June

Sam wasn't a downer. On the whole, he was a cheerful guy, with the occasional off moment from which I could easily pull him out if I made a crappy joke. When his fifteenth birthday approached though, a month before mine, he grew unusually grumpy, as if he didn't want to get a year older. I asked Nathan what the deal was, but he had no idea. My mom thought it might be hormonal; Sam's voice had been changing, and he had grown at least several inches since I met him.

Whatever it was, I vowed myself to find him such a great birthday present he'd immediately snap out of it. The trouble was Sam never really left me alone with Nathan, which made the planning and brainstorming a lot more complicated. So, we got up a little earlier, or I got back out of bed after Sam had fallen asleep, or Nathan would tell Sam to stay behind when he drove me home.

Home had become a troublesome word. For almost fifteen years, it'd meant New York, the smell of my auntie's perfume and abuela's cooking, Valentina and me sometimes falling asleep together in her bed, and my cousins and me being dropped off at school on my mom's way to work. But I hadn't been met with my auntie's perfume in forever, let alone abuela's cooking, I hadn't even hugged Valentina in six months, and mom was so tired every morning she barely talked to me.

Something was going on. Dad was home less and less, and sometimes I could hear mom crying. I think she missed our family. Mom and dad were always working, day after night after day. I didn't get why we moved here in the first place. It wasn't like my dad's income seemed to have improved. We still lived in a house that was slowly falling apart. Although —

I wasn't, not really. I now stayed over at Sam's so often it was like I was visiting when I actually went home. Every time I realized this, I felt guilty. Mom and dad were doing the best they could; they couldn't help it that for some unfair reason Nathan and Sam were born into this family that could decide to remodel their kitchen while they were tying their shoelaces in the morning and do it again after a year had passed. It still amazed me when Sam would try to convince me they weren't even rich because they had two houses and couldn't afford another one. Yeah, nice try, sweetie.

At first, I made a point of returning home to my mom and dad to show them they were good enough for me. Only, when I did, I was met by an empty house. In the evenings, when they came back from work, they could barely ask me how my day was and hug me once before they fell asleep in front of the TV. Sometimes, dad would be so late I couldn't even stay awake to greet him. Maybe we should go back to New York. Dad's job might have been harder there, and paying less, but at least, they'd been happy there. I didn't think they were happy here. I was a horrible daughter because I didn't like the idea of going back.

"I'm having a party."

"A party? When?"

"Friday."

"Friday?! But that's your birthday!"

"Oh, so you do know."

"Of course I know. We've been preparing for it for weeks!" Silence. "Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter. We can work around it. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No. It's nothing, I mean."

"You look pale. Are you feeling alright, Sam?"

"No... No, I just... I don't know."

"You're horrified at the fact that you invited Jennifer and Hayley to a non-existent party?"

"I — yeah, that's it, I guess."

"They're just people, Sam. And yeah, Jennifer isn't the sweetest person I know, but Hayley is always nice. It should be fine, it's only a couple of hours."

"But... they're girls."

"I'm a girl."

"Yes, but they are... well... you know..."

"Actually, I don't. They're what?"

"Don't make me say it, please."

"Annoying? Insecure? Mean? Arrogant? I can't really think of a positive adjective that'd describe them but not me."

"No, they're... they're... nice looking."

"And I'm not?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. You're my friend. How am I supposed to know?"

"I can't decide if I should be offended, or thankful you don't see me as a piece of meat."

"Shit, why did I even tell you about this? Why did I even invite them? It's gonna be a disaster!"

"Oh come on, drama queen. We're gonna be fine. Parties are fairly easy, and judging by the fact they came to you out of their own accord, they must think you're nice looking as well."

"Can we just end this conversation already?"

"No. It just started getting fun."

"You're terrible."

"Thank you. That's what best friends are for, right? So tell me, which one do you like the most?"

"Why?"

"How can I help you if I don't know which one you like?"

"Help me?"

"Yes."

"With what?"

"That's up to you."

"You're confusing me."

"Yeah, apparently, that's what girls do, and you know, I am one, a girl, so I would know."

"What?"

"Just tell me which one you like!"

