June

Charlotte was planning her one-year-anniversary with Nathan. I'd pointed out they'd only gotten together officially in April, but I didn't think she cared. Couldn't blame her. I wouldn't have cared either if he'd been mine. I'd celebrate anniversaries every day.

Hayley had taught me something she probably learned from Jennifer: bitching about some other girl behind their back. In my case, Charlotte. On the one hand, I loved it; I always felt relieved after a good bashing session. On the other hand, it made me feel ashamed of myself — the only reason that I didn't like Charlotte was that she was Nathan's, because apart from that, she was okay. If he knew what I was saying about his girl when he couldn't hear it... I was sure he wouldn't be amused by it.

"I still can't believe that bitch is already talking about that anniversary. Like, hello, does she even realize your birthday is literally happening first?"

"You said it again."

"What?"

"Literally."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Hayley frowned. We were sitting in the kitchen together, making our AP Spanish homework. Charlotte had just come by to pick up some important papers she'd forgotten and hadn't been able to stop herself from telling she'd found Nathan the 'perfect gift', whatever that meant.

"I wonder what she got him, though," I said. What would a girl like her buy her boyfriend? A watch? He already had one, the expensive one that'd belonged to his granddad. Another house? A city trip? A car? Herself in sexy lingerie?

Hayley smiled smugly. "Whatever it is, he'll never like it as much as your Christmas present."

With Hayley, I never knew if she was telling me what I wanted to hear, or if she genuinely thought that it was the case. I didn't think she realized I was actually in love with Nathan; she probably regarded it more as a challenge, something exciting to discuss. I lost count of how many times she told me I had to walk around the landing covered in a towel and then accidentally drop it when I was in his sight. One time, I lied I was going to do it, and she'd been so shocked it immediately confirmed she was just all talk. Maybe that was a thing she and I had in common; we were both living in a fantasy world.

A fantasy world in which he and I hadn't been interrupted by Charlotte and Sam last Christmas, but in which it'd just been the two of us. A world in which that glorious kiss on my cheek had been followed by one on my lips, and another one and another one, and a simmering confession that I'd always been the only one... If I'd only told Sam beforehand that it was simply one of my recipes, he wouldn't have had to screw everything up, and Nathan would've been mine now, and —

Yeah.

Fantasy world.

"I wonder if he told her what it was," I said.

Hayley shook her head. "Of course not."

I smiled at her determination. For all of the suffering Sammifer had brought us, there was at least one good thing that'd come out of it. Our friendship.

"He might have, though," I said. "It's not like abuela would ever be able to find out. And I'm not sure if he realizes I really meant it." The idea hurt; him sharing my secrets with his girlfriend, as if I was really nothing more than a little sister.

"Who realizes you really meant what?" asked a voice from behind me. I think Hayley's eye roll made me register that it was Sam earlier than the voice itself. They were always bickering; it was exasperating.

"Matt Granton," I said, without hesitation. If I'd let Hayley make up a lie, we would undoubtedly have gone down. "I told him he'd never be able to get a date for the dance."

Sam snickered. "He thought he could get a date? What a joker."

And... the lie had worked. Hayley sent me an admiring smile. Yeah, I could be pretty imaginative. "Are you going?" she asked Sam. "I heard Jennifer's going with a guy from junior year."

"Yeah," he said, "I'm going with June."

I almost knocked over my cup of tea. "Sorry, but what?" I gaped at him, wondering if he was messing with me, and I hadn't been aware of it. I was going to the Valentine's Day Dance? With Sam? Seriously? Was this some kind of weird dream?

Sam merely shrugged. "I thought that's what we decided."

"I thought you were joking."

"Well, I wasn't. I can't not go, that'd look dumb — I can't go alone either. So you are the best option."

I blinked. It was sweet, really, that he preferred going with me over going dateless. Imagine the bullying he'd be subjected to. They already teased him for being my friend, but as a date, even if it wouldn't be romantic, that'd unleash a hurricane upon him. "I'm not going," I said. "Take Hayley."

That suggestion resulted in two of the foulest glares I'd ever got sent my way. Hayley screwed up her nose, Sam's eyes were shooting angry sparks in my direction. I snickered. "See? You two would look cute together. So alike in your opinions."

"I'm not going with Sam," Hayley said.

"I'm not going with Hayley either," Sam said, like it'd matter.

"Fine. Then we're all not going." Case closed. I bowed over my Spanish homework again, pretending to be concentrating on the questions while I could've answered them in seconds. I might've been the only girl in high school who didn't care about the Valentine's Day Dance. It'd been the only thing people were talking about since the beginning of the year, next to Amy Wang, a girl our age, being four months pregnant. The only person I was interested in dancing with was Nathan, and he wouldn't be coming anyway, so I didn't see the point in going.

"Why don't you wanna go?" Hayley asked, pouting slightly. Had she been under the impression we were going to go together? Dress up, do make-up, dance to crappy music, watch other people smooching gawkily?

I was saved from giving her a response by Nathan entering the kitchen. He smiled at me, making me feel faint. God, why did he always look this good when he returned home from work? Tie loose, hair slightly messed up... Suddenly, I remembered a dream from last night, which had involved him in a similar state, and I was glad my hands were hidden under the table: my sudden tension could've been conspicuous.

