11:30 am

Vernon sat at his desk, bored. He had a makeshift contraption made of pencils and a Styrofoam coffee cup. He blew it to make it move, chuckling lightly. Then he yawned sleepily, looking at his watch and then his desk clock.

"Feeding time at the zoo," he mumbled.

He stood up from his desk and grabbed his jacket to head to the library.

*****

Bender began whistling "Colonel Bogey's March" from The Bridge over the River Kwai. Eventually, it was joined by the rest of the detainees. Brian's knee bounced along with the rhythm. Claire and Sheila bobbed their heads. The mystery girl in the back whistled lightly.

Upon hearing the door open and seeing Mr. Vernon approaching, the whistling came to a faltering stop. Given this was appropriate timing, Bender decided to whistle a few notes from Beethoven's 5th. Sheila echoed the next notes. This earned a glare from Mr. Vernon.

"Alright, girls," Mr. Vernon announced. "That's 30 minutes for lunch."

"Here?" Sheila asked.

"Here," the man reaffirmed.

"I think the cafeteria would be a more suitable place to eat lunch in, sir," Andrew suggested with a hopeful look.

Sheila nodded in agreement as she was getting tired of being stuck in here all day. She could only imagine everyone else was too.

"Well I don't care what you think, Andrew," Vernon answered with a zero fucks given attitude.

"Uh, Dick...'scuse me, Rich?" Bender asked. "Will milk be made available to us?"

"We're extremely thirsty, sir," Andrew added.

"I have a very low tolerance for dehydration," Claire chimed.

Sheila rolled her eyes at this. God! Dramatic much, Claire? Sheila thought.

"I've seen her dehydrate, sir," Andrew confirmed. "It's pretty gross."

"Relax, I'll get it," Bender said, getting up.

"Uh, uh, uh!" Vernon said sharply, making the criminal stop in his tracks. "Grab some wood there, bub! Y'think I was born yesterday?"

The delinquent nodded, pouting as he slowly sat back down.

"We wish," Sheila muttered.

"Excuse me, Donovan?" Vernon demanded sharply when he heard the Smart Mouth's reply.

Damn him and his Vulcan hearing! Sheila thought, her heart racing.

She had to improvise quickly. She was already in enough trouble regarding the knife earlier. She smiled politely, folding her hands like a lady.

"I said I wish...to have some Coke, please," Sheila answered.

Vernon looked suspicious, but he let it go.

"There's a soft drink machine in the teacher's lounge," he said.

His gray eyes scanned the six detainees, carefully contemplating which detainees he would permit to go get drinks. No way was he going to let Bender wander the halls, knowing him too well.

"You!" he said, pointing to Andrew.

He continued to look over the detainees. Andrew pointed to Claire as if to subtly suggest to pick her. The princess straightened up, looking hopeful. Vernon looked towards the back of the room.

"And you!" he said, pointing a finger.

The detainees eyes' followed the direction where Vernon was pointing. He had chosen the disheveled girl in the back who was sitting there quietly with her eyes closed. She didn't apparently hear him.

"Hey!" Vernon called. "What's her name? Wake her! Wake her!"

Sheila looked at Brian, incredulous that someone like Mr. Vernon didn't even know what the disheveled girl's name was. She felt a slight pang of guilt for not asking either.

"C'mon! On your feet, missy! Let's go!" Vernon barked impatiently. "This isn't a rest home."

The dark haired girl glared at Vernon with contempt, then grabbed her bag and got up out of her seat. She brushed past Andrew, keeping her head down.

Andrew went around collecting money for the vending machine. Each of the detainees dug money out of their wallets.

"C'mon! Shake a tail feather! Ante up!" Vernon said impatient.

Bender held out his hand towards Brian to borrow money. This prompted the blond boy to give him a high five. The criminal gave Brian an intimidating stare.

"Brian..." Sheila whispered. "That's...not what he's saying."

Brian glanced at the redhead, then at Bender. Upon realization, he laughed embarrassed and face palmed, and dug out some extra money, giving it to Andrew.

"Some of us don't GET a lunch hour around here! C'mon! Haga naga!" Vernon said.

Sheila had to roll her eyes. Really? Vernon didn't get a lunch? That was bullshit. What was he doing all this time then? She imagined Vernon in his boring office, doing boring paper work all day long. He couldn't take time out of HIS boring schedule to have lunch.

"Prick," she muttered as quietly as possible.

Once Vernon left with Andrew and the disheveled girl, the four remaining detainees got up. They went to the center of the library. Claire leaned against the sculpture, bored. Brian sat on the steps, his legs hanging over the side. Bender sat on the desks with some encyclopedias, thumbing through the pages of one. Sheila sat on the desks where Bender sat, swinging her legs.

