A thick blanket of fog covered the muddy ground beneath me, giving it a mysterious sense and making it impossible for me to retrace the steps of the deer I had been following desperately all day. My head was throbbing painfully almost rythmically and my tongue felt swollen, filling my entire dry mouth. I needed the deer, or at least, I needed to know where the deer found water. Dehydration and hunger was slowly starting to kill me. The first few days without food and the occasional small puddle of water or rain it went fine, besides the stinging sensation in my stomach— as if it was eating itself to fight the craving for food, I could waste hours making prints on the wet ground with a twig only. But almost a week had passed and the symptoms of malnutrition were undeniable and hard to ignore, screaming louder with each day that passed. Never had I experienced such a hunger and thirst. It made me wonder, is this what the people who where alive nowadays, without a home, would feel like? Slowly dying of hunger and thirst, in constant danger

       Tumbling over my steps, I did everything I could to stand up straight and keep my eyes from closing. I tried to focus on my feet, but my body felt exhausted and was screaming for a rest. I knew that if I would lie down, I'd be dead the moment my eyes closed. But was it all worth it? Why shouldn't I just lie down and let the tiredness devour me. I was done with this so called world, with nothing left but despair and troubles. Death lurking at every corner, its cold breath ready to suck my soul out of my body. Breathing only felt like a laborious task and left me too tired to do it again. Everyone probably already thought that I was decaying. Was decaying really better than what I was going through right now?

       My calloused hand landed painfully on a tree's bark, the splinters stinging in my sensitive and foul skin. I stopped moving entirely and watched how my exhaling left small white clouds floating around my lips, before dissolving. It was freezing and I was almost entirely exposed, having only a thin white top that barely reached my bony knees. If the hunger and thirst wouldn't kill me, frostbite would.  Carefully, I turned my head, my neck sore and stiff. There was no sign of any living creature anywhere near me. Not even a bird flying above my head. It looked safe enough. The trees and bushes around me seemed to cover me, keeping me secure from any dangers. 

       Without any further thoughts— afraid that they would only put me off from sleeping, I went through my knees, dropping myself on the cold hard ground. The pain that I felt from the fall was nothing compared to what I was feeling already. My fingernails dugged deep in the dirt and I forced my hands to form into a fist, before relaxing the muscles. Slowly, I leaned back down, a soft moan escaping my chapped lips. I don't bother to look up at the sky, filled with the stars and the moon, covered by a dark cloud. My heart was still palpitating, but stretched on the ground, it felt more bearable. I breathed in deeply through my nose. The stench that filled my nostrils made me gag, but my stomach was completely empty and I was unable to bring anything up my throat. A soft sound filled my ears and rocked me into a more sleepy haze. It felt peaceful and my nerves calmed down. No worries, no anger, nothing.

       As I carefully opened my eyes at the sound of rustling bushes, I could barely make out a tall shadow on my right, slowly staggering towards me. It was so far away, I didn't feel alarmed. Frankly, I was too tired to feel alarmed. My eyes slowly closed again, but not before making out two other figures appearing behind the first one.

🌹

       The blood sticking on my viciously trembling hands sickened me. The deep red color seeping through my fingers, warm and thick. As tears were streaming down my face, hot, I looked up at my mother. Her eyes stood cold as she hovered over me, her head down to look at me. My bottom lip was quivering, before I finally let out the cry that had been forming in my throat.

       "No!" My voice was hoarse and loud. "NO! NO! NO!" I leaned forwards, my forehead making contact with my knees as I was sitting on my legs. "NO! This isn't true! IT CAN'T BE!" Sobs erupted loudly as I rocked myself. "It hurts, it hurts so much!" My arm clutched my stomach, feeling as if my chest was exploding. My head was throbbing painfully. The tears blurred my visions so much, I was unable to see the single tear that fell down from my mother's cheekbone.

       "Ilyana," she said sternly. "Pull yourself together." She bent through her knees and clutched her warm hand around my shaking shoulder, stabilizing it. Her head was turned away from the small body in front of me, unable to look at the usually alive brown eyes that would be staring dully into the sky forever. "Things like this happen for a reason and we can't let it stop us."

       "How can you be so calm about this," I cried out and turned to my mother, slapping the hand off of my shoulder. "He was your son! My brother! At least show some grief! Didn't you love him?" My head was hot and body was sweaty with my nose running. I rested my head on the small chest of the young boy's body and hid my face in his shirt, sobbing. "Please come back," I begged him, the excruciating pain almost ripping my heart apart. It felt like I couldn't breath, as if a metal hand was clutched around my throat and I kept gasping for air.

