chapter eight
izzy's guide to f*ck the patriarchy

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          Being a woman had been a tricky thing for as long as Izzy Windsor could remember. Either you chose to acknowledge that or you ignored it and stayed silent. And silence . . . well . . . silence would be the downfall of the human race.

          No matter what she did, there would always be someone there to criticize her. You might have thought since Izzy was rich and pretty, society would just let her pass by without picking at her insecurities, but that wasn't the world she lived in. Sure, she got it easier than other girls, but no matter what she did, there'd always be something that she could have done better. She could have smiled more; she could have worn more makeup or less makeup; she could have skipped that meal or exercised more; she could have been better. The patriarchy had ingrained those customs into her. She had to do better. There was always room for improvement. She had to be perfect.

          Izzy hated trying to be perfect.

          She knew others saw her as this Barbie doll with the perfect body and blonde hair. But if you looked closer, you'd see the pimples dotting her cheeks and chin that she covered with foundation. You'd see the scar on her chin from when she slipped and fell while playing tennis. You'd see all the imperfections that she had so desperately tried to hide.

          Those imperfections were the things the world, especially the men in her life, had told her made her unattractive. There were other things, too. She was told to smile and agree even if she had differing opinions. She was told so many things, so much bullshit. Like 'you're gaining too much weight' or 'you need to eat more' and 'you're wearing too much makeup' as well as 'you're not wearing enough makeup' and if she slept with more than one guy she was a slut. Not to mention all the other bullshit she had to put up with on the daily.

          She wished she lived in a world where a woman could do something without being criticized, but she knew better. She knew as long as there were men in the world who thought women owed them something, things would never change. But that didn't mean she wasn't tired of it all. Because, trust her, Izzy was tired of all the men in her life trying to control her. She felt trapped, but she had no idea how to escape from their clutches. No one would listen to her anyway. After all, she lived in a world where if a man spoke his mind, he was a man . . . but when a woman gave her opinion, she was a bitch.

          So Izzy kept her mouth shut most of the time . . . and yet that still didn't stop people from calling her a bitch. Shocking.

          That day was no different. After JJ left the Windsor estate, Izzy grudgingly complied to Rafe's request and dressed up in her designer clothes and covered the pimples and acne scars on her face so they could go to the OBX Summer Movie Series. The event had been happening for years. It was just outdoor movies kind of like a drive-in except without any cars. Sometimes people would sit in their cars, but most of the time, the locals would gather around the projection and watch the movie in beach chairs or towels. They mostly played old movies where the acting was kind of bad and laughable. Izzy didn't really want to go, but god-forbid if she stayed home, Rafe would have something to say about it. So she went along with it and found herself driving her and Rafe to the event.

          As Izzy walked toward the main area with her hand in Rafe's, she realized she hadn't been there since her mom died last summer. They used to go there a lot. It used to be their thing. They'd get all dressed up and attend the event just to make fun of the bad acting. A lot of the time they'd get thrown out because they were making too much noise and laughing a little too loudly . . . especially during the horror movies. But they couldn't help it. They both found the bad special effects hilarious. Izzy used to like that they shared the same humor. Now . . . it made her never want to watch a raunchy horror movie again.

          Izzy pushed away her thoughts and tightened her grip on Rafe's hand to attach herself to reality. The two of them walked through the crowds of people, finally approaching Topper and Kelce. Kelce was the first to catch sight of them. He waved them over while Topper continued searching the crowds for someone (probably Sarah). Izzy realized then that she hadn't seen Sarah in a while. Odd.

          "Hey, man," Rafe said once they approached the two boys.

          Kelce nodded at him. "Rafe. Good, you're here," he said. His gaze shifted to Izzy, who was unknowingly glaring at the three boys. He nodded his head her way and clicked his tongue. "Iz."

          Izzy gave him an irritated look, but she quickly covered it up with a tight smile (although it probably looked more like a grimace).

          Topper averted his gaze to the girl's face. "Sarah's waiting on an apology by the way."

          Guilt struck Izzy . . . but she didn't show it. She did feel bad about what she had said to Sarah and honestly, she wanted to take it back. She knew she was only taking it out on the Cameron girl because she was really angry at herself. She was always angry. Maybe that was why Izzy Windsor and alcohol didn't mix. "Where is she?" she asked as she straightened her posture and dragged her eyes across Topper's face, studying him.

          Topper shrugged, but he looked pissed. His brows were low on his face and his jaw was set as he glared at the girl in front of him. There was a fire burning in his eyes, Izzy could see that. She had felt that same feeling many times before, and she knew his anger resonated with her. "She's probably avoiding you," Topper muttered through gritted teeth. "You know? Because you were a bitch to her."

          Something gnawed away at the muscle pumping blood through her body. Izzy wasn't sure what the feeling was, but it hurt, making her want to tear her heart out. Instead, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and raised a brow. "I didn't mean anything by it," she mumbled, almost innocently and paired it with a simple shrug of her shoulders.

          "Yeah, tell her that," Topper scoffed, shaking his head. "She started crying and then . . . well . . . she ran off thanks to you."

