Him

I didn't simply let her go because she wanted it.

Fuck it. Even if she wanted it, I wouldn't let her go. I would chain her with me and win her back, I would court her until her hatred disappear.

But her heart is what matters to me the most. I know she hated me, and I hate myself as well, I can't and will never blame her for that.

It was after the call I received from Evelyn that made me let her go.

"Nahanap ni Aston ang Papa ni Arabelle."

Iyon ang bumungad sa akin matapos niya akong tawagan.

I was shock because I thought he died. Hindi ko iyon inaasahan. I was willing to endure Arabelle's hatred for me for a lifetime but I guess it would end this way.

"Kaya pakawalan mo siya kung ayaw mong malaman niya ang totoo."

It was then that I decided to let her go.

Because I'd rather have her hate me than for her to get hurt from the truth.

Akala ko makakayanan ko pero fuck it, isang araw pa lang tinawagan ko na si Aston para lang makita ko siya kaagad!

When our eyes met, it felt like I was away from her for years. I'm exaggerrating but I longed for her that much, I even wish the ride to her destination was longer even though it was the slowest ride I could do without being too obvious.

Gusto ko siyang makita ulit bukas at sa susunod na bukas, at sa susunod na susunod na bukas, araw-araw. Pero hindi puwede.

Kailangan ko siyang pakawalan.

I realized that I was too toxic.

Like my father. To his first love.

"Kumusta ang date niyo ni Arabelle?" Iyon ang sinalubong sa akin ni Cara pagkabalik ko sa mansyon.

"Shut up and go to your bedroom." Iritado kong sabi at naglakad na paakyat sa kuwarto ko.

She was sitting on the couch, with a smirk on her face, like a princess in this house. She was, she still is. But I won't worship her like how I used to be her prince. Because I found my own queen, my own beauty, and I'm not a prince, will never be a prince. I was meant to be the beast who admires the beauty of its master— it was Arabelle, not her.

"I bet it was sad." She teased.

Hindi ko siya pinatulan, nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglalakad.

"You know, while I was away from you for months, I found someone better than you." Kuwento niya na siyang nagpatigil sa akin.

Nakakunot ko siyang nilingon, nalilito.

"Bakit ka tumakas?"

She scoffed and looked at me angrily. "You know it's because of your father! He did something to me!"

I avoided my eyes guiltily. I know I failed to protect her but I'm trying my best! Kaya nga pinalayas ko na siya sa pamamahay na 'to! But he still has connections, he still has power and money!

"You were my first love, but he was my great love." She continued, napabaling ako sa kaniya. She was staring bitterly at nothingness, I clenched my fist.

Hindi ko alam bakit bigla niya itong sinasabi sa akin? Pagod ako, gusto kong magpahinga. I want to sleep and hope that in my dreams, my Beauty appear in it.

"But he abandoned me! Kaya bumalik ako sa 'yo! Tapos pagbalik ko, may pamalit ka na!" Napatayo siya sa galit and I know she's about to burst out again.

"I did that for you! Hindi niya puwedeng malaman na nakataka—"

"A fucking replacement? Adam! Magkamukha kami! Bakit ka nahulog sa kaniya tapos sa akin hindi? We had the same face! The same beauty! Pero bakit hindi ka nahulog sa akin sa mga oras na gusto kong mahulog ka sa akin!" She cried for the what-ifs in the past.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit kusa nalang tumibok ang puso ko sa kambal niya. Maybe it wasn't simply because of her beauty? Maybe because of the thorns? Of the pain she could give me? Of the emotions she could squeeze out of me?

"Kung sana . . . minahal mo ako. Hindi ko na sana siya nakilala pa! Hindi na sana ako nasaktan pa!" She sobbed and ran away.

Hindi ko siya hinabol, wala akong nagawa. Masyado akong pagod para kumprontahin siya. I love her as a sister, she was like a little sister to me. Pero sa mga oras na 'to, hindi ko na siya kayang aluhin pa. Paano ko siya maalo kung pati ako nagluluksa? Parehas lang kami.

Kung sana hindi ka tumakbo, hindi ko sana siya nakilala. Hindi na sana ako nasasaktan ng ganito.

That night, I slept and dreamt of her. It was so much better than the nightmares I had that I didn't want to wake up any longer.

Only that I did, and realized it was all just a dream. I sighed and shut my eyes tight, noticing something different in my face. Ohh. It was a lone tear I didn't notice. I smiled bitterly and wiped it off my face.

Binuksan ko ang mata ko at kinuha ang notebook na naiwan ni Arabelle. I know it was wrong reading her notebook but I let the temptation succumb me, until I got addicted to reading the contents inside it. It was like a form of escape to reality, and I always find myself smiling whenever I read the notebook.

