"We've found you a surrogate," Dreki said and looked very pleased with himself.

It made all my internal organs cringe.

"When do I get to meet her?"

"You don't. She will carry the child to term and then she will return to her life. She'll be paid very handsomely. Don't worry."

I looked down at my hands. "So my child won't even know their mother?"

"No. They will have two fathers and there will be no mention of the biological mother. Her name will be known to a limited amount of people. And you will not be privy to that information."

"Why?" I looked up and met his gaze.

"Because you're a moron, Quinn."

I couldn't hold back an unenthusiastic snort. "I don't believe you."

"I don't care what you believe. You're not getting her name and the reason should be the least of your concerns."

"That's not up to you to decide."

Dreki laughed and leaned back in his chair. "Gods, if you weren't so funny I would've have you killed a long time ago."

"How lovely," I muttered under my breath.

"Don't push it."

I bit my tongue and settled on observing him observing me.

His blonde hair was slicked back. His eyes were so dark I couldn't even tell what was the colour and what was the pupil. His skin was almost sickly pale but maybe if he smiled more, he would look more appealing. I had never been able to determine if he was ugly or handsome. He was just... Dreki. A soulless asshole who loved to toy with me and my life. It was as if he got some sort of sick pleasure out of it and I hated it. I wanted to get out of this so desperately, but there was apparently nothing I could do.

"How... How am I..."

"Quinn, we're not making you sleep with her, you moron." Dreki rolled his eyes. "There are ways of doing this without the parents ever meeting. We just need your contribution and then you're done."

"In a cup or what?"

"Yes."

My eyes were about to roll out of my head, I was sure. "So, I won't even meet her?"

"No. She'll be stowed away in a safe location until she gives birth. The little prince or princess will be brought to the castle and that's when you'll meet your child."

"Do I get to raise it?" I asked numbly, staring down at the table.

"I don't see why not. But remember, that can quickly be changed. We don't really need you to raise a child. We just need you to have one."

I nodded and bit down on my lip. "Can I go now?"

"Just after you've made your contribution. Want me to call in Charred so he can assist you?" Dreki smirked at me and I wanted to throw the chair in his face.

"I won't even get to meet the mother," I whispered into the darkness, Islo holding me close.

"I'm sorry, Quinn," he murmured into my hair.

"The kid will grow up like I did. With so many questions that won't be answered like mine were. There'll just be darkness."

"Hopefully that won't happen. We'll both be there for the kid, you know? There'll be two parents. Maybe it won't feel like such a loss, as long as there are two."

I smiled a little. "I want it to be yours."

Islo's eyes widened and he pulled back a little. "Truly?"

"Yes. You're a wonderful father and soon you'll be my husband. Of course, this child will be as much yours as it'll be mine."

He moved in and kissed me. Passionately. And for a very long time. He kept kissing me over and over, not letting me pull back. I didn't mind. His lips were soft, and I could always feel the love in them. When they were on me, I felt it.

He pulled back after slowing the kiss down and ending it with two very chaste ones. "I know we can't control much. But let's control at least one thing. The outlook on this. I know you didn't want children now, but it's happening and... Let's get excited. Let's plan and prepare. At least it'll keep our minds off everything else. Let's look for names and let's include Isla."

I nodded. "Yes. That sounds wonderful," I breathed and moved in, kissing my fiancé again.

"What would you like to name it, if it was a girl?"

"Alvina," I said immediately. "I... I want to name her after my sister."

"And what if it's a boy?"

"Àlvar. After my brother."

"Both are such good names." He smiled softly. "I don't have any objections except... Middle-names. Isla for the girl, Islo for the boy. I know it's a weird tradition, but it's still tradition."

"Okay, I'm good with that. Àlvar Islo av Stál. Alvina Isla av Stál." I couldn't stop smiling. There was dread and anxiety. But there was also anticipation. I'd start my own family. I'd have a real one that wasn't broken. It'd be mine. Despite the kid never knowing their mother, maybe Islo would be right? Maybe they'd never miss her if they grew up with the notion that she simply didn't exist. That she was no more than a surrogate and that Islo and I were their real parents.

Maybe I desperately just needed to latch onto something else to think about. Just this one thing that could be turned to something positive.

I just needed something positive.

I woke up screaming. I was drenched in sweat and Islo stirred awake too, looking up at me.

"Nightmare?" he asked, his voice gruff with sleep.

"Aki," I panted let myself fall back down on my back.

"I thought you... Were at least not dreaming about him anymore," Islo said and put his hand on my cheek, turning my head towards him.

"I can't stop," I whispered and moved closer to him. He put his arm around me and pressed me to his chest.

"It's okay, Sweetness. He's not here anymore. He can't hurt you."

"I'm a killer. I killed him."

"To save me."

I nodded and pressed my face to his chest. "I think... I think I'd do it again."

"I think I'd do it for you too." He kissed my forehead.

