The Kats: *Going about their business*

The Kats: *All forced to hold on to something as the floor suddenly lurches*

Unladylike Kat: *Pokes her head out from behind Tranquil*  Okay, I think that I speak for all of us when I ask: WHAT IN THE CURSED REALM IS HAPPENING AROUND HERE?!!

Violent Kat: WE'RE BEING FIRED UPON!!!  QUICKLY, LADS!!!  MAN THE DEFENSES!!!

Literary Kat: AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN!!!  THOSE MANGY CURS WILL REGRET EVER COMIN' ASHORE HERE!!!

Offhand Kat: Chillax, I think our host just coughed.  No biggie.

Sassy Kat: ..And when does that ever happen, in your humble experience?

OK: ...............................................

OK: Oh my FSM, she's going to die, isn't she?

Maker Kat: *Proudly*  Not to worry, I'll build her a coffin right away.

OK: And I'll find us a new place to live.

Tranquil Kat: *Suddenly opens one eye*  That's harsh, man.

TK: Sway like a reed...

Sassy Kat: NO, dumbos.  I meant that she's probably coming down with something.

The others: *Confused looks*

SK: Like she's sick.

The others: Huh?

SK: Like that thing that used to happen all the time when we were in school.

The others: *Finally understanding*  Ohhh..!

Offhand Kat: Well, that sucks.

Unladylike Kat: *Raises fist*  WE WON'T GO BACK!!!

SK: Darn right we won't!

Wise Kat: Oh, dear.  *Clings onto a table as there's another earthquake*

OK: Uh, what was the 'oh dear' for?

WK: You're new around here, so you probably won't remember, but strange things tend to happen when our host is sick.

Tranquil Kat: And it usually starts with..

Tranquil and Wise: *Both gasp*  CLIPBOARD!!!

Wise Kat: Maker, sound the alarm!

MK: ON IT!!!  *Runs to a big red button and slams her fist onto it*

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN INITIATED.  TOTAL ANNIHILATION IN T MINUS SIXTY SECONDS.

MK: REBEL!!!  STOP SWITCHING THE LABELS AROUND, IT ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE!!!

Rebel: Sorry!

MK: *Repeatedly hits the button until the self-destruct sequence stops*

MK: *Hesitates as she stares at the row of buttons in front of her*

Rebel: *Sighs*  Hang on, I'll help.

MK: You?  HELP?

Rebel: What?  Don't you trust me?

MK: Um..  We know the word 'no' in several languages, don't we?

MK: No, nyet, nein, nem, non, iya, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS-

Rebel: -I GET IT!!!

Rebel: Okay, I admit that I haven't always been 'acting in everyone's best interests', as CK puts it, but I can change.

MK:

Rebel:

MK:

Rebel: ..I mean, like, I won't, but I can. 

MK: That makes no sense.

Rebel: Neither does your face, buttercup.

MK: You messed up our flawless-

*Countdown starts again*

Rebel: *Body-slams the corresponding button and stops the countdown*

Rebel: ..You were saying?

MK: -Security system.

MK: Aw dang, alright.  It can't get much worse, anyway.

Rebel: *Rubs hands together*  Excellent!

Rebel: The confetti cannon was this one, correct?  *Points to an aqua-shaded one*

MK: .......................................

MK: Stay focused.

MK: ..But yes.

Rebel: *Fist pumps*  SWEET!!!

MK: I'll paint sparkles on it, just to be safe.

Rebel: Make 'em poison green.

MK: Sure, why not?

Rebel: *Points to a slightly less dangerous-looking button*  It was this red-orange one, I'm pretty sure.

MK: How sure are you?

Rebel: 73.9 percent.

MK: That's pretty positive!  *Pushes button*

ALARM SYSTEM ACTIVATED.  STEP ONE: PANIC.

REPEAT STEP ONE AS NECESSARY.

Unladylike Kat: *Yelling*  WELL, THAT'S HELPFUL!!!

Sassy Kat: NONE SHALL PASS!!!

Rebel: Ten to one they actually have no clue about what's going on right now.

MK: It's not very likely, I admit.

MK: Wait-  Do you know?

Rebel: The difference is: *Leans in close*

Rebel: ..I don't care.

Rebel: *Smirks and saunters away, swinging her hips*

MK: I walked right into that one, didn't I?

