CROC'S POV

Chapter 24

Her breaths were deep, her heartbeat rhythmic. She was sleeping—in my bed, on my arm. Her pants were still wrapped around her knees, and her legs were bent. The curve of her hip and the skin of her thighs bare, tempting. She'd let me. She'd asked me to. She'd rocked against my hand and made those little noises that lit my blood on fire. My touch had done that. I had done that. I'd made her come apart, come alive, and I'd never felt stronger, more capable, more skilled. I blew out a breath. She hadn't seemed upset about it after. She'd seemed happy. I'd made her happy. My chest swelled, building pressure until I wanted to crow. I wanted to whoop up into the sky, wake the swamp so it could watch me beat my chest and dance across the roof. But then her hand innocently drifted from my chest to my navel, and I wanted to do something else entirely.

I tensed and held my breath, fighting the urge to roll over and take everything. That wasn't the plan. That wasn't what she needed, and I wouldn't have her comparing me to the men she'd told me about.

I ground my teeth and shifted away, careful not to wake her.

Willow stirred, muttering soft shapeless words as she pulled her knees up tighter and clutched the blanket where I'd been. She was searching for me. She didn't want me to leave, and the urge to return grew. I bit my lip, unsure what to do. She was impossible to read. I couldn't rely on her scent, her expression. They never matched how she really felt.

What would she do if I did? How would she react? Things had been different tonight. If I dropped down, pulled her jeans away, removed that soft purple material she wore under, and buried myself inside her... My jaw clenched, hands fisted, and I shifted uncomfortably on my spot. She'd probably scream. I'd probably scare her half to death, and then I'd be something different to her. I'd be the animal she saw me as when she first arrived, and I'd worked too hard to become a man.

I draped one of the loose blankets over her, immediately mourning the loss of her skin. I had to be patient. I had to wait. She needed to choose to give herself to me, and until she did... I turned away to gaze at the canal below. I needed to swim.

I jumped off the roof, sprinted across the yard, and dove in, pushing my muscles as hard as I could, expelling the tension, creating the distance I needed in order to protect her from the part of myself she couldn't see. But every brush of the water felt like her, and no matter how hard I tried, all I could think about was the fact that she was there, on the roof, in my bed, barely clothed and ready to be caught.

I stopped abruptly and stood, breathing hard and angrily rubbing the water from my face. It wasn't working. Maybe I was an animal. Maybe I wasn't the man I pretended I was. Maybe I really wasn't any better than the others, and maybe Willow knew more about me than I did myself. If she knew the thoughts I had, the things I imagined doing to her, all the time, when she ate her breakfast, when she made the children laugh, when she just sat and did nothing, just existed.

The urge to go back intensified. I ran a hand through my hair, yanked the strands, then hit my chest, once, twice, same place, letting the pain suck me back to the present. Do not go back there. Not now. Not yet. You're not an animal, and if you act like one, you'll hurt her. I ground my teeth and stood frozen for a long moment, running the words over and over in my head, feeling the water rush past me in the direction I wanted so desperately to go.

"Croc?" Gator hissed.

I opened my eyes and watched him wade toward me. "Who's watching Danny?"

"He's asleep," he said. "But I stay beneath the water most of the time with him, so even if he wakes up, he won't know I'm gone." He stopped a foot away and let his whole back and tail float to the surface. "He's not that smart and even less brave."

I nodded. "Still, if you're going to leave him, you should have another alligator keep watch. Or tell me, and I'll do it."

"Another alligator would eat him." He paused, and his jaws slid into a wide smile. "That's a great idea."

I grinned and shook my head, but his presence eased some of the tension.

"I came to check on you. You're noisy tonight, splashing, grunting, growling, then I finally catch up, and you're beating yourself half to death. I thought the voodoo got you. Did the voodoo get you? I heard some stories about that shit. You don't want no part of it."

I shook my head, remembering all the stories he'd told me as a child and the tension eased more. "No voodoo, Gator. I'm okay."

