What Does Loneliness Look Like?

It was some hours later reaching on the peak of night and everyone was asleep except for the insomniac hero.

Jackie still wasn't sure Sean had done the right thing. And really he wasn't sure if he had done any good either. Anti was right after all. Dark had always been manipulative and had always had it out for Mark. Anti could have been telling the truth this time and really didn't know what he was getting into.

Then again Anti had done some messed up shit in the past . . .

He sighed to himself sitting propped up on his bed in deep thought.

'What's the void like anyways?' He thought, 'Is it really as scary as Anti looked before he was sent there?'

If so, the hero started to feel worse by the second. The more he was left to his thoughts, the more he was slowly convinced Anti was tricked.

'Maybe . . . . ' closing his eyes for a moment with a deep sigh, Jackie forced himself out of bed.

Not bothering with his mask, he slipped on a shirt and sweatpants and left his room.

'Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just check up on him?' he went to Marvin's door and knocked a few times, waiting for the dramatic magician to open the door and scold him.

Just as predicted, Marvin whipped the door open, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Jackie smirked, "Two in the morning. Not important. I was just wondering . .  ."

"About Anti?"

". . .Yeah."

He sighed, "Don't worry about him, Jackie. If anything, Anti's annoyed he can't watch TV there. I'm sure he's fine."

"How do you know for sure?"

"Hm?"

"I mean" Jackie bit his lip, "Have you been there yourself? What if Anti really was telling the truth this time?"

Marvin took a moment before take a deep breathe, "I've seen it but I've never been in it before. And so what if Anti was innocent this time? He needs to learn-"

"But is this really fair?" the hero interjected, "He looked so scared right before. What if .  .  . what if we really hurt him by sending him there without his abilities?"

"I mean I guess. . . . " Marvin scratched at his light scruff, "Come on in, " he sighed, "We can check up on him if you're really curious, I guess"

Jackie perked up and walked in the room with him.

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Anti didn't know how long it had been. Had it been hours? Days? Weeks? There was no way to tell! He was losing whatever little sanity he had left!

'Tick tok' he felt those words lightly sing in his head, 'Tick tok, tick tok' the words repeated.

Time slowly ticked by but did it really? Everything was so still. So quiet and dark like pitch black tar. He almost felt as if he were drowning or being swallowed whole by something of greater power. He had no control.

Tears stained his cheek but he could no longer feel it. He thought he was laying on the ground but then again it was hard to tell. Where was the floor? Anti shook and tried crying out again but his throat was so sore and raw. 

He had screamed and shouted for too long, he could barely make a sound. The only thing he could feel was himself shaking.

The only thing he could hear was his own thoughts if barely at all.

He was starting to think he really did deserve this. 

They weren't coming back for him. They forgot him. They didn't care. No one did.

He was alone forever.

Fresh tears ran down his face and a whimper left him. His chest hurt so much from everything he was feeling. Did he really mean so little? Was this all his existence would be from now on?

He remembered this feeling. He hated this feeling. 

Before he was made into existence, he remembered a black void. It had only been a few moments back then before he popped into life but it was enough. 

It had only been a few minutes when he was there to challenge Dark but back then he wasn't alone in the void. It was so different. He wanted out. He needed out. He'd do anything.

'Please I'll be good. I'll do anything. Don't leave me'

He shook as he let out another soft cry. Usually he'd be embarrassed for crying but what was the point of that feeling now? No one could hear or see him. No one cared. He could cry all he wanted. He could cry here forever.

And still no one would come.

No one cared enough.

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Sean felt uncomfortable that night. He couldn't sleep and he tossed and turned in bed for a while before finally deciding to just get up. He didn't want to wake up Evelien. 

As he got out of bed, BB, Evelien's cat, woke up and followed him out, trailing behind him. Sean went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, watching as BB jumped up on the counter and meowed at him.

"Hungry?"

The cat purred and Sean opened the fridge to get out a left over can of cat food. He put it in his dish and watched as the new addition to his house purred and ate happily. He smiled and walked out to his living room, pulling out his phone to look on it.

He sifted through a few photos before BB finally joined him after eating, pouncing on his lap and purring.

Sean chuckled as BB rubbed his face against his hand, clearing wanting to be pet, "Needy much?" he pet him anyway, unable to resist the adorable furball.

He sighed and carried on looking through his pictures until he hit some of his egos. Sean smiled as the memory of those days came back to him. Schneep and Jameson working on a crossword puzzle together. Marvin working some magic. Jackie practicing boxing with Chase. Schneep trying to teach Anti Chess and failing.

