled his eyes and continued talking, as if disregarding my statements. “Will other people accept you? I mean, probably not. You had to have tried to make friends with them right? And then you slowly lowered your standards,” he shrugged.

“No, I wanted to be friends with you. I didn’t try to befriend other people, only you and Marissa. And I met Floyd, Dana, and Chloe on the way,” I told him. Slowly, he nodded. When I saw that he didn’t believe me, I sighed. “Honestly, you were mean to me in the beginning. Would I have gone through with that if I didn’t want to be your friend?”

“I was not mean to you,” he told me.

“Oh, really? You glared at me all the time—,” I began only to get cut off.

“That’s because you chucked a volleyball at my face!” he told me.

“I have bad aim,” I responded. “That’s beside the point, though. You hated me. You refused to look at me and talk to me,” I told him. He moved slightly closer in the booth.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better- I still don’t like looking at you and talking to you,” he told me with a smirk on his lips.

“You’re kind of a jerk,” I responded.

“Didn’t you just say that girls like jerks?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow as the smirk grew on his face.

“I-I didn’t mean me,” I stuttered, “I was just talking about girls in general.”

“Sure you were,” he arrogantly stated.

<<>><<>>

Once we finished eating, we split the bill and exited the restaurant. “Noah?”

“What?” he asked, turning around and glancing at me.

“When’s my first guitar lesson?” I asked as I pulled on my sweater.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged.

“I didn’t buy that expensive guitar to let it sit around my room. I bought it to learn and you offered to teach me. So when’s the lesson?” I insisted.

“I don’t know. Wednesday?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Sounds good to me,” I nodded.

“Okay,” he told me, bobbing his head up and down.

I walked towards my car and grinned. What’s that smell? Oh yeah, it’s progress.