Her time with Levi hadn't been wasted. With the recruits fully trained and prepared for whatever the titans could throw at them, she had no where to be, other than by Levi's side. Occasionally, she went out and did her usual training regime, maintaining her physique and strength - she knew the journey ahead would be dangerous, and she couldn't afford to take any risks.

Now, she had a reason to live. A reason to keep fighting no matter what. And she'd be damned if she didn't try her hardest to keep that reason alive.

As the sun began to set on their final day before the big expedition, she found herself outside, training once again. Running was easy for her, it helped her focus and clear her head. She felt as though she was getting better since the whole incident a few months ago ; the nightmares were less frequent, her physical injuries were merely scars, and she had a sense of purpose back. The recruits gave her that, she was glad they were ready for battle.

After a few more laps, she began to slow her pace and stopped running. Her breath was steady, despite how fast she'd been going, and she barely felt tired. She brushed her hands through the stray hairs that had fallen from her ponytail and pushed them out of her face, that's when she noticed him.

"Levi? You weren't looking for me were you?" She asked him, worried incase he'd been searching the grounds for her while she'd been running.

He shook his head. "Saw you from my office window." He revealed as her eyes traveled to the window. "I wanted to let you know that we'll be going out as a regiment soon. A celebration of sorts before the big mission tomorrow."

Her features softened at the news, for some reason, she'd grown accustomed to expecting the worst when approached out of the blue. "A celebration, huh?" She smiled a little. "That'll be good for morale. Heaven knows everyone needs the confidence." She began walking back towards the building, side-by-side with Levi.

He hummed, agreeing with her. "Your recruits seem pretty confident already. You think they're up for it?"

She hoped they were, otherwise, she'd been a terrible drill sergeant. But she couldn't afford to doubt herself, not with all the evidence stating against that. They'd gotten stronger, faster, more agile, and she taught them every trick in the book to help them survive. Their improvement was undeniable, she could even see it in some of their figures.

"They have to be." She said, her tone filled with determination. "I know they've improved - significantly so - but I just hope it's enough to get them back in one piece. I can't help but feel responsible for them. You know?"

Levi knew the feeling all too well. He'd been a recruit trainer before, he knew the weight that he put on his own shoulders. It made him deeply regret giving Carmen that responsibility. "I'm only telling you this because I care about you, and I don't want you getting hurt." He reluctantly stated, it was clear he'd given it a lot of thought. "Not all of the recruits are going to make it back alive, no matter how hard you train them, no matter how much they've improved. Just, don't hold yourself responsible if something does happen to them."

He didn't want to offend her, or doubt her for one second, but he had to tell her - she had to know what was in store for her. Levi expected her to defend herself in some way, however, she shocked him when she simply sighed.

Unexpectedly, her hand brushed against his, and he felt her gently grasp his hand before interlocking her fingers with his. Her touch was soothing in a way, despite how rugged her hands were and how many scars her could make out, he felt utterly safe.

"I know." She said, her tone calm. "I've always known that a lot of them probably won't make it back. But, I figured that even if only one of them does, then that's one life I've saved. Right?" Hey eyes met his, a glimmer of hope in them that he'd been seeing from her more frequently.

Taking in what she'd said, he nodded his head. What she said was actually a healthy way of thinking about it, he'd underestimated her. "You're right. Without you, there'd be no survivors at all." He agreed with her.

The two walked into the base, hands still interlocked through the busy corridors. It was clear their was an air of excitement, rumours had been spread that Erwin was serving alcohol to the scouts old enough, and also that their food wouldn't consist of the same soggy broth they were usually served. Each of them were glad that they'd finally gotten the funding to make such changes - apart from Carmen. She still hated the fact that they were supporting her old clients and how none of them were behind bars despite their crimes.

Her resentment towards Erwin hadn't faltered at all, in fact, she'd gone out of her way to avoid him for months. Any messages she had for him were relayed through Levi, who was none the wiser about what happened between the two of them.

The two of them walked into his office, and Carmens eyes darted around it. She noticed the lack of papers on his desk, and the shine on his windows. "You were cleaning?" She asked him.

"I had time on my hands, and I hated that it was starting to look messy in here." He answered her.

"Armin said something a while ago, he mentioned you might be a germaphobe. You think he's onto something?" She chuckled a little, there wasn't a spec of dust in sight.

"You're asking if I'm scared of germs?" He looked at her sceptically.

"I think it's a rational assumption." She explained, laughing lightly at the way he was looking at her. "Ever since I'd met you, you've always had a problem with dirt or dust. I remember after our first fight, you took out a handkerchief and wiped your hands."

He smiled a little at the odd memory. It was strange to remember that the first time they'd met was when they were fighting each other, but refreshing all at once - it reminded him of how far they'd came. "Well, I lived in the underground. The conditions were filthy down there, and I hated that. So, I cleaned a lot. I think it's a habit thats always stuck with me, despite being above ground for so long now."

