Nathan

Why in the name of god was I doing this?

There was nothing wrong with my life; it wasn't like something was missing. I had my studies to concentrate on, and Sam to look out for, and June to talk to — I didn't need anything more than that, did I?

Granted, it'd been a long time since I'd gotten laid. Though, I'd never been one of those guys who couldn't seem to survive without sex. Maybe that's why I'd had more female friends in school; at least, they didn't find it necessary to exchange views on dick sizes every day, or whatever would be the equivalent of boys discussing bra cups. Still, I wasn't opposed to sleeping with someone either. Last time was this girl named Imani, who I'd met at a party, only that was all a blur, to be honest.

But June was right.

It would've been pathetic to avoid a chance like this because my ex-never-really-was-my-girlfriend passed away so long ago.

I was waiting for the girl in front of one of the campus's Starbucks — suddenly, it seemed like an unimaginative option. Convenient, yes, but mundane. I should've told June. She could've told me I was being a fool sooner and probably would've come up with a brilliant plan for me instead.

Relax, Nathan. It was only a first... meeting. Date was such a serious word. Was it a date? Maybe it was. Probably.

Yes. I definitely should've told June. Not that I'd have known how... How did you tell someone about something like this? Hey, you know what, I stumbled into a girl who broke her heel, and now I'm taking her for coffee. It sounded like something made-up, something that happened in Hollywood movies or the chick lits grandma used to read. I wish I could've just met someone like she and grandpa had. It would've been a hundred times easier.

I rechecked my phone. Although I'd been twenty minutes early, now that four pm was nearing in on me, I almost found myself hoping she would cancel on me. But no. Only a text from June.

June: Making noodles tonight — the healthy version. You eating with us?

Nathan: Not sure yet. Will let you know.

Even now, I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. Why was it always so easy for her? She should teach me her secret.

"Nathan?"

Fuck. She was here. And I was looking on my phone. Nice move. Hastily, I put it away. "Charlotte," I said, wondering what the hell I was doing there and what the hell I'd been thinking when I asked her out. "You look... nice."

She did, especially now that she was smiling and her dimples showed themselves again. "Thank you."

Silence. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this nervous. She was just a girl. Just a girl. I talked to girls every day. It wasn't that difficult. "Do you want to go in?"

Another pretty smile, and she nodded. I opened up the door for her, because at least, I knew that was the polite thing to do, and followed her in. My mind was working overtime, trying to find something to say. "You're wearing heels again," I blurted out, noticing her shoes, different ones from last time. "Living on the edge, huh?"

She bit her lip, probably holding back a laugh. "Perhaps I hoped you'd have to save me again." I chuckled. She was funny. It hadn't been a one-time thing. This was something I could do. Joke about heels while waiting for our coffee — that wasn't hard at all.

We sat down at a table by the window; the sunlight fell on her face, making her eyes glimmer. She was beautiful, in a serene, unblemished way — and so far from Lena. Charlotte sat up straight, hands loosely in her lap, playing with the golden rings on her fingers, Lena would've slumped, legs far apart, taking up as much space as she could. Charlotte's hair fell to her shoulders flawlessly, Lena's would've been pulled up in a messy bun. She was wearing a simple dress, something Lena would never have done. No, it'd been jeans or denim skirts for her, but never dresses.

Charlotte seemed to have a speech prepared; I wondered how often she'd briefed other guys like this, in an almost detached way, as if she was presenting a case in court. Nineteen, from London, spent her summers in a small village called Hampton Lucy, and she aspired to work at her father's law firm. It didn't mean anything to me — was this how people dated? Throwing random facts at each other? I wasn't looking to hire her...

"So, I must confess, I was under the impression I knew every one of the faculty by now," she said, with that fantastic accent of hers. "I really don't know how I could've missed you." She blushed after realizing what she said, absentmindedly touching her necklace.

"Yeah, I don't live on campus."

