So, how do I even begin this? 

Am I supposed to start with "Dear Diary~ " and pretend I'm writing this whole mess down in a fake diary somewhere?

Because, you know, I'm not.

I'm talking to myself.
In my head.
Fake-narrating my life to imaginary people.
(Admit it, imaginary person! You do it too! I know you do, because I made you up, so don't lie.)

I don't even keep a diary.

I tried to, several times in the past, but I'm not good at putting things into words, and I never know what to write anyway.

My diary entries would probably read something like:

"Dear Diary,
The weather was nice today.
I had Tofu and Beans on Toast for dinner.
Also, I'm being stalked by a bear.
Mom called. Dad has a cold.
The weather is still nice.
Here is a doodle of me being mauled by the bear.
Love, Katinka"

 
Or, do I just- BEEP BEEP BEEP
The alarm clock went off.
I groaned, and buried my head under my pillow, hiding my striking aquamarine blue o̶r̶b̶s̶  eyes and tousled, yet magically perfect blond curls underneath the fluffy mass.
  "Just five more minutes, Mom", I mumbled sleepily, as I groped for the alarm to switch it off, so I could proceed to tell you more about my fascinating morning routine, (except for the bit where I use the toilet, because obviously I don't ), but it wouldn't switch off, because, I realized - my razor-sharp senses kicking into gear - that this wasn't my alarm clock at all, but military sirens blasting through the loudspeaker down the street, announcing yet another ALIEN-ATTACK, and in a swift motion, I grabbed my grandfathers old ʙ172-ᴄᴇᴛᴀ-X-ᴘᴜʀɢᴇʀ-Rᴀʏ-Gᴜɴ Type Never-charge from underneath my mattress (a proper girl always knows where she keeps her grandfather's old ʙ172-ᴄᴇᴛᴀ-X-ᴘᴜʀɢᴇʀ-Rᴀʏ-Gᴜɴ ), the leather of my skin-tight cat-suit (I sleep in mine, those things take ages to put on) creaking under the strain of my enormous breasts, as, pushing my short black hair away from my sharp green eyes, I positioned myself by the window and fired the first blast, hitting the mother-ship dead-center and making it explode, while I watched helplessly as all my friends and family were brutally murdered in front of my eyes but thank god, the unreasonably handsome and strong male lead (who is secretly an alien) was just in time to rescue me and-

Wait.

No.
Wrong book.
Sorry.

I guess, I will have to come up with another way to start my story.
After all, you need to have a proper beginning.

You can't just start talking at people without preamble - even if they're imaginary.
Every good story needs some sort of introduction.

Maybe I should just go for everyone's old favorite...
That one phrase, that tells you that, yup, this is a proper story, alright.

It goes:

"Once upon a time.."

And, I suppose, all things considered, that really wouldn't be such a bad choice.

This is about Fairy-Tales after all.

And about Fairies, Elves, and Wizards and Queens and handsome Princes - well, a handsome prince - but even one of those is plenty when you think about it.
After all, one is really all you need.
Expecting more than one would just be greedy.

There are also other handsome guys, who aren't princes, and might, in fact, actually, more appropriately be termed 'hot dudes', because 'handsome guy' just doesn't do the delicious, panties-wetting coolness of those fellows justice.

(I rather like hot dudes, and this story has lots. Oh yes.)

There might even be dragons in here somewhere.

And bears.

Oh god, yes.

Do. Not. Forget. About. The. Bears.

Well, a bear, but THAT too is PLENTY in my books (no pun intended).

You see, on the whole, I'm not averse to the idea of a story having more than one handsome prince in it, but a fairy-tale without any is always rather a bit disappointing.

Surprisingly, I am PERFECTLY FINE with stories, that contain NO BEARS WHATSOEVER.
Especially ones, that turn into dirty, stinking magical hobos, thank you.
Let me repeat that, just so we're absolutely clear, as this is rather important to me:

Next time, NO BEARS.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

So, now that I know how to begin, let's get this started.

Once upon a time, there was...

Me.