Five students entered the massive library at Shermer High. They each took a seat in various places. The princess and the jock sat in the front together. The nerd was sitting behind them until the surly criminal gave him a death stare, forcing him to retreat to the opposite desks in trepidation. The reclusive girl went all the way to the back row, going around the sculpture for some strange reason, and sat down with her back turned to them. Looking back at the mysterious girl, the princess and jock snickered quietly. The nerd raised his eyebrows, looking confused.

Eventually Vernon strode in, holding some papers and pencils in his hands. He looked at the five detainees, noticing the sixth one wasn't here yet. He smirked quietly, knowing that the smart mouthed class clown would embarrass herself once she arrived. That would teach her to humiliate him in class yesterday.

"Well, well... here we are," he began. "I want to congratulate you all for being on time."

Claire raised her leather gloved hand. She hoped that she could talk her way out of detention. Her Dad even said that cutting class to go shopping was no big deal.

"Excuse me, sir," she said. "I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but, um...I don't think I belong here."

The man ignored the princess and looked at his watch.

"It is now...7:06," he announced. "You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. To ponder the error of your ways."

Brian looked at his watch to confirm the time. Claire and Andrew looked at each other incredulously. The burnout hawked a loogie and spit it in the air, then caught it in his mouth. Claire gasped in disgust at this.

It was at that moment, the vice principal heard running footsteps from outside the library. His lips curled into a small smirk; he could only guess who the tardy one was. He turned to see the class clown who dared to make a fool out of him yesterday. Here she was, out of breath and standing frozen like a statue. Her green eyes met his steely grays. A soft curse slipped from her lips. It reverberated in the library, making the situation more awkward as it was. 

"Well, well...if it isn't Miss Comedian," Vernon sneered. "Up late working on new material, Donovan?"

Sheila's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Shit! Detention had already started and she was the last one to arrive. Christ! Could this day get any worse?!

Andrew and Claire bit their lips as they gazed upon their tardy, mortified classmate. Brian had a sympathetic expression. The burnout glared as he recalled the fight they had earlier outside. The girl in the back just stared in the opposite direction.

Despite the overwhelming embarrassment due to her tardy arrival and being shamed by Vernon, Sheila decided to turn it around in a comedic way. She shrugged with a sheepish expression.

"Aw shucks, Mr. Voynen!" Sheila drawled, imitating Curley Howard the Stooge. Then in her normal sarcastic voice, "If I had directions to where detention was being held, I wouldn't have been late."

Brian bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. Andrew snorted. The burnout made a mild smirk. Claire held in her laughter politely. The Basket Case turned and even cracked a smile. Vernon was unimpressed by the act. He checked his watch.

"Drop the comedy act, Donovan. You're seven minutes late," he said sourly. "You can make it up at the end of detention. Now take a seat."

Sheila scoffed. This was fucking bullshit! She was late because she couldn't find the fucking library. Now she had to stay seven minutes longer than everyone else. It wasn't fair!

She looked at her classmates that were in detention, trying to decide who to sit with. She decided to sit with Brian since she was pretty comfortable with him so far. The blond nerd smiled and gave her an encouraging nod. Sheila shrugged off her backpack and sat down with a sulk. 

"Now as I was saying...before Miss Comedian here graced us with her tardy presence," Vernon recommenced.

Sheila made a face, mocking Vernon. God! What was his problem? It was bad enough she was late, now this pretentious prick had to add further humiliation for being so.

"You may not talk..." he said pointing to Claire.

Brian got up to move closer to Sheila.

"You will not move from these seats..." Vernon continued.

This made the nerd freeze and then slide back over to where he was sitting.

"And you..." the vice principal said sternly, pulling the chair out from under the burnout's feet that were propped up. "...will not sleep."

After a beat, the vice principal looked at each of the detainees.

"Alright, people, we're going to try something a little different today," Vernon announced. "We are going to write an essay...of no less than a thousand words, describing to me, who you think you are..."

He strolled by and placed a piece of paper and a pencil in front of each of them.

