12 days until deadline.

Jokers POV~

Today Bruce decided to call a meeting at the ungodly hour of 7:30. My sleep patterns are abstract at best so the time didn't bother me. However having a grumpy Jason and an even grumpier Damian sitting either side of you is dangerous even by my standards.

Batsy had finally come up with a plan for how to go about looking for clues. The riddle we had been given was frustrating but it did give us a few hints. For example we now know that whoever is behind this isn't targeting just criminals and is instead focused specifically on Bruce and me. We made a list of all the places significant to us, like my hideouts and places from Bruce's childhood and it was decided that our next step was to investigate. Bats, Barbra and Damian would be doing this job whilst Tim and myself would be staying here and listing everyone I know from the criminal world to try and narrow down the possibilities of the kidnapper. Tim didn't seem too happy with this but didn't say anything against it ether, he just kind of sighed softly to himself. Jason refused to help ether party and instead stormed out muttering something about doing his own investigation. Dick followed him out and neither have come back.

After the jobs had been assigned Bats logged on to the Bat computer and the 3D map of Gotham he had been adding locations too on my first day in the house was already onscreen, exactly how I left it. He started marking all the places they would be checking today as I fidgeted in anticipation. You see, Alfred had helped me log on to the high tech computer yesterday evening after dinner and we had had a little fun changing insignificant details like profile pictures and passwords. Unfortunately not even Alfred knows what I changed his desktop background to. Bruce transferred the addresses to a small chip, which I assume can be placed into the Batsuit's GPS, and closed the window. On screen was the picture I had taken of bats during our little encounter yesterday, I had been nice and censored all the best bits with a large picture of Pepe the frog.

Alfred spat out the tea he was sipping all over Tim and Damian who looked mortified. Barbra and Bruce looked equally horrified and a full 30 seconds of silence passed.

...

It started as a small giggle from Damian. Then myself which then turned into a full on laugh, soon the whole room was in fits and no one could breath through the laughter that had filled the Batcave. Unfortunately Bruce wasn't as impressed and glared harshly at me and Alfred shutting all of us up very quickly.

"All of you go and get geared up we are leaving in a hour." He sighed and the others quickly got up to leave. I went to follow them but was stopped. "Joker I need to talk to you." With my head hung low I slowly walked back to my seat.

I had expected Bruce to be mad and shout at me like he had done all the previous times I had messed with him. Instead he had a serious expression on his face that I couldn't quite read. He sat in the chair opposite me on the meeting table and ran a tired hand through his black hair. I could tell this case was affecting him, he hadn't even bothered to shave so he had slight stubble showing the lower part of his jaw, I notice that he was stiffer than usual too which means he hasn't been resting after workouts and possibly even skipping stretching.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked blue eyes meeting green. "Don't you care that we only have 12 days left? Don't you realise what will happen if we fail?"

I didn't like the way he was talking, it was almost like he was talking to a child. I would have preferred him to shout because at least I know how to deal with anger. I knew I would regret it later but I wasn't in the mood to play nice.

"Well they don't call it a deadline for nothing bats." I replied stifling a laugh.

"That's not funny Joker! One of those people is my friend!" He said angrily slamming his fist down on the table.

"You act like your the only one who had something to lose! Have you forgotten that someone I love had been taken too?" I snapped back chewing the inside of my cheeks in frustration. This wasn't a good enough distraction however and I found myself clawing at my hand for what seemed the one hundredth time this week.

"If you cared you wouldn't be playing these fucking games and distracting us!" His voice was just below shouting and he had stood up, knocking his chair to the floor.  I stood up as well, rapidly getting annoyed. I saw his eyes flicker downward towards my hands for a second but he thankfully didn't acknowledge the scratching out loud, ignoring it for the time being.

"I'm not trying to distract you! I just... Look, bats listen to m-"

"No you listen I've had enough of this! Stop with the Joking around and start helping or I will throw you back to Arkham." He growled. He was really starting to piss me off.

"You were the one who fucking started it! I told you something I was too afraid to admit even to myself and you took a shit on it, acted like it was all a joke!" I was trying hard to stay calm but this man drove me up the wall. I know I should be helping more but I'm still new to all this! I haven't been this vulnerable in years and he expects me to be perfect straight away. I know subconsciously I'm only doing this to mask the pain I felt when he disregarded my feelings as nothing more than a joke, even I knew that what I was doing was bad but I didn't need him to tell me that. The pranks are a shield for me. It's all I've ever known. I know I should explain this to bats and apologise but right now he doesn't deserve that.

"I didn't start this! You were the one who refused to let this joke die-"

"I. WAS. NOT. JOKING! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT TO GET IT IN YOUR THICK SKULL THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU?!" I shouted, loosing any self control I had.

"LIAR!" He roared back "YOU CANT CARE ABOUT ME! YOU CANT CARE ABOUT ANYONE! YOU NEVER HAVE!" He stopped and realised what he had said. For a moment it looked like he was about to say something but then his face hardened and his mouth closed tightly. That hurt. I hated that those words effected me, I hated that my chest tightened and my heart ached. I had to swallow the lump in my throat before continuing.

