chapter five
people are stories

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          When people die, they turn into stories. All the little things they did in life become the big things and are put into a time capsule in their loved ones' hearts. Every time someone opens that capsule, those stories are told and it's like that person is still there for them. And Izzy Windsor believed that people were just stories in the end, nothing more, nothing less.

          Her mother, Julia Windsor, was one of those stories that would always haunt her, reminding her that she would never amass to be anything as amazing as her. Julia was a starlet. The spotlight found her, she didn't seek it out. People just adored her. They loved to hear everything about her life, and Izzy couldn't blame them. She wanted to be just like Julia. At least, she did when the woman was still alive. But after she died, the stories of her mother no longer inspired her to be like her, instead, they filled her with dread. The desire to be like her mother quickly turned into a guideline for who she was expected to be, and suddenly all this pressure was put on her to become the carbon copy of the deceased model.

          Izzy had tried for so long after her mother died to live up to her memory. She tried styling her hair like her and wearing her clothes, but she just felt lost. She tried to care about the cheer meetings, but going to them only made her want to pull out her hair. She just didn't care, and she realized she never actually did. She realized a lot of the things she did were for her mom, and when she died, the inspiration to do them burned out.

          She didn't want to be this person. She didn't want to walk down runways or attend galas, she wanted to stay in her room and paint. That was what Izzy wanted to do for a living. She wanted to paint, but her father wanted her to be her mother. There was just one problem—Julia's story had ended while Izzy was still writing hers.

          Nobody understood it. Nobody understood her and she was sure of it. No matter who she told, they all looked at her as if she had spoken blasphemy. They wanted her to be Julia. They wanted her to do what they told her to do. They wanted to control her. But Izzy hated picking what personality she should put on when she approached different people. She hated being their puppet. She just wanted to be free from the entrapment of the pressure suffocating her.

          Her intoxicated state only intensified her feelings as she made her way through the party, trying to find her way to her car. She thought her car was the perfect example of an act of rebellion. It was an old, ugly car—a 1963 Mercury Comet convertible. Her mother had passed it down to her, and she adored it. Her father said it was preposterous, which only made Izzy love it more. She could have had a Cadillac, but she chose this car. This was her choice, and she discovered she liked making her own decisions.

          Izzy wasn't allowed to make her own decisions. Her father wouldn't allow it. But tonight, Izzy had discovered her forgotten love for deciding for herself. She had almost forgotten how freeing it was, and she never wanted to let the feeling drift from her consciousness. But Izzy was a cluster-fuck of emotions and she should have known, the feeling wouldn't last forever.

          She tried to focus on that feeling of freedom as she walked further away from Rafe and stumbled up the stairs, but the heavy feeling in her chest overpowered all her other emotions. She struggled to make her way through the house, shoving warm bodies out of her way as she walked to the front entrance. She made it to the door, opening it only for hot air to slap her in the face. She walked through the heat, making her way to her car—her safe place. When she slammed the car door behind her, she sat there for a moment, drifting in her thoughts. She knew she should have just sat back and waited until she sobered up, but she had this sinking feeling in her chest that if she stayed, she'd regret it more.

          With tears streaming down her cheeks, Izzy turned on the engine and pulled out of the driveway. She sped onto the main road, trying her best not to swerve, but she ended up hitting a few mailboxes and trash cans. She knew she should have pulled over, but she couldn't bring herself to put her foot on the brakes, she just kept going no matter how hard she cried.

          She didn't know where she was going. At first, she thought home was the most obvious answer, but the more she drove, she realized she was heading toward the same road where her mother lost her life. The realization only made her speed up.

          When she approached the road, she put her foot on the brakes and stared up at the traffic lights. Green lights stared back at her, mocking her. Her mother had sped through one red light because of her and then she was gone. It was just one. Izzy had sped through those same red lights many times and nothing happened. It wasn't fair. It was her fault. Why couldn't the world give her a break and take it out on her? Karma was a bitch. She knew that. She just wondered when it'd take out its wrath on her. After all, she deserved it. She ruined everything in her life, she always had.