       "Of course I loved him," my mother snapped at me, a slight crack in the midst of her sentence and she sniffed. "I still do. But if every time something like this happens and we let it stop us, we'll be the next ones lying on the ground."

       Biting the inside of my cheek, I tried to stop the tears from building up, but they kept flowing on my face and I clutched the dirty dark blue shirt. The body was slowly turning cold and there was no heartbeat, hurting even more. A hand was placed on my back and I let it rest there.

       "It hurts so much," I whimpered, my voice barely audibe. "How can we live without him? How can I survive without him?" I looked up at my mother. "I couldn't even say goodbye."

       My mother looked at me for a while, her dark brown eyes piercing into mine. Carefully she shook her head. "Death doesn't let you say goodbye." She raised her hand and with a pained expression, she placed it on her son's face, closing his open eyes.

       As a few hours passed, I clutched the shovel in my hand, standing in the hole I just digged myself, while my mother had returned to the house, gathering the belongings that could be burried as well. The tears had finally stopped running, but the pain was still present, slowly eating me on the inside.It would be a new scar, a new nightmare, haunting me for the rest of my life. My eyes drifted to the in white covered body, laying peacefully on the long grass. He no longer had to worry about life, no more problems but eternal peace.

       With her hands filled, my mother came back outside and I climbed out of the hole, my hands, sore from scrubbing the blood off, clutched the grass to get out.

       "Are you ready?"

       I nodded my head and breathed in deeply before walking to the body. I bend through my knees and picked the small body up with ease, as he had always been very light but his weight had dropped drastically in the past months. I returned to the hole and handed my younger brother to my mother, who had stepped inside the hole to place his favourite blanket on the ground. She gently took him from me and lowered him carefully. I stepped inside the hole as well and sat on my knees.

       My hands slowly reached towards the white silk sheet and pulled it down to show his face. I gently pressed my lips onto his cold forehead, a single hot tear falling on his soft cheek. Quickly I placed the sheet back over his head and climbed out of the hole, unable to be there any longer without bursting into tears again. A shimmering light caught my attention and I walked towards it.

       The shimmering came from a knife, covered from head to toe in blood. Hatred swelled up in my heart as I looked at the blade. Slowly, I reached towards it with my hand and squeezed tightly in the handle.

       "Ilyana," my mother called and I turned around to face her. "Are you ready?" I jogged towards her and nodded, taking a strand of my hair between my fingers and used the knife to cut the strand off with the knife. I didn't take long to cut parallel in the palm of my hand, seeing the red color of my blood appear on its surface. I closed my hand into a fist with the strand of hair in it and dropped it down the grave.

       I swallowed hard and looked down at the body. "I'll kill her, I swear it on my own life; I'm gonna kill her." With the shovel that was on the ground, I used it to shovel the ground that I removed to make the hole back into the grave.

       "Rest in peace, my sweets," my mother said softly when I was finished filling the grave. She bend through her knees and dug an own made cross onto the grave, a name scratched onto the wooden surface. She hung up a tie, his favorite, on the cross and got up. I placed my arm around my mother's waist and could feel her head rest on top of mine. "And we'll try to as well."

       "I love you Os, love you lots." I cracked out a small smile, the corners of my mouth rising slightly as I used my wounded hand to clutch the necklace around my neck. "I love you too, mom."

🌹

       My eyes flustered open, my head on something so soft it hadn't been in forever. A soft sheet was covered over my cold body and I heard voices. The surface beneath me was shaking and it didn't take me long to know I was in a car. My breathing was still steady, to seem as if I was sleeping. I couldn't see anything but the back of the seat I was in. The car was riding very slow and I slowly moved my hand towards my neck, sighing relieved as I felt the necklace still where it was supposed to be.

       As the car got to a stop, the voices stopped as well and one of the doors opened. More voices, however came from the outside, before the car started moving again for only a few feet. When I heard two other doors open and two hands taking my legs, I closed my eyes and let myself get dragged out of the car. The feeling of the breeze on my bare skin was gentle and most of it didn't reach me, because of the sheet. I felt myself being picked up and took my chaces. With all the power left in me, I lifted my head and hit the person that was carrying me.

       Pain exploded inside my head and I was let go immediately, sending me falling onto the ground. A cry escaped my lips and I tried to get up, despite the pain and the tears stinging in my eyes. My legs were shaking and I could barely stand up. Before I could set a step, the person recovered and picked me up. I screamed and kicked and hit, in the hopes of hurting the person. But instead of deliviering useful blows, my arms and legs were flailing helplessly around.

       As much as I protested, I got dragged inside the gate and saw it close before my eyes.

       I screamed again.

🌹

hi! i really really hope you enjoy this chapter and the others that will come!!