"Is that really how you see me?" I asked disgusted by how weak I sounded. "I know I look like a monster on the outside but I was so sure that you of all people would see... Never mind. If I'm no use to you I will just leave." I turned to go and made it to the door before Bruce grabbed my hand. It hurt because my scratching had opened up more scabs and I was bleeding again.

"Jack stop I didn't mea-" I pulled my hand harshly from his grip and without turing around replied:

"Don't call me that." And then sprinted out the cave, up the stairs and out a window into the morning light.

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Batman's POV~

I stood alone in the cave feeling incredibly guilty, I had not meant what I had said but I couldn't stop myself. The Joker was deluded, guys like him don't fall for guys like me. They fall for people like Harley... Right? And what was all that monster talk about? I can't get those damn green eyes out of my head, the ones that look so bright and full of life but yet broken at the same time. He's the most confusing person I've ever met and yet I understand him in an odd way. I only thing I can't grasp is his refusal to see reason and stop this 'love' joke already.

I wasn't sure if the Joker had left the house so I decided to go and search for him. The first place I decided to look was his room but, after a brief glance, I could see the room was empty. It occurred to me the check his bathroom as well. Upon stepping in to the room I was greeted with a disturbing sight.

Joker had been cleaning his own room to save Alfred a job and now I could see why.

The normally clean walls of the bathroom had been destroyed with words and crude drawings carved into them. This is what he must have been doing instead of sleeping I realised.

The floor was also covered with broken glass which I assume comes from the mirror which is covered by a towel. I pull off the offending piece of material to reveal the broken mirror. The glass had splintered like a deadly spider web, each crack leading to the impact point that had clearly been made by a fist. Joining the glass on the floor was also green hair and blood. I hoped to God that the blood had come from the cuts he must have received while smashing his reflection and not from any more self harm tendencies. He has enough of those as it is.

I had a horrible mental image of him waking up from one of his dreams and coming in here in a panic. In my mind I could see him pulling out his hair and using the shards to carve the words over and over. I could picture him biting the inside of his scarred mouth to stay quiet and clawing at his skin as if he were trying to rip it off.

This was guilt. This was him realising what he had done and feeling guilt for the first time in who knows how many years. It was progress but also a step back. The self hate was something I expected to come, I had been there once myself alter my parents died. I hated myself for letting them get hurt and I had trashed my own room out of frustration on more that one occasion.

I walked over to one of the wall carvings and traced the letters with my finger, feeling the heavy weight of unease and guilt settle in my stomach.

"I am a monster." Scrapped into the wallpaper and just barley legible.

It was his mantra of suffering and self hate in a perfect portrait of madness on the wall.

How could I have missed this?

I thought back to what the Joker had said before he stormed out about being a monster on the outside. I could only assume he was talking about the bleached white skin, green hair and scars that had struck fear into the hearts of thousands.

For some reason I had never considered that his physical appearance bothered him, he always seemed so confident in his suits and other glamorous attire that the thought never occurred to me.

The Joker isn't traditionally attractive, that much I'll admit, but the clown carried himself in a way that seemed to boast all of his issues like they were something to admire. His scarred mouth was always covered in lipstick and his green eyes outlined in black, he always drew attention to them like he was proud.

I had never really thought about it before but I guess the Jokers appearance had always intrigued me. He wore his mask as his face, any facade he wore was nothing but an extension of himself and I always admired that in an odd way. His mannerisms and ticks only added to this and in this light he was almost beautiful in his imperfection.
...

Did I really just think that?

I shook my head in disbelief and decided to push the thought to the back of my mind. For now I shall focus on finding him. After a quick search of the house I decided he was no where to be found. I reluctantly alerted Alfred to the bathrooms condition but didn't stick around to see him get upset. I then headed down to the batcave and met up with the rest of the family (excluding Dick and Jason) they were all ready to leave except Tim who was still in his normal clothes as he was supposed to be staying with the Joker. After getting in my own suit I addressed them all.

" There has been a change of plan. Tim, get dressed you are coming with us because the Joker has run off so you have no need to stay." Tim jumped and ran to get ready with a relieved expression on his face. " I am sending you each the addresses you will need to investigate, do not check anything suspicious without backup and stay within at least fifty meters of a team mate at all times. I am going to head out and find the Joker we meet back here at sundown, got it?"

"Yes sir!" The all chanted and we all headed out into the sunshine.

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Sorry for the long ass wait! I was super stuck but an awesome commenter ( you know who you are ;D <3) saved my ass with an awesome suggestion! Thanks to the people who have stuck with me this far ( I'm looking at you Hebdon XD) and if you have any suggestions please leave them here:
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Thanks for reading so far! Love you guys <(^-^)/ -kohai

Editing note: damn this one was crap XD I hope it's better now!