Without any warning it had happened and I my day could not get any better. It was the news I had been waiting for the moment I was taken to this cursed room, the news I had been dreaming of every day.  After three awfully long days of being stuck in the hospital like room, the blond man came with bruises all over his rimpled face and didn't make eye contact with me. It was clear he was beaten up and I just had to look at everyone outside to find out who was responsible. They would become my new favorite person in this place. Leave, he had told me, before going away himself.

       No one had to tell me that twice before I jumped over the bed, having spend the night on the ground beside the bed to avoid any contact with the man, sporting an old fashioned hairstyle that reminded me of the seventies, who had been sitting by the side of an unconscious woman all day. I didn't get bored during that time. Denise would come to me and keep me company for hours straight. She had given me a notebook and a bag with pencils, pens, color pencils and crayons. For whatever reason, I don't know. It must have been a very good guess of her that I liked to draw. 

       With the notebook and pencil bag under my arm, the first thing that I noticed was that all of the drawings I had drawn and thrown over the bed, not being too happy with them, were gone. Panic replaced my happiness and I looked around, seeing nothing on the ground. Under the bed, nothing but dust. In the drawers of the desk, underneath the other beds and still nothing. My eyes locked with the ones of the man that had been asleep all the time, but was looking at me now. His eyes stood guilty and he didn't move. His bottom lip was quivering, but  not out of fear. He was either feeling bad for the unconscious woman, or he kept a secret from me. 

       I was so close to breaking down and would not want this man to see me break down, especially if he was keeping information from me. He seemed like he had enough of his own problems. Straightening my back, I bit on the inside of my cheek, before walking out of the room, as calm and reserved as I could at the moment.

       As soon as I had left the house that had a function of hospital, I started running. Clueless to where I was going, I felt the tears pricking in my eyes and decided to stop behind a house. Panting heavily, the tears finally dropped on the shirt I was wearing. Despite my efforts to keep my tears locked, they kept flowing and a choking sound escaped my mouth. My lips were trembling and I tugged at my greasy hair, rocking myself back and forth. 

       I ruined everything. If anyone had really taken the drawings, there was no chance I could go back home. Home wouldn't stand there anymore. I should have drawn anything else, the view outside of the window, the room even! But instead, I had found comfort in drawing my home, with as much detail as I could remember and those that I loved. It were a lot of drawings. My lungs were aching and my breathing was short and hitched. My head hurt and I felt like throwing up, anxiety filling me. Vigorously, I tried to wipe the tears away, smudging the black substance on my face all over. But I didn't care. The thought that I brought my mother in danger, Octavia, everyone was racing through my mind and at this point I was crying loud. My foot stomped hard in the ground, trying to get rid of the feeling in my chest. It felt painful, as if I was drowning in air. My hands were shaking and my heart ached, as if it was skipping a steps every few seconds. For assurance, I reached for the necklace around my neck, but it didn't help, at all.

       Everything seemed like a blur and I felt like a stranger in my own body, uncoordinated. It was as if my conscience was trying to rip itself out of my body, in an effort to safe my mind. But it didn't work. I was stuck in a cage, much worse than the hospital-like room.

       Coughing heavily, my head connected with the wall behind me and I felt hands on my knees. Looking in front of me, teary eyed, I saw Denise crouched before me. She looked sympathetically at me. 

       "Hey, hey, hey! Calm down!" she told me and demostrated me a way of breathing. I tried mimicking her, but I was unable to find any controlling in my breathing. "Alright, that doesn't work." she state, panicking slightly herself. "Alright, Denise, you can do this." She took in  deep breath and took my hands in her. "Hey, look at me, alright?" I nodded at her, feeling the tears still fall down. "Find five things you can see, can you do that for me?" 

       I nodded at her and looked around, hearing her talk still, "Four things you can touch." Immediately, I squeezed in her hand and released my other hand to touch the grass underneath me, the wall I was sitting against and held the hem of my shirt. "Good,  now, find three things you can hear." I quickly shook my head, having no idea myself as to why I did that and I let out a small cry. 

