Him

Ever since my mom cut my face with a blade, I never felt safe around her.

But I pitied her. Palagi siyang umiiyak at humihingi ng tawad sa akin. She said she felt lonely so she always wanted to sleep beside me.

And I cannot sleep well, because I was afraid she might cut my face again.

Until one day, she started acting like my real mother again.

"I love you, Adam. Sweet dreams, my little boy." She whispered sweetly and kissed my forehead.

I trusted her again. That night, I was able to sleep with a smile on my face.

Because finally! She moved on! She loves me again! I have a mother again!

Until I woke up to find her sobbing on my bed.

While holding a knife.

"M-Mama!" Natatakot kong sigaw at sinubukang agawin ang kutsilyo sa kaniya.

The scene was vague because I was young but I still remember how she wrapped her hands around my little hands, guiding me to hold the knife, and pushing it on her heart.

I was afraid that time, I was crying that I had no strength to stop her. All she did was to guide my hands as she slowly . . . and painfully killed herself in front of me.

Using my hands.

"Anong ginawa mo sa mama mo! Pinatay mo siya!"

Ever since my father saw the scene, he blamed me for my mother's death.

He said I was the reason of her death.

And that I'm a murderer.

Ever since then, everyone inside the mansion started to treat me differently. Like I was not a kid but a murderer. A sick child who killed his own mother.

I wanted to deny it but how can I? The scene played every single time whenever I try to sleep on the bed. It played how I held the knife and pushed the knife to her heart. How I killed her using my hands. How I cried and sobbed while she stared intently at my face, spatting how much she hated my face and how much she loved me as her son.

I was ashamed that I hid my face from everyone. I was thankful Cara was young when the incident happen because she treated me like a kid. And I wanted to be treated like one.

Even though I looked like I hated playing. No, I love playing. I wanted to play, to run, to smile. Just like what normal kids do.

Because I'm not a murderer!

I was used to having nightmares that it, occuring during at night, doesn't shock me anymore. I can't even sleep on bed because images of my mother's death body full of blood would always haunt me. It was just there to decorate my room. Or to fuck someone.

Until one day, I found myself sleeping peacefully on the bed. Without any nightmares. Just pure black but in bliss.

And when I opened my eyes, Arabelle was beside me.

That's when I realize— she was my solace.

How fitting for her name.

Akala ko wala na, akala ko makakatulog na rin ako nang maayos matapos ng ilang taon kong naghihirap gabi-gabi sa bangungot.

But just when I thought she was my daydream, she turned everything upside down into a nightmare.

It was painful, the knife inside my stomach. I wanted to die when I saw her running away from me. I wanted to give up and just suffer in hell. This feeling of betrayal was harsher than the flames of Satan. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ano ang mas masakit— ang kutsilyo ba sa tiyan ko o ang makita siyang naginginig at umiiyak dahil sa akin.

Gusto kong magalit kay Rix kung bakit niya pa ako niligtas. Gusto ko nalang na hayaan niya akong mamatay at maubusan ng dugo pero hindi siya nakinig.

He said he can capture her if I just give my order but I warned him not to. I only asked them to protect her, not to scare her.

I was weak, but when I received a call from Rix that Aston and his minions was there to plot for my death, I stood just to see if she was there. And I was not wrong because I saw her.

"Hayaan mo sila." Iyon lang ang ibinilin ko kay Rix.

Wala nang silbi para mabuhay pa ako. Kung gusto niyang makitang mamatay ako, then I would let them kill me for her.

Ganoon ko siya kamahal.

I was happy that at least, I was able to torture my father before his death. Masaya ako na nagawa kong maghiganti para sa babaeng mahal ko bago pa man ako mamatay.

I was happy that I granted my promise to her— by not killing my father.

Bumaba ang tingin ko nang makitang binubuhusan nila ng gasolina ang paligid. I scoffed and shook my head. How immature.

Narinig ko ang malakas na kalabog at sigurado akong nagiba na nila ang pintuan ng bahay ko. Hinayaan ko sila, wala naman na akong magagawa pa.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Arabelle na nawala na sa kinatatayuan niya. Nanlaki ang mata ko at sinubukan siyang hanapin.

Baka masunog siya!

I turned my back on the window and held my bandaged stomach. Kahit na masakit kapag gumagalaw ay sinubukan kong maglakad papunta sa lamesa. I need to call Rix and give him an order to protect Arabelle.

Natigilan lamang ako nang malakad na kumalabog ang pintuan kasabay ng putok ng bala rito. I stopped on my track and looked coldly at Aston.

He smirked when our eyes met. He was holding a gun and I could see the people behind him ruining every single damn thing they can see— the vases and many more.

"Any last words?" He asked before he aimed the gun on my forehead.

"Take care of Arabelle."

He smirked and shook his head in disappointment.

"Iyon lang? Come on! I expect a lot from you. Like a curse or something." He shrugged.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Nanatiling malamig ang tingin ko sa kaniya kaya napawi ang ngisi niya.