          The lights flashed yellow and Izzy readied her foot on the gas pedal. She wondered what would happen if she was hit. Would she die? What story would she leave behind? Would it be one she was proud of?

          A few seconds later, the lights flashed red and Izzy slammed her foot on the accelerator, causing the wheels to squeak against the pavement as she sped down the road. She prepared herself for impact, but deep down, she knew nothing was coming. Her heart pounded in her chest, quickening as she passed through red light after red light. She would have kept going, but she caught sight of a group of people stepping off onto the road, and she immediately stomped on the brakes. The impact forced her forward, but because of her intoxicated state, she didn't catch herself in time. Her head slammed against the steering wheel, making her head spin.

          "What the hell, Izzy? Again?" a male voice yelled at her, but his voice was muffled in her ears. Her heartbeat pounded in her head, screaming at her. "Do you really want me dead that bad?"

         Izzy didn't bother looking up to see who she had almost hit, she was too busy trying to collect her thoughts. She groaned as she pulled her head from the steering wheel and massaged her temples. Blood trickled down her fingers from a small cut on her forehead, but other than that, she was fine. She realized then that maybe this was her karma. Maybe she was forced to watch bad things happen around her without anything ever actually happening to her. Maybe she was the villain in her own story. After all, she deserved it.

          This was the price she had to pay. This wasn't her purgatory, this was her Hell. There was no way of getting herself out of this one. Even money couldn't fix her mistakes.

          "Jesus, are you okay?" the male voice asked again, except it sounded closer like the person was approaching her.

          Izzy tore her eyes from her blood-stained hand and glanced at who she had almost hit. Not much to her surprise, JJ Maybank stood before her with his brows raised and concern written on his face while his three friends, John B, Kiara, and Pope stood behind him. She wasn't sure why he looked so worried . . . after all, he hated her. He should have been glad.

          A groan left Izzy's lips. "Go away. Oh, my god, just go away," she whined, slamming her hands on the steering wheel. She wanted to be alone. She couldn't handle him.

         "What are you doing out so late, Princess?" JJ asked. A smirk was on his face, but there was concern laced in his words.

          Izzy glared at him. "Don't fucking call me that." She unlocked the car door and stumbled out, trying to make sure she hadn't damaged her car. Even if it was a piece of shit, and the airbags probably didn't work anymore, she loved that car. She couldn't damage it and risk having to replace it. That would be like trying to replace a part of her mother.

          JJ reached out and placed both his hands around her forearms, steadying her. "Okay, you're clearly drunk and—" he paused, glancing at her forehead where she was bleeding. He gently touched his fingers to the cut and rubbed the blood between his fingers— "bleeding."

           Izzy shoved his chest, trying to get out of his hold. "Touch me again and I'll gut you," she murmured, her words slurred.

          "You can't even walk properly," JJ commented, tightening his grip on her arms so she wouldn't fall. "I doubt you can see my face."

         Izzy crossed her arms over her chest. "I so can."

         JJ hummed in response and lifted a hand up, putting up a few fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked, quirking a brow.

          Izzy squinted her eyes at his hand, trying to focus her vision, but it only worsened, distorting the image of his fingers. A groan left her lips and she shoved his hand away. "Fuck you."

          "That's not a number," JJ teased, a smirk resting on his face.

          Annoyance crossed Izzy's face as she shot him a blank expression. She tried shoving at his chest again, but he only brought her into his side, securing her against his chest. Izzy huffed out an irritated sigh, but she didn't move. She was too drunk to move, too tired. She allowed him to hold her body close to his with her cheek resting on his chest. Her eyes fluttered closed and for a second she thought she might drift off into a dream.

          "Kie, do you think she can crash at your place?" JJ asked his friend, his voice vibrating through Izzy's skull. His words echoed in her head, but she found she didn't mind it. She felt calmer, almost like she actually could fall asleep.

           "Hell no," Kie expressed, her voice harsh and sour.

          "Kie," JJ pleaded.

