Episode 28: The Girl Who Self-Destructs (Part 2)

                 • • • SNOW • • •

NATINGIN AKO KAY Tutti nang dumaan siya sa harapan ko habang tinutulungan ko si Rum sa paghahanda ng almusal namin. Nagluluto siya habang hinahanda ko naman ang mga pinggan.

"Rum, nas'an 'yong lalagyan ng gatas? Bakit wala rito?" tanong niya sabay sara ng cupboard na nasa ibaba.

"Tinabi ko na sa tasa mo kasi alam kong magtitimpla ka ng gatas."

Nabaling si Tutti doon at nakita nga iyon katabi ng tasa niya. Nagpasalamat siya kay Rum sa lengwaheng Chinese saka nagtimpla na ng gatas niya.

"Who among you have seen my black Louboutins?" tanong ni Queen pagkapasok niya ng kusina.

"Your school shoes? Nasa wardrobe ko nilagay n'ong nakalimutan mo noong isang gabi sa lobby," ani Rum sabay tanggal ng apron niya at kuha saka lapag sa dining table ng piniritong bangus at fried rice.

Sumunod naman ako sa kanya at nilapag na din ang mga plato sa mga pwesto namin. Si Tutti ang naglalagay ng mga kubyertos.

"Grazie," sagot ni Queen at lumabas ulit ng kitchen.

"Tol, 'yong black kong boxers nas'an na?" bungad ni Dean pagpasok sa kusina.

Ang lakas ng boses niya. Siguro hindi niya alam na nandine kaming mga babae. Ramdam kong namula ang mga pisngi ko dahil doon.

Nabuntong-hininga si Rum saka siya hinarap.

"Dean, nasa closet mo. Bakit nakasabit 'yon sa pinto ng doorknob mo? Dapat malinis at maayos ka sa mga gamit mo kahit na lalaki ka. Paano na lang kung may bisita tayong pumasok? Hindi magandang tingnan 'yon," pangaral ni Rum.

Nangiti ako sa tuwa kasi nagiging nanay na naman siya sa amin. Talagang nakakabilib si Rum. Nadinig ko ang mga yapak ni Dean palayo. Mukhang babalik siya sa kwarto nila.

"Dean, Queen, bilisan niyo na nang makakain na tayo!" tawag niya sa mga ito bago bumaling sa amin.

"Sige na, maupo na kayo."

Naupo na kaming tatlo at maya-maya pa ay sinamahan na din kami ng dalawa pa.

Nakakalungkot kasi kagabi sinubukan naming kausapin ang bagong kliyente naming si Tricia Tomas pero hindi niya binuksan ang pinto niya at sinabing gusto niya daw muna mapag-isa. Hinayaan naman siya ni Rum nang maintindihan ang gusto niya. Bilin niya din sa amin na huwag naming pilitin. She will talk to us when she's ready.

Maybe, just maybe, she thought her death will be her end. She committed suicide at akala niya doon na magtatapos ang lahat. Mukhang hindi niya inasahang hindi gan'on ang patakaran ng mga kaluluwa.

O baka naman may mas malalim siyang dahilan. Hindi ko din naman alam kasi wala pa kaming nadidinig mula sa kanya at mukhang hindi pa siya handang magkwento pero nirerespeto namin 'yon.

                 • • • TUTTI • • •

I HASTILY PULLED up my hair into a ponytail using my black floral print bandana scrunchie when our professor in Broadcasting Principles and Practices stood in the very front of the speech laboratory. She was actually a famous figure in both radio and TV broadcasting.

"Eyes here and lend me your ears, everyone. We will begin the radio DJ intro I had given you as an assignment. As I've said, you have to come up with your own intro and perform it once I called your name. You will refer to your listeners as Paladins which is our university team and you will going to end it with an announcement for a short break. This was supposedly yesterday but I had given you that time to practice and so we'll do the simulation today. I had already lectured you on the basics and you have to do good because this is graded. Just an intro for now. Take note of your pitch, tone, and voice modulation while at it. Am I being clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," we all answered in chorus.

I heard Whiskey coughed beside me. He's clearing his voice. Kailangan hindi kami pumiyok dito. Ang pangit ng resulta kapag gan'on.

"Put your headphones on and turn on your speakers," our professor ordered and we did just as what we were told.

Sinuot na namin ang mga headphones at pinundot ang power button ng individual speech machines namin. We did the mic test first to check if our microphones are really working.

She stood on the wooden podium equipped with the same speech machine then she put her headphone on.

Kung may magsasalita ay maririnig namin 'yon gamit ang headphones na parang nakikinig talaga sa radyo.