Humorous Kat: *Suddenly materializes next to Maker*  Yep!

MK: *Screams and throws her hands up into the air*  HOLY SPINJITZU, DON'T DO THAT!!!

HK: *Slowly drops to her knees*

MK: Wait, where'd my scissors g-OH, no!

HK: *Looks up at Maker in bewilderment*  Why..?

MK: *Guiltily pulls her scissors out from Humorous's chest*  Whoops!  Sorry about that!

HK: *Gets up and dusts herself off*  Eh, don't worry about it.  I've faked my own death plenty of times before, so this really isn't any different from that.

MK: But..  I stabbed you.

HK: And what's a stab wound between friends?  It's fine.

MK: Uhhh...

*Meanwhile, with Wise and Tranquil*

Tranquil Kat: Where's Clipboard?

Farmer Kat: *Points over her shoulder and leads her cow away*  Come right this way, Emoolinda.

Wise Kat: *Snaps her fingers*  Of course!  The control room!

*Wise and Tranquil burst in*

Romantic Kat: Oh, thank goodness you're here!  Clipboard hasn't been the same since the earthquakes began.

Clipboard Kat: *Weakly swaying from side-to-side and muttering*

CK: Invaders!  INTRUDERSss!!  Desstroy them mm-ALL!  Hmm-uh yes.

CK: Ehehehehe-  The plumbing's damaged.  *Rolls eyes upwards*  Fix it fix it FIX IIIIIT!!!

CK: *Demonic screeching*

Rebel: *Quickly joins them and raises a camera to her eyes*  Well, there's something that you don't see every day..!

Wise Kat: *Yanks camera back down*  Don't.

Rebel: I will tell this story to my nonexistent grandchildren one day.

Tranquil Kat: Please don't.

Rebel: *Rolls her eyes*  Whatever.

CK: *Grabs blindly at thin air*  Freeze-dried flaming avocado?  Don't mind if I do.  

CK: *Coughs*  Soak it in kerosene, would you?  I need to clear my system out.

Rebel: *Slow grin*

Wise Kat: VIOLENT!!!  WE NEED YOU!!!

*Silence*

WK: *Sighs*  YOU CAN INJURE SOMEBODY, IF YOU SO WISH!!!

Violent Kat: *Immediately runs up*  You called?

WK: *Points at Rebel*  It's her.

VK: Okee-dokee!  *Puts Rebel in a headlock*

Rebel: I wasn't really gonna do it, honest!

Clipboard Kat: Hahaha!  Don't make me laugh.

CK: AHAHAhahahaHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

CK: ..You're next.

VK: 0-O

VK: Is Clipboard drunk, orrr..?

Tranquil Kat: She's sick.

VK: I WASN'T ASKING ABOUT HER MENTAL CONDITION, I WAS ASKING ABOUT-

VK: Oh.  You mean actually sick.

Rebel: Ya.

VK: *Tightens grip*

Rebel: OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!

VK: NOBODY ASKED YOU!!!

Romantic Kat: We'll get picked off one by one, I know it!  *Carefully lays a rose at Clipboard's feet*

RK: You'll be sorely missed.

RK: ..By some of us, at least.

Wise Kat: *Sighs again*  She's not dead yet.

Rebel: BUT THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE!!!

VK: *Knocks her on the head*

Clipboard Kat: *Grabs them both and shakes them aggressively*  WHO?  ARE YOU?  WORKING FOR?!!

CK: *Tarzan yell*

VK and Rebel: *Stumble away from her, dazed*

VK: That woman's freaking dangerous.

CK: SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!!  HURRY, INTO THE LIFEBOATS!!!  SAVE YOURSEEEEELVES!!!

CK: *Frantically begins to row an imaginary raft*

Rebel: I never thought that I'd ever say this, but I want our ordinary bossy Clipboard back.

VK: For real.

CK: IT'S MY REFRIGERATOR, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!

CK: *Pause*

CK: *Screaming*  THE ALIENS THAT LIVE IN THE CRISPER ARE THE ONLY FRIENDS THAT I HAVE LEFT!!!  YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM FROM ME, BEETHOVEN!!!  MOZART WARNED ME ABOUT YOU, YOU YOUNG UPSTART!!!