           A brief silence followed after he spoke, creating tension among the group. Izzy could hear the rise and fall of JJ's breathing, and she almost found herself wrapping her arms around his waist, but she refrained, reminding herself that she hated this boy with every bone in her body. She almost pulled away at that thought, but for some reason, her body stayed glued to JJ's. She blamed it on her being too drunk and tired to move.

         Finally one of the boys broke the silence. "JJ, take her home," someone (she thought it might have been Pope) said, his voice cutting through the tension suffocating the group.

          "Yeah, we'll see you in the morning," someone else said (probably John B). "Don't be late."

          With that, Izzy heard footsteps disperse, notifying her that it was now just her and JJ alone in the dark. She should have felt annoyed (which she was) but for some reason, she didn't mind it too much. Actually . . . she felt the hole in her chest be slowly nursed by his presence.

          Another second of silence passed before JJ began to walk her toward the passenger's seat. That was when Izzy finally realized what was going on and fear bubbled in her chest. She didn't like other people driving her anywhere. She had to be the one driving. She had to be in control.

          Izzy tore out of his arms. "No, I have to drive," she claimed, her voice panicked. She looked at him, this time with a hint of vulnerability in her eyes.

           JJ looked at her in confusion for a second before he shook his head. "Unless you want us both to end up in the hospital because you crashed the car, I think I better drive," he explained before he could realize his mistake.

          Izzy's heart dropped. She was thinking of her mother again.

         A sigh left JJ's lips as he stepped forward. "I didn't mean to—"

          "Whatever," Izzy cut him off. Her voice was sharp, almost hostile. She knew she'd regret getting into the car, but she also understood what he meant. Izzy was drunk, and drunk people caused accidents. She wasn't thinking before, but she was now. And despite her actions, deep down, Izzy knew she did not want to die. She knew the story she'd become would not be one she would want to be told. She did not want to be eternally sixteen. So, she shoved past her stubborn nature and forced herself to climb into the passenger's seat, slamming the door behind her.

         The Maybank boy took one last look at her before he rounded his way to the driver's seat and hopped into the car. He started the engine by turning the key, glancing Izzy's way once more before he took off down the road toward the Windsor estate.

          The silence consumed them a second later. Izzy sighed and buckled her seatbelt before she tilted back and rested her head against the seat. She was glad it was dark so JJ wasn't able to see the tears which leaked from her eyes. She quickly wiped them away, though, and instead focused her gaze on the boy driving her car.

          It took everything in her not to tell him to fuck off and let her drive, but for some reason, she trusted him even if it was just a little. She let herself go a step further and analyze his features. His blonde hair was in disarray, sticking out from underneath his baseball cap, and he wore a white shirt stained with dirt. If anything he looked like a mess, but he wasn't all that bad to look at. Izzy remembered a time when she used to look at him and think his blue eyes were the most comforting thing she had ever gazed upon. She wouldn't admit it, but she used to like him. She used to like him a lot, but that was before her father told her she had to be with someone more like her and she realized JJ wasn't that. She realized JJ was just like his father—a nobody. And Izzy Windsor was not meant to be with a nobody.

         "Why do you do that?" JJ suddenly asked, tearing Izzy from her thoughts. He glanced at her briefly before he sighed and turned back to the road.

          Izzy furrowed her brows and straightened her posture in the seat. "Do what?"

          Something twitched in his jaw. "Drive through the red lights . . . I noticed you went through them last time," he muttered as he tightened his grip around the steering wheel. He seemed disturbed by her actions, which she didn't really get. Maybe he was angry she didn't just take it a step further and crash her car into a street light. "You really weren't trying to kill me, huh?"

         Izzy let out something between a laugh and a scoff. He really thought she'd tell him anything about her life, and it was almost laughable. Izzy had set up too many walls and locked herself behind them, creating a barrier between her and the outside world. She tried so hard to be perfect, and although she didn't want to be that anymore, there was no way in Hell she'd let JJ of all people see through the facade. "Seaweed Brain, the day I tell you anything about my life is the day the world ends," she said, lazily waving her hand in the air to emphasize her point.

