Sam

I tried to suck in air, but it didn't work. All it did was blow up my chest — I couldn't get any further than that.

Did I do this? Was this all my fault?

June was standing in the hallway, talking to Hayley. They were quiet and serious. Hayley had her arms wrapped around herself, and June had her left hand clenched into a fist, pressing it into her side. They hugged each other, the kind of long hug you gave when you were hurting. That sort of hurt you couldn't ignore anymore, like the giant rock resting on the bottom of my stomach right now. Would I get a hug like that one too? Or did they both still hate me? I knew June had always said you should never hate someone, but maybe she'd make an exception for me if I told her what I'd done.

She couldn't leave. She just couldn't. Who would cook for me if she did? Who would command me to take out the trash or do the dishes? Whose grumpy face would I get to glare at in the mornings?

Trying to not draw any attention to myself, I stalked to her bag. She'd filled it up with stuff from her room here, some clothes and books. It was definitely not all — if I'd go upstairs now, I probably wouldn't be able to see she was moving away.

Why did everyone move away from me?

I opened the zipper and took out her laptop, the old one Nathan gave her. No use to keep that one. She was already cursing at it enough as it was — I doubted it would hold on much longer. And she needed a good one, for her coding and all that. Would there be a Computer Club for her in New York? I hoped so. And it better not be swarming with dickheads like Malik.

With a sigh, I touched the case of my own laptop. I bought it for my birthday, at two-thousand dollars, so I could play Skyrim with the other guys in top HD quality. Up until now, the only things I'd done with it was walk around with my mage, and watch free porn. I was pretty sure she'd make better use of it. Sayonara, my friend. You were going to have a much more boring life with her than with me, but hey, it was for a good cause. I didn't need you at the moment anyway. I still had the Xbox, and my mage had been slaughtered by a Necromancer when June had called about her dad having a second heart attack. Starting over with an old save was no fun.

I slid the other laptop behind the shoe rack, where she wouldn't see it. She'd made a backup earlier today, so I could just get rid of this one once she was... once she was... elsewhere.

"June, are you coming?"

Mrs. Aranda stuck her head around the front door. For some reason, she'd rarely come inside when picking up June in the past, and she wasn't now. Weird woman. There was definitely a screw loose in her head. Month after month had she practically looked like a hobo escaped from a high-security prison, and now, with her husband six feet under, or well, more like burned to a crisp, she was gorgeous again. With her hair all done and a dress, showing off her legs — weren't you supposed to wear black when you were in mourning?

"Yeah, just... give me a second," June said, waving her away. I should've paid more attention to her moves all these years. Actually kind of interesting what a body could do. Sometimes her fingers did these things where they were so tense they bent backward. I tried to copy it once, but my fingers couldn't get any further than just straight and flat.

Was she going to say goodbye to me too?

Hayley was sniffing, her lips curling downwards. She didn't look at me. She hadn't looked at me since she'd stormed off, calling me jealous. If I hadn't been jealous then, I was now — she got another hug. Maybe June thought I didn't like hugging. And yeah, normally I didn't. This time, though, I really, really needed it.

There was a blockage in my throat. No matter how many times I swallowed, I couldn't lose it. I stared at my shoelaces, trying to stop the pricking behind my eyes. Boys didn't cry, dad had taught me when I was a kid. Practically the only thing he'd ever taught me. Some dad... If he died, would I miss him as much as June did hers? Didn't think so.

"Sam."

I looked up. June was giving me a small smile, one that could've just as well not been here. Her face was tired, and she had large circles under her eyes. Her mom must've done her hair, because she didn't do much these days, only sit and stare. It must've been pretty gross to find your dad's dead body. I'd asked my biology teacher what happened when someone died of a heart attack, and the answer alone had been enough to make me nauseous.

"Err, yeah. See you, I guess." My voice was high. I didn't trust myself to say anything else.

She didn't care, just closed her arms around me, her head not even reaching my shoulder. When had she become this small? "Sam, you're squeezing me to a pulp," she said, kind of breathlessly. Oh, shoot. I was. With a face that was probably as red as tomato ketchup, I let her go.

"You'll call me, right?" I said, immediately feeling like a knucklehead. Shit. Talking about seeming desperate.

She only nodded, not very convincingly, and turned to her bag.

No. She couldn't go! This was... this was all wrong. Nathan wasn't even here. The only one who always seemed to have this magical power to cheer her up wasn't here. Maybe, if he was, he could make her stay —

But he wasn't here, was he? And whose fault was that?

Mine?

"Come on, Sam." It was Hayley, wiping tears from her face. "Say something! Tell her what you did."

June stopped. She didn't seem very interested in what I had to tell, not even dropping her stuff back to the ground, even though her arms were straining to keep up the weight.

I should tell, right? She should know the reason he wasn't here to take care of her. That it was me. Because it was on me, right?

Behind her, Mrs. Aranda let out a soundless sigh, scratching her temple with her car keys. What would she do if she heard what my brother had done with her daughter? How could I bring it up in front of her? That was just really embarrassing, for all of us.

Hayley shook her head at me, folding her arms in front of her chest, then turned to June. "Nathan," she said. "That was all Sam's fault. He saw you two together and ordered him to leave. It was never his own choice."

Oh shit... I'd be getting the fiery eyes now, burning a hole through me the size of California. I grimaced, trying to push back a load of stinging tears. When I looked up, I saw something completely different.

Emptiness.

No fire. No clenched fists. No anything.

It scared the shit out of me.

June shrugged, like she really didn't care. When she spoke, her tone was flat, as if she was giving her opinion on the weather. "Does it matter? He could've stayed if he wanted to. He could've come back. And he didn't."

Mrs. Aranda put a hand on her shoulder, already pulling her towards her. "Vamos, mija. We have a long journey ahead of us." Without another word, the two of them stepped outside. I was frozen in place, not understanding how all of this happened. So fast. Too fast. The sound of a car engine starting up, the sound of wheels backing away, speeding up — and then... silence. Was she really gone?

Hayley was trembling. "Nice try," she said. "Yeah, you really did your best, did you?" A disgusted huff and she went out as well, slamming the door behind her.

My knees gave way. I sat down on the stairs, burying my head in my arms. Seemed like sometimes, boys did cry. I didn't want to — I was no baby, for heaven's sake. I tried to wipe them away, but they kept coming, like I had no control over myself whatsoever.

June was gone. Hayley hated me. I'd called my brother a pervert and a creep.

Alone.

I was all alone. And it might even be my own fault.

At least, they all had more family to fall back on. Hayley had her parents and her stepdad and her baby brother. June had her mom and abuela and all her aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews and nieces.

I had no one left.

Without a second thought, I took out my phone and called the person I'd sworn never to call again. After a few seconds, someone picked up. "Sam? Is that you, my sweet boy?"

"Yeah, mom. It's me."