June

I thought nothing could be more insensible than dropping a book on your head to impress a girl.

Turned out I was wrong.

Even more unbelievable was that it had worked.

The image was still horrifying. Mom had given me a lift on the way to her shift, and mindlessly, I had entered the living room, not expecting anyone else than Sam.

He hadn't been alone, though. Jennifer was there too, stuck to him like glue, and it looked like she was eating his face. I supposed they'd call it kissing. It was a lot more gracious in the movies though, or when Nathan and Charlotte did it, and in those cases, it also didn't sound like two people were slurping spaghetti.

"What the fuck?"

It'd just escaped me, I hadn't been able to hold it in. This was a sight I'd never wanted to see.

They'd broken apart, Sam avoiding my gaze, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Jennifer had grinned at me, chest out, shoulders back. "My boyfriend and I are a little busy here, June," she'd said, using my real name for possibly the first time in months. "You can come back later."

I'd snorted; I hadn't been able to help it. "I think your boyfriend's concussion is a little more severe than we initially thought."

She hadn't even understood the insult. Sam, on the other hand, instantly turned red. "June, come on... Can't you just... go make something or anything?"

I'd burst out laughing. His face... I was so going to tell Nathan about this. "As long as you two don't make something, I'm not going to be in your way." And snickering uncontrollably, I'd left for the kitchen, dying to text Nathan about his little brother having his first girlfriend. I hoped Sam wasn't going to think the book thing actually worked, though. Maybe it did, but only on empty-headed girls like Jennifer.

In the beginning, their relationship was funny. Both of their Instagrams were filled with pictures of them locking lips while sprouting dog ears or bunny snouts, all equally awkward, the descriptions showered with red and pink hearts. Jenny&Sam 4ever!!! <3. I teased him with it constantly, which meant that most of the time, he was as red as the hearts in the posts. I didn't think this had been what he really wanted, but I also thought he was going to go along with it as long as she kept kissing him.

Then, when school started again, the situation lost most of its charm and turned into a constant source of annoyance. I'd expected Sam and me to brave the year together, side by side, spending our lunch breaks underneath Lena's beautiful mural, as a sort of tribute. Last year, we'd still only been among freshmen, since they had a different building; this year, we had to survive amongst the older students, and I'd figured we would get used to it together. Instead, I was following Sam around as he was walking the hallways hand in hand with Jennifer, sitting behind them in class and being irritated by the fact she giggled a lot. Her behavior had improved somewhat in the past months, but I wasn't sure if that was because she was spending more time sucking Sam's face than actually talking, or if he'd genuinely made her a better person.

The worst about the whole thing was that I didn't have Nathan to share my disgust with. He'd started his last year this semester, and he'd decided to move to campus as the workload was getting intense. He tried to return home most weekends, but he usually brought Charlotte along with him, and with Sam and Jennifer there as well, I suddenly felt very lonely at the house.

There was one bright light in this messed up world, though, and that was that I wasn't the only one being pushed aside. Hayley was as well, and while I initially didn't want to put up with her because I really didn't like her, I later found out she wasn't actually that bad.

"I've had enough of this," she said one day, as we'd ended up in the kitchen together again. Recently, that had been happening more frequently. We'd make tea, do our homework together, and complain about our friends' tendency to act like an incestuous Siamese twin. I'd discovered Hayley wasn't as vapid as Jennifer; on the contrary, she was a star when it came to chemistry, so while she helped me with minerals and reactions, I assisted her with her English essays.

"I had enough of this the day it started," I said.

She laughed. If only Sam could've picked her over Jennifer. At least, she was a rational human being and would've been able to hang out with us without feeling the need to shove her tongue down his throat every few minutes. "I wonder if they even realize other people exist," she said. "It's just so weird. I mean, she used to call him gross and awkward, and now she seems to think he's the hottest boy in the world."

"Well, he did grow. He's tall now, with the deep voice and all... And he's got some confidence. Maybe that's it."