"Hey guys," he said cheerfully, pulling out a chair next to me. "You staying for dinner, Hayley? June and I will be making spinach lasagna."

Hayley nodded, apparently unable to speak. While Nathan was used to her awkwardness by now, I didn't get it. She told me she found him intimidating. Funny. "Good day?" I asked him, gladly taking the opportunity to distract my friends. "Moss liked your approach?"

"Yeah, I think he was satisfied with...—"

Then, a miracle unfolded: Hayley interrupted him. "June doesn't want to go to the dance," she blurted out, almost yelling.

Flabbergasted, I stared at her. She was slowly turning into a paprika, or so it seemed. Nathan seemed just as taken aback. "I'm sorry?"

She took a deep breath. "June. She doesn't want to go to the Valentine's Day Dance."

Okay, thank you, Hayley, for making this embarrassing. I was sure Nathan couldn't care less about some dance for teenagers, and I certainly wasn't fond of reminding him I was still in high school. He turned to me, and I wasn't sure if that was amusement in his eyes, or smugness. "Who asked you?"

"Sam," I said, unable to recall a more uncomfortable situation than this one. "As friends. Only, he didn't ask me, he just assumed I'd go with him."

"Yeah, and I don't get why you don't want to," Sam said, raising his voice. "Not good enough for you, am I? I bet you would've gone with Nathan without hesitation."

Sam, really? Trying to ignore the images of past day fantasies playing in my mind, me in an elegant dress on Nathan's arm, I glared at him. "It's not about you. It's about the dance itself and about Valentine's Day and about high school. I just don't want to go."

Nathan chuckled, turning to me. "Just go with him. It'll be fun." What? Why was everyone saying non-sensical things today? What was happening? Why was he backing them up? "I'm sure Valentina would've dragged you there yourself."

"Valentina isn't here."

Sam bounced up and down, a giant grin on face. "We could fly her in again!"

"Yes, and she could help us with our make-up!" Hayley said, like it'd be the best thing ever. "She always looks so beautiful."

"Yeah, and maybe she'd even want to go with!"

"So you can use her to make Jennifer jealous?"

"Yeah!"

"You're such a jerk."

"Why do you even care about Jennifer?"

"I don't care about Jennifer, it's just that Valentina obviously deserves way better."

"Oh come on..."

Oh no, there they went again. This time, I wasn't going to stop them. Quietly, I got up from the chair, wanting to make my exit — Nathan, however, seized me by my arm, making me jump like I was hit by lightning. Honestly, I startled quickly, but when it was him causing it, it seemed to be ten times worse. I pleaded with him silently — I really didn't want to continue this conversation.

"June," he said, and the others quit their squabbling immediately. "You're taking this far too seriously. You have to see it as one big joke, it's great that way. Lena and I always went to these kinds of things. She'd hijack the music at some point and then she'd dance in the middle of the gym with everyone staring at her like she was from outer space—"

"—well, she was, she was crazy," Sam pointed out.

"Fuck you, Sam," I said, because I could almost feel the flash of pain going through his brother. He really needed to develop some tact. "Stop saying that. How many times do I have to tell you that's offensive? She wasn't crazy, she had mental health issues." This was what was wrong with the world. People like him were the reason why mental health was still such a taboo.

He shrugged, as if saying, 'same difference'. Hayley, who was apparently afraid this wasn't going in the direction she'd hoped, hastily said: "Sam, you're such an ass. Nathan is right. We need to go and treat it all like one big joke. I think — I think Lena had the right idea." She sent me a nervous glance, probably trying to gauge my reaction.

Shit. Why did I keep underestimating this girl? She must've been really wanting me to go to the dance with her, to play the Lena-Nathan card. That was brutal.

I was stuck. If I didn't go, I was a coward who disappointed both of her best friends. If I did go... What was I afraid of? What was the reason I didn't want to? Yeah, I really didn't care about Valentine's Day or the boys at school, but if Hayley and Sam wanted to go out dancing with me, what was the problem?

"June," Nathan said softly, "it won't be like last year. Sam is less of a little shit, and you've got Hayley — you won't be alone."

I wished he would've waited to say that until it was just the two of us, because the quick stab in my heart told me he had hit the mark completely. Sam's fifteenth birthday party. Spin the Bottle games.

Both of them seemed to have understood what he referred to: Hayley was burning a hole in the floor, and Sam was rubbing his face, trying to look occupied.

Nathan's eyes were sincere, catching mine and letting me know he knew, he understood. "And you know what I told you. You can always call me. So, if you're there and you want to get out of there, I'll come to pick you up."

Hayley had succeeded. My fantasy world told me I'd be a fool to avoid a situation in which I could wear a graceful dress and see Nathan — it was already making up multiple unrealistic scenarios.

"Okay," I said, head held high, and both of Sam's and Hayley's faces broke out into excited grins. "On one condition." Now the grins faltered, almost in unison, a comical sight. "We're gonna dance like the whole world watches and we don't fucking care."