sophomore year

This is more of an explanation than a poem. It's more me explaining my story better because I know I will never get this chance again while the thought is still in my head. I also won't be addressing names because I don't want to point fingers. As you can tell with all my poetry, I've kept names out of them. So, this is where it begins...High school wasn't the greatest for me but I graduated with excelling grades. I was really smart and still am. Well, I was different than others and a person decided that I was the perfect candidate to bully. Keep in mind I was put in support classes because of how different I was, but me being different didn't affect me with learning, so I could've been in regular classes. Anyways, back on topic, my bully slowly started turning the whole class against me. It started with them pinching me, then the pinching turned into the pulling of my hair and then that turning into physical punching. It got worse as time passed and they started hiding my things and calling me vulgar names such as slut, bitch, cunt, etc. Weeks turned into months and with those months I gained some friends called depression, anxiety, and insomnia. My depression was little starting out but then it began to grow then soon it started to manifest within me. I was drowning yet others around me were breathing fine. Voices soon formed in my head saying things such as you're worthless, you deserve this, they are right about you, you are nothing, you should just die, and many more. I believed them enough where I starved myself. In the mornings I would skip breakfast and lie to my parents that I had some toast. For lunch, I wouldn't have anything and I would just go to the library to read. The only time I ate was at dinner and I wouldn't have anything more than a handful of food. With my sleep, I would stay up for countless hours and watch movies on my t.v. to pass some time or go on my phone and watch youtube. My bullying continued for 75% of my sophomore year, by then I lost so much weight and my body was paying for it. My parents found out about because they went through my phone and found out I was talking to people online about it. They soon took away my electronics and social media for 3 to 4 years. I understand that they were only being protective of me and I forgive them, but they took away the only outlet I had that saved me from the insanity that had built up inside me. My parents then took care of the bullying and when it came to my junior year I was transferred over to regular classes. I had my phone back by then, but I had no social media except YouTube, but since the school had computers I would come on here and read and write my life away since my best friend made me this account. My junior year was my new year, where I had no more bullies...but I still had my friends, depression, insomnia, and anxiety. They had gotten worse and I continued to starve myself. I got thinner and the dark circles under my eyes became more visible. It got so bad, that I was ready to end my life. I had a date and everything but my best friend came up to me in the library the day before I was about to cut the cords and invited me to her table. She knew I was introvert and noticed I didn't eat lunch much. The next day, I sat at her table, it was awkward at first but then I sat there every week. I became slowly in control, here and there I would break down but I would pick myself back up. I then devised a plan that I would graduate and go to college...which is where I am now. I'm a sophomore in college and I plan to major in something so then I can help others. I still suffer from all my "friends" but I'm more in control than I ever was in high school. Yes, I have slipped this year pretty badly but I'm willing to fight because I have close friends that will help me. The reason why I decided to tell my story will forever be unknown, I just want to let others know that they aren't alone.

a.b.