          Izzy only glared at him, but still, the feeling wouldn't leave her, instead, it ate away more of her heart. She thought for a second about spewing something that would utterly destroy any confidence he had left, but she decided against it, figuring she had caused enough problems. Instead, it was Rafe who cleared his throat and nudged Topper with his elbow, but he didn't say anything or defend his girlfriend in any way. The boys continued to converse amongst each other, moving onto talking about what kind of movie was playing that night, but Izzy didn't bother trying to listen to them. She just rolled her eyes and focused her gaze on the crowds of people walking around her.

          The thing was: Izzy liked to observe people. Oftentimes, she stared a little too long at strangers and when they locked eyes with her, she'd just glare and hold their gaze. She liked knowing that all the people around her had their own lives with their own problems. Much like the stars above, knowing she wasn't the only one dealing with shit made her problems seem smaller, almost nonexistent.

          But as she searched the crowds, making mental notes of all the people she recognized, her gaze landed on a boy with a baseball cap covering his blond hair. She blinked once and realized it was JJ Maybank who was sitting in a beach chair next to his two friends, Kiara and Pope. She felt herself smile slightly, but she quickly masked it with her usual scowl. A second later, JJ turned around in his chair and started looking around as he said something to his friends. Then his eyes landed on Izzy. The twine tightened around her heart as she stared at him, but she quickly looked away instead of glaring like she normally would have done.

          Suddenly, Izzy felt very out of place . . . like everyone was staring at her. Normally, she would have liked that feeling, but this was different. Izzy felt like the eyes on her were judging her, and she wondered if her makeup had smeared or if her clothes weren't good enough.

          She glanced at the boys beside her, wondering if they saw her obvious discomfort, but they were still conversing amongst each other. The Windsor girl decided that was the best time to sneak off to the restroom to check her appearance. The boys probably wouldn't even notice her absence. So, Izzy turned around and headed to the restrooms attached to the concessions building.

          As soon as Izzy barged through the girls' restroom door, she stumbled upon two girls, Scarlet Adams and Jennifer Harding. She hadn't seen them since the night of the party (the party where Izzy lost control and her true colors were shown). She wasn't sure if they had been avoiding her or what . . . at least she wasn't sure until she actually saw them. It was clear they had been avoiding her since the first thing they did when she entered the restroom was look her up and down as if she was an outsider. And Izzy couldn't really blame them. She also didn't really care, because it wasn't like they were actually friends. They were just people she hung around with to not feel so goddamn lonely, but whatever, if they wanted to hate her then whatever.

Izzy rolled her eyes at the girls and glared at her reflection in the restroom mirror. Her skin was paler than it should have been. Just another thing she could add to the list of all her flaws. Her foundation seemed to hold up pretty well, though. She couldn't see the pimples or acne scars dotting her face and the cut on her forehead was barely noticeable with the help of her hair covering it. She wondered for a second if she should get bangs. Maybe that'd help. But would she even look good with bangs?

Before she could contemplate cutting her hair, Scarlet stepped toward her and leaned on the sink countertop. "Izzy, hey," she said with an unnerving smile plastered on her face. "How are you doing? Haven't seen you in a while."

Izzy pursed her lips and raised a brow as she turned to look at the girl. Scarlet's blue eyes bore into Izzy's green ones as if she was challenging her to some weird staring contest. Izzy just found her aura obnoxious. She had never liked her. Jennifer could be all right, but the Adams girl was a different story. All Scarlet did was ask to borrow Izzy's clothes and throw parties at her house without asking her. She claimed they were friends, so she thought Izzy wouldn't mind. Utter bullshit if you asked Izzy. Like just admit you're a freeloader and carry on!

"We heard what you said to Sarah at the party," Jennifer said from behind Scarlet. Her gaze was trained on her appearance in the mirror as she fixed her red hair and put on another coat of Glossier lip gloss. She turned to look at Izzy again, and this time there was a hint of betrayal or maybe it was genuine sadness in her eyes. She blinked a few times and released a small sigh as she sent the girl a small tight-lipped smile. "I thought you were better than that, Iz."

"Yeah," Scarlet spoke up again, gaining Izzy's attention, "It was kind of a shitty thing to do." But her words were filled with malice. She didn't care about hurting Izzy. She never had. 

Izzy sighed. Yeah, she knew it was a shitty thing to do. She was a shitty person, and no one ever liked her true colors . . . clearly. She set her jaw and turned back to her reflection, focusing on the bags under her eyes. Shit, she needed to sleep more. "Okay. Anything else?" she muttered bitterly as she dug into her black Chanel handbag and pulled out her concealer. She began dabbing the makeup under her eyes to cover the dark circles, and she ended up covering any other flaws she stumbled upon.

Scarlet clicked her tongue and released a light sigh. "Well, we thought to make it up to her you could throw a party at your house after Midsummers," she suggested. Jennifer hummed in agreement, but she still seemed . . . distant. "Like you used to."

Izzy made a face and looked at them in the reflection of the mirror. "Why would I do that?" she asked, tilting her head in confusion. She tossed the concealer in her handbag then moved on to smoothing out her pink plaid mini skirt which rested high on her waist. She had paired it with a white blouse and a few pink hair burettes to make the outfit more cohesive. "Isn't Midsummers enough of a party for you?"

"Not with our parents around," Jennifer spat, sending the girl a look. She had only spoken up once she noticed Scarlet's hard demeanor . . . almost like she was trying to mimic her anger. Or rather she felt she had to. "You know that."