I never once understand why there were people who are addicted to reading books. Why there were some people who looked crazy smiling while reading a book until now. I completely understood the feeling, the fluttering, the sadness, the longing, the frustration, just any emotion— it was exhilarating and saddening at the same time.

Ni hindi ko namalayan ang oras kung wala lang sanang kumatok sa pintuan. I groaned in frustration and grabbed my black mask on the desk. I stood irritatingly and approached the door with heavy steps.

This better be good or I'll punch the person behind the doors for ruining my happiness.

"Ano?!" Iyon ang isinigaw ko pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko ng pinto.

Ngunit napawi ang galit ko kasabay ng pagkalabog ng puso ko. My eyes widened as I stare at the familiar eyes of my beauty.

"Fuck it." I whispered and open the door wide, ni hindi ko alam kung bakit siya nandito! "I-I'm sorry for shouting at you, Beauty." I said softly even when I was confused as hell.

"Nandito lang ako para kunin ang notebook ko! Aalis ako kaagad!" Maagap niyang sabi sabay sulyap sa likuran ko, my heart didn't calm down yet even when she explained her side.

I fought the urge to pull her in, lock the door, and chain her on my bed. I shouldn't!

"Wala rito." Pagsisinungaling ko.

"Nandiyan lang! Papasukin mo ako at hahanapin ko." Aniya at sinamaan ako ng tingin.

"Paano ka nakapunta rito?" I asked, not minding her request.

"Nag commute malamang! Walang kabayo kaya nag tricycle ako tapos nilakad ko!" Aniya pa, I find it cute that she's explaining.

"Walang maghahatid sa 'yo pabalik?" Tanong ko.

"Papasukin mo na nga ako! Aalis ako kaagad!"

"Nakita mo ba sila Lumiere? Derobe? Mrs. Po—"

"Hindi! Nagtago ako! Pinapasok ako rito no'ng alalay mong naka itim!"

It was Rix? I told him to monitor her, I guess I should raise his pay tonight for doing the right decision.

"Papasukin mo na ako!"

"Sigurado kang makakalabas ka 'pag papasok ka?" Banta ko, it was half-true, and half was a lie just so I could hide and read her notebook more.

"'Wag na nga lang!" Tinalikuran niya ako at naglakad papalayo, nagulat ako.

Iyon lang ang pinunta niya? Hindi niya na pipilitin pa? Akala ko gustong-gusto niyang makuha kaya siya napilitan dito!

"Ihahatid na kita." Sabi ko.

She continued walking but I noticed how her walking pace slowed down, as if she agreed with me. I stifle a smile and walked near her— behind her, with distance so she won't be uncomfortable.

I comfortably walked behind her, enjoying the sight of her back against me, and even though I cannot see her eyes, her smile, or her beauty, I was contented. My heart felt happy as if I was in cloud nine.

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad at nilingon ako, doon ko lang napagtantong nasa labas na pala kami at nasa harapan niya na ang kabayo ko. I sighed and walked near her.

Arabelle didn't even move, she didn't hop on the horse . . . as if she was waiting for me to lift her up. Pero hindi ko ginawa, kasi akala ko ba ayaw niya?

"You want me to lift you up, Beauty?" I asked politely for consent this time.

Pero mukha siyang nairita dahil doon. She glared at me and hopped voluntarily. Tinitigan ko muna siya pero hindi niya ako nilingon kaya sumakay na ako sa likod niya. She looked irritated, umusog pa siya dahil sa pagkakairita.

Anong ginawa ko? I thought she wants consent!

Tahimik kong pinatakbo ang kabayo, at first it was in a normal pace but slowly, I slowed it down a little, pero hindi naman iyong halata masyado, iyong mahina lang pero hindi niya nahahalata.

"How was your visit with your father?" I tried to ask, wanting to prolong something between us, even with simple conversation.

"Hindi maayos dahil sa 'yo." Iritado niyang sagot kaya tumikhim ako.

"Did he wake up?" I asked again.

"Not yet." She sighed and I silently sigh in relief.

"Saan kita ihahatid?"

"Kay Aston."

Hinila ko ang lubid ng kabayo dahilan para magreklamo ito at huminto, Arabelle silently cursed and glared at me.

"What?" I asked, wanting to confirm what I just heard.

Her eyes remained glaring at me but they were calm despite the slight anger etched on it.

"Kay Aston! Nakatira na siya sa bahay ko! Baka nga matulog pa mamaya sa kuwarto ko!" Iritado niyang sa . . .  bi? Bakit parang nagsusumbong siya?

"No. He won't do that." I said and shook my head, she scoffed.

I could feel something rising inside me, like a blood rushing through my head, completely covering my senses with just blood on it— Aston's blood.

"Oh, eh 'di sige! Magkaalaman na! Tingnan mo bukas kung makalakad pa ako—"

"What the fuck, Beauty?!" Mahinahon ngunit iritado kong putol sa kaniya.