He heaved a breath. "Oh, good. They make dolls, you know? Make 'em look just like you, then poke and move them around, and you do whatever they're doing. I just assumed, knowing how smart you are, that if you were beating yourself up, it must be because someone was making you." He peered up at me. "Are you sure? You may not even know it."

"I'm sure." I squatted beneath the surface, letting the water reach my chin.

"Oh, okay. Then why? Is this some new human thing you learned? Because I'm thinking this might be one you can choose to skip. It doesn't seem all that smart."

I blew out a breath. "Yeah, okay. You're right. I'm just going to swim for a while."

"You sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He grinned again. "There's a female in your bed. Don't think I didn't see you carry her up there, and you ain't brought her back down. That's another reason I was sure the voodoo got you. Why else wouldn't you be there? That don't make no sense. It's almost mating season."

My eyes widened. It was. I hadn't thought about it, and I felt ridiculous for not doing so. It made sense and explained why I couldn't seem to gather my control. There'd never been a woman around, not a human, not for me, but now...

"She doesn't want to mate with me," I said, voice quieter. "I came out here to calm myself."

Gator gave a laugh, then a hoot, then did a roll across the surface as he continued to rumble at my expense. "Oooh! That makes more sense!" He cawed like a giant bird. "You're hitting yourself for..." he trailed off, snickering and shaking his head back and forth. "You—" Again, he couldn't finish.

I pursed my lips and watched him, hands fisted at my sides. "Yes, it's hysterical."

He sobered and rolled upright to study me. "I'm sorry. All you had to do was say something. This is your first season. I can help you."

I smiled but shook my head. "I don't think it works the same for humans as it does with animals."

"It can't be that different," he said. "Just try. What I do is"—he lowered his body until just his head stuck up out of the water—"I get down low like this, then I do this dance that all the ladies love." His neck puffed out as he vibrated, causing the water to splash up at his sides and ripple outward, and a low hum sounded through the depths below. He stopped after a moment. "They hear that and can't get to me fast enough."

I scratched my beard and nodded. "I'll have to try it."

Gator grinned. "If that doesn't work, you can be a bit more blunt." He sucked in a breath, opened his jaws wide and grunted, bellowing loud enough for the entire swamp to hear. "You may need to use a human sound, but that's a go to. She won't be able to resist that."

I didn't know whether to be annoyed or grateful. I was annoyed that I needed help, grateful that receiving mating advice from Gator had oddly put all thoughts of mating out of my head.

I rolled my shoulders, stretching my neck. "I'm better now. Thanks, Gator. Do you want me to go watch Danny or are you going back?"

"I'll go back!" he said. "You need to get over there and try out those tips I gave you."

"Right," I said. "I'll let you know tomorrow how it went."

He swam past, grinning as he went. "You do that." He disappeared beneath the surface, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

Mating season. It hadn't even started yet. All the gators would come alive. The swamp would be full of their cries and splashing dances, and I'd be...

I gripped my neck, searching the water for an answer. I felt the pull, had ever since I became a man, but without a female around to mate with, it'd never been a problem. As it stood, I was ready to devour Willow on a normal day, and it took a great amount of effort to be the man she wanted me to be. What would I do when my instincts took over? I wouldn't be a man, not then. I wouldn't have control. It was already starting, I just hadn't realized. On the roof. All the things I'd done to her. It was the furthest I'd ever gone, and while she'd seemed to enjoy it, I wasn't sure how much she'd appreciate it when I inevitably went further.

My body tensed back up at the thought. She needed to sleep inside. As a matter of fact, she needed to stay inside. That's what I'd do. I'd have Julia lock her up, and make her swear not to let me in, no matter how... I groaned and gripped my neck tighter. That wouldn't work. I'd get inside. It would be easy. I'd rip the door right off its hinges. No. I hit my head again, urging my mind to work.

I had to contain myself.