       "Alright, that's okay," Denise assured me. "Just breath in for four seconds," she instructed me and I tried to do so. It worked much better when she told me what to do.  "Hold in." Silently, she counted down and I felt like my lungs would explode, not because it took so long, but the drowning feeling was still present and not being able to breath felt like I was dying even quicker. "Now breath out," Denise told me and I gladly did so. "Keep breathing out, no stopping, no breathing in, you understand me?" 

       I nodded at her. 

      "Alright, now again." 

  🌹 

        Sitting in a comfortable chair, all clean from the shower I just took, I looked at Denise and how she was preparing a cup of tea. I looked down at the my hands in my lap. Embarrassment flooded over me as I realized she had seen me at the weakest. The feeling of panic hadn't subsided, but had become less, thanks to Denise. 

       Hesitantly, I opened my mouth and quickly closed it again, changing my mind. Denise turned around with two steaming cups. She sat across of me and handed me the cup. I took it from here and placed it in my lap, still unable to look Denise in the eye. As she decided to speak, I took a sip of the tea, the drink warming my tense muscles up. 

       "There's a meeting soon," she started. "I don't know what Deanna has planned for you and I guess we have to figure that out tomorrow." She took in a deep breath. "For as long as the meeting will be, I don't want you to be alone. With Jessie, I arranged for you to stay at her house for the time. She has two sons and their friends will be there too. That way, you can meet some new people of your age." 

       I nodded at her, as I knew she was expecting a reaction from me. Frankly, I didnt care with who I had to stay, I would leave the moment I could, anyway. Moving slightly in my seat, I took another tug of the warm drink, turning my head to see a picture of Denise with a man, looking similar to her. 

       As soon  as we had finished our drinks, Denise brought the cups to the kitchen. "Are you ready to go?" Nodding at her, I rose out of the seat and followed Denise out of the house. 

       Outside it was chilly and the moon was already set in the sky. The stars  peppered the dark blue sky, lighing it up. My hair was blown to the side and I enjoyed it. My hair had been greasy for such a long time, I had almost forgotten how it felt clean. It felt heavy on my shoulders and the curls that used to frustrate me as they would get in my mouth every time, bounced. It felt alive. I  felt alive.

       I hugged myself, wearing nothing but the white shirt and the shorts, not wanting to put on anything that belonged to Denise. She had done enough for me and I couldn't keep taking things from her. Especially after she helped me with my nervous breakdown and after cleaning up my puke.

       We walked past houses, every one looking like the previous one, until Denise stopped at one and I did too. 

       "Alright, this is it," she stated and stepped up to the front door. I followed behind her and as she knocked on the door, I tugged on her jacket. She turned around and our eyes locked together. 

       "Thank you," I told her, my lips carefully forming a small smile. Denise couldn't react as the door opened, revealing a middle aged blonde woman, just a little taller than Denise. 

       The woman smiled in a greeting way. "Hey, Denise. Is this her?" She turned to look at me with the same smile. 

       Denise turned in surprise to the woman and blinked. "Oh, yeah!" she said, realizing the woman meant me. "She hasn't uh, hasn't talked yet." Turning around to me, her eyes showed a kind of mischief in them,making me like her more. 

       "Give it some time," the woman assured and stepped aside. "The kids are in the living room and you can take anything to eat from the kitchen, alright?" I looked at her and walked past the woman inside the house. The woman followed behind me and I walked straight through the hall to what had to be the living room. 

       As I stepped inside the living room, I was met with a room full of kids of my age. 

       "Guys," the woman said behind me. 

       "Is that the savage?" one voice called out and my head turned sharply to a young boy, twelve at the oldest. 

       "John!" the woman scolded him. 

      "What? My dad told me she is a dangerous savage! She can't talk. And what else can't talk?" A crowd of giggles grew and I clenched my jaw. I turned around, wanting to leave, but the woman stopped me, by placing her hands on my shoulders. 