CK: *Starts humming symphonies backwards*

Wise Kat: *Gasps*  Oh no, she's decomposing!

Tranquil Kat: I think that we should fix her.

Romantic Kat: But if we can't, then at least she can be reunited with all of our deceased loved ones.  *Sniffles*

TK: That's dark, man.

Rebel: Wise, you're second-in-command for, like, some reason.  What should everyone else do?

RK: *Whispers*  Everyone else?

Wise Kat: Attack the root of the problem.  She's sick, right?  So naturally-

Rebel: -We kill her!  Of course!  Problem solved!

Violent Kat: Okay!

WK: NO!!!  We find the illness and-

Rebel: -We kill it!

VK: Okay!

WK: You two share a braincell, don't you?

Rebel: ..Quite possibly.

VK: *Grabs Wise by her blouse collar and looks into her eyes wildly*  What I want to know is: Can I kill it?

WK: *Terrified*  I-  Uh...

Rebel: She says yes.

VK: YAAASSS!!!

VK: *Bellowing at the top of her lungs*  KILL!!!  KIIIIILLLLL!!!

VK: You won't regret this!

Wise Kat: I already have...

WK: Remember that slideshow I presented about three or four years ago?

VK: You're gonna have to be more specific.

WK: .......................................

WK: The Coronavirus one.

VK: Yeees..?

WK: *Groans*  Go for the spiky ring things.

VK: Got it!

VK: Time to suit up!

VK: *Is immediately fully kitted out in a complete set of battle gear*

WK: When did you get the time to change?

VK: True warriors are always ready for battle.

WK: That doesn't answer my query.

VK: You're the smart one.  You figure it out.

VK: *Runs away*  TO BATTLE!!!

WK: This may yet end badly.

*Later*

VK: *Slowly unsheathes her blade and directs it towards a wall of Coronavirus*  Heh, so you're the scoundrels who thought that you could just sneak in here without us noticing, are you?  You've got some nerve.

Boss Covid: *Floats in front of her menacingly*

VK: You don't scare me, you son of a nutcracker, for I have a brother.  I FEAR NOTHING!!!

BC: *Is an angry blob*

VK: Ha ha!  Bet you didn't think of that, did ya?!!

The other Covids: *Looming behind their leader ominously*

VK: *Cracks her neck and grins*  Oh, I've sooo been looking forward to a decent fight.  Let me thank you in advance.  *Dark and evil smile*

VK: *Runs at them, raising her sword*  NOW DIE!!!

The Covids: *Very confused as Violent hits them*

*Approximately three and a half days later*

VK: *With barely a dent in her armor as she corners the last group of Covid in a vein*  I guess it's over for you guys, huh?  There's no more retreating now.

VK: *Levels blade at them*  Any last words?

The biggest Covid: *Frantically whirls around*

VK: I don't care if this is your family, you've got to go.

TbC: *Terrified spinning*

VK: NO, I WILL NOT SPARE LITTLE TOMMY!!!

The smallest Covid: *Passes out*

VK: See?  He's weak.

VK: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN!!!  LET ME END YOUR EXISTENCE WITH SOME DIGNITY!!!

TbC: *Bounces*

VK: Of course I'm not tired.  I get a regular dose of Vitamin C.  It works wonders, and I'm always in top form because of it.

VK: ..Hashtag Vita-Rush.

TbC: .......................................

VK: .................................................

VK: DON'T DISTRACT ME!!!

The Covids: *Fearfully pressing together*

VK: *Kisses blade*  I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to defeat you now, Covids.

VK: *Hisses*  TIZZ DEATH!!!

*The next scene is censored for those readers with delicate constitutions*

*A little while later*

Violent Kat: YOOHOOO!!!  I'M BACK, EVERYONE!!!  AND I BROUGHT SOUVENIRS!!!

VK: *Dumps the bodies of several Covids onto the floor*  WHO WANTS LITTLE TOMMY?

Rebel: *Swoops in*  Dibs!

VK: How is everyone?

Rebel: *Shrugs*  Clipboard, Wise, Romantic, Tranquil, and a couple of the others that I don't really care for have succumbed to the sickness.  But thankfully, no one important.

VK: That's good.

*Random screaming in the background*

VK: And now the healing can begin...

Word count: 1577