"Bakit? Gano'n naman talaga, ah? Hindi nga ako makalakad pagkatapos mong gawin iyon sa akin kaya malamang sa kani—"

"He won't do that or I'll fucking kill him!"

"Ano ka? Fiancé ko? Eh wala ka namang karapatan sa akin!"

Fuck it. Hindi ko na nakayanan pa, niliko ang kabayo at malakas itong pinatakbo pabalik sa bahay namin. She cursed loud and glared at me but I didn't mind her. Hindi ko siya iuuwi kung ganoon ang mangyayari! Pakiramdam ko hindi ako makakatulog ng maayos mamaya kapag inuwi ko siya kay Aston.

"Sige! Ibalik mo! Susugurin ka ng fiancé ko!" Banta niya.

"Bakit naman ako matatakot sa kaniya?!" Iritado kong sigaw, masama ang tingin sa harapan ko.

"Dahil siya ang fiancé ko!" That was a dumb retaliation.

"Kung makapagsalita ka parang papakasalan mo?" Iritang-irita ko nang tanong.

"Malamang! Fiancé ko 'di ba?!"

"Hindi lahat pinapakasalan!"

"Tsk! Plano mo ngang pakasalan si Cara kung hindi ako dumating!"

Inihinto ko ang kabayo kaya napamura siyang muli. Parehas kaming hinihingal dahil sa sagutan ngunit hindi niya ako nilingon.

"Sinong nagsabi?!"

"Iyong nakita kong singsing sa kuwarto mo dati hindi ba?!"

"Tsk! Sa mama ko 'yon!"

"Kahit na! May plano ka pa ring pakasala—"

"Ikaw ang plano kong pakasalan! Hindi siya!" Pinutol ko siya bago niya pa masabi ang kailanman hindi mangyayari.

Natahimik siya. Kumalma rin ako ng kaunti. She glared at me and faced the front with crossed arms, still glaring at nothingness but I noticed something different now. Her cheeks and neck were as red as the fire as if it was burning her face.

"I-Ibalik mo na ako!" She failed to act composed.

"Hindi muna kita ibabalik." I calmly said.

"B-Bakit?! Baka hanapin—"

"Uulan 'yan mamaya. Sabihin mo na lang na natulog ka sa ospital kung nasaan ang papa mo."

"Paano kung—"

"Hindi niya bibisitahin ang papa mo."

"Hindi ka—"

"Tsk. Maniwala ka sa akin. Ihahatid naman kita bukas. Hihiramin lang kita ngayon." It was hard saying those words calmly especially that I do not want to just borrow her.

Sa susunod akin ka na, at hindi ako magpapahiram sa iba.

Akala ko poprotesta siya pero nagkamali ako. She glared silently at nothingness as if she was battling something inside her mind. Tahimik ko nang pinatakbo ang kabayo sa direksyon ng kabayo habang nanatili naman siyang masama ang titig sa kawalan.

Kung kanina mabagal ang pagpapatakbo ko, ngayon binilisan ko na. I was afraid she might come into conclusion that she doesn't want to spend the day with me, even just one day.

Noong nakapasok kami sa gate ng mansiyon namin at bumaba na ako sa kabayo, parang doon lang siya natauhan. Her eyes widened when she realized the decision she made after seeing the familiar house.

"Ibalik mo ako! Hindi 'to tama!"

"You're too late." I hefted her, she squeaked but I didn't mind her stubborness. Parang sako ng bigas ko siyang pinasok sa pamamahay ko kahit na nagwawala ito sa bisig ko.

"Pakawalan mo ako! Pakawalan mo ako! May fiancé na ako!" She chanted several times like she got a slap from reality.

"Hindi mo 'yon pakakasalan." It was a command, not a request.

"Ayaw ko dito! Ibalik mo na ako!"

"Tsk. Gusto mong gapangin ka ni Aston mamayang gabi?" Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at nilingon ang direksyon niya habang hawak-hawak ko ang dalawang paa niya sa kamay ko.

"Hindi!" Agaran niyang tanggi.

"Iyon naman pala." Nagsimula na akong maglakad ulit, natahimik siya saglit.

Pero nang binuksan ko ang pinto sa kuwarto ko, doon siya nagsisigaw ulit.

"I changed my mind! Let me go! Pakawalan mo ako!"

Malakas kong kinalabog ang pinto pasara, she flinched on my hold. Nagwala siyang muli tulad ng palagi niyang ginagawa hanggang sa nilapag ko siya sa kama.

She was about to rise but I stopped her. Pumaibabaw ako sa kaniya kaya nanlaki ang mata niya. Like she knew what I was planning, and she's right.

"Tonight, you're mine, Beauty. Not Aston's."

🥀