She narrowed her eyes, like that was a reason to be suspicious of someone. "I didn't know you could live off-campus."

"You can. It's unusual, maybe. I lived on campus for a while, but I noticed my brother was having a hard time, so I decided to move back home."

She blinked, before breaking out in a wide, breathtaking smile. "How old is he?"

"He turned fifteen a while back."

"Seems like the age you'd need your older brother, yes."

"You have no idea."

We laughed, and I felt myself relax. This was easy. I could do this. I could talk about Sam, about the shitty things he did. And I did, recounting how I came back home from the library to find them playing "Spin the Bottle". I wished she wouldn't hold back her laughter; it was a pleasing sight to see her let go, her shoulders shaking.

"I'm glad I don't have any siblings," she said. "I wouldn't have known how to deal with a situation like that."

"I didn't know either. I just went to hide." For a second, I'd been on the verge of telling her about June, but I changed my mind; it would've been too personal on a first... meeting... date... God, June... I was thankful she couldn't see me like this, awkwardly trying to be normal — she'd have laughed at me so hard, rolling over the floor.

"Gosh, how embarrassing. If I'd been you, I'd moved back to campus the very next day."

Silence. I didn't know how to respond — the topic had bled dry, I needed to find something else, something light, but interesting. I decided to go for the obvious: "But err... why did you want to study in the US? I mean, English law is definitely different from US law. Are you planning to stay?"

It seemed I'd hit a nerve. She bit her lip, nervously turning around the rings on her fingers. "I'm aware it's different," she said carefully, "but there are multiple options to be able to work back in England as well. It'd only take me a bit longer." She hesitated, then added: "I wanted to go here to... gain some independence, as a start. Get away from my parents — they are pleasant enough, but they can be... controlling." Pleasant. I almost snickered — never heard anyone describe other people that way. "And, err... they're quite affluent. I wanted to experience normal university life, I suppose."

Normal university life. At Stanford. The idea was good, though, and I couldn't help but smile. Seemed like a thing grandma would've appreciated. "You've made a great start," I said.

She tilted her head, confused. "How so?"

"You skipped class, lured a guy into your dorm, and you're drinking coffee at Starbucks. All you need is some anxiety about your student debts."

"That might be hard to achieve."

Yeah. Probably. "Must've been difficult to move that far away from your family. I can't even imagine leaving Sam and June, and they'd only be half an hour away."

"It's alright," she said. "You Americans are very welcoming." She scanned me, almost like the first time we'd met. "Is June your mother?"

I chuckled. My mother. She certainly did fill up a few of those roles, cooking for me and pushing me to do stuff I otherwise hadn't dared to do. I wasn't sure what to call her. Friend sounded insufficient for the things she did, her way of getting through to me. I couldn't think of another word, though. "No, she's not my mother. She's... my brother's friend. And mine, probably."

"Is she the girl who refuses to wear heels?"

"Yeah... She says if she wants to trip, there are enough uneven sidewalks in this world to assist her."

Silence, again. She wasn't looking at me, only twisting her necklace around with her fingers. Was she shy, or had I said something wrong? Suddenly, I really didn't want to screw this up. She seemed like a great girl, headstrong and beautiful, and June would kill me if I let the opportunity slide. "You said you wanted to experience normal life," I said, and she gazed up at me, surprised. "Have you been to Walmart yet?"

I was nervous. I didn't really care what Sam thought about her; he'd like her anyway because these days he liked everything that had boobs and was pretty. No, somehow, I was afraid June might not like her, and I had no idea what to do if that was the case.

One coffee date had turned into another one, then turned into drinks, then into a night in her dorm, dinner, studying together, more nights in her dorm... After two months, she was officially my girlfriend, and that word felt unreal, as if it described something that applied to someone else. Relationships for me had always been something abnormal, something bizarre, skinny-dipping in the neighbors' pool, and forever wondering where you stood. This, however, was regulated and structured, and I liked it.

