So, yesterday I did the weirdest thing when I came home from shcool. I was wearing this pair of red flannel pants that were kinda masculine (They were marketed as gender neutral and the only reason my mom let me buy them was because they have my swim team's logo on them), and no shirt or anything on my upper half. Then, I just stood in the mirror and looked at my shirtless self. It was the strangest thing. I felt extremely dysphoric and strangely confident and calm at the same time. I tried to imagine what it would be like to not have my female parts on my chest.

I'm not trying to be braggy when I say this, but I could just imagine what I would look like. My kinda strong body, broad shoulders, flat-chested and strong chest. It was almost like they were gone, but them I realized they weren't. And I just hated myself. I hate the fact of my body and all that. I want all this female-ness to be gone. For it to just disappear. But, standing there like that in the mirror, I could see my future without my breasts. I could see my flat chest and this spark of hope that was there. ~ Poke