          JJ nodded, biting his bottom lip as if he were trying to stop himself from speaking. But it seemed his mouth had a mind of its own. "Why were you drinking?" he asked.

          "Did the world end?" Izzy questioned. She glanced down at her manicured nails and picked at the nail polish.

         "What?"

         Izzy cleared her throat. "No, it didn't, so shut up," she spat, lifting her chin to glare at the side of his face. Maybe it was due to her intoxicated state, but with the moonlight shining down on his face, he looked somewhat attractive. She shook her head, ridding herself of those thoughts. "I'm not telling you shit."

          JJ wet his lips, a small smile lifting onto his face as he peeked at the girl out of the corner of his eye. "I guess I'm waiting for the apocalypse then."

          Izzy found herself smiling. She missed this. Wait, no, no she didn't. She couldn't miss this. She wouldn't allow herself to. So she was glad the darkness of the night covered up the grin on her face before she snapped herself out of it and replaced the expression with her usual scowl.

           Let the record show Izzy Windsor so did not miss JJ Maybank. There was no way she would ever let herself miss someone like him, but she did miss the way he used to make her feel. She used to feel freer like she could do anything. She missed not caring what other people thought about her. And for a second she let herself wonder if he missed her.

          She shook her head, trying to forget the past. "So why were you guys out?" she found herself asking.

          JJ turned the steering wheel, bringing them around a bend in the road. "Uh . . . we went lookin' for something and I guess time just went by so we went to Kie's. To the, uh, Wreck," he explained, keeping his eyes on the road.

          Izzy hummed a response. Her eyes were still trained on the side of JJ's face as she studied the slope of his nose. She realized she had forgotten Kie's restaurant was located on the same road where her mother died. She had almost forgotten it was Kie's father, Mike Carrera, who called the ambulance to retrieve Julia. She had almost forgotten Kie was the first one at the hospital, waiting for Izzy to crumble into her arms. It made Izzy realize she had forgotten a lot since her life became one big blur. And it made her feel guilty, because only a little while after that, she dropped Kie like she meant nothing to her.

          She didn't want to admit it, but Izzy missed Kiara Carrera. She missed the times she'd come over and they'd give each other stick-and-poke tattoos of turtles or some shit. She missed her warm hugs and the smell of her hair. She missed the way she made her feel. Things had gone downhill since Izzy replaced relationships with money and freeloading friends.

          It wasn't that she wanted to drop Kiara. She liked being around her a lot, but after her mother died, she kept thinking about how Kiara's life was so much better than hers. Sure, Izzy was richer, but Kiara still had her mother. Kiara had parents who told her they loved her instead of handing out credit cards as birthday presents. Every time she looked at her, she saw the life she had been robbed of. She hated being around Kiara and watching her have everything she ever wanted be handed to her. She found it easier to stick around Sarah since she also didn't have her mother. Sure, she had Rose, but Sarah despised that woman. The two of them bonded over that. They couldn't do that with Kiara.

          As they approached her estate, Izzy realized what a fucking bitch she was. She realized she'd hurt Kiara, but she couldn't let herself care about that. She had too much to care about, she couldn't start thinking about a girl she stopped being friends with a year ago. She just couldn't.

          A second later, the car pulled into Izzy's estate. Izzy had to punch in a code to unlock the gates closing off her house, and after that, they drove along the long driveway leading toward their destination. JJ put the car in park and turned off the engine, pulling out the keys and stuffing them in his pocket. When the car turned off, Izzy sprung to the door, trying to get out of the car before JJ could bother her anymore that night. She just wanted to be alone no matter how hard it was to deal with the void in her chest when no one was around to fill it.

          JJ turned his head in time to see Izzy stumble out of the car. He groaned in annoyance and sprung from his seat, crossing the distance to catch her before she fell to the ground. "Izzy. Izzy—" he exclaimed as he tried wrapping an arm around her waist— "would you fuckin'—"

          Izzy cut him off by pushing his chest. "Go away," she hissed as she tried to stabilize herself against the side of her car.