"Hey, you wanna see a picture of a man with elephantiasis to the nuts?" Bender said. "It's pretty tasty."

"No thank you!" Claire said.

"How do you think he rides a bike?"

"Probably puts them in a basket and rides very carefully," Sheila piped.

Bender laughed. Brian bit his lip, snorting. Claire rolled her eyes, giving a disgusted glare.

"Would you ever consider dating a guy like this?" Bender asked.

Sheila shrugged, looking at the photo in the book. "Depends."

"On what?"

"Well, great personality would be a must. He'd have to have a sense of humor, be intelligent and sweet."

"How about if he was a great dancer or had a cool car?" Bender asked. "Although you might have to sit in the back because his nuts would ride shotgun."

"He could be a shitty dancer, it wouldn't matter to me," Sheila answered. "What he drives isn't that important. As long as he had a car and it's functioning."

Brian smiled lightly. Bender glanced at Brian. Smirking, knowing Brian had been checking out the red haired comedian most of the day.

"Looks like you're in luck, Brian," Bender teased.

Brian blushed, clenching his teeth as he didn't want anyone to know his secret crush. Sheila looked at the boys. She figured out what was going on, then shook her head.

"Wow, Bender. You sure spread sexual tension around more than an STD," Sheila scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Would you just stop?" Claire said disgusted. After a beat, she sighed bored. "Y'know what I wish I was doing?"

"Uh, watch what you say," Bender warned. "Brian here is a cherry."

Brian looked at Bender with disbelief. "A cherry?" he responded.

"I wish I was on a plane," Claire said quietly. "To France."

Brian had turned bright red. "I'm not a cherry," he said quietly.

Bender gave Brian a cynical look. "When have you ever gotten laid?"

"I've been laid lots of times," Brian said.

Sheila arched an eyebrow. It was pretty obvious he was lying.

"Name one," she challenged, crossing her arms.

Brian looked at Sheila. He swallowed, his cheeks were bright red.

"She lives in Canada," he said. "We met at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know her."

Right...Sheila thought skeptically. Like she hadn't heard that The Imaginary Lover from Canada bullshit story. It was a pretty common excuse used either by someone who wasn't interested in dating somebody or by embarrassed geeks who never got action.

"You ever laid anyone around here?" Bender asked.

Brian put a finger to his mouth to tell him to shut up, gesturing to the girls. Bender looked at the nerd and the princess, putting two and two together.

"Ohh...you and Claire did it?" Bender said.

Claire perked up at the sound of her name. Sheila looked at them, arching an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?" Claire said curiously.

"Nothing. Nothing. Let's just drop it," Brian said quickly. Then looked at Bender, "We'll talk about it later."

"Drop what?" Claire asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, what Brian's telling us that in addition to the number of girls in the Niagara Falls area, that presently you and him are riding the hobby horse." Bender said.

Claire looked at him disgusted. "Little pig!"

"No, I'm NOT!" Brian exclaimed. "John said I was a cherry and I said I was not. That's it! That's all that was said!"

"Then what were you motioning to Claire for?" Bender asked.

"Y'know I don't appreciate this very much, Brian," Claire said disappointed.

"He is lying!" Brian said desperately.

"Oh you WEREN'T motioning to Claire?" Bender challenged.

"Y'know he's lying, right?" Brian said, pointing a finger at Bender.

"Were you or were you not motioning to Claire?" Bender asked.

"Yea...but it was only..." Brian said. Then he looked away, his cheeks burned, "It was only 'cause I didn't want anyone to know I was a virgin. Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you want us to know that you were a virgin?" Claire asked curiously.

"Because it's my personal business," Brian said irritated. "It's my personal, private business."

"Dweeb, you asked earlier what 'double bagging it' and 'does the carpet match the drapes' meant. You're not exactly getting any business," Bender said.

Seeing how embarrassed Brian was, Sheila figured this was the time to speak up.

"I think it's cool that you're a virgin," Sheila said.

Brian perked up as he heard the new girl's words. He blinked a few times. Even Bender was dumbfounded by this.

"Y-you do?" Brian asked timidly.

Sheila nodded along with Claire.

"I do want to do stuff," Brian admitted, rubbing his neck. "I just never got the opportunity."

"Oh I'm sure there's some lovely dorkette out there that'll be happy to polish your knob," Bender teased.

Brian curled up, pressing his head into his knees, glancing briefly at Sheila. He was grateful to be told this. He didn't feel like a loser.

"How 'bout you, Teacher's Pet?" Bender said.