"Alam mo ba?" He slowly asked as he walked near me, his gun still aiming for my forehead.

I remained shut as I stared indifferently at him. I don't even feel any pain or fear.

"Evelyn . . . my sister . . ." He smiled bitterly. "Took her own life because of you?" He whispered menacingly.

I wasn't shock. I knew it, Rix informed me about it. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nangyari iyon pero ang balita sa akin ni Rix ay dahil daw iyon sa akin. Because I didn't love her back? Hindi ko alam na gano'n pala kalalim ang nararamdaman niya sa akin.

I guess love is like this. It was willing to face death for your loved ones. Just like me.

Naramdaman ko ang malamig na metal sa noo ko. I didn't waver as I stared at his eyes that were in fury and in rage.

Wala akong pinagsisihan sa lahat ng ginawa ko.

All I know was that I was happy loving Arabelle even when it pained me.

All I know was that I was thankful to Maurine that I was able to meet her.

All I know was that . . . I'd rather have her hate me than for her to get hurt by her first love.

"Goodbye, Carter."

I clenched my fist and shut my eyes as I wait for the bullet to shoot through my head.

But there was none.

Idinilat ko ang mata ko at nagulat nang makitang nasa sahig na si Aston at sumisigaw sa sakit, may kutsilyo sa likod niya at ang mas ikinagulat ko ay ang makita kung sino ang may gawa.

She was trembling as her tears were falling. She looked frail and weak as she stared at the suffering Aston. I stepped forward but she stepped back.

"Beauty . . ."

"T-Tumakas ka!" Galit niyang sigaw sa akin at pinahid ang luha.

"Pero—"

"T-Tumakas ka o ako mismo ang papatay sa 'yo?!"

"We can—"

"Tangina, tumakas ka nalang kaya?!" Bulyaw niya sa akin sa mahina niyang boses.

"Beau—"

Sinugod niya ako at tinulak. She looked mad and frustrated and I hate to see her this way.

"Madami sila! Susunugin nila itong bahay mo. Papayag kang mamatay nang gano'n gano'n nalang?!"

"If that's what you wan—"

"H-Hindi ko gusto! Tangina! Galit ako sa 'yo, eh pero h-hindi ko gustong mawala ka!" Pag-amin niya.

Fuck. I was willing to forget the betrayal she did earlier.

"Beauty, we can—"

"U-Umalis ka na! Ayaw kong makita ang pagmumukha mo!" Taboy niya sa akin.

I bit my lower lip and stared at her. Her tears were and heaven knows how much I wanted to wipe those tears off her face. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at sinipatan ako. I sighed and was about to walk when a man— short man entered the room.

"Aston!"

"F-Fou!" Si Arabelle.

"B-Bakit may saksak si Aston!" Natatarantang sigaw ng lalake.

"That bitch!" Aston grunted in pain.

Arabelle paled. She looked confused and dumbfounded, like she realized what she had done.

She did it for me.

Was everything not a lie?

"Tuma—"

I felt like everything went dim when I saw how Fou stabbled Arabelle with a knife.

Tangina.

Nakalimutan ko lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko sa katawan ko. All I know was that my mind went black as I attacked that fucking bastard who dared to hurt her. Lumagapak ang katawan niya sa sahig kasabay ng pagsigaw niya sa sakit pero hindi pa ako kuntento roon. Nilapitan ko siya at kinuwelyuhan, nakita ko ang panlalaki ng mata niya pero bago pa siya makasigaw muli ay inihagis ko siya sa pader.

"T-Tulong!" He whispered weakly and groaned in pain.

Nilapitan ko siya, kinuwelyuhan, I saw the fear flashing though his eyes and I enjoy the sight of it. He shouldn't have done it if he's a coward like this. Sinuntok ko siya, bumagsak muli ang katawan niya sa sahig pero kinuha ko siyang muli at sinuntok. Pabalik-balik, walang tigil. All I remember was the blood I saw on my beauty's stomach and I will not stop until I see him splitting blood.

Kahit basagin nila lahat ng paso na gusto at pagmamay-ari ng mama ko, wala na akong pakealam, pero ang saktan si Arabelle? Pakiramdam ko makakabugbog ako ng tao sa galit.

"A-Adam!"

Umamba akong susuntukin siyang muli ngunit natigilan ako nang may maramdamang kiro sa braso ko.

The next thing I knew, blood was dripping down from my forearms.

Another shot rang through the room.

And my body gave up on the ground. I felt the pain shooting up inside my veins and I groaned from the impact of it. Mahapdi at masakit, hindi ko alam kung ilang bala ang itinama niya sa katawan ko, all I know was that it hit the spot where my beauty stabbed me with the knife.

"A-Adam!"

Another shoot. Tangina. Napasigaw na ako sa sakit.

Pakiramdam ko mamatay na ako. Mauubusan na ako ng dugo nito! Sobrang sakit na kahit anong pilit kong labanan, parang hinihila ako nito sa kadiliman. Even with my eyes wide open, everything was black as my ears were ringing, I heard a shout but it was incoherent.

