A/n: This chapter is similar to the previous chapter: "depression" about Dick except this one is focus just on Damian. It's a lot of his thoughts, POV and feelings.
This was recommended by:
GIRLONFIYAH14
-hope you like it. :)

Pathetic.
Demon.
Replacement.
Failure.
Demon spawn.
A mistake.
Nothing.
A fraud.

These words kept bouncing within my mind. I couldn't shake them, couldn't find them false either.
They were true, I am a failure, I am nothing, just a mistake.

I've failed so many people, my mother, my grandfather, my father even those who I've come to call 'brothers'.

I'm not good enough, I never was.

All I was to my grandfather was a weapon. He never cared about, no one has.
All I have done is try to be everything that my mother wanted me to be, but it...I was and still am not good enough.

I am trying to be the best solider that I...they need me to be. But I keep falling short.
How can I ever to be what they want...need me to be when I don't even know who I am.

I feel trapped, confused and frustrated.

I just don't know anymore. I don't know what ways up right now. I'm just kidding myself when I tell myself that my father, pennyworth, Grayson, Batman need me but it isn't true.

In a second Grayson was my partner. He helped me a lot. He cared about me or well I hoped he did and it wasn't all an act, another mask we put on in our lives.

It's clear Batman doesn't need me. I'm the fifth Robin, and surely I can be replaced. Because  I'm just nothing, but something in the way. In the way of their lives, future, destiny and happiness.

Maybe Drake is right to hate me? I have screwed everyone's life since I've arrived.
They all were probably way better off without me.

I don't know how to show emotions like everyone else. I was trained not to, that they are a distraction, they make you a liability. So maybe I am a freak.

Everything is about The Great Batman, My grandfather's legacy, my mother's goals and mission she has for me.

But what about me? What about my life? Do I even have a life and am I anything but what they need, what they can use and then throw away.

I am so sick of this, of everything.
Nothing makes sense anymore. It all used to be clear but now nothing is, nothing is in focus.
I have nothing, I feel like I am disappearing, losing something that was never mine to begin with. I feel as though I am disappointing everyone even when I'm not trying.

He hoped that he could be an equal to his father's eyes. Now whatever hope I had seemed to be gone and never coming back.

Empty.
Nothing.
Numb.
Alone.
Broken.
Sad....

Scared.

These words are what I was feeling right now.
I know I'm a disappointment, to both my mother and father...to everyone.

He felt like screaming, kicking and hitting something. The frustrated feeling like I wanted to breath...needed to  but couldn't. Couldn't breath to save myself from drowning, I was failing at that too.

I've failed everyone. But most importantly... I've failed myself. I've failed myself from the moment I took my first breath, the first moment I looked up at my grandfather as a hero, the first moment I thought my mother knew what was best for me and the world. I failed when I met my father, when I thought I could do one thing good in the world, when I put on the 'R' and became Robin, the boy wonder.
Oh how that was a lie.

There was absolutely nothing wonderful about me. I'm worthless, I'm nothing, I'll never be anything to anyone, no one cares and why should they?

I'm just the Assassin freak, Batman's unwanted son.
All of their voices and thoughts, opinions in my head and I have no idea who the hell I am.

There was this heaviness that laid within his chest and mind. He didn't know how to escape, all he knew was he felt trapped and wanted out of it. But the out part he didn't know what or how to do.

Of course I thought about ending it, I am after all very trained to do so but wouldn't that only be confirming what's they and I already know to be true?

That my life...that I, don't matter.

I have no idea what to do. I just.....I need help but don't know how to say it, or to who, because I am nothing. I am someone who don't even know themselves, who can't recognized the face in the mirror, to who it belongs too.

Who am I?
I'm Ra's al Ghul grandson, the legacy of the League of Assassins. The son of Talia al Ghul, a Prince. The bastard son of Bruce Wayne. The 5th partner of the Batman, the greatest detective in the world. The once partner to the Dick Grayson, the Nightwing, the original Robin...the best Robin he was the first sidekick, and Bruce's first son true son.

All that is facts. Doesn't say who I am, what is my value, do I matter, does anyone care, am I enough, am I important?

No...I guess I'm not. I'm not important, I don't matter. I have no value and I will never be enough to anyone. I am unlovable.

Because...

Who am I am really?

Because....

I'm lost.