Once upon a time, in a distant Kingdom far beyond the vast Ocean, there lived a young Princess who was known throughout all the lands for her great beauty.

She was beloved by everyone, from the lowliest peasant to the highest noble, for, not only was she so very lovely to look upon, but also gentle, wise and kind, and would treat all who met her with warmth and grace alike.

Of all the creatures on the earth, there was only one who did not love her.

It was the obligatory evil Queen, who was jealous of all the Princesses' charms, for it made her own coarse and vulgar ugliness that much more apparent.

In her anger, the evil Queen cast a spell upon the poor princess, cursing her with mostly average looks [well, not THAT average, okay? Like, seven out of ten at least. Alright, 6.5, maybe. Could easily be an eight or a nine if I ca- er... if the princess cared enough to try, but she doesn't because stuff like that is beneath her and aren't you a shallow little cun-  er... I mean true beauty is on the inside anyway - and let me tell you, that princess had bloody gorgeous intestines.]
[Where was I?]
[Right!]

... cursed her with slightly above average looks, a last name no one could pronounce, and the loudest, nastiest and most fiendish [yet unique and interesting] minds of all, paired with a crippling shyness that prevented her from voicing any of her thoughts and made her seem mousy and boring.

But still, the evil Queen was not satisfied, for even with all her former charms taken from her, the Princess still had something the Queen would never have:
A [fairly] handsome, steady, dependable and loving long-term Boyfriend [who was also a Prince, of course], who, the princess knew, appreciated her for who she was and had actually practised saying her last name until he got it right which was a strangely sweet and romantic thing to do, considering it looked like he would someday replace it with his.

Anyway.

The evil Queen wished that the poor Princess she hated so much would be just as unhappy as she herself was, and so she went and devised a particularly evil scheme, that was meant not only to crush the Princesses' [stunningly beautiful] heart [those valves would make any surgeon weep with joy] but destroy her very soul as well.

Time was, that a cause for great celebration was upon the young couple.
Not only was the Princes' Nameday fast approaching - and that very day also marked the 4th anniversary of their ... 'betrothal' - but the Prince had also been admitted to a very prestigious University, where he would study e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶e̶e̶r̶i̶n̶g magic, while the Princess had gained a scholarship for a slightly less prestigious University where she would be taught all about b̶i̶o̶c̶h̶e̶m̶i̶s̶t̶r̶y a̶n̶d̶ m̶o̶l̶e̶c̶u̶l̶a̶r̶ ̶b̶i̶o̶l̶o̶g̶y etiquette and girl-stuff.

Wishing to please her beloved with the most special gift of them all, the Princess sought out many a wise man and woman to help her find the one thing that would make the Prince happiest of all and forever stay with him as his fondest memory.

All those who knew the Prince well agreed on what the Princess might give to the Prince to please him most, but the Princess scoffed at their suggestion [besides, she had given him that in the previous years and surprised him with it whenever the mood took her, so it could hardly be considered 'special'] and continued her search for the one perfect gift.

All those she asked had much advice and many wonderful suggestions for her, but none of those truly was the perfect gift.
The Princess soon realised, that only she herself could know, what the Prince loved best, for it was her who knew him best of all.

So she withdrew into her tower and after a week of contemplative meditation, she had found what she was looking for.

She remembered how the Prince loved hiking through the wilderness, how he always wished to go out on quest and adventures but had not done so in a long, long time because the Princess was afraid and would not come, and he would not go without his Beloved at his side.

The Princess very much wished the Prince to see that she would make any sacrifice to see him happy, and so she emptied the kingdoms treasury, sold many of her silly trinkets and baubles, spend some of her evenings in relentless toil, gathering all the gold she could, and secretly prepared all, so that she and the Prince might spend a whole week wandering a wild and enchanted forest in a faraway country.

It was hard and difficult labour, requiring all of the Princesses' bravery and wit, for there was much to do, to decide and to learn, so she would not be a burden to the Prince on their Quest.
But the Princess persevered through all her trials, bought all the right equipment and provisions, decided on the most beautiful yet challenging route, practised walking to increase her stamina and to break in her new hiking boots, selected the spots where they would illegally camp and finally booked and paid for the flight and the two hotels they would stay at during their first and last night.

The Princess was very proud of her scheme, for after 4 years it is important to break the routine and show your partner that you are willing to go out of your comfort-zone for their sake.
It is also a scientifically proven fact that the secret to a long and happy relationship and the way to rekindle love is to overcome challenges together. Psychologically, a sense of danger also makes you perceive people as more attractive, so the Princess had wisely chosen a route that included deep gorges, narrow paths and bridges over impressive chasms.

Soon, all was prepared and the Princess eagerly awaited the great day.

It was then, that the evil Queen's own plan came to fruition.

For, while the unsuspecting Princess had worked and prepared, the evil Queen had been whispering ridiculous things into the Princes' ear while he slept, until he believed they were his own thoughts.

Thus it was, a mere week before his Nameday, that the Prince took the Princess aside and started saying the most laughable things, such as
"relationship gone stale",
"fallen out of love",
"dull", "monotonous", "unexciting",
"holding me back",
"having to live apart because of attending separate Universities anyway",
"time for a fresh start"
and
"I'm breaking up with you."

The Princesses' mind screamed and cried and shouted in protest, but her stunned lips would not move and she could not give voice to her thoughts.

And so it was, that the Princesses' heart was shattered and her very soul was crushed, because that egocentric bastard son of a bitch (who never even once had given her head in return, the selfish asshole) left her a week before their 4 year anniversary, making her feel like the old threadbare couch she always meant to replace but was just so used to that she never got around to it, had just walked out on HER, saying it could probably do better than this.

And there had better be no one living happily ever after because that heartless fucker deserves to rot in hell and I hope the next girl he leaves is less of a coward and gives him a good kick in the balls.

The End~

That night, I downed most of the schnapps and half of the beer I had bought to celebrate his 'birthday surprise', until I finally reached that magical point where I was too drunk to cry, and got angry and obstinate instead.
Well, if Alex thinks he's too good for me, then fuck him, the bastard.
I didn't need that fucker anyway.
Unexciting my ass.
Bastard.
I could do cool and interesting stuff all the time if I wanted.
I'll totally show him how badass I truly am, and then he'll realize how lucky he was that I deigned to stay with HIM for as long as I did because he never deserved someone as awesome as me in the first place and I should have been the one to leave HIM goddamnit!

And so it was, that two weeks later, I, Katinka Crnčević, the girl who had never spend a day away from civilisation, arrived at the small castle-town of Stühlingen in southern Germany, ready to hike the 75 miles long Gorge Trail ("Experienced hikers only!") through the 'Black Forest' by myself.

All in all, that turned out not to be the smartest thing I've ever done.