★★ Sometimes its so difficult to share your inner pain but at the same time,you want to burst all out what you're going through. ★★

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Zeeniya's P.O.V.
It was night. I was waiting for Jahan. At 9 of the night,I heard the main door opened and he drove in.

I went to open the door.  opened the door before he could ring the bell. He stepped in. I didn't look at him.

"Assalam-o-Alikum." I greeted him.

"Wasalaam." He replied.

We walked in. I didn't look at him for once. I keep my eyes lower. He moved to room and I went in kitchen. I start serving food on table. After placing glasses on table,I went to call Jahan for dinner.

I slowly walked toward my room. I stopped outside the room for a while. Taking a deep breath, I controlled myself. I was feeling so weak from inside that at any time, I could break down into tears. I took deep breaths and put my hand on the knob to open the door.

"Be strong zeeniya."  I said to myself and opened the door.

I stepped inside. I looked here and there in search of Jahan. Suddenly the door of the washroom opened and he came out,towel in his hand. I took a step back to give him space.

"Dinner is ready." I said without looking at him.

"I'll be there." All he said and I nodded and turned back to went in dinning hall.

After 5 minutes, I saw Jahan coming. I was standing near his chairs. I stepped aside and he sat down. I served him food and sat next to him.

I served myself and start eating quietly. I felt Jahan looking at me. I could feel his gaze which start making me weak but I didn't look at him and keep myself busy in eating.

I felt my eyes going wet but I controlled myself. It was hard but still i was holding myself. I took glass of water and slowly start drinking it. I saw Jahan cleaning his hands.

"Anything else?" I asked and he didn't say anything for a second. I kept my eyes on my plate.

"Nothing." He said and went to his room.

I start cleaning the table and I felt two tears roll down on my cheeks. I was about to cry but no I didn't let myself to break down..

I have to control myself. I can't be so weak. I have to control my tears.

I said to myself and  wiped my tears and took all the utensils and placed them in kitchen. After washing all utensils,I made tea for Jahan. After putting tea in cup,I took cup and went to room. Before entering the room,I rub my eyes and face. I slowly opened the door and entered the room. I saw Jahan who was lying on bed. I went to his side and put that cup of tea on side table. I didn't call him. I went directly to washroom to do my ablution. When I came out, I saw Jahan drinking tea. I placed my prayer mat and start offering my Salah .

When I completed my salah,I saw Jahan next to me performing his Salah .I made dua and folded my prayer mat. I sat on bed and waited for Jahan to complete his prayer.

After making dua,he came to bed and lay down. I turned off the lights and lay down. I closed my eyes and turn to other side not wanted to face him.

How' s life become? Before marriage, I used to think about my married life and now I'm living it ,it was not the same.This is the way husband wife lives together as we are living like strangers.

I turned to see Jahan who was now in deep sleep. I could not help but to keep looking at him. My tears were rolling down again rapidly and I was stopping my hiccups.

I wish I could tell you how much you hurt me today. The behaviour of my parents and brothers didn't hurt me that much as yours hurt me.

I slowly got up and opened the drawer of my side table. I took my diary and pen and close the drawer again. I slowly got up from bed and went toward the balcony. I opened the door of balcony. I saw moonlight which enlighten the whole balcony and the half area of room. Placing a huge cushion on the floor,I sat in front of balcony on the carpeted floor. Turning to my bed side, I saw Jahan was sleeping. Jahan turned to my side. Now his face was on the balcony side. I could see his face. His one hand was under his face and one was in duvet.

I turned and looked at the moon. I opened my hair by removing the clip. I placed my hair on my right shoulder and turned left to see Jahan. I suddenly felt  a touch of cold air on my face and neck. I turned to see the moon and feel the coldness of the night by closing my eyes. I kept my eyes closed for few seconds. There was the was the slow bloom of air touching me.

I opened my eyes and placed my diary in front of me. I opened the new page and start writing.

Today was the day, when I got hurt badly. Today I came to know who I'm. Today I got my limits. Today Jahan you told me my place in your life.

Tears were forming in my eyes. I didn't  push them back but give them way to roll down on my cheeks. I looked up and looked at the moon and then at Jahan who was in his deep sleep, unaware of my pain. I again start writing.

I always think I will get my identity when the man of my life enter my life.The life I was living at my parents was just a name of life. My all dreams and wishes were belonged to this marriage and on our relationship but now it seems that my whole life is  meaningless. I as person am a meaningless person who have no importance in any one's life.

I turned to see Jahan. Myy cheeks were going more wet because of tears. I lost all control on my tears.

Who am I ? Who am I to you  Jahan? "Nothing."

I wish one day all my pain faded away and the reason behind it would be you Jahan.

Dear diary! If Jahan ever opened you,tell him that what he is for me and how much I loved him. In this one month,in my every passing moment,I felt you too near to my heart. I felt you in every moment around me. I could read your eyes but today I didn't look at your eyes because looking at your eyes makes me forget everything. Your eyes makes me strong and at the same time weak and today I didn't want to become weak in front of you. The pain you gave me today was in my eyes,and I didn't want to show it you.

I never asked you to love me, but expect that you gave me respect. Respect of being your wife.

The last thing I want to say Jahan,I didn't know if I could ever tell you this or not but in my diary I want to say.

"I love you Jahan."

"Love you more than my life."

I closed my diary and wiped my tears and looked at Jahan who was looking so cute while sleeping. I smiled looking at him. I won't give up Mr.Jahan Ahmad. I won't leave you. I smiled thinking about what was going on, on my mind.

A/N::Salaam people..!
Another update.I tried to write it little emotional but I could not carry it longer so soon will present a happy zeeniya and a naughty one.

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