Sheila's mouth dropped open. She figured the question was about to come up eventually, but not so soon. She felt like the odd one out. Claire and Brian were the only virgins. Bender was obviously not.

"Really? Is that any of your business?" she scoffed.

"Oh so you have no problem asking about Brian's business, but you and Claire are untouchable?" Bender challenged. "Hypocrite much?"

Another scoff. "If you're gonna ask about someone's personal life," Sheila argued. "It should be between two people and nobody else. Besides, you practically forced it out of Brian. YOU are the hypocrite!"

"Judging by your defensive stance, I'd say you're hiding something, Teacher's Pet."

"I'm not hiding anything," the Comedian insisted, her cheeks flushed.

"Would it help if we all said we're OK with you being a virgin?" Bender taunted.

"I'm not..."

Sheila froze, realizing her slip of the tongue. Shit! Bender had tricked her! Brian frowned at this. The criminal tilted his head like he was trying to hear better.

"Sorry, what was that?" Bender teased.

Sheila went completely red, biting her lip and her head turned away. Bender could see the telltale signs of the juicy secret the new girl was obviously trying to hide.

"Oh!" Bender said with a laugh. "Ohhhh! Ladies and gentlemen, looks like we have a slut in our midst."

Sheila snorted. "And how can you tell?"

"Well, given you're from Detroit, you're foul mouthed, and that saucy kiss you gave Dweeb here..."

"That's your proof?" Sheila argued with disbelief.

"Well, if that's not proof, I'd say those rosy cheeks and that pink bitten lip speak loudly that you've gotten some business...and pleasure."

"Wow!" Sheila quipped, rolling her eyes. "Impressive slut detector you have, Johnny."

"Takes one to know one," Bender said smirking.

"Great!" Sheila retorted. "We should start a club. We can call it The Dirty Whores Club."

Bender laughed. Brian's mouth dropped open. Claire stared wide eyed.

"So...it's true?" Brian asked. "You've really done...it?"

Sheila turned bright red, nodding.

"Got any stories?" Bender asked, resting his chin on his fist.

"I don't want to hear it," Claire said disgusted.

"I do," Bender said.

Brian leaned forward, quite intrigued. Sheila blushed, thinking of her first time. Since the cat was already out of the bag, she might as well entertain.

"OK. So one time at band camp..." Sheila began.

"You learned how to fuck..." Bender interrupted.

"Shut up, Bender!" Sheila said. "Can you at least let me finish telling the story without being such a pig?"

"Go ahead, slut," he taunted.

Sheila rolled her eyes, then continued, "So my band mates decided to play Spin the Bottle. We waited until the counselors went to sleep. We set it up to play. When it was my turn, I had to make out with Artie Sandusky, a trumpet player from Milwaukee. He was a huge geek: pizza face and headgear braces. But he was very sweet..."

Brian listened with intense interest; his ears were red. Bender rolled his eyes in boredom, making a blah blah hand gesture.

"Blah, blah, blah," Bender interjected. "Get to the good part already!"

"Well, we went into the closet and kissed. Eventually, it got hot and heavy...then we ended up deflowering ourselves."

"Classic! Sex in a closet!" Bender chuckled with a salacious grin.

"What happened after that?" Claire asked.

"Well, it turned out the band mate I did it with told his friends and became the talk of the camp. The counselors were pissed off about the whole situation. They ended up calling my mom and Chris. So I got kicked out of band camp for performing a lewd act."

"Chris?" Brian asked arching an eyebrow. "That's your Dad?"

"Stepdad," Sheila corrected, feeling a bitter taste in her mouth.

"OH! Big Stepdaddy has a name. How very interesting," Bender said, resting his fist on his chin.

She looked down at her feet. The kids saw the expression on Sheila's face. She looked uncomfortable. The way she spoke about him with contempt.

"I still hate his guts," she said acidly.

"Why? Other than you've told us he's a ten times worse version of Dick," Bender asked.

"Because he's a poser."

"How?" Bender asked.

"What are you all talking about?" Andrew said.

The four of them turned around to see Andrew and the disheveled girl standing there with armfuls of Cokes.

"Sheila certainly has an interesting camp story," the dark haired girl said grinning.

Sheila face palmed. Great! Everyone knew she was a huge slut!

"What camp story?" Andrew asked.

"Sheila apparently nailed her band mate at camp," the dark haired girl summarized.

"Oh yea?" Andrew said with a grin. "How was it?"

"Well, considering we were in a tiny closet, my band mate drooled a lot, it was kind of uncomfortable," Sheila said blushing. "How 'bout you, Andy?"

"Hey...that's personal," he answered defensively.

"Is it? It wasn't so personal when you asked about my camp story."