Scarlet waved her friend off. "We just think you could do it as an apology to Sarah," she clarified, and she plastered on a smile, but it looked disingenuous. "Plus, you have a private beach. It could be fun."

Izzy pursed her lips. She knew they only wanted to get wasted and Izzy's estate was the best place to do it. But Izzy's father would have a heart attack if he found out, and the girl couldn't risk disappointing him again. She wasn't sure if she could handle any more of his criticism. So she huffed out a sigh and harshly bit out, "No."

Scarlet scoffed. "Care to elaborate?"

"No," Izzy hummed as she combed through her hair with her fingers.

"Bitch."

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Just have it at your place."

Scarlet furrowed her brows. "But you're rich."

Izzy made a face then crossed her arms over her chest. "So are you," she spat as she raised a brow at the two girls. She was tired of putting up with their bullshit. She thought Jennifer would at least be on her side a little, but she guessed what she had done to Sarah had made the two of them both develop some kind of grudge against her. So . . . maybe she wouldn't directly tell them to fuck off, but she could definitely give them a side-eye or a harsh glare.

Scarlet shook her head slightly and bit her lip. "I don't understand why you don't want to host it," she said, her voice raising an octave. "I mean your house is literally the size of the fuckin' Buckingham Palace. And you have it all to yourself . . . so like . . . I just don't get it."

"Maybe she's hiding something," Jennifer suggested. A small smirk played on her lips, but it seemed fake or maybe Izzy was hoping it was fake because maybe the Windsor girl didn't want to not be sort-of-kind-of friends with Jennifer. Either way, the smirk was still there, and Izzy was starting to realize maybe Jennifer was never on her side. Maybe Jennifer would have always sided with Scarlet. That made the Windsor girl grow cold. Fuck this. Fuck her. Fuck the entire world.

Izzy rolled her eyes (she could feel herself bursting a blood vessel any second). "Oh, please," she spat because that was the only thing she could think to do. If Jennifer was going to drag her name through the mud just like Scarlet always had, then fuck her. If they wanted Izzy to be a bitch, then she would. (Perhaps if she knew herself a little more, Izzy would realize this was the only way she knew how to cope with anything ever . . . by being a bitch.)

"I heard you were talking to that Pogue you claimed you had nothing to do with. JJ's his name, right? You guys did seem pretty close at the kegger," Jennifer went on, causing Izzy's heart to drop. The sadness in her eyes still stayed, but something had tainted it as well . . . something dark, malicious. "I wouldn't be surprised if she was sleeping with him behind Rafe's back. You know how she is."

A taunting grin claimed Scarlet's face. "Is that why you don't want us over? I mean we used to come over and hang on the weekends, but I guess that's changed, right?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at the blonde girl. "Are you afraid we'll find out about your little charity case?"

Izzy wanted to punch her. Like actually punch her in the face and break her nose. She couldn't believe she ever put up with her for more than five minutes. But, instead, she clenched her fists and held back her anger. As if her reputation wasn't already trashed, now she had to deal with people thinking she was cheating on her boyfriend. Which, by the fucking way, was total bullshit. Rafe may have been an asshole sometimes, but she would never cheat on him. Cheating pissed Izzy off. Relationships were built on trust and honesty, not lies and deceit. That was the main reason she didn't believe in love . . . the real stuff anyway. Her generation had ruined it and turned it into nothing more than sex. She guessed she was a part of the problem as well.

Izzy tried blinking away her thoughts, but the rage clouded her vision. "Not that it's any of your business but when I have a boyfriend I tend to stay committed to him," she spat, her words harsh. "You bitches should know that. We've only known each other since we were kids."

Scarlet almost laughed . . . but she settled with a small, complacent smile. "That's not what Rafe said."

Izzy felt something gnaw at her heart. "What did Rafe say?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound confident, but it came out soft and weak.

"I think you know." Scarlet bit her lip, trying to contain her smile. "Maybe we should have listened to Amelia when she called you crazy. It would've saved us a lot of energy if we just dropped you when you started acting like a depressed bitch. I mean I guess I kind of always knew you were like a basket case or whatever. Maybe . . . now . . . you're a slut, too."

Her words set Izzy's skin on fire. Magma coursed through her veins, poisoning her bloodstream as she clenched her fists to contain the rage boiling inside of her. She was just so sick of people commenting on her. All they ever did was tell her who she should have been or what she could do better. But the worst part of it all was that Izzy listened. She listened and listened and listened even when it brought her nothing but this weight resting on her chest, slowly suffocating her.

          "Whatever," was what Izzy decided to say. She rolled her eyes a second later and sighed. "You have, like, no room to talk. Ever since I've known you, all you've talked about is yourself and the guys you fuck. It's exhausting trying to put up with you. We used to be friends . . . I guess, but you are so fuckin' insufferable I don't know how I ever dealt with you."

          "God, who died and made you such a bitch?" Scarlet scoffed.

          Izzy halted. She even stopped breathing. She knew Scarlet was trying to get under her skin, and it had worked. Who died and made you such a bitch? her voice taunted Izzy. And the Windsor girl just knew who Scarlet was referring to. That only made her want to punch her in the face even more.

          But before she could let the fire coursing through her veins spread, Jennifer spoke up. "I don't know about anybody else, but I miss the old Izzy," she began, her words like venom, but her eyes were soft. Maybe there was some truth to her words. Maybe she really did miss the old Izzy but whatever. "You know the one who had a sense of humor and didn't turn on us?!"