"Now, let's start with... Vega."

Alamak!

I puffed my cheeks then exhaled.

I can do this.

I just have to enjoy this.

"Good morning, good morning, good morning Paladins! Time check, it's forty-five minutes after ten and you are listening to D-D-DXUP, the radio keeping you on the mix. We will be strolling again down the '90s with your one and only fabulously fancy DJ Tutti. So, stay tune for more 'cause we'll be back right after the break."

I did my radio DJ introduction with matching gestures to channel my emotion and a bit of my nervousness away. Para tuloy gangsta rapper ang dating ko.

My blockmates clapped their hands while others were chuckling because of the rapping gestures I've made while doing my thing.

"Very good, Ms. Vega. You're ready to become a DJ with that performance," she chuckled then cleared her throat and smiled at all of us.

"You have to set her as an example. The first thing I like was that she actually did the time check right. If you're a DJ, you have to make yourself sound entertaining and that technique will you give you what you just wanted," she began her assessment.

"And also, remember that doing good means enjoying what you're doing most of the time because it will afford you all the confidence you needed. Now, let's give her a round of applause for a job very well done."

Later that afternoon, I found myself in the student's park sitting beside Snow as we joined the cell group conducted by the Campus Ministry.

Nauna nang umuwi ang tatlo kanina dahil pareho silang walang pasok after ng klase namin kay Yorme.

"Today, we hear a lot of suicide cases of mostly teenagers. Ano nga ba ang rason kung bakit ginagawa nila 'yon?"

One guy raised his hand so he was called to stand up.

"Bullying po. Hindi natin nare-realize pero sobra-sobra ang epekto n'on sa mental and emotional functioning ng biktima."

"Pwede rin pong maging dahilan ang pamilya? Like what if pini-pressure siya? Kini-criticize nang sobra? Mabuti naman po ang intensyon nila pero siguro dala ng damdamin hindi na magaganda 'yong mga salitang nabibitawan," dagdag pa ng isang lalaki.

"Lahat ng sagot niyo ay tama. There are different reasons for someone to commit suicide pero maniwala kayo o sa hindi, walang taong gustong mamatay. Ang gusto lang nilang mangyari ay matigil ang paghihirap nila at mahinto ang sakit na dala-dala nila."

I silently lifted my left hand. Bahagyang ibinaba ko ang black wristwatch upang silipin ang peklat ng pagtatangka ko noon.

Bumili ako ng concealer hindi para sa mukha ko dahil hindi naman ako nagme-makeup. Ginagamit ko 'yon para itago 'yon lalo na sa tuwing hindi ako nagsusuot ng relo. Talagang magagalit si Rum kapag nalaman niya kung anong sinubukan kong gawin noong mga panahong tumakas ako.

"They saw death as an escape to all their pain and suffering."

Hindi ako takot mamatay. Sa katunayan, lagi kong pinaghahandaan 'yon araw-araw.

"They have forgotten that God is there. They have forgotten that He is their salvation..."

"Beh..."

Kaagad kong ibinaba ang kamay ko at pasimpleng tinago nang tawagin ako ni Snow. She smiled softly at me.

"Ayos ka lang?"

I nodded and smiled at her in return.

"Oo, beh."

Napatingin kaming pareho sa gilid niya nang biglang tumabi si Dean. Their relationship was slowly rekindling after her birthday. He looked at Snow softly to ask.

"Kumain ka na?"

My ears twitched at that.

"Kumain na kami pero gutom pa ako."

He glared at me and I stifled my chuckle.

"Wala akong pakialam. Doon ka kay Rum manghingi," suplado niyang sabi bago binalingang uli si Snow.

"Dean, bakit nandine ka? Akala ko umuwi na kayo kanina sa Overlook?" tanong ni Snow.

"Bumalik ako rito para sunduin ka. Hindi ko alam may tiyanak ka palang kasama. Gusto mong kumain?"

"Oo, oo," I answered for Snow. She chuckled when Dean darted me a glare again.

"Sige. Saan mo gusto, beh?" baling ni Snow sa akin. Sia la, I love this girl.

DEAN DROVE US home after eating in Yellow Cab. He was on a foul mood since awhile ago.

Gusto niyang solohin si Snow kanina pa. Kung weak lang akong third wheel ay malamang kanina pa ako bumulagta sa sahig dahil sa mga nakakamatay niyang tingin na pinupukol. Kaso kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko nang mag-order siya ng malaking Hawaiian Pizza.

Mukhang napansin din ni Snow na bad mood si Dean kaya sa front seat siya naupo. Mag-isa tuloy ako sa backseat.