          A noise sounded from JJ's throat as he looked at her in disapproval. Izzy found that amusing. She pointed a finger at his face and giggled. He deadpanned and reached out to grab her, but she fidgeted in his arms, causing him to lose his grip. She tore away from him and fixed her leopard-print crop top.

          JJ ran a hand through his blond hair, pushing back the fallen strands. "Do you have to be so fucking stubborn all the time?"

          Izzy smirked and gave a shrug of her shoulders. This prompted JJ to reach forward and wrap his arms around her waist, scooping her in his arms before she could protest. One of his arms was under her legs, and the other was supporting her back like a groom carrying his bride. Izzy whined a bit, but nevertheless, she wrapped her arms around his neck and let him carry her toward her house.

          The door wasn't locked. It never was. So JJ opened the door with ease and stepped inside the empty house with Izzy in his arms. He closed the door behind him. It creaked as it slammed shut, echoing throughout the open foyer. The area was big, adorned with a large renaissance carpet and a grandfather clock as well as other entryway furniture. If he glanced up, he'd see a crystal chandelier hanging above their heads. He'd seen the inside of the Windsor estate so many times when he was a kid, but he had forgotten just how big it actually was. It made him feel small.

          JJ glanced at Izzy, who was messing with the wrinkles on his shirt, and stared at her in silence. Izzy felt eyes on her and she glanced up to see JJ staring at her. Her heart instantly thudded in her chest. She guessed she really needed to sleep off her intoxicated state. But before she could voice those thoughts, she found herself staring into JJ's eyes a little longer than she probably should have.

          She remembered his eyes were this bright blue like the color of the ocean waves he used to force her to watch him surf. But as she stared into them at that very moment, she found they weren't just blue. There was some green hidden in his irises, and they pulled Izzy in. She felt like she was floating in them while he held onto her, keeping her from drifting away.

          "Your eyes," Izzy mumbled before she even knew what she was saying.

          JJ furrowed his brows. "Huh?"

          Maybe it was because of the alcohol in her system, but she found herself embracing her thoughts. "Your eyes," she began again. "I thought they were just blue but there's a bit of green."

          A mixture of emotions crossed JJ's face. "Oh." He stared at her a little longer before he shook his head and tore his eyes from her face. He cleared his throat and asked, "Where's your room?"

          Izzy quirked a brow. She remembered the two of them used to hang out in her room a lot when he'd come over with his dad. "You don't remember?"

          JJ only shook his head, keeping his eyes training on anything but Izzy.

          Izzy sighed. "Up the stairs, down the hall, and then the last door on the right," she explained, lazily pointing to the staircase leading to the second floor.

          The silence encircled them as they made it up the staircase. His grip tightened on her body as he pulled her closer to his chest when they reached the top of the stairs. He turned down the hall and walked toward her room. He kicked open the door with his foot and stepped inside before he walked over to the bed and set Izzy down on the mattress. He began to take off her Valentino Garavani heels, so she'd be more comfortable, but Izzy pushed him away and tore the heels off her feet in the matter of a few seconds. She quickly crawled under the silk covers of her bed and laid her head on the pillow.

          JJ interrupted her peace. "Do you have a first aid kit or anything like that?"

          Izzy shoved her finger at the bathroom connected to her room. JJ followed the direction of her finger and disappeared into the bathroom. A few minutes later he came out with a washcloth, peroxide, and a few bandaids. He sat down on the edge of the bed and began to unscrew the peroxide bottle.

           It was then Izzy realized what he was doing. "No, you're not touching me with that," she protested, shooting up in her bed to move away from him.

           JJ poured the peroxide onto the washcloth and looked at her. "You're bleeding," he said. He gave her an expecting look and tried reaching out to her.

           Izzy screwed up her face. "And?"

           "It'll get infected," he stated, knowing it'd get Izzy to listen.

          Izzy pursed her lips then sighed, scooting closer to him so he could have access to the wound on her forehead. She couldn't risk getting a cut infected on her face. That would be disgusting and she knew she'd have no idea how to handle that. Her face was her best feature. She didn't want to ruin that.