          Izzy blinked. Her eyes felt hot. Don't cry, she hissed. "Fuck you," was all she could manage. She used to be able to tolerate Jennifer, but she knew the girl wasn't actually someone she could call a friend. Realistically, Izzy Windsor didn't have anybody. And whatever she felt toward Jennifer had melted down to anger. Everything eventually turned into anger for Izzy, so it wasn't a surprise. Although, and she'd never admit it, but it did hurt how easily people switched up on her . . . but whatever.

"Aw, poor little rich girl," Scarlet mocked. "I heard you went totally ballistic at the party too . . . and not just on Sarah. Someone told me they heard you crying in the bathroom. It's honestly just so pathetic. I thought you were better than that, but I guess people change, right? And you've changed a lot."

Her words were another sign of rejection, proving that Izzy Windsor didn't belong amongst the sheep if she was still wearing her wolf's clothing. But Izzy didn't bother giving her a reaction, she was too busy focusing on her words and trying not to punch her in the face. Poor little rich girl. That phrase repeated in her head as she glared harder at her reflection. She didn't want to be that, but she couldn't show her frustration toward their words. If she did, they'd only call her something else. And it wasn't like she could cry about it. Crying wasn't meant for pretty girls. Crying meant admitting she was exactly what they thought she was. She couldn't have that. She didn't want it. She was tired of being perfect, but she wanted to be so badly. She didn't want the acne on her face or the hole in her heart, she just wanted to be the plastic Barbie doll everyone expected her to be.

          Life would have been so much better if Izzy Windsor was made entirely out of plastic.

           But she wasn't. Izzy was made of flesh and bone. Her skin was weak and easily scarred. She wasn't hard plastic, she was fragile skin. She bled and she cried (as much as she tried not to). There was no stopping the pressure pounding on the floodgates of her breaking point. All the words they threw at her, all the expectations, and standards built up against the gates, desperately trying to break through. But Izzy wouldn't let that happen. She'd already let her emotions get the best of her at the party. She wasn't going to let that happen again.

          Izzy tore her gaze from her reflection and glared at the two girls. She thought about cursing them out and pointing out every single flaw about them. She knew her words would cut deep, leaving scars under the epidermis of their skin. But she refrained. Instead, Izzy shot them a condescending smile and flipped them off before she turned around and walked out of the restroom.

          As she walked out of the restroom, their words haunted her, mocking her in her head. She clenched her jaw at the insults burning into her brain. She tried blinking the anger clouding her vision, but all she saw was red. And before she could register her surroundings, she smacked right into someone. The voices taunting her in her head silenced, and the person, who she collided with, steadied her by putting their hands on her arms.

          Izzy blinked and glanced up to see who had stopped her in her warpath. Her expression softened when she realized JJ Maybank was standing before her with his hands wrapped around her arms. She blinked again. "JJ? Are you trying to kill me now?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound harsh, but it came out more like silk.

          JJ grinned. "It's only fair," he said with a shrug.

          A smile tugged at Izzy's lips but she quickly forced herself to scowl at him. She cleared her throat and took a step back, causing JJ's hands to fall back to his sides. Izzy raised a brow and crossed her arms over her chest to create a barrier between them.

          The grin faltered on JJ's face. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat. "I was heading to the bathroom," he informed her. "What are you—"

          The door to the girls' restroom door whipped open, cutting JJ off before he could finish his question. The two of them turned to see who had interrupted them. Izzy wished she hadn't, though, because as soon as she turned, she recognized the people who had interrupted them as Scarlet Adams and Jennifer Harding. The two girls glanced between JJ and Izzy, then looked at each other and Scarlet scoffed while Jennifer only squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head in disbelief.

          Scarlet averted her gaze to Izzy's face. "Looks like the rumors are true," she muttered, smirking slightly. With that, she walked off with Jennifer trailing after her, and Izzy watched them, her brows furrowed on her face.

          JJ tore his gaze from the two girls and glanced back at Izzy with his brows pinched together. "What—" he cut himself off, his voice filled with confusion and shock. He pointed behind him, gesturing in the direction the two girls headed. "What was that?"

          Izzy shrugged. "Nothing."

          JJ dropped his hand to his side, but the confusion stayed plastered across his face. "Don't give me the cold shoulder now," he said, smiling slightly but his voice sounded desperate almost as if he were pleading her to peel back the layers of her facade. "I thought we were becoming friends."

          Izzy stared up at him through her mascara-coated lashes for a few seconds, contemplating whether or not she should say what was eating away at her skin. She could feel the words on the tip of her tongue, threatening to escape her lips. A part of her wanted to tell him because a part of her knew he would listen. He had been the only one to listen to her in a long time. But Izzy was Izzy. She had different personalities and she chose which mask she wore. She had sculpted her personality and she wasn't about to let one person ruin that for her. But she wouldn't fuel the fire. She'd give him something, but not enough for him to know what was really going on inside her head.

           "It's nothing," Izzy muttered with a small shrug. "They just think I'm sleeping with . . . other people besides Rafe."

          JJ scoffed, shaking his head. "That's bullshit."

          That made Izzy grow warm. "It's whatever," she spat out as she cleared her throat and straightened her posture. "They just think because I broke Amelia's nose that I'm crazy . . . among other things."

