June

I was leaning against the doorframe, watching Nathan from a distance. I had left Valentina alone, asleep in my bed. Weird, how quickly you could forget the way someone looked. Especially now she was sleeping, blankets drawn high up to her chin, curls spread out all over her pillow. That crease in her brow, as if she was perpetually thinking in her dreams. I remembered gazing up at her in awe when I was younger, believing no one was stronger than her. I knew better now.

I hadn't been able to sleep, even though I was tired as hell. She probably didn't realize it, but her teasing had stirred something inside of me, and now I didn't know how to calm it down.

Nathan. How he was sitting there on the couch, laptop in his lap, stacks of paper surrounding him. His blonde hair tucked behind his ears, lips moving slightly as his blue eyes raced over the pages. His fingers sped over the keyboard — there was always something calming about his hands, steady and strong.

Was I really in love with him?

I couldn't be, could I? Sure, he had some magical effect on my stomach and sometimes my heart, but that was just because he was handsome, right?

Oh please, June, don't be in love with a guy who's four years older than you. Just don't.

But as I was standing there, studying all of him, smiling when he cursed at the laptop and ran his hands through his hair, it was impossible to deny it.

I was in love with him.

In that moment, it didn't really matter. It wasn't like it changed anything, or that I had to do something about it right then and there.

I was too young. I was Sam's friend. Maybe, though, if I waited a year or three, it all wouldn't matter that much anymore. I could fall out of love, for all I knew, or he could fall into it. Until then, I just had to be satisfied with being friends, and that wasn't all that hard.

Slowly, I entered the room, smiling when he looked up, and those ocean blue eyes met my brown ones. "You still working?"

He sighed, then nodded and stretched himself. "I thought you'd be asleep."

"I thought so too." He moved one of the stacks so I could sit down, and a warm feeling spread through me as I curled up beside him, a little closer than I usually would. "Why aren't you asleep, though? It's Saturday morning. Plenty of weekend left."

"Yeah... I just wanted to have this finished before your birthday. The hearing is in a couple of weeks, and I want to be able to concentrate on it fully."

"You've been pretty serious about your studies all of a sudden."

He fell quiet, frown in his forehead. "Yeah, well," he eventually said, "I thought it was about time, right? To take some responsibility? There weren't any excuses left except 'I hate it', and that didn't sound like an excuse at all."

"Already thinking like a true lawyer."

He huffed, scrolling through the pages of his word doc as if he was searching for something. I watched him, which somehow wasn't conspicuous at this time of night. There was something deeply satisfying about hearing the taps on the keyboard and seeing his eyes moving up and down.

After a while, he noticed me staring. "Something wrong?"

"Yeah," I said. "I haven't even thanked you yet."

A small smile, almost shy, and for the first time, I saw Sam in him. "You don't have to. I'm just glad you liked it."

"I do have to thank you. You and Sam flew Valentina all the way across the country, just because I'm turning fifteen."

He shook his head. "Not just because you're turning fifteen. It's because you do so much for us. Helping Sam, keeping me sane... And that's not an easy job. Also," the frown returned, "everyone should be able to see their family." His gaze flickered to the watch he usually wore, which was currently lying neatly on the coffee table. "Or at least, the ones they care about." My heart did the thing again, the thing where it skipped a few beats as if it wanted to be extra quiet to take in his words. "Our grandma, she'd travel half the US just to be home with us whenever she could, even if she had to leave again in a couple of days. Grandpa, he'd be so happy to see her... And Sam and me too, of course."

This was one of the first times he'd told me anything about his grandparents, but I was so dazed by his compliments, by the fact I was keeping him sane, it took me a few moments to realize I had to make use of the opportunity. "That your grandpa's watch?"

"Yeah. He was a shopkeeper. Gran was a lawyer. Self-made, though," he added quickly, as if I was about to criticize her for it. "She went from sleeping in a leaky attic to owning this house. She was the one who suggested I'd attend public school. 'You need to know what normal people live like,' she always said, 'or you'll end up like your father.'"

I giggled. "Sounds like some sound advice."

"I forgot about it, though. I shouldn't have."

"You lost Lena. I think she'd understand."

He didn't say anything for a while. He seemed troubled, lost in thought, seeing something I couldn't. "You remind me of her, sometimes."

This time, my stomach was definitely making sure I was aware of being in love with him. "Of Lena?"

He chuckled. "No. Absolutely not. I meant grandma."

Ouch. That was a thing I liked to hear — not. "Well, thank you. It's every girl's dream to be told she reminds a guy of his grandma."

Now his eyes were smiling again. "I assure you, when it's my grandma, it should be every girl's dream. She was the strongest woman I've ever known."

Okay, so, maybe it wasn't the worst to be compared to his grandma. "Sam told me she liked ABBA."

A full laugh escaped his lips, and he set aside his laptop, relaxing into the cushions. "Liked? She worshipped that band. She even made us watch Mamma Mia! with her on her birthday every year. Grandpa and Sam and me used to think she was doing it just to torture us. I think Sam now watches it sometimes when he misses her — don't tell him I told you that. He'd kill me for it."

For a moment, all sorts of plans to change Sam's ringtone into Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! passed through my head, until I realized I could never embarrass him with it. I didn't want to spoil a thing that reminded him of his grandma. That'd be cruel. "When did they die? Sam rarely talks about them."

He sighed deeply. "Grandpa... six years ago. Grandma five. For all her strength, I don't think she could live without him. When she went too... That's when everything went to shit and our parents suddenly had to be parents. Needless to say, they fucked that up."

The guilt of earlier tonight was dug up again. I rested my head against the cushions, closing my eyes for a second, in the hopes of forgetting the image of my mom turning away from me. "I fucked up too," I said, instantly feeling the relief that came with saying 'fucked'. Almost therapeutic. I should say it more often. "With my mom — I've barely been home — I should've just went with them, I should've..."

"June, it's not your fault." Only then, when I opened my eyes again, I realized how close we were. My body heated up instantly; if he couldn't feel my skin burn, I was Ariana Grande. "It's a complicated situation. They need to work so hard all day and night while I'm sitting on my ass with two brand-new cars in the garage at my disposal. It's unbelievably unfair. If I thought they'd accept it, I would've gladly transferred half of my money to them, but I think that'd do more harm than good. Your mom already hates me for bringing Valentina here."

"She doesn't hate you. She just doesn't like being dependent on someone else."

"Especially not if it's two snotty rich kids who've been stealing her daughter from her."

"You're not snotty."

He snickered. "I'm starting to think you're my own personal defense lawyer."

I wouldn't mind. I bet I could defend him endlessly. "If I am, I need to tell you that you were planning to finish that assignment tonight."

A drawn-out sigh, and he picked his laptop back up. "See? That's why you remind me of gran. She was always right as well."

I couldn't help it; I giggled. I watched in silence again as he began rereading what he'd written, when I became aware of the fact that might not be perceived as normal. But I didn't want to leave. The couch was way too comfy. "Is it okay if I sit with you for a while?"

"Of course. You can even read some articles for me if you're up to it."

"Nice try, Nathan."