"Oh. Err... Jennifer is kinda... nice looking. I guess. I think. Probably."

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it? So, you like the nasty one. Who would've thought."

"Why is she nasty?"

"I'll let you find that out for yourself. She's probably a good kisser, though, she's had multiple boyfriends already."

"Wait, why are you talking about kissing?"

"Well, isn't that what you do with nice looking girls?"

"No! — I mean, yeah. I guess. I wouldn't know."

"Seems like the perfect night to find out."

"June, I don't want to talk to you about this."

"Why not?"

"Because... you're a girl!"

"You learn quickly."

"Shut up."

"Fine. I won't mention it again."

"You're gonna tell Nathan about this, are you?"

"Yes."

"I hate girls."

I didn't like the way Jennifer was walking around the house. Like she owned it. I could take a lot from her, it wasn't like I cared about what she thought anyway. I ignored her when she laughed at me for wearing a swimsuit instead of a bikini, I ignored her when she giggled after I tripped and spilled my drink all over myself, I ignored her when she pushed through to get what she wanted and started to take over the party. It was all fine.

I only had to put up with her a couple of hours, and well, if Sam wasn't thinking with his head anymore and wanted to kiss that unbearable girl, I would be there to support him, so in ten or more years I could remind him of his foolishness at his wedding, when he married his dream wife.

But still, I didn't like the way she walked around the house.

It was eleven pm, and most of us were in the living room, playing some games. The music was so loud it cost me a lot of energy to talk; many couldn't hear me properly over the booming bass and had given up chatting with me whatsoever, so I had resided to cheer on the people who were playing Twister. I'd participated in one or two rounds but had given up since my foot had started to hurt. It didn't do that often, though I knew it was normal, so I wasn't worried or anything.

There were four boys from our year, two invited by Jennifer, two invited by Sam. They were kind enough, as were three other girls, who mostly giggled and shyly kept their mouth shut. I had been to plenty of parties in my life. When I was younger, it'd had been my cousins who made sure I was being involved; later, I could handle it myself. Parties like these weren't my favorite, though. Family dinners, those were the best. Eating until you were so full you couldn't move anymore, and then, after the food had settled down, dancing the rest of the night.

My gaze wandered over the room. There wasn't any dancing here. Maybe it wasn't a white boy's thing: there were a lot of those tonight. Wait. Where were Jennifer and Hayley? They were just there.

I had a nasty feeling about this. I didn't trust that girl for one bit. "Bitches," Valentina had frequently told me, "all of them. Never trust a middle school girl, June. Never trust a high school girl either. Or any other woman for that. One minute they're being all nice and all, and the next, those bitches take your man. Trust me. Men are easy. It's women you need to look out for." As she was still in high school herself, I never knew if I should trust her. She told me not to, after all. She never liked it when I pointed that out.

This time, I trusted her judgment completely. As I walked into the hallway, I only just saw someone disappearing at the top of the stairs. By the number of giggles that were coming from that direction, I was sure it was Hayley and Jennifer. God, did I sound that ridiculous when I giggled? If so, I really needed to stop doing it.

As quietly as possible, I climbed up the stairs. I almost tripped over something on the dark landing — one of (presumably) Mr. Redstone's bottles of whiskey. I should've known. Weird. I thought Nathan had locked them all away, just in case. Not for the first time that night, I wished he wouldn't have listened to Sam's plea and stayed. Or maybe I should've gone with him to the campus library.

Damn, June. I was really starting to want to be with him 24/7. It was worrisome, to be honest. Truth be told, sometimes I couldn't tell if I wanted to be at their place because of Sam, or because of Nathan. I didn't even know anymore if I wanted to assist Nathan on his project because it was interesting, or because I liked spending time with him. I hadn't seen him passionate about his studies before, but this really seemed to grasp him.

The subject was discrimination, in all of its forms, and he had to do a few case studies of lawsuits and biased judges. Since I was of mixed Spanish-Mexican heritage, female, and disabled, I was all too familiar with some of the stuff he came across. It was always disheartening to know the Matt Grantons of the world kept spouting their bullshit even after high school.

I had more pressing problems right now, though. Like the fact that those girls had entered Nathan's room.

