Song: In Too Deep- Why Don't We

Tease

Hindi na kami nag-usap pa ni Benjamin pagkatapos noon. It's like there's a wall built between us after that argument.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nais niyang iparating. He's doing that for what? Para mas mapalaki pa ang ego niya? So people would think that he's manned up now?

Ilang beses kong pinilit isipin ang sagot pero alam kong hindi ko makukuha iyon. If Tita Barbara knew what he's doing then she'll probably raise hell! But then, maybe she's letting Benjamin do whatever he wants.

After all, he's the one managing their company now. At kung hindi pa hayaan ni Tita Barbara si Benjamin na gawin ang gusto niya, baka ano pa ang gawin non.

I look at him from the corner of my eye. Tamad siyang nakikinig sa programa. I bite the inside of my cheeks.

I feel like I was way too harsh with him a while ago. My mother always told me that it is not right to judge someone I barely know. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung totoo ba iyong mga paratang ko sakanya.

If it's true then, I still don't have the right to judge him. At the end of the day, he's still human. May nararamdaman rin kahit na alam ko na mas pinipili niyang hindi ipakita ito.

I should just be thankful that he tried to stop those people from thinking that I'm one of those girls that he forgets the next day after he bring them to an event. It was surprising that he thinks that I'm different from those girls, that he didn't want them to think of me that way because I am far from that.

Pumikit ako at tsaka yumuko. Stupid, Kelsey. You shouldn't have said something. You should've shut your mouth. Tsaka mo tuloy naisip ngayon na that was beyond the line. Benjamin probably got insulted. Sana nakisakay nalang ako sa trip niya para hindi ganito.

Ugh! Damn it! This conscience is killing me. I fucking hate it.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at tsaka sinubukang mag-focus sa programma kahit na maraming bumabagabag sa isip.

When the first course arrived, I grabbed the table napkin to put it on my lap. Pero dahil wala ako sa sarili ko ngayon ay natabig ko ang kutsilyo kaya ito nabagsak sa sahig.

I was quick enough to try and pick it up pero may kasabay akong gawin iyon. I stopped when I realized that Benjamin also tried to pick the knife up for me. Lumunok ako at tsaka nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na tingnan siya.

Ganoon rin ang ginawa niya. Ang kaibahan lang, kung anong lambot ng titig ko sakanya, ganong kalamig naman ang kanya. Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin at tsaka hinayaan na siyang pulutin iyon.

Pinatong niya naman muli ang kutsilyo sa lamesa.

"Thank you," I mumbled without looking at him. Naramdaman ko ang pagtango niya pero wala siyang sinabi pagkatapos noon.

Hanggang sa matapos ang programma ay hindi parin kami nag-uusap. Even if there's people bidding their goodbyes to us, none of us bothered to start a conversation with each other.

When we were about to exit the venue, I felt his hand on the small of my back. I froze. He tried pushing me gently but then I was frozen in place because of what he did.

Damn it, Kelsey! Get a hold of yourself!

"Why?" he asked. Tiningnan ko siya at mabilis na umiling.

"Nothing." I said at tsaka naglakad na patungo sa sasakyan na naghihintay sa amin.

Just like a while ago, he opened the door for me. Pumasok ako roon at agad na binati ng driver. I couldn't greet him back so I smiled at him in return. Nang si Benjamin naman ang batiin niya ay hindi siya tinanguan man lang nito.

Kahit sa pag-balik ng hotel ay hindi parin kami nag-uusap. The uncomfortable silence is slowly killing me. I desperately want to tell him how sorry I was for thinking that way. Gustong-gusto kong gawin iyon pero hindi ko magawa.

I tried to push myself to do it, pero pinangungunahan ako ng takot. I've known Benjamin as an arrogant person kaya baka pag may sabihin pa akong hindi niya magustohan ay sumabog na siya ng galit sa akin. Baka kung ano pa ang magawa niya.

I think even the driver is bothered with our silence. Ilang beses niya kaming sinusubukan na sulyapan sa rearview mirror at kapag mahuhuli siya namin ay nagkukunwari siyang may tinitingnan sa likod.

The driver cleared his throat when we reached the hotel. Hindi ko na napansin pa nakarating na pala kami nang dahil sa iniisip. The same goes with Benjamin.

