Him

She reminds me of my mom.

My mom loves sunset so much that she came to love the color yellow. Almost all her things was full of yellow things. Just like Arabelle.

Arabelle was a fierce woman, like my mom. Kung anong gusto niya, iyon ang sinusunod niya, she cares so much for the people she loves, she didn't care if her life would be in danger.

Fierce yet soft-hearted. Arabelle was a strong woman, and I admire her for that.

But when I saw her eyes looking at me the same way as my mom looks at my father, I was terrified.

I didn't want her to love me like how my mother loved my father.

Because I remind myself too much of my father.

I never wanted to be my father.

And I never wanted her to end up like my mother.

"Tangina. Wala ka pa ring balita?!" Galit kong sigaw kay Lumiere nang sabihin niyang wala pa rin siyang lead kung nasaan si Arabelle.

"W-Wala—"

Walang pag-aalinlangan kong inihagis sa harapan niya ang lamesang nasa harapan ko. Walang-wala ang bigat ng lamesa sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko. Malakas ang kalabog ng puso ko na para bang sinasakal nito ang hininga ko, hindi ko makontrol ang sarili ko at halos magdilim na lahat ng paningin ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang takot ng mga taong nasa paligid ko ngunit walang ibang magpapakalma sa akin hangga't hindi ko siya nahahanap.

Dalawang araw na ang nakalipas pero hindi pa rin siya bumabalik. I know I did something wrong but the outside is still dangerous for her to roam around! Hangga't hindi ko nakikita si Cara, delikado ang buhay niya! My father could mistake her for Cara and I never wanted that bastard to lay a single finger on her. 

"B-Baka bumalik na 'yon sa—"

"You think I'm dumb enough not to think that?! Of course I checked their old house! Wala siya, Lumiere!" Iritado kong sigaw na nagpatalon sa kaniya.

Tangina, alam kong hindi niya kasalanan pero hindi ko makontrol ang emosyon ko. Galit na galit ako sa sarili ko na gusto kong idamay lahat ng taong nakikita ko ngayon. Imbes na mag-aksaya ng galit, nagmartsa ako palabas ng kuwarto. It's already past midnight but who cares about the stupid fucking clock when my beauty's missing and is in danger.

"Rix." I called the moment I step a foot outside.

A man in black appeared in front of me with his black mask on. I signaled him to follow me and he nodded. The men in black are cold the black wolf, I build them to protect certain people but they failed to protect the most important people I cherish. I should've punished them the first time they failed to protect Cara, then they should've protected Arabelle better. 

But I've got not time to punish them. Kapag nakita ko na si Arabelle, sisiguraduhin kong magsisisi sila kung bakit hindi nila binantayan ng mabuti si Arabelle. 

Sa kakahuyan kung saan ko siya huling nakita, doon muli ako pumunta, nagbabakasakali na makita siyang muli. 

But fuck it. It's been three days and I never got the chance to return home. Si Rix nalang ang naghahatid ng kakainin ko but most of the time, I'd refuse to eat something. If only I don't need the energy to find her, then I wouldn't dare eat a single food, thinking she might be eating none.

"Rix." I called when the night came, and another day I failed to find her.

"Boss." Sumulpot siya sa likod ko, I tried my best not to fucking punch his face. How incompetent.

"Matapos lang 'tong gabing 'to at hindi ko pa siya mahanap, humanda kayo."

Hindi ko na siya hinayaan pang sumagot, I fucking walked out. Wala akong pakealam kung may mga hayop mang umaaligid sa gubat, I could fucking kill it at instant. I just need to see her face, I just need to check if she's okay, I know I'll calm down.

Or else, I'll really turn into a person I hated the most. A murderer.

Kaluskos ang nagpatigil sa paglalakad ko. I stopped on my track and turned around to look for that person. My breathing hitched when I noticed a person was hiding behind the bush. I didn't hesitate to grab my gun on my pocket. I assembled it and pointed the gun on that fucking bush.

Whoever that person is, he's dead. Every single person deserves death if I couldn't fucking find my beauty.

A silhouette appeared and I was fucking ready to shoot when it ran towards me and I muttered a series of curses.

"Arabelle!"