I fished my phone out from my backpack and scrolled on my Facebook newsfeed. When a certain post captured my attention, I shared it on my timeline with a comment:

He can relate 😂

I bet no one would even believe I was serious with this because I am the type of Facebook user whose timeline was composed of 99% memes and 1% tagged posts.

My notification bell rang so I clicked on it.

Rumplestle Sandros reacted to a post you shared: "He can relate 😂"

Parang nabuhay ang katawang-lupa ko nang magreact siya ng heart hindi dahil kinikilig ako kundi dahil gusto ko siyang ibaon sa lupa sa inis.

He's making it obvious!

I immediately sent him a private message in capslock to suggests an in-text shout.

BAKIT KA NAGREACT?!

Nakaka-relate ako 💚

Napaawang ang labi ko sa reply niya. May heart pa talaga! Hindi halatang tuwang-tuwa.

NAHAHALATA RIN TAYO!

Sorry, sorry. Tatanggalin ko na, doll.

At tinanggal nga niya ang heart react niya.

"Hala, bakit tinanggal ni Rum ang reaction niya sa meme mo?" baling ni Snow sa akin sa backseat, hawak parin ang phone niya.

Mabilis akong napasandal sa backseat at napapikit.

I'll just pretend dead.

                 • • • QUEEN • • •

I LOOKED UP at Rum when he placed a printed picture of an arm with lots of cuts on it.

"Ano 'yan, Rum?" Snow asked as she examined the photo.

"I took a photo of Tricia's left arm after the autopsy. There were a total of twenty-seven cuts on it. Thirteen were healing whilst the remaining fourteen were still open which would indicate that they were inflicted just a day or two ago," he explained.

"What does this mean?" asked the leprechaun.

"If she really intended to die, she will immediately cut the most important vein. Hindi na rin aabot sana sa ganoon karami ang mga sugat niya. However, she seemed to avoid that."

"And that suggests what?" I inquired.

"She's self-harming."

"Sinasaktan niya ang sarili niya? Bakit?" tanong ulit ni Snow.

"Mrs. Tomas mentioned about her being bullied in school and having a strained relationship at home. Siguro ito ang coping mechanism niya."

Rum sighed and sadly looked at us. We have to prepare her funeral now but the soul client won't still talk to us.

"We really need to talk to her."

RUM HYPNOTIZED TRICIA to come out of the room. He took her in the lobby and returned her back to normal. I was looking at her cuts. Marami nga.

Rum sat on the seat in front of her. She was bowing her head and couldn't keep eye contact.

"May itatanong lang sana ako sa'yo kung okay lang sa'yo?" tanong ni Rum sa banayad na boses.

The rest of us Charmings stood behind the couch, watching them. Tricia slowly nodded.

"Nagpakamatay ka ba?"

She shook her head.

"Anong nangyari?" he gently encouraged her to say more.

"H-Hindi ko sinasadyang masugatan dito," she explained and pointed the pressure point on her wrist.

Rum nodded thoughtfully.

"Bakit mo sinasaktan ang sarili mo?"

Tricia's shoulders moved up and down as she began sobbing.

"B-Binubully kasi ako sa school tapos kahit sa b-bahay lagi akong pinagsasalitaan ng masama ni mama... Laging si Tracy lang 'yong nakikita niya... H-Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko. A-Ang sakit-sakit ng nararamdaman ko tapos... tapos wala akong mapagsabihan..."

"S-Sinubukan kong maglaslas sa braso t-tapos naramdaman ko na lang na parang b-binabawasan n'on ang bigat dito," she pounded her chest with her fist.

"H-Hindi ko naman gustong mamatay, e. Hindi naman t-talaga. Gusto ko lang mawala 'yong sakit kahit papaano..." she continued.

"Naduwag ako. Hindi ako l-lumaban sa tamang paraan. Ang hina-hina ko. Alam ko naman..."

I watched her cried out loud. She's really weak. In fact, everyone is. But we should not equal our weaknesses to cowardice. It's okay to be scared but being a coward is not. Cowering means not trying and that will make you lose the game you have not even started.

Our biggest weaknesses can turn into our greatest strengths only when we try fighting. She gave up without even giving it a try. This is why I hate being seen as weak. I do not want people to think I cannot give them a good fight.

Rum reached for her hand and held it gently.

"Kailangang malaman ng mama mo ang totoo," he told her.

MRS. TOMAS ARRIVED half an hour after the call Rum had given her. He told her everything and the fact that they can come to see and hug her daughter's soul here in the Overlook.

