mom: a letter

Mom, I never expected to write about you. I mean I wrote about you once or twice but the poem was never really about you. Now we are here and I don't know where to begin. For one, you don't know that I write or know that I have Wattpad. You know that I deleted my old account but what you didn't know I had this account. Long story short, you don't even know that I still have Wattpad. That's not the point though. I know we had rough patches throughout my high school year. I know you helped in ways that I didn't like and I may have said some horrible things. Don't all teenagers though? I mean at some points of our lives we say stuff that we don't mean. Here I am though, writing this to you...knowing fully that you probably won't ever see this. I'm okay with that too. I wanted to say I'm sorry for many things. For one, raising me must have been rough. Two, I still hide most of my emotions from you. Three, I don't think you really know how much I feel upset and lost in darkness. Finally, I wish we could've had a better mother-daughter relationship. I can't turn back time though, what has happened...happened. Now, you are patient with me. I may not fully show my emotions but you do know when I'm stressed out or on the brink of tears. I appreciate that. You have no idea how much it means to me when you bring me home something to eat or drink. You do this a lot when you see me stressing out. When I'm on the verge of tears you calm me down and tell me that I can do whatever is that I am doing. When I try my hardest, you recognize it...you acknowledge that I tried my best and that's all that matters. Like today...I failed my Global Issues midterm with a 45. You know I studied religiously and you know how much I was frustrated and upset. You weren't mad, you were upset for me. Thank you. When I woke up from a well-deserved slumber, I got sick. You were on the phone while this was going on. When everything was over, I laid my head in your lap and you rubbed my head. Throughout the years and the arguments, you have become more of a friend to me than you have ever been. You help me when I don't want to admit it and you are there when I have my many mental breakdowns. Thank you and I love you too.

a.b.