Him

            Andito ako sa office ko wala akong balak lumabas simula nung umalis si Lexus. Akala ko ay kaya ko na kausapin sya pero hanggang ngayon ay takot pa rin pala ako. Mahal ko sya pero hindi sya kayang dalhin ng pagkatao ko.

Kung nakakapagreklamo lamang ang mga kamay ng oras baka nabatukan na ako nito. Maghapon kong pinagmasdan ang bawat pag ikot, ang bawat pag pitik nya ay kakaiba. Sa sobrang bagal ay gusto ko ng paltukin.

Dahan dahan bumukas ang aking pintuan. Agad kong inayos ang aking pagupo.

"Yes?" Bungad ko sa papasok na si Maja.

"Hindi pa ho tayo magsasara?"

"Ah sige pwede na Maja salamat"

Tumalikod ito sakin upang gawin kung ano man ang dapat nyang gawin.

Nasapo ko ang aking noo. Wala man lang akong nagawa na kahit ano sa mag hapon ito.

Nasa labas pa kaya sya? Paano kung wala na pero paano kung andoon pa nga? Anong gagawin ko kung sakaling kausapin nya ako?

Kinuha ko ang bag ko at umaba na sa paglabas. Mabilis na naman ang bawat pantig ng puso ko.

Lumabas ako ng makita patay na ang mga ilaw. Nag paalam na saken si Maja ganun rin ang ginawa ko.

Binalingan ko ang lamesa kung saan sya nakaupo kanina ngunit wala na sya roon. Sino nga ba ang mag hinintay ng ganun katagal.

I slightly walk towards the door and when I am about to lock it, someone holds my wrist. I turn around and look at him quietly.

Sobrang lapit nya saken hindi ako makahinga. Nakita ko ang paulit ulit nya pag lunok na siguro ay kumukuha sya ng lakas ng loob.

"Can we talk?"

My lips parted when I heard his husky voice he makes me feel so uneasy. His dark eyes and his mint flavor mouth wash, God knows how I missed it. I wanna smell if he still use his body wash. 

"I waited for so long. Please spare me some of your time"

Nahimgan ko ang pag mamakaawa nya sa kanyang boses. Bakit ganto ang nararamdam ko. Naguguilty ba ako dahil hindi ko sinabi na wala na syang babalikan.

"O-okay hmm let's talk inside"

Bigla akong nagsisi sa sinabi dapat ba ay hindi sa loob. Ano naman kung sa loob kame maguusap. Okay lang naman iyon.

"Gusto mo ng coffee?"

Kumuha sya ng upuan at inilagay iyon sa harap ng counter. Ngumiti lamang ako sa kanya habang ginagawa ang coffee nya.

"Nagtitimpla ka rin ba ng coffee para sa iba?"

"Nope may mga staff ako" I said and  trying to be cool without looking at him.

"Good"

I serve his coffee and sit at front him. I look at him as he started to take his first sip.

"Umalis ka rin pala sa isla weeks after ako umalis?" Out of nowhere nyang tanung.

"Yeah"

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi"

"I forgot" I bit my lower lip. Hindi ko talaga iyon nakalimutan sinadya ko iyon.

"And you also forgot to answer my texts?" Nahimigan ko ang konting iritasyon sa kanyang boses.

"Nag change ako ng number" which is true.

"Why?" Nagtaas sya ng kilay saken ngayon. Trying to catch my expression.

"Hmm for personal purposes"

"And that's includes me?"

"Vince ano kasi" hindi ko alam kung saan ako maguumipasa. Wala naman kasi akong sapat na rason para hindi sya kibuin sa loob ng mahabang panahon kundi yung paniniwala kong summer love lang iyon na dapat ay natapos na rin pag tapos na ang summer.

"Tell me! I need a fvcking reason. An acceptable one. I am hurting just because of your personal purposes. Three years Lianna and that's the only reason you can give?!" I can see the frustration his eyes.

He is hurting because of my selfishness. I can't give him the reason he wants to hear.  He is hurting for how many years because my foolish decisions.