Benjamin breathed hard before he spoke. "Thanks, Manuel."

"No problem, sir."

Tumango si Benjamin bago tuluyang lumabas ng sasakyan. Hindi niya sinara ang pinto dahil mas nauna na siyang maglakad papasok kaysa sa akin. Manuel turned to me.

"Thank you." Sabi ko at tsaka lumabas na ng kotse para sundan si Benjamin.

He doesn't care if I can still keep up with his pace because he never looked back. Tuloy-tuloy lang siya sa paglalakad patungo sa elevator. Doon lang ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na masabayan siya nang naghintay kami para sa pagbaba ng elevator.

I pressed my lips into a thin line. Kulang nalang talaga masira na itong clutch na ibinigay niya sa akin dahil sa sobrang higpit ng pagkakahawak ko rito. Nilingon ko siya sa gilid ng aking mga mata.

I saw him trying to loosen up his tie while his other hand is inside his pocket. Tumayo ako ng maayos at nilunok na ang pride na mayroon ako para humingi ng tawad sakanya.

"I'm-" hindi ko na naituloy pa ang sasabihin ko dahil kasabay noon ay ang pagbukas ng elevator. Dire-diretso naman siyang pumasok doon at tsaka pinindot ang palapag kung nasaan ang hotel room namin.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at tsaka pumasok na rin sa loob ng elevator. Nakayuko lang ako habang papasok at tsaka tumalikod na sakanya. Akala ko may papasok pa pero nagkamali ako. The elevator door closed nang kami lang ang sakay noon.

Just when I thought the one that happened at the event was already worst, may mas ilalala pa pala ito.

Benjamin is leaning against the steel handle of the elevator. His presence behind me is intimidating, it makes my legs wobbly. Sa sobrang katahimikan ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtibok ng puso ko. I wonder if he hears it, too.

Hindi ko ba alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Why do I feel like I did such a bad thing gayong may freedom of expression naman tayo? I don't know why I feel like I'm obligated to apologize. This is making me go crazy.

"I will still let you meet them, Kelsey. Just tell me when." Benjamin broke the silence. Inangat ko naman ang ulo ko at tsaka pagilid siyang tiningnan.

"Okay," I whispered. "Thank you."

Hindi na siya sumagot pa pagkatapos noon. Huminga ako ng malalim.

This is your turn to apologize now, Kelsey. He already broke the silence. It's time for you to make your move now.

I opened my mouth. I just hope that we won't arrive in the right floor yet because that will definitely ruin this.

"I'm sorry about what I said a while ago," I started. Pagilid ko siyang nilingon dahil hindi ko siya magawang tingnan sa mata. "I... didn't mean to say those things to you."

Hindi ko na tinangka pa na tingnan ang reaksyon niya kaya yumuko nalang akong muli.

"It's okay... I understand." Aniya. Tumango ako.

Napaangat nalang ako muli ng tingin nang marinig ko ang pagtunog ng elevator. Hudyat na nasa tamang palapag na kami.

Nauna akong lumabas kaysa sakanya. He stayed behind me until we finally reached our respective rooms. Sa halip na kuhanin na ang keycard sa loob ng clutch ay nanatili lang akong nakatayo sa harap ng pinto.

Why do I feel like we still have an unfinished business to talk about? Bakit pakiramdam ko hindi pa sapat iyong pag-uusap namin kanina?

"Uh... Benjamin," I called. Nilingon ko siya at nakitang hindi niya parin binubuksan ang kanyang pinto. He turns to me.

Hinintay niya lang akong magsalita kaya nagpatuloy ako. He move a little closer to me. Nakapamulsa naman siya habang naglalakad palapit sa akin. I moved back a little.

Isang hakbang ko pa ay tatama na ako sa pinto kaya hindi ko na tinangka pang gawin iyon.

"Thank you for tonight. Thank you for... buying me all this," I looked at my dress. Binalik ko naman muli ang tingin sakanya.

I thought for a second, that he's going to look at me with those dark, cold, and scary eyes. But I was wrong. Sinubukan kong ngumiti sakanya kahit na sobra na sa pagkabog itong puso ko.

"I guess... this is where we break up now huh?" I tried to laugh but he remained serious. I felt awkward.