       "We don't call her anything, but her name." The woman looked sternly at the black haired boy, called John. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll feel home here soon enough." Angrily, I shook my shoulders to get her hands off and glared at her for not letting me leave. I liked it much better at Denise's house. "I'm sure the meeting won't take long. Ron? Sam? I love you!" She turned around and walked out of the house, closing the door behind her. 

       Staring at the door for a few seconds, I waited to be sure that the woman was gone, before making my way to the door. Just as my hand was placed on the door knob, another hand was on my shoulder and I turned around to see a boy my age. 

       "Hey," he smiled sheepishly and I shook his hand from my shoulder like earlier, turning to face him fully. "My mom said no one can leave," he told me and I blinked. "Do you even know what I'm saying?" he said unsure and I showed no reaction. If they really thought I was stupid, they had to be the stupid ones. "Ah, nevermind." Putting his entire arm around my shoulders, he dragged me back to the living room. 

        I'm starting to get the feeling that these people have no idea what personal space means. 

       "Guys," the boy said, "let's just stop with all the joking and actually make her feel at home here. How about we start with introducing each other?" Pushing me inside the living room, he placed me in the circle between two small children who looked scared at me. Not paying any attention to them, I carefully sat down. "I'm Ron," the boy started first placing a hand on his chest. "Who next?" 

  🌹 

       I was so close to strangling every living person in the room, except for one—the girl in the corner, whose name was Enid. The younger ones were screaming and running as they played something what looked like tag and the older ones had formed a small group in the corner, shooting me glances with the occasional person who had the guts to walk over to me and ask me something.  

       Seeing that Enid had her own pile of comic books and room next to her, I rose from the ground, attracting the attention of the young kids now as well. I walked over to Enid and she looked up at me. One glance at the spot next to her and she scooted over for me to sit. I sat down and took the first comic on the pile. 

       No one seemed to have any interest in disturbing Enid's peace. If I was sat next to her, they had to leave me alone as well.  Comic books had never exactly interested me. The pictures were drawn too simply for me to enjoy. Back home, we had a comic book store, but it had been recently changed into a tailor shop. 

       My hopes of being left alone were crushed as a small blond boy strutted my way, a stamp ready in his hand. Without a word, he pulled my arm towards him and stamped it. Defensively, I tugged my arm back, sending him a glare before looking down at what he had stamped. A red letter was imprinted on my hand, A. I looked up to send him another glare, but he was already gone. 

       Vigorously, I rubbed the top of my hand. What kind of place was this, to stamp people. We did this on livestock, to mark them as ready for slaughter. The stamp was slowly getting smudged on my tinted hand. 

       "You're not supposed to wipe that off," Enid commented on my actions, sounding amused.  She placed her hand on my hand, tacking it off the stamp. "It means you're one of us." Carefully, I turned to look at her.

       Didn't they get I didn't want to be one of them? I just wanted to go home, but that wouldn't be possible soon enough, if someone had actually taken my drawing. As the thought of the drawing came back to mind, I could feel my breath quicken and quickly turned to continue wiping the stamp off. 

       Not so swiftly, I pushed myself off the ground and hurried into what was the kitchen, reaching for my necklace underneath the shirt I was wearing.  In Denise's house there was flowing water; it had to be the same here. As I opened the tap, I could hear the front door open. Ignoring it, I placed my hand under the streaming water (that was maybe flowing too much) and tried to wash the stamp off. 

       Rude or not, it had to get off. 

       "Hey," Enid turned up behind me. She walked over to me and carefully turned the tap so less water came from it. "I'm going upstairs, do you want to come with?" 

       Taking my hand from under the tap, I saw that the stamp had finally washed off and I nodded at her. As she led the way, I followed closely behind her.

🌹

woop woop, another chapter! the story is going quite slow now, i know and Ilyana is not exactly loveable now, but just wait and see ;) i also apologize for any errors, but i promise i'll edit all of it soon