She scratched her neck, not meeting my eyes. "It's not like... you're not like... jealous or anything... right?"

"Jealous? Of Jennifer?"

"Yeah, well, you and Sam were literally always together, I just figured..."

I grinned. Only the thought... I couldn't even imagine wanting to hold hands with him. It'd be a world gone mad. "No. Absolutely not. Friends. Nothing more."

"Oh, okay. It's just at the party, you know... We were so horrible to you, and I thought Sam and you... I don't know..." She was twirling her blonde hair around her finger. I grabbed her arm to make her stop. Her steel-blue eyes went huge, as if I'd just attacked her.

"You look like our sweet Jenny when you do that. I'm sure you don't want that."

She giggled, seemingly relieved. "No, not really. Not anymore. Sometimes I'm standing in the shower, and I think: 'Hayley, why the hell did you ever become her friend in the first place?'"

I shrugged, throwing a glance outside, where Sam and Jennifer were attempting to melt into each other in the pool. "She's popular, and she's got a nice ass. Can't think of any more reasons, though."

"You know, I really felt bad for that night. You know, with the 'Spin the Bottle' and all..." She was tracing a pattern on the kitchen table. Her hands were covered in ink, something Jennifer had scolded her for earlier. "We were really mean. I mean, we let Sasha play, and she's kind of ugly, and you're actually really pretty, especially with the new clothes and all..."

Somehow, this apology didn't do anything with me. That party seemed so long ago, and it seemed like such a minor thing to get upset over now. My dad had almost died. I couldn't care less about a game of Spin the Bottle anymore. "Hayley," I said, and to my astonishment, I was amused by the whole situation. "It's very sweet of you to say sorry, but next time, try not to insult other people in the process. Sasha's just got a very bad case of acne, she can't help it."

She grimaced, then slightly shook her head. "You're right. O my gosh, I'm such a horrible person, am I?"

"Sometimes you say some hurtful shit, but overall, you're alright." And I meant it. At least, she was starting to reflect on the damage she'd caused. "Also, the night of the party wasn't even that bad for me." My stomach tingled as I thought about Nathan, his smile, and his ocean eyes, and the honesty of our conversation.

I must have been grinning, because her mouth fell open and she blinked at me. "Is it true?" she said, whispering loudly and looking over her shoulder as if to check no one was listening in. "Did you sleep with Sam's brother? I mean, Jennifer told me, and she said she was sure you were just bluffing, but I don't think she was actually that sure."

This time, I laughed out loud, holding onto the kitchen counter so I wouldn't fall. I'd almost forgotten about that. The night of the party, I'd fallen asleep while watching Pirates of the Caribbean in Nathan's bed. The next morning, I'd bumped into Jennifer when I came out of his room, and had just sent her a very smug smile. If only I'd been there when she'd recounted the story to Hayley. Must've been a hell of a sight. "I wish! We just watched a movie, and I fell asleep in his bed. I just thought it was a nice opportunity to fuck with her."

"Seems to me you wasted a perfect opportunity to fuck him."

For a second, I wondered if I'd imagined her saying that. Then, we both broke out into ear-splitting laughter. Hm. I'd always pinned her as a little miss innocent, with her skirts and blouses. Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised, seeing as how she was friends with that girl currently entangled with Sam. When we fell silent again, I frowned. "He's got a girlfriend now, you know. Charlotte. She's this perfect, British girl living on her daddy's money. Sometimes it's as exasperating as those two."

"What a bitch," she said, in all earnestness. "It's not fair when they come here, you know, speaking all posh and stuff. I mean, look at this house. Girls like us, we don't usually see places like this." She bent closer to me, quickly looking over her shoulder again. "You know that Jennifer has forbidden me from ever inviting people over to my house? We always go to her place. I mean, I know my house isn't that great, but still, it's my house, you know?"

