I took a deep breath, looking down at my outstretched hand.

"Focus and then release."

I exhaled slowly and black smoke gathered in the palm of my hand.

"Good," Nila said and gave me a single nod.

The smoke flooded down between my fingers and hit the ground. The grass slowly died around me and I felt it. I felt the death reside inside of me. I slowly closed my fist and stopped the stream of smoke.

"It's so destructive," I whispered.

"It is," she said softly.

"I don't like destruction."

"With destruction comes new life." She patted my metal arm. "Humans learn from things breaking. You will be their teacher. As queen you will be their guide, both in faith and in moral." She moved her hand up to my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, trying to smile a little.

I sighed deeply and nodded. I didn't wanna argue with her. She smiled and offered me another nod. And then she simply evaporated. Nila made the most awkward exits in history.

I went back to the place Dy and I had decided to make our camp. She sat under the tree, dosing off as it appeared.

"Dy," I said softly and joined her by the tree. She put her arm around me and pulled me close.

"How was it?"

"I don't know. It's weird. I'm not sure I like it."

She placed a soft kiss on my hair, her fingers running up in it. "It probably just takes some getting used to."

I nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Can we leave soon, you think?"

My heart sank down into my stomach. I had dreaded and dodged this question. I didn't want to talk about leaving. I didn't wanna leave.

"Al? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah," I muttered. "I don't know."

"You don't know if we can leave soon? Because I feel fine. A little sore, but I'll be alright. We gotta get back into it."

"I don't know," I repeated in lack of something better to say.

"Al, I think I've known you long enough to spot when there's something you wanna say, but isn't."

I shrugged and continued to stay silent. It was so embarrassing. I was being a coward. And it was so hard to admit that to Dy. She wasn't a coward. She was so brave all the time and I just couldn't be like her. I couldn't just whip out a pair of guns and stare down death.

"Al," she said softly. She cupped my cheek with her warm hand. "I'm scared too. It's safe here, I know. And out there it isn't."

"How did you know?" I whispered.

"Nila might've told me." She smiled a little crookedly at me. "It's always alright to be afraid. But we can't let fear rule us. We have to keep moving forward."

"But you're never scared. You never show it. And I'm so scared all the time." Tears were burning in my eyes and I didn't want this. I didn't cry. I certainly didn't sit here and cry over being scared. I blinked them back and shook my head.

"We're going to make it back to your brother. We'll connect him with his spirit. And we'll get you your throne back."

"How can you be so sure?" I glanced up at her.

"You shoot deadly black smoke out of your hands, Al. I think we've got it covered."

I couldn't help but smile a little. She was such a dork sometimes.

"I wonder how the birds taste here," Dy murmured and eyed and especially fat one, jumping around in the grass.

It's not like we had a whole lot to do and so far we had been eating berries and roots. Dy managed to make a pretty good soup out of some wild onions and some roots. We hadn't tried eating any of the animals here yet.

"You can't eat them!" someone shrieked behind us.

Both Dy and I quickly turned. Barr stood with another of the fat birds in his arms, clutching it to his chest.

"Who the hell are you?" Dy growled and slowly reached for her guns.

"I am Barr," he said hesitantly and glanced at me. "I am Quinn's spirit. And you are massive for a woman."

Dy frowned and it didn't look like she was reconsidering reaching for her guns. More likely she was more sure she wanted to shoot the spirit.

I put my hand on her arm.

"Is that a bad thing to say?" Barr asked and looked to me.

"Uh, not really? But it's not very polite to immediately jump to commenting on someone's body."

"Oh, I did not know that. Sorry," he said and ran his hand over the bird. "But it is not nice to say you wanna kill them either."

"I didn't say I was going to kill them," Dy muttered under her breath.

"They are spirits too," Barr pressed on. He came a little closer and held out the bird for us to see. It quacked and flailed its wings a little, before he brought it back to his chest. "They are friends."

Dy glanced down at me and arched her brows. I slightly shook my head and turned my attention back to Barr.

"Do all birds have their own individual spirit too?"

"Not like you and Quinn do. When they die, they come here. Their spirits come here. It is easy for them to find this place, because they can fly. Unlike humans."

"So humans could come here when they died?"

"No. Only you and Quinn. You'd have us to guide you."

"Is... My family here?" I asked tentatively.

"Some. Your brother is here somewhere. He likes the lake."

My heart sped up. "What?" I couldn't breathe.

Barr looked up and frowned at me. "Was I supposed to tell you that? Or not?"

"Where is he?" I breathed.

"The lake. It is on the other side of that hill." He pointed towards and hill and I went off running.

My heart was about to burst. My chest was exploding. Everything in me was set on fire and I was running like I had bad omens on my tail. The tall grass was slowing me down a bit, but I was over the hill in seconds and came to the lake. A person was sitting on a small bridge, his feet submerged in the water.

"Àlvar," I whispered, unable to get my voice to work. I slowed down and walked the last bit, his back still turned to me. "Àlvar..." I tried again with a very small voice.

He turned and glanced at me over his shoulder. He frowned, not recognising me. And then it hit him. His face turned longer and he jumped up. "Al."