          "Crazy? Pfft, no." JJ made a face as if he were actually thinking about it, then he nodded in agreement. "Well . . . "

          Izzy felt herself smile. "Fuck you," she exclaimed, laughing softly.

          JJ bit the inside of his cheek to contain his grin as his eyes roamed over Izzy's face. Izzy thought for a second that it looked like he liked when she smiled, but that would be stupid . . . right? Whatever. She quickly pushed those thoughts away because they were utterly absurd. But she couldn't stop herself from thinking that maybe JJ Maybank wasn't so bad. He was still stupid and a bit of an asshole, but he wasn't completely awful. Maybe her dad had been wrong. Maybe JJ wasn't like his father. Maybe—

          "Why did you punch her?" JJ asked suddenly, tearing Izzy from her thoughts.

          Izzy raised her brows. "Amelia?"

          JJ nodded in response and searched her face for an answer. Izzy wasn't sure if she liked it when he analyzed her like that. Normally, it was her doing the analyzing. But she also didn't entirely hate when his eyes were on her.

          "She said if my mom was still alive that she'd . . . " Izzy trailed off, biting her lip. Her eyes pricked with hot tears, but she wouldn't let them fall. Pretty girls don't cry, she reminded herself. With that in mind, she took a deep breath and exhaled, calming her emotions. "She said that my mom would be disappointed in me, because I turned into a . . . failure. Which is so like not true. Obviously, I'm perfect, but it pissed me off so I punched the bitch"

          The Maybank boy must have noticed her discomfort, since he nudged her arm, causing her to look up at him. He looked at her with such compassion and understanding in his eyes, and Izzy could have sworn her cheeks burned red. "How bad did it look? Like on a scale of fucked up to—" he winced and lowered his voice to add emphasis— "fucked up."

          A small smile lifted onto Izzy's face. "Think Picasso."

          "Nice," JJ complimented. He held out a fist toward her, gesturing for her to bump her fist against his.

          Izzy glanced between his fist and his face. "I'm not fist-bumping you," she said, and shook her head at him.

          A soft laugh left JJ's lips as he brought his hand up to adjust his baseball cap on his head, switching the bill to the back. He seemed to do that a lot. Izzy wondered why. But before she could let herself dwell on the thought, JJ spoke up again. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're crazy," he said as he smiled down at her. "If I were you I would have asked someone to record it."

          Izzy raised her brows. "Oh, really?"

          JJ scrunched his face and nodded. "Amelia's always been . . . one of a kind," he claimed. He shot her a look, which showed that Amelia Wright was not in his good books (Izzy didn't blame him. Amelia was a fucking bitch who deserved to get punched.). "I'm surprised all you broke was her nose."

          Izzy narrowed her eyes at him. "What did you expect me to do?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

          "Something more thrilling," JJ said, using his hands for emphasis.

          Izzy almost laughed, but she refrained. "Thrilling?" she questioned, trying to contain the amusement in her voice, but failing miserably. She couldn't help but smile. "Seaweed Brain, are you trying to turn me into a criminal?"

          JJ shrugged and smiled slightly as well. "Depends," he mused. He leaned closer to her . . . so close he probably got a whiff of her perfume. "Can I come along for the ride? We could be fugitives together, Windsor."

          Izzy bit her lip then winced. "I'll pass, Seaweed Brain."

          "Whatever," JJ playfully scoffed. "I'm more of a lone wolf anyway."

          "Wow, cringe," Izzy remarked.

          JJ held out his fist and pretended to wind it up. Slowly, his middle finger began to straighten the more he pretended to wind it up. He continued to do that until his middle finger was fully straightened and then he gaped at it and cheered for himself.

          Izzy shook her head at him with the smile still on her face, but then her thoughts drifted. She began thinking about what Rafe had said earlier about JJ. She wondered if he had actually sunk Topper's boat. Obviously, that was a reasonable response to being beaten up, but she wondered if JJ had purposely kept that from her. She knew she didn't deserve an explanation but it still rubbed her the wrong way. She hated being lied to. It pissed her off. And, so before she could process it all, she had opened her mouth and let her mind speak for her. "Can I ask you a question?" she found herself blurting out.

          JJ shook his head. "No, I'm not a criminal."

          Izzy gave him an unimpressed look. "Good one, but no," she muttered, monotonously. "Did you really sink Topper's boat?"

          JJ held up his hands in surrender. "I told you, Iz. I'm not a criminal," he claimed, shrugging his shoulders while his hands stayed in the air.

          Izzy tried analyzing him, but she couldn't find any clues to the truth. She gave up and sighed, "Why don't I believe you?"

          "Beats me," JJ remarked. "Anyway—" he began walking past her and heading toward the restrooms— "gotta piss but I'll see you around."

          "JJ—"

          JJ turned around and cut her off, "Oh, and you look nice, Princess." He nodded his head at her and shot her wink as a smug smirk grew on his face. "Enjoy the movie." With that, he turned around and disappeared inside the boys' restroom.

          "Idiot," Izzy mumbled as she rolled her eyes, but a smile still formed on her face. She turned around and walked toward the group of boys she had left a while ago, but JJ stayed on her mind. Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe he wasn't so bad. He had fixed her car, after all. He was still incredibly dumb as most boys were and he was definitely hiding something from her, but maybe he wasn't . . . that bad.