Natigilan siya nang makita si Tricia na nakatayo katabi ni Rum. Nangislap sa luha ang mga mata niya habang nakatitig dito.

"A-Ate..." naiiyak na tawag ni Tracy at nilapitan ang kapatid upang yakapin nang mahigpit.

"T-Tracy..."

"A-Ate, bakit mo ginawa 'yon? Ate, mahal na mahal ka namin ni mama, e..."

Tricia was shocked at first but then she softened later on and smiled at her sister. She hugged her back with tears in her eyes.

"H-Hindi ko sinasadya, Tracy. Hindi ko naman ginustong mangyari 'yon..." hagulgol ni Tricia.

"Ma, I'm sorry..." she tearfully told her mom.

Tracy stepped aside to give them way. Lumapit si Mrs. Toma's at sinampal nang malakas si Tricia sa pisngi na ikinagulat naman namin.

Napahawak si Tricia sa pisngi niyang nasampal.

"Ma..."

"Bakit?! Bakit kailangan mong saktan ang sarili mo?!" Mrs. Tomas angrily asked.

And that's when we noticed that she was actually crying too.

"Bakit kailangan mong isikreto 'yong sakit? Nandito ako, oh. Nandito ang nanay mo. Bakit hindi mo sinabi?"

"H-Hindi rin naman po kayo makikinig, e. Magagalit lang kayo sa akin..." hagulgol ni Tricia.

"Noong sinabi ni Tracy sa akin na tinulak ka sa hagdan ng mga kaklase mo sa elementary, sumugod ako kinabukasan sa eskwelahan mo nang di sinasabi sa'yo. Kinausap ko ang principal at ang nanay n'ong bata. Noong narinig kong inaalipusta ka ng nanay n'ong kalaro mo, sumugod ulit ako at nakipagsabunutan sa kanya," Mrs. Tomas confessed which only made Tricia cried harder when she realized the things her mother secretly did for her.

"Pinapagalitan kita palagi kasi gusto kong lumaban ka! Gusto kong tumayo ka sa sarili mong mga paa at ipagtanggol ang sarili mo! Kasi iniisip ko na kung mawala na ako, ayokong iwan ka na mahina. Ayokong masaktan ka at ayokong iwan ka na hindi alam kung paano gagamutin ang sarili mo..."

"Tricia, may cancer ako at mas natatakot akong iwan ka sa inyong dalawa ni Tracy dahil hindi ka lumalaban para sa sarili mo. Sinasanay lang kita para kahit wala na ako, magiging matatag ka..." pag-amin ni Mrs. Tomas.

Napayuko si Snow sa gilid ko at humagulgol nang mahina. Tumalikod si Tutti at idinikit ang noo sa may pader. I looked up to prevent my tears from falling.

No one should indeed underestimate a mother's love for her children.

Humagulgol si Tricia at napaluhod sa harap ng nanay niya. Si Tracy ay umiiyak na rin sa may tabi.

"M-Ma... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, ma..." iyak niya sabay yakap sa tuhod ng nanay.

Tumango si Mrs. Tomas at umuklo upang hatakin patayo si Tricia. She cupped her face.

"Sorry din, anak. Sa kagustuhan kong lumakas ka, hindi ko nakikitang mag-isa mong iniinda ang sakit. I'm sorry," she apologized and hugged her daughter tightly.

WE DECIDED TO reduce our female uniforms into three sets instead of six because the Chinese leprechaun was starting to have fucking Alzheimer's for losing three out of that six uniforms.

Tinanong pa niya si Rum kung nasaan ang mga 'yon at nainis lang ako lalo. Ano bang tingin nila kay Rum? Nanay na hanapan ng mga nawawalang gamit?

We were wearing our white floral-embroidered ruffled silk-organza blouse by Marchessa. We paired it with a black tulle maxi skirt and white flats.

Snow tied hers and Tutti's hair into a waterfall braid. I just let my hair down and put on some makeup. Ang mga lalaki naman ay nakaputing dress shirt na naka-tuck in sa slacks at black coat.

We ushered Tricia into the basement after her burial. She was happy and contented now. Her mother finally accepted her death and their farewell was another emotional moment.

"Promise me you will be strong in your next life," Rum encouraged her with a smile.

Tricia nodded and smiled at him.

"I promise."

Charon sailed the boat to the afterlife and Tricia waved smilingly at us.

illinoisdewriter

A/N:

Hi mates! I have finalized my list of services and I still have 21 at my disposal. Ang magiging title nila ay hango na sa mga fairytale stories. I hope I will be able to put them into words as soon as possible.

P. S.

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