'Anti' Sean stared at the picture of the ego, remembering how frustrated he had been at losing to the doctor so many times. Anti really was like a child at times, especially after flipping the table and stomping to his room. The memory had been exhausting back then but pretty funny now.

He flipped to a group picture of all of them together. Of course Anti had been dragged in forcibly and looked miserable.

But then again so did Chase for a different reason. This was at Christmas a few years ago and it was a few months after that Chase left, refusing contact with everyone. It was a few more months after that that Schneep left as well for some time to himself. 

Things just weren't the same after that. Anti started acting out more. Jackie started working more. Marvin stopped doing magic shows and Jameson barely communicated with anyone in any way.

He felt kind of sorry for Anti now that he sat and thought about it more. Anti had always been a lone wolf but Sean knew he cared about them. He hadn't hurt or possessed any of them since moving in two and a half years back. He never meant to hurt anyone, he was just scared, even though he'd never admit it.

But after Chase and Schneep left, Anti had gotten more  . . . . rough around the edges, causing as much chaos as he could and for what? Attention? Pity? Just for fun?

It still really didn't make much sense what had happened yesterday, however. Dark and Anti had a history but would Dark really go so far to hurt both Mark and Anti? He already knew the answer to that question but he wanted to give Dark the benefit of the doubt too. He had met him, after all.

He hadn't seemed so bad, either, really. Sure, he had been a tad too proper and stuck up but he didn't seem evil.

Sean carried on looking through pictures until he came across one that made him smile.

It was a picture of Anti and Chase. The two never quite got along except when they were drunk and this picture wasn't an exception. The two were plastered this one night and ended up partying by themselves in the living room drinking, playing stupid games and the night ended with the two cuddling on the couch passed out together.

But then Anti had to go and mess up a good memory with his ego brother. . .  he had been so embarrassed, he lashed out.

Perhaps that was why Chase left.

Closing his phone at the bad memory, Sean ran his hand through BB's fur with a sigh.

The decision he made hadn't been easy but perhaps he needed to look at it through a different perspective? Anti had been through a lot, really. Maybe he was just in a bad place emotionally?

'Maybe I should have Marvin release him tomorrow. Maybe we could just talk it out?' he somehow doubted it but decided on it anyways.

With a nod to himself, Sean picked up BB, and took him with him back to bed.

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 Jackie closed the door behind him and let Marvin lead him to the middle of his room. 

The magician cracked his neck and groaned, "You sure you want to do this? Odds are he's just staring off grumpily into space waiting impatiently for us to release him"

"I'm sure. Just please, Marv? It'll help put my mind at ease at least"

"Alright, alright" he made a wave motion with his hands and mumbled something.

A window-like orb formed in front of them pitch black.

"This is the void. Let's see where Anti's at. Shouldn't be too hard to find him" Marvin mumbled to himself. He waved his hands again and he stopped when they saw a figure seemingly far away into the nothingness.

"Is that him?" Jackie asked.

Marvin was quiet but 'zoomed' in on the figure, "Uh. . .yeah it looks like it"

Anti was lying on his side in a fetal position shaking, face covered by his hands but his mouth was moving.

"What's he saying? Is he okay?" Jackie was getting more stressed by the second, "Marvin, what's going on?!"

"Hold on! Hold on" Marvin took a breathe, "He's talking very quietly to himself. I'll go a bit closer. . . " as he did, Anti's voice was strained but more clear.

"Please please please I'm sorry" he took a gulp of air and coughed, "I'm sorry please I'm sorry. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me" a soft cry left him.

Jackie gaped at the scene, "Marvin. . . Marvin get him out of there"

"But Sean said-"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT SEAN SAID. GET HIM OUT!"

Marvin swallowed, looking troubled at what to do, "How do we know he's not acting?"

"He's fucking crying, Marvin! Anti DOESN'T CRY. Get him out!" Jackie yelled at him, "Sean can punish ME if he wants but I'm not letting Anti stay another fucking SECOND in there! Do it now!"

Quickly without another word, Marvin waved his hands fiercely suddenly teleporting Anti from the void and back to their world on the floor. The glitch, however, didn't really move besides shaking but they could hear his broken sobbing clearly now.

Judging by Anti's lack of reaction, they guessed he had his eyes closed. Jackie came towards Anti slowly and leaned down next to him. 

"A-anti?"

The glitch flinched roughly but didn't move away. He simply yelped and covered his head to protect himself, curled into a tight ball.

"Anti?" he tried again, "Anti, it's okay. You're out now. You're back"

He still didn't react to the words. It was frightening. How long did it feel to him? What had he just been through?


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