           A second later JJ was moving closer toward her. He brought a hand up to caress her jaw so he could tilt her face to get to the cut. He pressed the damp washcloth on her cut and Izzy winced, but she forced herself to stay put. He continued mending to her wound, cleaning up all the blood. Before long, the blood was gone and JJ moved to dry off the area before he plastered a bandaid across Izzy's forehead, covering the cut.

          Izzy watched as he brushed the hair out of her face and curled it behind her ear. The gesture made her feel warm. "How do you know how to do that?" she found herself asking.

          Their eyes met and JJ pulled away from her. But Izzy still caught the brief vulnerability in his eyes before he looked away and began gathering the supplies. "Uh . . . surfing . . . I guess," he explained, but his response was hesitant, almost as if he wasn't telling the complete truth.

          Izzy laughed, but it sounded like she was mocking him. "What? You actually fall off? I don't remember you ever doing that."

          "Well, that's because when you saw me surf—" he glanced at her, a half-grin on his face— "I was surfing to impress."

          Izzy squinted her eyes at him. "That's why your brain is filled with seaweed," she mused. "Seaweed Brain. Stupid." A small smile lifted onto her face as she reached out and knocked on his forehead with her knuckles.

          A smile of his own spread across his face, but it looked different, genuine. "Smiling looks good on you, Princess," he said, his voice barely above a whispered as his eyes bore into hers.

          "Don't get used to it," Izzy warned. She quirked her brow and pursed her lips.

          JJ looked at her in deep thought, and she could have sworn she was watching him have a conversation with himself inside his head. But before she could ask, he shook his head at whatever he was thinking and suppressed a laugh. "Wouldn't dream of it," he said; his voice sounded almost melancholic.

          Before the conversation could drone on, JJ quickly gathered the rest of the supplies and brought it back into the bathroom. He came out of the bathroom with some makeup remover wipes in his hands. Izzy could tell he didn't really know what they were, but he must have read the title and put two and two together. He came back to sit down on the bed as he pulled out a wipe and reached for Izzy.

          Confusion hit the girl like a slap in the face as she sat there, frozen in shock while JJ rid her face of the smudged makeup and mascara stains running down her face. His motions were soft and gentle almost as if he was afraid he'd rip her skin if he pressed down too hard. It confused her. She didn't know why his motions were so gentle. She had never been treated in such a way and for some reason it made her heart sink in her chest.

          "Did something happen? With Rafe?" JJ suddenly asked as he wiped off the mascara staining the skin under her eyes.

          Izzy swallowed the sinking feeling in her chest and shook her head. "No," she blurted out. But something had happened. He had turned her away; he had alienated her and it sucked. But he didn't do anything particularly bad, he was just being stubborn. "Rafe isn't like that. He wouldn't hurt me. He can be nice if you give him a chance."

          A scoff left JJ's lips. "Rafe and nice in the same sentence doesn't exist," he spat under his breath. He moved closer to her, bringing his hand to the nape of her neck so he could wipe off the makeup that had smudged on her neck. He briefly lingered near the apples of her cheeks, rubbing his thumb across the apex. The motion was so brief, it went undetected.

          Izzy rolled her eyes. "He's not that bad."

          Their gazes connected. Anger swirled in JJ's eyes. "He called you a slut," he muttered as he shook his head.

          Izzy's heart sunk to her stomach, ripping through her visceral organs. She didn't want to admit that he was right, but he was. Rafe had even called her that name tonight and he thought nothing of it. He probably wouldn't even apologize. Maybe things would have been better if the bullets fired into the sky at the Boneyard had been fired at Rafe. "You should have pulled the trigger," she found herself blurting out before she could stop the words from tumbling off her tongue. She nearly gasped at her words. She quickly shook her head and tried ridding herself of those thoughts. She knew she didn't want Rafe dead. She might not have loved him, but she still cared about him."I mean . . . whatever. It's fine, JJ."

