Howdy, don't mind me just projecting some of my feels onto these poor defenseless characters. Oh and for those who haven't read it yet, look at My Life Updates book for the reason of my absence and explanations and stuff. It's the most recent chapter.

I laid in my bed staring up at the ceiling as pandora played music. I can't believe I lost Craig. After we'd been together for so long, I lost him because of my fucking temper.

I frowned harder as a new song came on. I listened to the lyrics and it was like a punch in the chest. Yeah I hadn't lost him to suicide but still... it just seemed to fit and in a way he is dead. Or at least the part that used to love me is dead.

Craig hasn't been mean to me or anything, he's still friendly and loud. But he doesn't love me anymore, at least not in that way.

I miss him. I miss him a lot. I don't understand how it's possible to miss someone this much when you see and talk to them everyday. I never understood how people could be so alone  when you have people around you but now I know.

I wish I could have prepared myself for this pain. Wish I could have told my past self to get ready. I'd never even thought about losing him but here I am. I don't know what to do and how to live.

Everyone keeps saying to give it time and I'll find someone else but god damn it I don't want anyone else! I want Mini!

I pulled the pillow over my face. I could always smother myself. Suffocate and die. I started to push the pillow down on my face, desperate to stop the pain. Suddenly memories flashed through my head.

Me and mini first meeting, our first date, first kiss, first time, the smiles, the laughs, and overwhelming tsunami of love. I threw the pillow across the room where it hit the wall and slowly slid down. I couldn't do that to him, I will not make him feel like my death is his fault. I couldn't do that to the man I love the most...