I shut my eyes in tiredness and let all the memories flashed through me— flashback of where it all started, why my beauty hated me.

"P-Papakawalan mo si Arabelle o papatayin ko si Cara?!"

I scoffed in disbelief. I received a call from Rix that Maurine kept on blaberring those things, he warned him to meet up with me. And to my surprise, he wanted to meet near a cliff. What is he up to?

Imbes na pinakawalan ko na siya, pinili niya pa ring maging bobo.

Sorry for cursing your father, Beauty.

"Cara is your child too, Maurine." I said in a matter-of-fact.

He shook his head as he trembled. He was holding a knife but it was pointless, I have a gun with me.

"I-Ibigay mo si Arabelle kay Aston! P-Papatayin ako ni Aston kapag hindi ko nabalik si A-Arabelle!" Iyak niya.

My jaw clenched at that. I shook my head in disappointment and was about to walk out when he shouted again.

"P-Papatayin ko ang sarili ko!" Banta niya.

I chuckled in disbelief. He was a coward, how can he do that?

Hinarap ko siya at ningisihan, his tears were falling, he was desperate.

"P-Pakawalan mo na si Arabelle! Pakiusap! A-Ayaw ko na kay Cara! S-Sa 'yo na 'yong bruhang 'yon! Ibalik mo sa akin ang anak ko!"

"Why would I?"

"May Cara ka na!" He wailed.

"Gano'n ba? Bakit ko siya ibabalik sa lalakeng kayang pumatay ng sarili niyang asawa?" I asked sarcastically.

His eyes widened as he paled.

"A-Ano?"

"You think I didn't know? You killed her mother. You killed . . . your wife." I shook my head.

"Huwag mong sasabihin kay Arabelle!" Natatarantang sigaw niya.

I wouldn't. I don't want to see my beauty grieving over him.

After all, he's the very first man she loved. I don't wanna see her crying over it.

"You're wasting my time." Umiling ako at tatalikuran na sana siya nang magsalita siyang muli.

"Mas gugustuhin ko pang mamatay kaysa ang makita si Arabelle na magalit sa akin!"

If only he knew how much I love his daughter. I wouldn't dare.

Tinalikuran ko siya at naglakad na palayo nang maring ang sigaw ni Rix.

That's when I realized— Maurine jumped off the cliff.

A coward.

At anong sasabihin ko kay Arabelle kapag nalaman niya? Na nagpakamatay si Maurine dahil nalaman kong pinatay niya ang mama niya? That would be twice as painful as hating me.

So I chose to make her believe that I killed his father.

Hating me will be much more bearable than seeing her getting hurt by her first love.

She sacrificed so much for his father, she'll be heartbroken if she discover it.

Handang-handa akong suyuin siya, handa akong tiisin ang galit niya sa akin, basta makasama ko lang siya habang-buhay.

But Evelyn warned me. She knew. Cara told her. She knew how much I didn't want Arabelle to know his father's secret.

Dahil ang Papa ko ang may dahilan kung bakit pinatay ng Papa niya ang Mama niya.

My father had an affair with her mother.

At nalaman iyon ni Maurine noong nagpapagaling palang sa ospital ang asawa niya.

Arabelle . . . she would be so hurt. Nasaktan ko na nga siya, masasaktan pa siya ng natitirang lalakeng minahal niya habang buhay. I didn't want to see her that way, I didn't want to see her suffering.

When Evelyn told me that Aston found Maurine's body, that he's still alive. I knew I had to let her go.

Ayaw kong malaman ni Arabelle ang totoo at iyon ang ipinangako sa akin ni Evelyn— hindi niga iyo sasabihin kay Arabelle. So I commanded Rix to escort her out.

At least she'll be happy with his father. That's all I care.

But fuck it. I feel jealous! Hindi ko kinaya! Inuwi ko siya sa bahay namin! I couldn't take it! Seeing her with Aston boils my blood.

Akala ko may pag-asa pero wala pala.

I found Cara, inside Maurine's hospital room, removing the oxygen off his nose. Death and breathless.

Hinanap ko siya dahil lumayas siya. I had a huge hunch she would be visiting her father but I didn't expect her to do this.

When our eyes met, her eyes were death and devoid of any emotion.

"Hindi mo kailangang angkinin ang pagkamatay niya para lang sa babae na 'yon." She said coldly.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. I was shock that she seemed so different from the Cara I used to know.

"I will follow him anyway. No need." Iniwan niya ako roon, tulala at hindi makapaniwala.

Arabelle . . . she already believed I tried to kill his father once so I guess I'd take this again? Aangkinin ko nalang ito para hindi na siya masaktan. Fuck it. Masakit tanggapin na ang pamilya mo ay nagpapatayan!

Her father killing her mother. Her sister killing their father. That will shatter her!

Akala ko maayos lang. Akala ko mapapatawad niya ako.

How naive of me. Because she didn't. She will never.

I guess my life will end with regrets then.

🥀