"I mean... you told those people that we're in a relationship even though we're not. I just thought that if we break up now, then... you'll probably have a reason... when... they ask you about me."

Damn it, Kelsey! Ano ba 'yang pinagsasabi mo?!

Mas lalo pa akong kinabahan nang makita kong napangiti siya ng kaunti doon. He stared deeply in me like he's looking into my soul. Napalunok ako. I smiled at him for the last time.

"Good night. I hope you'll sleep well." Wala paring pagbabago sa ekspresyon niya kaya tumalikod na ako.

I was about to press the keycard nang hinablot niya ito sa akin. In one swift move, he managed to open the door and then he pushed me against the wall. Nabitawan ko ang clutch nang dahil sa ginawa niya.

He stared into my eyes first before he crashed his lips into mine. Gulat na gulat ako sa ginawa niya kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin.

He's kissing me so hard until I am slowly finding myself getting addicted to it. Napapikit ako at mas dinama pa ang mga halik niya. I started kissing him back.

Nang dahil rin doon ay mas nilaliman niya ang halik. Napakapit ako sa kanyang batok. Ang mga kamay niya naman ay marahang hinahaplos ang aking baywang. He pressed himself into me as he lifted me up a little.

I've never been kissed before and this is my first time! Natatakot tuloy akong malaman kung ano ang tingin niya sa mga halik ko. Hindi ako marunong humalik kaya hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin.

But when he delved his tongue inside my mouth, that's where I lost it. Kung kanina nasa tamang pag-iisip pa ako, ngayon wala na. Baliw na ako. Baliw na baliw na ako sa halik niya na ayaw ko nang tumigil. Napadaing ako at napasabunot sa buhok niya nang bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko.

Damn! What is happening to me? Why am I not stopping him?

Isang malalim pang halik sa aking labi bago siya tuluyang tumigil. I was breathing hard when he stopped. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pamumula ng pisngi at leeg ko. He was breathing hard, too.

Nakatingin ako sakanya habang siya naman ay nanatiling nakatingin sa labi ko. Hindi ko magawang itikom ito dahil sa sobrang pagbuga ng hininga.

Later on , he slowly raised his gaze to my eyes. May mapaglarong ngisi sa labi niyang ng tiningnan niya ako. Napakurapkurap ako at sinubukang iiwas ang tingin sakanya pero parang imposible ata. Kulong na kulong ako. His right hand rests on the side of my head while his other hand is holding my waist.

Napalunok nalang ako.

"Good night, Kelsey." He whispered. "I hope you'll sleep well, too."

Oh I bet that will happen. Iisang pangyayari lang ata ang iikot sa isip ko bago matulog. And I bet that will definitely hinder me from sleeping!

A small smile curved into his lips. Ginawaran niya pa ako ng isang halik bago siya tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto ko.

I was frozen in place when he left. Nakatulala at hindi makapaniwala sa nangyari. Hinawakan ko ang aking labi at tsaka naalala kung paano niya ako hinalikan.

He looks expert while I feel so lost.

"Oh my god..." I whispered. Binagsak ko ang kamay ko. Doon ko labis na naramdaman ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Oh no, Kelsey. This is bad. Like really, really bad.

I groaned when I heard my alarm ringing. Hindi pa ako masyadong nakakatulog! Paano ba naman kasi, ilang beses sumasagi sa isip ko iyong ginawa ni Benjamin kagabi!

Even when I'm already changing into a more comfortable clothes, hindi parin talaga mawala-wala sa isip ko ang nangyari kagabi.

Kahit nakahiga na sa kama at naghihintay na dalawin na ng antok ay hindi ko parin magawang makatulog dahil sa oras na ipikit ko ang mga mata ko, naaalala ko iyong paghahalikan namin!

Goodness! Why did I even put myself in that situation?

Gumayak ako at inayos na ang gamit. I checked my wallet to look for my keycard pero wala iyon doon! Shit. Where did I put that?

Pilit ko namang inalala kung saan ko ba nailagay iyon matapos naming mag... Ugh! Damn it!

Hinanap ko iyon kung saan. Baka kasi naibato niya iyon sa kung saan. Hinalughog ko ang aking mga gamit pero hindi ko parin makita kung nasaan iyon! Pilit kong inalala ang nangyari bago kami mag... ayoko nang ituloy 'yon.