It revealed a lot to Carmen, and proved her suspicions were right. She knew exactly how it felt to be in the underground, though she couldn't exactly compare her temporary missions to actually growing up in those rough conditions. However, she liked to think she understood the gist of what he'd meant.

"I think it's a good habit to have." She complimented genuinely.

Levi looked at her, a little confused at what she'd said. He was so used to people complaining about it, or even just refusing to follow his orders. He knew the squad definitely didn't enjoy the fortnightly bedroom checks, they did very little to hide their distaste. "Really?" He questioned her.

"Well, it could be worse. Plus, there's nothing wrong with a clean environment." She reassured casually as she walked over to her clothing drawers. "Back when I roomed with the women in Miche's squad, Nanaba had a habit of hiding food just in case she got hungry at night. She ended up forgetting where she hid them, so Petra and I had a shock when we lifted the floorboards." She chuckled lightly, remembering the incident.

Similarly, Levi smiled. "I had shitty roommates when I was new to the scouts. None of them knew how to clean up after themselves. Thankfully there wasn't mouldy food under the floorboards though, I can't imagine how I would've reacted to that." He laughed.

"Yeah, I used to hate sharing a room. Have I told you of the poster Petra had?" She smiled, that poster had caused so many arguments when they were roommates, it was sort of refreshing to look back on.

"I think I actually remember that, when you first joined my squad, you were all arguing about it." He recalled their first meal together as a squad. "Any reason why?" In a sense, he knew what was on the poster. He was aware that it had to be one of their fellow scouts, but the question was, who?

"Well, for starters, I didn't like you at the time and Petra had purposely forced Eld to draw you. She put that poster at the centre of our room, above the doorway. Whenever I laid down to try and sleep, it felt as though you were watching me."

He knew Petra admired him, but he didn't know it reached that extent, he was actually quite shocked at the revelation. However, at the same time, it was slightly amusing to look back at the argument and realise why she'd been so adamant the poster be removed.

"So that's what had you so annoyed that day?" He smiled. "If my memory is right, Petra accused you of tearing it up?"

Her lips tugged upwards a little as she averted her eyes. "Perhaps." She didn't feel guilty about it though, regardless if she was close to Levi now. Shaking his head, Levi laughed lightly at the reveal. Maybe he should have guessed they were arguing about him to begin with, the more he thought about it, the more stupid he felt for not connecting those dots.

"I'm heading to the showers before we celebrate." She informed him as she grabbed the necessities and walked towards the office door. "I'll be back shortly." They both said their farewells before she left to head to the women's showers.

.
.
.

Three knocks were heard upon the office door, causing Levi to walk towards it casually. The rhythm of those knocks made him well aware that Carmen was out there. Despite him telling her that it was her room too, she always seemed to knock before entering, and leave when changing. As annoying as it was, he respected that about her, it showed she cared about his privacy - which was kind of her.

Levi opened the door, taking in her appearance while she stood there. There was a noticeable change with her hair, rather than wearing it in its usual ponytail, she'd opted for two braids. Although her appearance hadn't deviated from regular days, he couldn't help but marvel at her any chance he had.

"You ready to go?" She asked him, holding out her hand. Nodding his head, Levi took it and locked his office door.

It was already dark outside, which in a way, made their walk to the dining area more personal for the two of them. It reminded Carmen of the night she officially swore her allegiance to the scouts, the night she chose Levi over her mission. She never once regretted making that decision, she doubts she ever will.

Eventually, they reached the dining hall, which was bustling with scouts, young and old, excited and nervous, new and experienced. Yet despite all their differences, all of them were cheerfully getting along well with one another. She recognised her recruits sat beside her squad and subtly nodded her head at them when they waved at her. Leading them to a table with other higher ups, Levi sat down first, opposite Hange and Moblit.

Hange had a mischievous smile on their face as they nudged Moblit - not even bothering to be discreet. "So, is it official yet?" They pondered. "Moblit refuses to pay me his share since he still doesn't believe me." Hange explained, causing their assistant to almost choke on his drink.

"Hange, you weren't supposed to tell them that." He whispered in a harsh tone, which Hange just brushed off.

"It's fine, I already told them both about the bet." They shrugged and looked at them with a hopeful gaze. "Well?"

Hesitantly, Carmen looked over to Levi. It was still too early for them to put a label on anything, all they knew was that they both saw each other as more than friends. Similar to her, Levi also looked like he was struggling to confirm of deny Hange's question.

"Mind your own business, four eyes." Levi decided to state, watching Hange's excited expression turn into an unimpressed state.

"I'd say you've had an unfair advantage in this bet of yours." Carmen added on. "You've been meddling while poor Moblit didn't." She offered, seeing Moblit turn to face Hange with a quirked brow.

"You told me you weren't going to meddle this time."