I don't know how I managed to control myself, she looked like a mess. Her eyes were puffed and red from crying. She was sobbing in my arms and I thank the lucky star that no one is around or else I'll shoot that fucking person who did this to her.

No, I'll fucking torture that person to death until it begs for its death.

"Hush." I whispered calmly even when deep down, my hands were itching to kill a person.

Her cry could ruin thousand pieces of me and the only remedy for this would be her laughter.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras akong nakatayo, o kung ilang oras siyang umiyak. I didn't care about anything, all I did was embrace her, let her cry in my arms, and comfort her, even when I know I suck at this.

Takot pa akong hawakan siya but I did my best to be gentle. I thought she wouldn't trust me or she would insist she could walk on her own, but seeing how she obliged when I gently lifted her up, my heart clenched. She looked so vulnerable in my arms and I never want anyone to see this side of her.

Rix was far away from the bushes, he was standing tall with the trees as he nodded at me. He understood the message I gave him the moment our eyes met.

Kill the bastard who did this.

Ibinaon ni Arabelle ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko and I held her tightly, but not too tightly that she'll suffocate. I know she could feel the fast beating of my heart and it was because I'm mad, at the person who did this, at the person who made her cry.

I was careful when I put her on the horse, she let me, her face was bowed and her eyes were still puffy. Kaagad akong sumakay sa likod niya and she immediately leaned against me. She held my cloth tight as she buried her face on my neck, I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes, trying to control the raging anger inside me.

I never like killing people, but for her, I'll happily be a murderer.

I maneuvered the horse in a steady pace, making sure that she's safe in my arms. Wala akong pakealam kung maabutan kami ng umaga rito, wala rin akong pake kung hindi ako makatulog, ang mahalaga ay kasama ko siya.

She was already sleeping when we reached the house. The sky was already bright, the moon had already left, and my body felt like it was about to give up, but I did my best to be strong so I could carry her without waking her up.

"Oh my—"

A glare made Derobe stop. Her eyes were teary when she saw Arabelle in my arms but I don't care about her feelings, I immediately past by her even when she wanted to take a peek at her.

Dahan-dahan kong nilapag si Arabelle sa kama. Her hands were gripping my shirt tightly even when she's sleeping, tears were still evident on the sides of her face and I wiped it off gently, careful not to wake her up.

Napakagago mo, Adam. Kung hindi mo lang sana siya tinaboy, hindi 'to mangyayari.

I fucking want to kill myself for that but I shouldn't because no one would protect her if I'm gone. No one would avenge for her when I disappear.

Masakit amg ulo ko, ramdam ko rin ang gutom, pero nanatili akong nakaupo sa kama, pinagmamasdan siya, takot na baka paggising niya, hindi niya ako makita. She should be assured that I'm here with her, that she's not alone, that she's safe with me.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ko siya katagal na pinagmasdan na hindi ko man lang namalayang nakatulog na pala ako. I woke up when I felt a move beside me.

"Beauty?"

Napaayos ako sa pagkakaupo ko nang makitang gising na siya, my neck felt stiff but I didn't mind it. My eyes remained on her red eyes, she was not looking at me.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin kaya nagtama ang nata namin. My heart started to drum loudly but I managed to be compose. She held her stomach, implying that she's hungry.

She's so fucking cute. Who would dare hurt her?

Tangina, ikaw, Adam. Ikaw. Sinaktan mo na 'yan.

Kaagad akong tumayo at lumabas para matawag sa kung sino man ang nasa labas. Mabuti naman at nahuli kong nasa labas silang lahat, handang-handa.

"Bring her some food." Hindi ko na sinabi kung sino ang inutusan ko, lahat sila, kani-kaniya ng takbo papaba para masunod ang utos ako.

I sighed and turned to her. She was now sitting on the bed, her eyes were looking at nothingness and the yellow dress she wore when we last saw each other was almost ruined.

I walked towards my closet to grab a big shirt that would fit her. Lumapit ako kay Arabelle, dala-dala ang damit habang siya ay nanatiling nakatulala sa kawalan. I sat in front of her and her eyes went to me, I finally have all her attention.