"It feels horrific, Islo. I feel so bad. I've killed a man. How do I ever tell our child this?"

"When you're ready and when the kid is old enough, we'll them everything. Together. Until then, don't worry about it. Until then, it's just you and me, in this bed. In my bed."

I snorted and he chuckled but continued.

"It's you loving me," he murmured softly. "Kissing me." He whispered the last part. I moved in and pressed my lips to his. He exhaled loudly, hot air hitting my top lip. "Making love to me." He pulled me closer and then turned, me ending up on top of him.

I dipped down and kissed him as I repositioned in between his legs. His hands went on a wander, pulling at my nightshirt. I helped him get it off me and he smiled, running a finger down one of the tattooed lines on my arm. He pulled me down then, just so I could kiss him again, while my own hands explored his body.

Being with Islo was like coming home. His body was so well-known to me at this point, I didn't even have to think.

When we made love, it was everything. It was world consuming and I forgot everything. All the shit disappeared in Islo's groans, in his touches and his lips.

"Come on," Islo groaned and dug his fingers into my hips.

"Be patient," I chuckled and kissed his throat, slipping my fingers even further inside of him, forcing another groan out of him. He cursed and grabbed my hair, pressing my mouth to his skin.

This wasn't going to be tender. It didn't seem like that's what Islo wanted. I wasn't sure if I was any good at the rough stuff.

His hands ran down to my ass and pressed me closer. I guess I couldn't torture the poor man anymore. I pushed inside of him and had to just take a moment. Islo didn't let me, though. He started moving under me, kissing my throat. I slammed my hips forward, making my fiancé moan.

I grabbed his hands and got them off my body, placing them on either side of his head. Now he had no control and it was all me. I was going at him hard, watching him squirm, trying to meet me. To match my movements, but I wouldn't let him. This was all for him.

"Relax," I murmured and kissed his cheek, slowing down but keeping the intensity. His body was so tense. "Let me do the work."

He exhaled and the tension disappeared with the air leaving his body. He relaxed and let me do my thing. I kissed him as I moved my body, pressing into him. He felt so great. His fingers clenched around mine as he came, his whole body twitching.

He grabbed my hips when he had calmed down, urging me to pull out. I arched a brow at him, but I didn't get time to ask questions, before he circled his hand around me. A loud whimper escaped me, and I pressed down on his hand, moving with him.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured and kissed me. "Gods, I love you."

I groaned and kissed him harder. I loved this man so much it hurt. The pain almost just built up until I was finally released. I dumped down beside him and placed a kiss on his shoulder.

"Thank you," I murmured. "I needed to get out of my head."

"And what better way to distract you than with my beautiful body?" he chuckled and moved his arm out of the way, so I could put my head on his chest. I kissed his skin before settling.

"The freckles made it."

He laughed out loud, making my head vibrate. "You and those damn freckles. Would you even love me if I didn't have them?"

"No, my fetish is freckles. If you didn't have them, I wouldn't marry you."

Islo gasped dramatically and put his hand over his heart. "You hurt me, Sweetness. All this time. You were in it for the freckles."

I couldn't hold back my laughter as I moved up to kiss him. "I love you." I hesitated for a moment and then smiled. "And your freckles."

"You damn brat," Islo laughed and grabbed me, pressing me into the bed, kissing me.

"We could keep the crib in our bedroom," Islo said and pointed to the window. The corner of the room underneath one of the very tall windows would be perfect. There was nothing in that corner, so putting the crib there would be good. And we could keep some toys there too, when the baby grew old enough to play with it.

He put his arms around me from behind, placing his chin on my shoulder. "And it'll look just like you. Have your hair, your nose. Those puffy lips. Your magnificent skin." He kissed my cheek.

"I really do hope they don't end up with my hair. It'd be child abuse," I chuckled.

"No, I love your curls. I bet you looked adorable as a little boy with them too."

"The queen usually ordered the royal barber to cut my hair very short," I said with low voice.

"Why?"

"I guess my hair reminded her of my mother too much. Maybe my father said something about it she didn't like? I don't know. But it wasn't until I was old enough to tell the barber no, I could grow it as long as I wanted."

"Is that why you keep it longer than other men?"

"Yeah, fuck her. I'm going to have locks to down my ass."

Islo laughed and hugged me closer. "It's too curly, Sweetness. It'll never get down there."

I laughed too and turned around. "Maybe I should cut it. I like your haircut."

Islo had wavy hair more than curly. And it was longer on top, keeping it short on the sides. Waves toppled to the side, parted on the side with a firm line. I liked it when he styled it. He'd use wax to keep the waves under control. I'd usually just comb mine and then tie it up. Or I'd leave it down. I did like my hair, I just wished it was easier to keep under control. Especially during the summer when the weather got humid. Then it'd get so much more dense and almost stand on its own.

Islo's hair was nicer. Maybe it was the cut that did it.