UGH! Sheila thought. Writing an essay of no less than a thousand words?! This sounded insanely boring. She rolled her eyes, resting her chin on her fist.

"Is this a test?" the burnout asked lazily.

"And when I say essay, I mean essay," Vernon answered to emphasize his point. "I don't mean writing a single word repeated a thousand times..." Then the man glanced towards the back of the room. "Is that clear, Mr. Bender?"

"Crystal," came the apathetic response of the burnout named Bender.

"Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourselves. Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return," Vernon continued.

Brian raised his hand and stood up bravely.

"Uh...y'know, I can answer that right now, sir," he spoke with meek confidence. "That'd be a no. No for me because..."

"Sit down, Johnson," Vernon interjected with a zero fucks given attitude.

"Thank you, sir," said Brian quietly.

"My office is right across the hall," Vernon said, pointing to the office outside the library. "Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?"

Everyone stayed silent. Andrew and Brian shook their heads no. Tempting as it was to make Vernon look like a fool again, Sheila resisted the urge to crack a joke. She was embarrassed enough for being late, then Vernon had to add further humiliation by shaming her and adding an extra seven minutes to her detention.

"Yea, I got a question," said Bender. "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

The detainees held in their laughter. Vernon wasn't amused by this joke.

"I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday," Vernon replied sternly.

Sheila glanced at Bender; judging by the apathetic expression on his face, it seemed that he was sent to detention a lot. Bender didn't give a shit though.

"Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns," Vernon said.

God. What a pretentious dick! Sheila thought, rolling her eyes.

It was then Vernon then to Sheila.

"And you..." he hissed, pointing a finger. "If you really think that you're gonna get away with the same crap you pulled at your last school, you would be sorely mistaken."

Sheila's mouth dropped open slightly. Her freckled cheeks reddened with embarrassment as the man revealed some of her personal information. Andrew, Claire and Brian stared at the new girl with curiosity, wondering what exactly she had done to piss him off. Sure, they remembered the whole 'ointment' joke she told him in history class, but this was really unusual.

Vernon eventually turned on his heel and left to go to his office across the hall.

"Asshole," Sheila scoffed.

Brian glanced over at Sheila who looked embarrassed and angry by the whole event with Vernon. He decided to start a conversation in an attempt to put her at ease.

"It's the shits, huh?" said Brian.

"Yeah. It could probably be a bit more awesome," Sheila said dry.

Bender sized up the new girl with a withering look. His legs were crossed and propped up on the opposite desk. He had listened to what Dick said and how he treated the new girl. He was intrigued by what she had done.

"So...what'd you do to become the apple of Dick's eye?" Bender asked. "Did you secretly piss in his oatmeal or something?"

"I like oatmeal," Brian piped up.

"Just got in some trouble," Sheila said with a nonchalant shrug. "One thing's for sure, Vernon is definitely not a fan of my stand-up comedy."

Bender sat up and leaned forward, intrigued. "Oh yea? What'd you do?"

"You don't have to answer," said Claire, glancing at Sheila.

"No, I wanna know what she did that got Vernon's panties in such a bunch," Bender insisted.

"Vernon wears panties?" Brian said confused.

Bender glared at Brian who was just interrupting with no substance to the conversation.

"Hey, dork, who invited you into the conversation?" Bender sneered.

Brian sank into his chair shutting up after that little outburst from Bender. Andrew turned around and glared at Bender, getting annoyed by his persistence.

"Leave her alone, Bender," Andrew shot back. "She just got here."

"Oh? Are you in love?" Bender teased. "Or are you just looking for anyone with a pulse so you can finally lose your virginity?"

The jock shook his head in frustration. "Really," he muttered. "Buttface."

"Well, hey, Sporto, what'd you do to get in here?" Bender asked. "Forget to wash your jock?"

The jock just ignored him. Bender's attention went back to Sheila.

"Well, Teacher's Pet...we're waiting..." said Bender. "Do tell us what you did to get Dick all bent out of shape."

"Why don't you just shut up?" Claire said. Then turned to Sheila. "Just ignore him."

It was then the room got quiet. Detention had only just started and they had a long way to go...