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          The sun had been swallowed by the moon, casting a blanket of darkness across the Outer Banks. The movie had almost concluded, and many people had already packed up their belongings and drove home. Izzy didn't blame them. This movie was quite a bore and the acting was horrible. A year ago, she would have been having a great time, but now, Izzy didn't laugh when an actor delivered a line badly; she didn't even find the movie enjoyable. She wasn't sure she could anymore. Everything just seemed so bleak without her mother there to crack jokes about the bad angles the movie was shot in. It just seemed pointless. So, Izzy focused her attention toward the night sky for the rest of the night.

          As she had already established, Izzy liked the stars. She liked looking at them, too. They made her feel like her problems were nothing on a grand scheme of things. But perhaps what she found most interesting about them was the fact most of the stars in the sky were dead.

         Yeah, she wasn't lying. The night sky was filled with dead stars. Most people didn't know that. If you asked them, they wouldn't be able to tell you that the stars shining in the sky had actually died a long time ago. Izzy knew though.

          A part of Izzy liked the fact that she knew the stars in the sky were dead. It sounded morbid, but it made her feel more comforted. Because you see, everything dies, even stars. That was the beauty in it. Stars are beautiful, and so are people. Hell, people are practically made of stardust. That had to count for something. Because every star eventually becomes a supernova (even the name was pretty). Izzy wondered maybe if she started thinking about her mom's death as a supernova, then she'd finally be able to move on. Maybe if she thought of death as twinkling in the sky, being admired for years and years and years long after you had died, then it wouldn't seem so scary. Maybe—

          "Babe, are you even watching?" Rafe suddenly whispered in her ear, tearing her from her thoughts.

          Izzy tore her eyes from the stars and locked eyes with her boyfriend. She was sitting on his lap because they had so conveniently forgotten to bring another chair for her. Because of this, she was so close to him that she could see the confusion on his face, which made her want to roll her eyes. But she didn't, instead, she just gave him a tight-lipped smile and nodded, turning her head to the screen.

          The movie played on and Izzy felt the life drain out of her. Her limbs were starting to ache, too. She wanted to get up and leave or do something other than sit there, trying to keep still. So, she searched the crowd to keep her mind occupied. Her eyes would stumble on different people and she'd mentally make up their story. It was a game she liked to play. But then her eyes landed on someone she recognized, and she found she didn't have to come up with their life story.

          JJ Maybank sat amongst his friends just a little way in front of Izzy. He was talking to Pope and he seemed agitated. Izzy narrowed her eyes at the back of his head, trying to figure out what he was talking about. A second later, the two boys turned around and glanced in Izzy's direction, except they weren't looking at her, they were looking at the boys beside her. That only confused Izzy more. But before she could rack her brain for an explanation, JJ stood to his feet, muttered something to Kiara, then walked off with Pope trailing after him. The two boys disappeared behind the tree next to the large movie screen.

          Izzy didn't think much of it, because boys were . . . stupid. She exhaled through her nose and turned her attention back to the movie screen. A second later, she felt Rafe tighten his arm around her waist as a way to grab her attention. Izzy looked at him in questioning. What did he want now?

          Rafe leaned in closer to her. "Babe, can you get up? I gotta' wring it out," he said in a hushed voice.

          Izzy shot him an annoyed face, but nevertheless got up so Rafe could stand to his feet. She sat back down in the chair just as Topper and Kelce stood to their feet. That was when she began to feel like something wasn't right. "All three of you are going?" she questioned, skeptically. And they say girls are the ones always going to the bathrooms together.

          "When you gotta' go, you gotta' go," Kelce claimed.

          With that, the three of them walked off . . . but not toward the restrooms that were actually behind them. Instead, Rafe and Kelce walked toward the tree where JJ and Pope had disappeared while Topper walked around the other end of the movie screen. That was when Izzy realized what was going on. She knew Rafe and the others were pissed that Pope allegedly sunk Topper's boat, and as the past few days had proven, Rafe seemed to be in the mood for fighting rather than negotiating. Which meant only one thing: the worst was about to strike, and Izzy was sure it was going to be a fight between the two groups. Izzy couldn't have that happen. She couldn't watch as Rafe came back with bloody fists and a bloody nose. She couldn't see all that blood. Not again.

          Izzy stood to her feet before she could even process what she was doing, and before she knew it, she was approaching Kiara, who was still sitting on a beach towel, watching the movie. She knew Kie would probably rather punch the blonde in the face than listen to her, but she had to let her know what was going on. Kiara probably wouldn't like having to bandage her friends because a few boys didn't know how to control their emotions. So, Izzy crouched down next to the brunette girl and nudged her. "Kiara," she whispered.

          Kiara turned to look at who had called her name. When her eyes landed on Izzy, she groaned. "God, what do you want?"

          Izzy wasted no time. "I think Rafe, Topper, and Kelce went after your friends."

          Kiara furrowed her brows. "What?" she asked with her mouth slightly agape.

          "They followed them," Izzy explained as she pointed a hand to the three where she had last seen her boyfriend and his friends. "Apparently Pope or JJ or both of them sunk Topper's boat . . . and Rafe's pissed at them. I think they might do something."

          A sigh escaped Kiara's lips. She briefly closed her eyes before they fluttered open and locked with Izzy's green ones. "Pope said it would quote-on-quote go down tonight," the Carrera girl claimed.