I never got to hold it again since Benjamin snatched it away from me last night. Hindi ko rin naman nakuha iyon pabalik! Napahawak nalang ako sa ulo nang marealize na nakay Benjamin ang keycard ko.

And now I have to face him! Goddamn it!

I took a deep breath before I decided to head out of my room.

"Kaya mo 'to... kaya mo 'to." I whispered myself. "It's only a kiss. He has probably forgotten it! Kaya dapat kalimutan mo na rin iyon!"

I stop in front of his room. Pumikit muna ako at tinapik ang pisngi para mapakalma ang sarili. Hihingin ko lang ang keycard at aalis na ako. Pagkatapos noon, wala na.

As much as I don't want to do this, pipilitin ko ang sarili ko dahil kailangan. If I will not get my keycard to him, hindi ako makakapasok dito sa kwarto mamaya! And I don't want to sleep outside my room! I paid for this!

Kumatok ako ng tatlong beses at tsaka binaba ang tingin sa mga paa. I just hope that he's awake now. I'm running late to my class.

Hindi naman kasi ako malelate kung hindi niya lang talaga ginawa iyong kagabi! That thing keeps on replying in my mind that it hindered me from sleeping early!

Kinabahan ako bigla nang marinig kong nagbukas ang pinto. Hindi ko inangat ang tingin.

"Yes?" he asked huskily. My breathing hitched. Base sa boses niya, parang kakagising niya lang.

That was so... ugh gosh! Kelsey, stop it! Stop, stop, stop it!

"Uh..." I started. Inangat ko ang aking ulo pero hindi ko siya tinitingnan sa mata. Kahit na hindi siya tinitingnan sa mata, ramdam ko naman na maayos ang suot niya. Baka kasi hindi ko kayanin kung naka... topless siya o di kaya... nakabath robe.

Tinitigan ko na ang lahat maliban lang sa mata niya.

"I just want to ask... is my key card with you?" pagpapatuloy ko.

Lumunok ako agad matapos kong tinanong iyon. I heard him scoff. And he thinks this is funny huh?

"Your keycard? Hmm... let me check." Aniya. Sandali niya namang iniwan ang pinto na nakabukas. Doon lang ako nagkalakas ng loob na magpakawala ng malalim na hininga.

When he returned, I focused my gaze on his room number.

"Here..." sabi niya. That was the only time I had the guts to look at him in the eye.

"Thanks." I smiled a little at him at tsaka tinangka na kuhanin na sakanya iyong key card para makalayo na ako.

But the jerk did not let me do that.

Instead of handing it back to me, he raised it up in the air because he knows that I wouldn't be able to reach that. Given that he's very tall, while I'm not that tall compared to him. I'm only 5'10. While he's probably 6'4? I don't know.

Nilakihan ko siya ng mata. I seriously don't have time for his stupid games! I just want to get away from him!

"Give me that!" I demanded then gritted my teeth. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

He pouted his lips teasingly at tsaka umiling. Bumagsak ang balikat ko.

"Come on. I need to go and I need that." I said in an almost warning tone. Nagawa niya pang ngumisi nang sinabi ko iyon.

He's so... argh!

"Where are you going?" he asked. Hindi makapaniwala ko naman siyang tiningnan.

And why is he asking? That's none of his business!

"Wala ka nang pakialam pa doon!" I tried to snatch my keycard away from him again buy he only did the same thing. I glared at him.

He smirked at me again. Umirap naman ako. Why does he find this thing so funny? Habang ako dito, kabang kaba at ramdam na wala parin sa tamang wisyo ang isip.

"Come on! I'm running late for my class! If you won't give that to me now then I'll probably miss lots of information!" I said frustratingly. Sinubukan kong maging convincing pero dahil naiirita na ko sakanya, hindi ko na nagawa!

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. Sandali siyang natigilan bago niya binaba ang kamay. Mabilis ko namang hinablot sakanya iyong keycard ko at tsaka tumakbo na palayo sa kwarto niya.

I fucking did that will all my might! I felt like I was one of those snatchers from Quiapo sa sobrang bilis ng kamay ko kanina.

I heard him chuckled.

"Take care, Kelsey!" he said while I was running away.

Oh damn him! He isn't funny!