I examined her, the styled hair, the carefully applied make-up, modest white shirt... She was a cute girl, though she'd be even cuter if she'd stop copying her so-called BFF. I was starting to wonder if she'd been suffering under Jennifer's rule all these years, instead of genuinely enjoying it. Maybe my freshman year had been more fun and relaxed than hers. "Hayley," I said. "There's still a thing called 'free will'. You don't have to put up with it. You shouldn't. After high school, we'll be the ones going places. Jennifer will probably end up barefoot and pregnant, stuck with the wrong guy because there were so many of them that wanted her, and she had no idea how to pick a good one."

Hayley blinked, probably at a loss for words. Outside, Jennifer shrieked, pushing Sam under the water surface, before pulling him up again and attacking his mouth.

Hayley pulled a face. "Do you think they've done it already?"

I smirked. "What, sex? No. Sam would've been boasting about it the minute they were done. Maybe we should buy them condoms, though, just to be on the safe side."

She was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, and I knew she was contemplating whether or not to tell me something. Ultimately, she apparently decided that I could be trusted, and blurted out: "I don't get it. I really don't. I mean, I've kissed a few boys, but it was just... gross and wet. Not like in the movies, where it's like, super romantic. I don't even know if I would want to touch a dick — they're so ugly, and they just wobble, and just... yuck."

I tried to keep a straight face; I wanted her to feel like I took her seriously, because I did, only it was hard when she was mentioning wobbling dicks. "Well, I can't say I'm experienced," I said, "though I'm pretty sure it'd help if you're attracted to the boy in question in the first place." My mind wandered to Nathan, and not for the first time, I imagined him nearing me, pulling me close, lips on mine as his hands found their way under my shirt — yeah, I was definitely not opposed to the sight of a man's naked body, even less if it would be his. Especially not since I'd discovered the power of masturbation: not only did that feel amazing, for a few hours after, I'd be so relaxed even tying my shoelaces was easy.

She didn't respond, lost in thought. Suddenly, she seemed really young, as if she'd started middle school only yesterday. Then, she looked up, eyes widened: "You won't tell Jenny about any of this, will you? I'd never hear the end of it."

I frowned. That poor girl. Did she even have real friends? Did she ever have those endless, honest conversations Nathan and I sometimes fell into, talking your heart out and knowing you won't be judged? Maybe I was luckier than I realized. "Why the hell would I tell anyone about this? It's none of anyone's business."

"Oh. Yeah... of course."

She seemed down, her head hanging, lips tight, and I wondered if she'd had the same realization as I just did. "You wanna work on our Spanish book report together?" I said. "Work on our future, make sure we don't end up barefoot and pregnant?"

She giggled. "Yeah, sure. Let's."

When we had been studying for a while, she looked up again, a little flustered. "I actually wouldn't mind ending up barefoot and pregnant, though," she said. "I love babies."

I smiled. "Me too. I've always wondered what it'd feel like to have a human growing inside you. Seems like magic."

"Err, I don't want to be rude or anything, but... can you?"

"Can I what?"

She nodded to my stomach. "Get pregnant."

For all of her intelligence, sometimes she could be kind of ignorant. I blamed Jennifer. "Of course I can. I've got a body, including a uterus and a vagina. I'm pretty sure those are the only things required for having sex and making a baby."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to..."

"It's fine. I'd rather you ask than assume untrue things." However, this was the first time anyone had posed this question. Were there more people in this world who thought I wasn't capable of having sex just because I moved a little differently? Everyone with a body did in principle have the ability to have sex, didn't they? Why would I be different?

"Hello, nerds!" Jennifer called as a dripping wet her and Sam entered the kitchen, holding hands like their lives depended on it. "We're gonna be upstairs, don't go looking for us." And gone they were, Sam following her like a faithful puppy.

I grimaced. "I wish Jennifer didn't have a body, though."

Hayley laughed so violently her tea came out of her nose.