I want to ask her what happen, what happen in those three days she was away, but I know I should prioritize her health first. I'll take care of her first, and when she's ready to talk about it, I'll listen and kill that bastard who did this.

"Beauty." I called softly.

She didn't answer me but her eyes remained on me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, ashamed of myself.

She blinked but she didn't answer me. I held her hands softly and her eyes fell on our hands. I squeezed it tight, implying that I'm right here. She squeezed my hand back, I smiled gently at that.

Isang katok ang pumutol sa titig ko sa kamay namin. I softly put her hand down and stood. Pinagbuksan ko ng pinto sila at nakita silang nakahilera, may dala-dalang tray ng pagkain. Lumiere was anxiously holding the tray, beside her was Derobe with her handkerchief as she wipe her tears off. Beside Derobe was Mrs. Potty with teary eyes, holding her son in her right hand. And the last person I didn't want to see right now was there, worriedly taking a peak at my Beauty— Cog.

Kinuha ko ang tray sa kamay ni Lumiere at kaagad silang pinagsaraduhan ng pinto. Narinig ko ang malakas nilang reklamo sa labas pero wala akong pakealam. Sosolohin ko siya. Ako ang naghanap, ako ang walang tulog, ako ang hindi kumain, kaya akin siya ngayon.

Nakatingin lang sa akin si Arabelle, nag-aantay na lapitan ko siya. I approached her and sat in front of her. Her eyes fell to the food on the tray and I could see how her mouth water at the sight.

Hindi ba siya pinakain ng maayos?

I clenched my jaw as I try my best to remain compose with the mere thought of her starving for three days.

Sabaw ang dinalang ulam ni Lumiere kaya hinipan ko muna ito bago ko itinapat sa bibig niya ang kutsara. She opened her mouth as she let me feed her. I was expecting her to once again, insist she can do it alone, and I was not expecting her to open her mouth, but she did. My Beauty never fails to surprise me.

"Tell me if you're full." I said as I feed her, and she just nodded at me as an answer.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa. She disn't say any word, and I let the silence past as I was too focus on feeding her until she shook her head, sending a message that she's full.

"Okay." Sabi ko at inilapag na ang tray sa nightstand.

Her eyes followed the bowl and I stared at her. She turned to me with brows furrowed so I grabbed the shirt that I got earlier and gave it to her.

"Magpalit ka ng damit. I don't like seeing you wearing that." Bumaba ang tingin ko sa damit niyang gusot at may bahid ng pagkapunit.

My anger that dissipated earlier once again rose to the roof as I imagine the bastard who did that to her dress. I could now imagine how that fucking bastard will siffer once I got my hands around his neck.

Natigil ang namumuong galit sa dibdib ko nang hilahin niya ang damit ko. My eyes softened when I turned to her and her lips parted, trying to say a word.

"A—" Natigil siya sa pagsalita at napahawak sa tutunlan niya, I panicked.

"Why? Does your throat hurt?" Nag-aalala kong tanong.

She bit her lower lip as she slowly nodded. Fucking bastard. Kaagad akong tumayo para makatawag ng doktor. Thank fucking god the doctor answered my phone or else I'll fucking go to his house and point a gun on his fucking throat.

"Hello?"

"Go to my fucking place." And I ended the call.

Nilapitan ko si Arabelle na nakatingin lang sa akin. I sat in front of her and she stared at me quietly.

"Did you scream?" I asked calmly even when a fire was slowly suffocating me inside, violently threatening to burst.

She avoided her gaze and I fucking controlled myself not to storm out of the room to kill the bastard.

Right, maybe I should.

Tumayo ako at handa na sanang pumatay ng tao kung hindi niya lang hinawakan ang damit ko para pigilan ako. I turned to her and her lips parted, looking at me pleadingly.

"What is it, Beauty?" I softly asked and sag once again.

Her lips parted once again but I know she couldn't voice out what she wanted. Her eyes were telling me to stay and I understood the implications she wanted to say.

"Okay, I'll stay." I said calmly.

Her eyes calmed down and she let out a soft sigh.

I'll make that bastard who did this beg for his death. The torture he'll feel will not even be half to the torture I felt during those times when she was gone. And I'll make sure he'll suffer the same way I suffered because nothing feels close to death when I almost lost her.

🥀