He was over by me in a flash, circling his arms around me. He was so young. I was older than my own big brother. It broke me. I finally broke down completely, my legs buckling under me and tears running down in streams.

"Al," he said so softly and ran his hand over my hair. He would always do that when I was little. He'd try and smooth it down and laugh at how he just made it worse.

We went down but he didn't let go of me. I was still clutching on to his shirt and sobbing into the fabric.

I was so tired. And sore. And tired of being sore. I was so utterly alone but now I was hugging my brother.

"It's okay, Al," he murmured and patted my head again. "It's okay."

"You died," I sobbed.

"Yeah, but now I'm here. It's nice here, don't you think?" He pulled back and took my face in his hands, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. "And you're here. It's too early." He frowned a bit.

"I'm not dead," I hurried to say. I raised my metal arm. "They tried. But they didn't succeed."

A smile broke out on his face, like a sun bursting through the clouds. "Fuck yeah, that's my sister. And what of Quinn?"

"He's not good," I said, tears welling up in my eyes again. "They're keeping him hostage."

"He's strong too. He'll manage."

I shook my head. "No, he's breaking, Àlvar."

My brother wore a pained expression and took my hands in his. "I wish I could tell you everything is going to be alright. But I don't know if it will. All you can do is try. The same with Quinn. He's a lot stronger than anyone would like to believe. Even himself."

Àlvar showed me all his favourite places. Caves by the shore of the lake. The mountains in the distance. A valley that housed wild mountain ponies. And we talked. We talked so much. I told him about Dy and how she had saved me. How she nursed me back to health. I told him about Huck too and he couldn't stop laughing. The image of a very small boy with one and a half eyebrows, big thick glasses that made his eyes triple the size of normal eyes was too funny for him.

"You've had such an adventure already," he said and leaned back on his hands. We had found a nice spot in the tall grass in one of the valleys, the mountain ponies grassing around us, paying us no mind.

"It's been... Something. It's hard to try and enjoy things when I know Quinn isn't alright, you know?"

"There's no shame in enjoying the adventure. It's not like you have a choice. You have to do this. And you've found a nice girl to have it with too." He smirked and winked at me. "Are you going to introduce us while you're here? I'd love to meet her. The way you describe her makes her sound like a fairytale creature."

"She almost is," I snorted and pulled some grass out of the ground. "She's really great. I'll introduce you guys later."

He nodded eagerly, a big smile on his face. "There are others like me here too. There's other av Stáls."

"Really? Who?"

"Marin the Wise is here. Baldur the Great. Some of the most spiritual ancestors have all found their way here."

"And you too." I smiled a little.

"I had help. My spirit found me." His smile turned softer. "She's really great. We spend a lot of time together here."

"Oh? Like, as in... Not platonic?" I smirked at him.

He shrugged a little and his cheeks darkened. He could keep that secret to himself if he wanted. I wasn't going to pry. I was just ecstatic to get time with him again. I hadn't even realised how much I had missed him.

"Dad isn't here, right?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"No," he murmured and shook his head. "He was cut off from the spiritual energy. Even before he was born. One of our ancestors did it, though the ones who're here don't know why. And the spirits won't talk about it." He shrugged again. He had always been a body-talker more than anything. If he could talk exclusively through movement, I'm sure he would. I remember our mother always talking about it whenever I did it too. Use your words, Alvina and not your body. You are not your brother.

I shook my head. She had always wanted the best for me, but dammit she could be so controlling too. She didn't like how my hair curled like my father's. She shaved all of Quinn's hair off for years. Her own hair was like a black curtain around her face, and apparently it wasn't good when neither me nor Quinn's could be like hers. I couldn't figure out why she even wanted Quinn's hair to be like hers. She always made it very clear to both him and me that he wasn't hers.

I pulled my knees up and frowned. She hadn't been a very nice mum. She had been a good queen though and she had taught me how to be one too. She knew I couldn't be weak. She knew what the nation demanded of me because it had demanded the same of her.

"Do... Do you think I'll be a good queen?" I murmured without taking my eyes one of the ponies grassing. It was pretty, its coat shining with an almost golden hue in the sun.

"You already are, Al. You've given so much already. And you shouldn't have to. This was my responsibility from the beginning. It was never meant to be you. Or Quinn for that matter. You were both supposed to be fat and spoiled and never have to deal with any of this. I'm so sorry for doing this to you. To Quinn."

"Àlvar, you died. It's not your fault, that you died."

"I was careless. I thought I was invincible and then they ambushed us. They knew the terrain and we didn't. We were cold and hungry and it was the winter and-"

"Àlvar," I said softly, interrupting him. "You were sixteen years old. Everyone thinks they're invincible at that age. You can't apologise for dying."

He grimaced a bit. "Since when did you turn so much smarter than me?"

"Since I grew older than you."

He took my metal hand in his and smiled a sad smile. "You're older than me now, aren't you?"

"I'm twenty-one."

His eyes got glassy but he smiled through it like the proper king he was. He would've been great. He truly would've.