"Carmen, you traitor." They said dramatically before they turned to Moblit to try and weasel their way out of accepting responsibility.

The group talked for a while, mostly consisting of unintentionally bullying Hange because of their prying. When their meal was brought out to them, each and every scout was at awe. It wasn't sloppy porridge or different variations of potatoes - no - this time, their meal was actual meat. Carmen couldn't believe it, none of them could.

"I'm not happy where our funding came from, but I must say, I'm starting to appreciate it." She thought aloud as she began to eat her serving.

Levi nodded his head in the direction of their squad. "Looks like some people are appreciating it a lot more than others." Carmen looked over to them, a smile clouding her features. They certainly looked as though they were enjoying themselves, despite Sasha gnawing on Jean's arm.

However, it didn't take long for their banter to evolve into a full blown physical fight between Eren and Jean. It was strong at first, but soon their punches grew sloppy and the scouts began to grow bored of the pathetic display in front of them. Standing up from his seat, Levi sighed. "Can't believe I'm still babysitting." He muttered to himself.

"Come on, you know you secretly enjoy it." She said, a hint of smugness in her tone.

"Am I that transparent?" Sarcasm laced his words before he casually walked over to the two teenagers. Carmen was a little shocked when she watched him end the fight with a punch and a kick - yet at the same time, those two were always fighting and someone needed to put their sloppy display to an end.

As soon as the two were on the floor, Levi declared that the celebration was over, a few were sad, but all knew they needed as much rest as possible for the upcoming expedition. So the hall slowly cleared up, everyone going their own way.

"Can we talk?" The Captain approached her, and offered her his hand. Carmen didn't think twice about taking it and getting to her feet, she trusted Levi with wherever he was taking her and whatever he was hoping to discuss. So she allowed him to lead her outside the hall, into the deserted streets of Trost.

The lighting came from a few dim streetlights, along with the illumination of the moon - the whole atmosphere made their interaction feel far more intimate than usual, as though it was just them and the starry night. "Isn't it fascinating?" Carmen muttered as her eyes landed on the beautiful clear sky. With his gaze landing on Carmen's awestruck expression, Levi hummed in agreement. She smiled slightly, "No matter how far apart we become, we'll always be looking at the same sky, the same moon. I find that wonderful." She trailed on, not thinking too much about it.

Staying silent, Levi thought deeply about her words. It was certainly relieving to know that they'd always be connected, no matter what. However, he couldn't help but wonder why she was bringing something so sentimental up out of the blue. "You're not planning on leaving, are you?" He asked, worry in his tone. Gratitude washed over him when she shook her head.

"I don't intend to leave you, not now, and not ever." She reassured him sincerely. As she rested her head on his shoulder, she averted her eyes from the stars and looked towards him. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh." Levi suddenly remembered. He needed to talk to her about something that had been plaguing his mind for a while. In the past, he'd witnessed her selfless nature before - such as when she single handedly took on the dolls so they could escape - however, it deeply concerned him. "You need to hear me out on this, don't get all defensive before I've said my piece."

Carmen nodded, it was fair so there was nothing for her to disagree with. "I will." She reassured.

He took a deep breath, preparing to confront her about the topic. "Look out for yourself, okay?" He stated bluntly, Carmen wanted to question him further, but knew she'd already agreed to listen first. "You're selfless, and although it's admirable, it's going to get you killed. Don't be a hero, you mean more to me than this mission."

The woman stared at him, she had so much to say, but knew it wasn't even worth saying. She wanted to defend herself and tell him it was her decision, she wanted to tell him to act like a captain rather than a partner - but she knew it was no use.

"Levi, everyone's been working so hard for this, if I have the chance to make it a success then-"

"Just, please." He interrupted her, he was well aware at how flawed his argument was, and how easy it was to break down. So he couldn't let her. "Tell me you won't die." He pleaded, his voice soon turning to a whisper. "Even if it's not true."

His cry for help was truly heartbreaking for her, obviously, it wasn't her intention to die out on the field, but if the sacrifice needed to be made then she'd do it. However, for Levi's sake, she nodded her head. "I won't die, I promise." She whispered to him, and only him. In response, her wrapped an arm around her, holding her close as if he knew it could be the last time. Levi always had a unique way of reading her, she felt as though he could tell there was hesitance in her tone.

"You know," She continued, "this could be the last time we're together before the big expedition." She stated calmly, her head still rested on his shoulder. "And I know I promised I wouldn't die, but still, it's always a possibility. So, I suppose what I'm getting at, is that I want to be with you." She looked up at him, cautious as well as gentle with her tone. Scaring him off was the last thing she wanted. "May I?"

...

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Authors note

Assume what you will by that, it's probably true.

Also, fanfic writer curse is legit! Had to get surgery and everything, but I'm okay. Still in a state of recovery but it should heal up. Thats why I've been MIA recently, but I'll try and get back to the regular amount of updates   :)