          Izzy furrowed her brows, and confusion was written on her face. "What does that mean?"

          Kiara made a face. "I don't know. They're idiots. What do you expect?" she bitterly asked as she grabbed the backpack beside her and stood to her feet. She began walking off toward the boys, but gestured for Izzy to follow her before she disappeared behind the movie screen.

          Izzy blinked herself out of her trance and followed after Kiara. She ignored the feeling of the blades of grass cutting her skin as she trudged through the people sitting down watching the movie. A huff escaped her lips as she rounded the tree. Her eyes adjusted and she took in the scene in front of her. She saw Topper beating the shit out of Pope as the boy tried to fight back. And then there was JJ, who was being restrained in a chokehold by Kelce while Rafe punched the Maybank boy in the face. Izzy's stomach twisted at the sight, but she stayed frozen to the ground, her veins filling with ice instead of magma.

          "Let go of him, Topper, you fascist asshole!" Kiara yelled as she pounded on Topper's back with her fists. Topper shoved her away, but she persisted, and that was when Izzy's eyes landed on Pope's face. Blood trailed down his nose, painting his lips and skin. His face was slightly bruised probably from what Rafe did to him earlier, but all Izzy could focus on was the blood.

          All Izzy saw was red.

          Her heart hammered in her chest as she watched the blood seep down his face. An image of her mother's bloodied corpse flashed before her eyes, causing her stomach to twist. She wanted to hurl. She wanted to scream. God, she wanted to scream. She hated blood. She hated it so damn much. But screaming wouldn't stop the blood from being shed.

          Despite her heart contracting in her chest, Izzy snapped herself out of her daze and forced herself to look at Rafe. He was still pounding his fist into JJ's face, causing blood to gush from his nose. Izzy almost gagged at the sight of the blood on Rafe's knuckles. But she refrained and rushed toward the three boys. "Rafe, what the fuck?" she yelled as she shoved at Rafe's back.

          Rafe glanced at her, and his eyes hardened. "Iz?" he asked, confused, but still he didn't loosen his grip on the Maybank boy's shirt.

          "Hey, Princess," JJ interrupted them, causing Izzy to lock eyes with him. He nodded his head at her, offering a lazy half-smile which revealed blood staining his teeth. The blood filled Izzy with discomfort.

          Before she could answer, Rafe punched JJ in the face. Izzy filled with rage. "Rafe!" she yelled, her voice strained.

          Rafe gave a grunt then grabbed Izzy by the arms, pulling her away from the scene. "Stay out of this," he ordered as he shook her by the arms.

          Izzy opened her mouth to refute him, but before she could, Kiara's voice rang throughout her ears. "Topper, enough!" the Carrera girl yelled as she jumped on Topper's back and began punching him.

          Rafe detached from his girlfriend and approached the three, grabbing Kiara from Topper's back and throwing her to the ground. "Stay out of this!" he yelled, the veins in his neck protruding. He glanced at Izzy and his gaze hardened. "Both of you!"

          Tears pricked Izzy's eyes. She couldn't believe the boy standing before her. She didn't want to believe this was the same Rafe she had grown up with. But it was, and that hurt the most to realize. She pushed away those thoughts and held back her tears. She wasn't allowed to cry, especially now. So she didn't. She ignored the way her heart swelled in her chest and went to bend down next to Kiara, who was still on the ground, trying to catch her breath. Fuck, Kie was really hurt.

          "Kie, are you okay?" Izzy asked, her voice filled with the concern she had tried so desperately to hide. She reached out to put her hand on Kiara's shoulder, squeezing it to try to comfort the girl. She wasn't good at comfort, and she would never admit it, but she wanted Kiara to be okay. A part of her needed the girl to be okay. A part of her (the part she had tried to bury) cared about her.

          But Kiara wasn't having it. "Don't act like you care," she spat, her words like venom. She tore her arm from Izzy's grasp and stood to her feet. "You're a part of the problem."

          Fuck. She was right. Izzy was a part of the problem. Izzy was the problem. She was tired of being the problem.

          Izzy turned around to see Rafe had gone back to punching the Maybank boy. The sight fueled the fire burning inside of her, and she had to clench her fists to stop the sensation from overriding her consciousness. She exhaled through her nose and stormed over to her boyfriend, shoving hard at his back. "Rafe, stop!" she yelled as loud as she could. She wasn't sure if the people watching the movie could hear her, but she didn't care. She was tired of being silenced. "You're being an asshole!"

          Rafe laughed and he took a step back from JJ, but he kept his grip on his shirt. "I'm not doing anything. I just want to know what this motherfucker wants from me," he claimed, bitterly. He kept his hard gaze on JJ, glaring at him. "I know you want my girlfriend. I'm not fucking stupid. I see it. So tell me, Pogue, what the fuck do you want? Other than my girlfriend?"

          "I don't want anything from you," JJ muttered through coughs as he choked on the blood in his mouth.

          That seemed to anger Rafe even more. "Now why don't I believe you?" he questioned through gritted teeth.

          JJ clenched his jaw, then spit blood into Rafe's face. "Fuck you," he bit out, his bottom lip quivering in anger.