"Akala ko kasi summer love lang iyon. At ang nangyare sa summer ay maiiwan sa summer Vince"

He laugh as if he is not hurting at all but still I can sense his frustrations maybe his trying to calm his self.

"Summer love? Bakit ba hindi ko naisip noon na bata ka pa at maaring ganyan ang isipin mo. This my fault also" he stroke his hair using his hand. 

Namilog ang mata ko sa sinabi nya. Yes, I was seventeen that time. Pero eto sya at pinipilit akong initindihan kahit na sobra ang saket nararamdaman nya. Kitang kita ko iyon sa kanyang mga mata.

"No Vince it's my fault" hindi nya dapat isipin yun. Ako ang may kasalanan ako ang nag desisyon at ginusto ko iyon.

"You we'er young time, it is understandable for your age to think that way. Let's just fix things from now on"

"O-okay" I pouted "hmmm bakit ngayon ka lang?"

"Two years ako sa abroad for new international branches and look for new investors" He take another sip "when I came back I saw you with your ex. Brix is my cousin anyway"

Namilog ang mata ko sa sinabi nya. Kaya ba andun si Brix sa party nya? Magpinsan sila. How come?

"His kissing you on his car. I wanna punch him right from that moment but truth hits me... you don't want me"

His last words is like a dagger to me. I want you so bad even before I didn't know what is the meaning of true love. I was in denial that time but I like you and now, after long years of waiting I know within me it is love.

"And the next one, I saw you with Juan. You are leaving in his condo. I was there, looking at both of you talking and laughing. I can take it but reality hits harder knowing that you don't want us" he his talking without looking at me. I feel guilty.

"Vince isang building kame ni Juan pero hindi ako nakatira sa kanya. I am living alone"

His bloodshot eyes darted on me. I feel his pains and it is all because of me.

Nagulat ako sa bigla nyang pag tayo. Ngayon ay naglalakad na ito papapunta sa aking tabi. Tanging ang mumunting ilaw lang sa counter ang nag bibigay samen ng liwanag.

"How about the bastard earlier?" He gazed his eyes on my right cheek.

Oh I got the feeling that he was pissed because of that. I suddenly laugh.

Nagtaas sya ng kilay saken habang pinupunan ang pagitan sa aming dalawa.

"His my f-friend. He is h-helping me with my painting" I sighed heavenly he is so near I can't breath properly.

"I can help you either" his husky voice gives shivers into my ears.

"He owns an art g-gallery" I can't even know how to calm my self his an inches away from me. I can hear his breathing and maybe he can hear my trumbling heart.

"I can build an art gallery for you" I bit my lower lip. He tease my nose using his. I want him to stop now but also I want him to continue.

"I want you to be dependent on me baby so you can leave me anymore"

I slightly nod at him and I can control my mind now. I was hypnotized by him. 

He is now looking on my lips then back to my eyes then back again. Naiinis ako sa kanyang panunuya. Kung may gusto sya bakit hindi nalang nya gawin. Gusto kong sabunutan ang sariling pagiisip. 

He puts his lips on my right ear "are you mine?"

I am very sure now na nararamdaman nya ang mabilis ng aking paghinga. Ang mga pintig ng puso namen na tila bay nagsasagatun.

"Mahal ko na ang sarili ko Vince"

Tulad ng ipinangako ko, sasagutin ko yun at kanya ko mismo sasabihin.

I saw his shock face at unti unti iyong napalitan ng ngiti. He holds my back using his hand and guided me to him closely.

One swift kiss and he smile at me. He kiss me again but this time matagal na iyon at mapanuyo. Nang matapos iyon ay hindi na matangal ang ngiti sa aking labi.

We talk about random things. Remembering how we first met, about the island and everything. I even asked about his body wash. He laughs at my question and it's cute. He moved and open his arm, he let me smell his body.
He laughs again on my gesture. I was shock and a little be shy.

I loved the man in front of me. I am willing to ease all the pain I cause because my childish act. Now, I will loved him without depending my decision on you... destiny.