His fingers slipped into it, gently clenching around the locks. "I'd very much not appreciate you cutting it off."

I chuckled and kissed him. "I'll leave it then."

"All for me."

"All for you, of course."

He chuckled and then got me to turn around again. "Just imagine. In a year there'll be a crib with a little baby here. In less than a year, hopefully."

"I'm a little scared. But also excited."

"You'll love being a father. It's the best thing in the world, Quinn."

"Tell me about it?"

He pulled me back to the bed and we sat down on it together. "It's the best thing in the entire world. You think you feel love? It's nothing compared to the love you bear for your child. It's so life consuming. And it never stops. I love my daughter now as much as I did the day she was born. You look down at this little kid," he said and held his hands out, imitating holding a baby. "And you can't stop thinking about how this little creature is yours. It's all yours. You made this. And you will tear apart the entire world to keep this little thing safe."

I loved it. It sounded amazing and I loved it. I wanted the child here now, just based on how Islo talked about it.

"It's so lovely to watch them grow too. One day they can't even support their own heads and then the next they're walking." He took my face in his hands and smiled, his eyes shiny. "I can't wait to watch you with our child. I'm so excited to get to experience this with you. Privileged too. Lucky. Fortunate. Grateful." He kissed me softly and I sighed against his lips.

"I'm so lucky to have you here. You'll be right there with me to make sure I'm not fucking it all up."

He laughed softly and let go of my face, taking my hands in his.

"You'll be so wonderful." He squeezed them softly.

He was so lovely to me. So supportive and just all around lovely. I leaned in and kissed him again, just because I had to feel him more. Just a little more affection. A little more support. I just always needed a little more and he always had a little more to give.

I was starting to feel so isolated. When I had the council meetings, I got out that way. But now I had nothing to do. Nothing else than pleasing my fiancé and having fun with his daughter. We did plan for the wedding too, but like... I had no real purpose. I had been part of something bigger when I had been participating in the council. I didn't have something bigger now. I loved my domestic life, but I needed more now.

And planning for the future with Islo wasn't enough. I did like doing it, it wasn't that. But I wasn't actively changing anything right now. I was getting so restless. Nothing changed! Nothing happened and I was going mad with having nothing to look forward to. My wedding wasn't even fully mine. Nothing was mine. Only Islo. But even his and my relationship were getting defined by the media and by Dreki. There wasn't a single time in the radio where we weren't mentioned.

Our lives were constantly talked about and apparently the entire Andahavn was buzzing with excitement about the big wedding. The big thing everyone needed. Except me. I didn't get to be there for any planning. I didn't even know how it'd all work. Like, were we getting married at the temple? Where was the party going to be? Did we even get to participate in the party?

"Sweetness, it'll be alright," Islo said softly.

"No, I'm losing my mind, Islo. I'm so... Bored."

"Bored huh?" He smiled and leaned in kissing me, pushing me down on my back on the sofa. "I'll make you less bored."

"Islo," I sighed. "You're a very sweet distraction. But we can't keep just... Fucking. When I'm bored."

"Why?" he murmured and moved down to my throat, kissing it, avoiding the dumb choker. "Are you bored now?"

"It's about doing something bigger. More. I want to do more."

"Hmm, I can think of some things you can do," he murmured as he opened my shirt, kissing my chest.

I rolled my eyes. There was no point in trying to talk with him when he was like this. One head turned off while the other woke up with one thing on its mind.

"Can we at least talk while you amuse yourself?"

He shrugged a little, way too busy with kissing my chest.

"I want to do more. The time in the council was the best time of my life. I felt-" I had to stop as Islo pulled me up, sliding my shirt off me and pushing me down again.

"You felt hot? Because you were," Islo purred and ran his hand down to my trousers. He undid the belt and pulled out of all the hoops with ease. I might've helped by lifting up my hips a little. Just a little.

"I need a purpose. Right now all I do, is... This."

"Yeah," Islo mused and opened my trousers, pulling them off me. Next came his shirt.

"And I need something more. I know it sounds horrible, but I do. I need a job. Or something. Anything."

"A job, huh?" He smirked at me as his fingers curled around me. "How about a hand one?" He winked at me and I had to admit it was a pretty funny joke.

Why did I even bother when he was like this? I really should've just given in and I wanted to, but I also wanted to rant. Basically. I just wanted to say out loud, that was I so bored out of my mind I wanted to pull my hair out.

He dipped down and softly kissed me as he slowly moved his hand over me. I closed my eyes and just took it in. Took him in.

"Still bored?" he murmured and kissed my cheek.

"Yes," I breathed and smirked up at him.

"Well then." He dipped down and kissed me even harder.

I knew what he was trying to do. He couldn't get me a job or do anything to distract me better than this. We could go for a hundred walks in the gardens, but I was starting to hate every single bush out there. We could read, but I didn't want to. We could play games, but I always lost anyways. Only thing I was really good at was this.

Just this.