          Rafe scoffed, bringing a hand up to wipe the bloodied spit from his face. He rubbed the spit between his fingers and nodded his head a few times. For a second it seemed he might back away, but Rafe was too fueled with rage, and before anyone could blink, his hand flashed out, colliding with JJ's face. JJ fought against Kelce's hold and managed to kick Rafe, causing him to falter and stumble backward.

          "You fucker!" Rafe yelled.

          A brief silence followed afterward as Rafe clenched his hands into fists and stormed toward his target, but before he could, Izzy instinctively stepped in between them. She gathered all the anger which burned inside her and channeled it, wielding it to ball her hand into a fist. She brought her hand back to gain momentum, then swung forward, connecting her fist with Rafe's face. The impact made Rafe falter as he brought a hand up to touch his cheek where his girlfriend's fist had collided.

          Rafe slowly turned his head until his eyes locked with Izzy's. His face was filled with shock as he tried searching her eyes for an explanation. "Did you just fucking punch me?" he scoffed.

          Pain pulsed through Izzy's hand, but she didn't care. She was too angry to care. "You're being a dick!" she shouted, breathing heavily. "What did you expect?"

          Before any more violence could commence, a fire ignited the movie screen, quickly sending it up into flames. Izzy drifted her gaze to the fire as her heart pounded in her chest. The heat radiated onto her skin, but it didn't bother her. Her bloodstream had burned with magma for years. She had dealt with the fire in her veins since she was a kid, and these flames were nothing compared to the wildfire which burned inside of her. If anything, they made her feel more alive.

          She watched in a blur as Topper stepped away from Pope and Rafe joined him, the two of them backing away from the fire. She heard Kelce's muffled voice as he yelled, "Oh, shit. Let's get out of here." And she saw Pope and Kiara latch onto JJ, checking each other to see if they were all okay. Izzy's heart burned at the sight.

          Izzy inhaled a sharp breath, blinking herself out of the blur. She approached JJ and put her hands on his face, caressing his jaw. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why she cared. Maybe it was because they were sort of becoming acquaintances or just people who tolerated each other. But either way, she wiped the blood from his face with her thumb and searched his eyes. "Are you okay?" she found herself whispering.

          Her words didn't seem to comfort him. If anything he seemed pissed, but she couldn't blame him. "You don't have to act like you care. Go back to your Prince Charming," JJ muttered bitterly, but his eyes told her to stay. "He's looking a bit red."

          It was then Izzy realized what she was doing. She realized her hands were on his face and she looked like she cared. She realized his friends were staring at her in confusion and with hatred in their eyes. So she played her part as the quick-curl Barbie, and stepped back. She straightened her posture and pursed her lips. "A 'thank you' would suffice," she said in a monotone voice before she began to turn around.

          But before Izzy could leave, JJ wrapped a hand around her arm and turned her to face him. "Princess—" he shot her a lazy grin and gave a dramatic bow— "thank you."

          Izzy couldn't help but smile softly at that. She shook her head at him and bit her lip to contain her smile, and then she turned around and left. The twine wrapped around her heart seemed to pull harder the further she walked away from him, but she ignored that and caught up with the people she was supposed to call friends.

          Once Izzy caught up to them, she realized just how much she wished Sarah was there so she wouldn't have to deal with them. She hated this. She really did . . . but there was nothing she could do . . . really.

          "Holy shit, you almost killed him," Rafe said to Topper, laughing slightly as he patted his friend on the back. Topper seemed shaken up . . . like even he was appalled by his actions, whereas Kelce seemed to already be telling people about the fight as he texted on his phone with a wide grin on his face.

          Izzy rolled her eyes at them as the fire spread to her heart. "You're a fucking coward, Topper," she found herself muttering. She didn't know what came over her, but she didn't mind the way the words felt tumbling from her tongue. "When Sarah ditches your ass, I hope you realize just how pathetic you are."

          Rafe turned to face her and wrapped a hand around her arm. "Whose side are you on?" he asked, bitterly as he looked her up and down as if he was disgusted by her.

          A scoff left Izzy's lips. "There are no sides!" she claimed, her voice harsh. She glanced down at the hand wrapped around her arm, then tore out of his grasp. She glanced up to lock eyes with him again. "I just don't want to end up with another grave." And she meant that. She was tired of everyone leaving. She couldn't take it anymore.

          Rafe only shook his head at her and chuckled. That was when Izzy was reminded of the truth. No one would ever listen to her. If she spoke the truth, they'd label her a bitch. If she kept silent, they'd call her a brainless blonde. She would never win, at least, not while she had people in her life dictating her every move. But what else was she supposed to do? All they'd see when they looked at her was an entitled girl from wealth, and they'd ignored her with the roll of their eyes. It didn't matter if she was trying to stop people from killing others or simply state her opinion; at the end of the day, Izzy Windsor was just a rich girl.

a/n: they're becoming friends wow. also izzy's such a scorpio and we love to see it. she's singlehandedly stopping the hate on scorpios and i'm thanking her for it. also also next chapter is midsummers & that's one of my favorite scenes of jj and izzy. y'all aren't ready.

also i'm putting this in every chapter that rafe is in: so i don't know who needs to hear this, but rafe IS a toxic person. he's a toxic person in the show and he's a toxic person in this fic. i wrote him like this because it's canon to the show. his and izzy's relationship should NOT be romanticized. i am not romanticizing them, and you shouldn't either. so please don't romanticize them. it's not cute. it's not romantic. it's wrong.

thanks for reading!