"What the hell are you two doing here?" I asked, standing in the doorway.

When I spoke, they screamed like I was a murderer announcing myself. Guilty conscience.

"June, you scared us!" "OMG, I almost had a heart attack. Hayley, feel my heart. OMG."

They were laughing again — it was clear they'd had some sips of whiskey. Not too much, though. They probably couldn't handle the way it tasted. If they'd been smart, they'd have taken the vodka.

"You shouldn't be in here," I said. "Come on, let's go downstairs."

I was surprised they listened to me. Stumbling and screeching "OMGs", they went to the landing. I was going to have to keep an eye on them.

Jennifer turned to me. "June," she said, and I didn't know if she was mocking my voice or if she was slightly more drunk than I initially thought. "Do you live here? We saw your room."

"I bet you did."

"You're so lucky. Sam's brother, he's so sexy, like OMG. Did you ever see him shirtless?"

Yes, I had, on multiple occasions. My cheeks heated as I tried not to think of it in front of them. Those were my mental images, after all — I was certainly not sharing them with these two. Wait, how did they even know about Nathan? "Yes. He's really ugly. Now come on, let's get back to the party."

They were now whispering together, although I could hear all of it, and I was sure that was exactly what she wanted. "Do you see what she's wearing? It's so bad. I wish we could take her shopping. It'd be, like, a project."

"Jenny...—"

"No, I mean, it would be the good thing to do, right? Or maybe we can donate our second-hand stuff. It's bad enough to be a spaz, but think about being a spaz and looking like that."

So, this was the thing with girls. This was why they were bitches. Sometimes, I just couldn't tell if they were trying to be friendly, or trying to be, well, bitches. I definitely had made up my mind about Jennifer, though. If Sam was actually crushing on her, I was going to give him so much shit about it on his wedding day. Honestly. And all because she had a good ass or something? I wouldn't know what else you could like about that girl.

Back in the living room, Sam's gaze immediately flew in her direction. She smiled sweetly, and he looked away, apparently not knowing what to do with himself. I wondered if she actually liked him, or if she was here because of the house and Nathan.

Before I could give it some thought, she stepped into the middle, then shouted: "GUYS!"

Everyone shut up and turned to watch her. I didn't know what she was planning now, but I had a feeling it wasn't going to be pretty. "We're going to play 'Spin the Bottle'! Everyone in a circle."

Great. Kissing. Exactly what I wanted to do. Not. I looked around at the faces of the others, some shocked and definitely not happy. Good. It wasn't just me then. Sam, however, was bouncing his feet, and I decided I had to try to stop the bottle on Jennifer for him.

I moved to sit down when Jennifer said: "June, you don't have to."

"No, it's fine. I can sit on the floor, I have an ass, after all." Sam grinned at me.

"No, I meant, you don't have to play. I mean, I think that's best."

I froze. Her tone was sugary; the implication certainly wasn't. I stared at her, trying to figure out what to do or say.

"Oh come on, Jenny," Hayley said. "Let her play. You don't have to kiss her on the lips or anything. And it's not like being a spaz is contagious. It's not aids."

This time, Hayley was actually trying to be nice. She was failing hard. I was suddenly nauseous, and my body started to ignore my brain again. Damn that left fist... I pushed my right hand into my side in an attempt to keep it from making unexpected movements. This hurt. This hurt a lot — I couldn't let it. Not here, not now.

None of them were looking me in the eye, none of them besides Hayley and Jennifer. That last one was smiling triumphantly, like she was having the time of her life. If Valentina had been here, she would've punched her. If David had been here, he would've thrown her out.

Both of them were miles away, though. And it wouldn't have changed anything anyway. They could fight any person who didn't want to kiss me, but at the end of the day, that person would still not want to kiss me.

Sam was starting to open his mouth. I didn't want to ruin his party; if he spoke up for me, they would certainly not like him anymore, and I didn't want to be responsible for destroying what little confidence he had gained.

"It's alright," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "I'm not feeling that great anyway. Think I had a little too much of that whiskey. I'll just go and sit down for a bit."

I managed to send a reassuring smile to Sam, then hurried to the kitchen, tears already leaving my eyes before they had even spun the bottle for the first time.