"Teacher's Pet has got a point, Sporto," Bender added. "So in terms of baseball, how far would YOU say you've gotten?"

Andrew looked away. It was obvious he didn't really like talking about his sex life. Sure, he had done some things and bragged about it with the guys, but he wasn't really proud of it. It was mostly to impress the guys. His father told him he should focus more on his achievements than girls especially when there were meets, tournaments, and if scouts were attending.

"C'mon, Andy! You heard my camp story. Now your turn!" Sheila goaded.

"This is stupid!" Andrew exclaimed. "Didn't you just saying how shitty it was of Bender to be asking about Claire earlier?"

"Dude, you just asked me..." Sheila said, then imitated Andrew's voice with a stereotypical jock expression, " 'How was it?'"

"I don't sound like that!" the jock said, red in the cheeks.

Bender laughed. "You do. You sound like a cherry. Just like Dweeb."

"I'm not a..." Andrew said, then realized Bender had tricked him too. "Dammit!"

"Ah! Now we know Sporto here has hit a home run!" Bender taunted.

"You fucking TRICKED me, you prick!" Andrew argued.

"HEY!" Vernon yelled. "Quit loitering around and get back to your seats! The half hour lunch starts now!"

The detainees went back to their seats to have lunch. Sheila grinned mischievously as she thought about a way to embarrass and get rid of Vernon. She loved making a fool out of this idiot of a man.

"Hey, Mr. Vernon!" Sheila said. "I know what I'm going to write my essay on, sir."

"Oh really, Donovan? What is it?" Vernon replied skeptically.

"I'm writing about what toys we played with as kids...that describes who we are," She said. Then added with a smirk. "So, have you ridden the hobby horse, sir?"

The detainees held in their laughter; Bender snorted the loudest as he heard his phrase being used. The vice principal stared with confusion. His gray eyes darted among the detainees.

"What?!" he said incredulously.

"Hey! It's cool if you played with toys, man!" Sheila said. "We all played with something as kids."

Judging by the detainees suppressed smiles and laughter, he glared at the Comedian. This could only mean she was up to her tricks again.

"You should work on your essay, Donovan," he said sternly. "Not your comedy routine."

"Actually, this IS part of the essay, sir," Sheila said. "You see, we were talking about what toys we played with as kids...kind of a way to define ourselves, right everyone?"

The detainees nodded in agreement with the Comedian.

"So what'd you all play with?" Sheila asked the detainees, hoping they'd go along with her joke. "I played in the mud and climbed trees."

"I played with dolls and jewelry," Claire said. "I even had a big dollhouse from Germany."

"Well, la di da, Queenie!" Bender said sarcastically.

"I played with footballs and baseballs," Andrew said, a slightly sarcastic smile on his face as he looked at Vernon.

"I played with action figures and read comic books." Brian said, running a hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair also going along with the joke.

"Nerd," Bender coughed into his hand, making Brian turn around with a glare.

The mystery girl in the back spoke lowly so nobody could hear her.

"Power tools, switchblades and cars," Bender asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Well...that leaves you, sir," Sheila said. "The question remains: have you ridden the hobby horse?"

The man shook his head, still completely confused over this. It was getting funnier as Sheila kept using the term 'hobby horse.'

Bender was turning red in the face. Brian was biting his lip so hard, looking down at the desk, so Vernon wouldn't see that goofy grin on his face. But every so often, he would glance up at the now confused vice principal.  Andrew clapped a hand over his mouth and was shaking uncontrollably. Claire pursed her lips together as the conversation continued so another giggle would slip from her lips. Even the mystery girl thought this was pretty amusing, leaving her to crack a small smile.

"My personal life is none of your business, Donovan," the vice principal replied. "I suggest you take your essay more seriously and quit making jokes."

The man turned on his heel and left; he kept shaking his head as he kept trying to figure out what the Smart Mouth was talking about. He still couldn't figure it out by the time he got to his office. He was completely embarrassed and confused over what just occurred.

Once the door closed, it exploded with laughter from the six detainees. Bender laughed loudly. Sheila's laugh was raucous and wild. Claire was laughing as well. Brian picked his head back up, and he began to laugh hysterically; his cheeks even turned a bit red from laughing. Andrew guffawed loudly. He held his stomach as he did that it began to hurt. The dark haired girl let out a small laugh too. She thought this was pretty funny.

"That man is a walking embarrassment," Bender said, laughing hysterically.

"Did you see his face?" Sheila laughed. "I bet he's still scratching his head." She made Vernon's confused face, scratching his head.

The detainees kept laughing as they could picture Vernon doing exactly that in his office at that moment.