Charlotte's dimples, combined with her British accent and her determination to finish her studies with top grades, should be enough for any man to fall for her. She came from an old-money family in London, where her 'daddy' owned a law firm, and she had been hell-bent on moving as far away from them to experience 'real life'.

When I saw her taking off her expensive dresses and jewelry, I always remembered myself I should never introduce her to Mrs. Aranda. I didn't think Charlotte would be able to survive that, no matter how impressive she could be when it came to making a case.

Charlotte was the best when she was naked. Not for the obvious reasons, but because that was when all the make-up and finery was gone and it was just her. She didn't like that I liked looking at her naked — somehow, beautiful girls like her still didn't love their bodies. Her feet, she said, they were too big, her knees to knobby, and her ass too fat. But feet were feet, they needed to be a particular size to be able to carry your body, and her knees were sweet, and her ass, well, it was actually one of the smallest asses I had seen. She never believed me.

Here we were, in the driveway, Charlotte turning her rings around and around on her fingers, me with a strange feeling of doom in my stomach. I couldn't rationalize it, and I didn't know what caused it either. It was only my little brother and his friend. Nothing to be afraid of.

I'd had a week to prepare for this. That was the way we did things: voice the idea, plan at least a few days ahead, and then actually carry it out the exact moment you'd picked in advance. No cancellations. No surprises. No not showing up. I'd never realized how much stress could be prevented by simply making arrangements and sticking to them.

"Shall we go in?"

She nodded, not saying anything. I took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. We got out of the car, and I went before her, leading her inside the house. It smelled like freshly baked onions; June was cooking.

"June?"

"Nathan! You're home!" Before I could say anything else, I was attacked, arms wrapped around my neck like she hadn't seen me in days. Come to think of it... I hadn't been home for quite a while. I hugged her back, taking in that familiar scent of June-ness and cayenne pepper.

Charlotte laughed at the enthusiastic welcome, and that was when June first noticed I wasn't alone.

I hadn't exactly told her about Charlotte. Somehow, I hadn't been able to bring myself to it. Maybe because I didn't know how to start. Maybe because it was so unreal to myself. Or maybe, there was something else, something I couldn't pinpoint, something that might be related to that feeling of doom.

"June, I presume?" Charlotte said. Her eyes scanned June from top to bottom, something she did with everyone, but June certainly wouldn't appreciate. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Sorry, but I can't really say the same," June said, and while Charlotte's face fell, big brown eyes turned to me, burning into me like fire. "Because I have absolutely no idea who you are. Care to explain, Nathan?"

There was something in her gaze that made me feel like she was mad at me — like she really meant this. "Well, you told me to date a girl. So I did."

"And you didn't even think to tell me about it?"

She was hurt, I could hear it in her voice. It was kind of shitty of me, probably. Had she been wondering where I'd been these past two months, worrying about me? We'd rarely seen each other, and when we had, we'd studied together, falling asleep on the couch.

"Nathan, really?" Charlotte said wide-eyed. "You didn't even tell her? I know almost everything about her, and you haven't even mentioned me once?"

"Well, I...-"

Both of them had crossed their arms in front of their chests, weirdly united. "You can be such an ass, you know. I thought you were just working yourself to death, or something!" June was trying to hide it with an insult, but I could tell she was agitated.

"I'm sorry, I just — wanted to see where it would go, first." My eyes pleaded with hers.

She looked away. It seemed as if she was biting her tongue. "Sorry," she said to Charlotte. "I'm June."

"Charlotte."

"It's nice to meet you." Her movements were rigid, and I wondered what the hell was going on that she was so affected by this. Although she smiled at us, it didn't reach her eyes. "I'll go get Sam, I'm sure he'd like to meet you too. Nathan, watch the food, please."

And she was off, walking a little too fast. I watched her go, dark curls following behind her. Shit. No wonder I'd had a feeling of doom.