          A shocked expression briefly crossed JJ's face before he shook his head and continued to wipe off the lipstick smudged around Izzy's lips. "Look, I just—" he cut himself off with a heavy sigh. "I think you deserve better than him."

          Izzy scoffed, shaking her head. "You don't get to decide that for me," she spat, her words like venom. "We're not friends. I don't have friends. We'll never be friends, got it?"

          "Yeah, you've made that pretty clear," JJ muttered.

          The sinking feeling was back and Izzy fell victim to it once again. "Why do you even care? You hate me, remember?" she spewed. She tore away from him and shuffled under the covers of her duvet. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping JJ would disappear if she ignored him.

          She heard him scoff. "Yeah, I hate you, Izzy. That's the reason," he hissed under his breath.

          Shuffling noises sounded from where JJ resided, signaling that he was messing with the makeup wipes. He must have gotten up to throw them away since the weight of his body on the bed had lifted. But then she heard footsteps approaching her and the weight was back only . . . closer. Izzy shuffled under the silk covers but kept her eyes closed as she wondered why JJ hadn't left. A few seconds later, she felt a hand brush through her hair, moving the strands out of her face.

          Izzy furrowed her brows. "What are you doing?" she asked. Her eyes were still closed so she couldn't see the expression on his face.

          "I was trying to suffocate you," JJ explained, a hint of humor laced in his words.

          "Ah, yes, sounds about right," Izzy mused.

          A hearty laugh bubbled from JJ's lips. It sounded warm, maybe even genuine. "Goodnight, Iz."

          She expected his weight to lift from her bed and hear his retreat out of her room, but he never did. Izzy opened her eyes to see JJ staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. She propped herself up on her arm and stared at him with a brow raised.

          JJ threaded his fingers in his blond hair. "Fuck."

          Izzy skeptically looked at him. "What?"

          The boy turned to look her in the eyes. "I just realized I don't have a way to get home."

          Guilt hit Izzy, sinking into her skin. It was her fault he was stuck there without a ride. She hated him, don't get her wrong, but she knew he'd never want to stay with her especially if she would be a guaranteed bitch to him in the morning. So she forced herself to show some act of kindness. "Just take my car," she offered even though it was a struggle to force out the words.

          JJ furrowed his brows, staring at her in confusion. "Really?"

          Izzy shrugged. "Yeah, just give it back as soon as possible," she said. She loved that car more than anything, but for some reason, she trusted JJ enough to take care of it. She couldn't explain it, but she knew he'd never intentionally do any damage to it. Because maybe the boy she knew as a kid before everything got in the way and fucked up her life was still there. Maybe he hadn't changed all that much. "But if you don't bring it back, I'll skin you."

          A half-smirk lifted onto JJ's face. "Thanks, Princess." He dug through his pockets for the keys to her car then got up and headed for the door.

           Izzy felt herself smile. She wasn't used to this warm feeling in her chest, and she had no idea what it meant, but for some reason it made her want to stop him from leaving. She wanted to tell him he could stay if he wanted, and she had no idea why she felt that way. "JJ?" she found herself asking before she could comprehend what she was saying.

          JJ turned to look at her, his brows raised and his blue eyes wide. "Yeah?"

          The words were right there on her tongue. They wanted to come out and ask him to stay, but there was this wall that Izzy had put up, forcing the words to stay trapped in her mind. "Just . . . " she trailed off, tucking her bottom lip beneath her teeth. "Just make sure you don't crash my car."

          "No worries, I'll be sure to crash your car," JJ teased and sent her a wink.

          Izzy deadpanned. "JJ, that's not funny."

          A smirk lifted onto his face. "I thought it was."

          Izzy glared at him, shaking her head. "I hate you."

          JJ shot his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I solemnly swear not to crash your car," he promised. "But—"

          Izzy cut him off. "Get out of my house before I change my mind," she spat as she pointed a finger at the door.

          JJ laughed, the sound carrying throughout the room before he disappeared down the hallway. Izzy shook her head at the empty hallway where the boy once stood and she found herself smiling. She didn't know why she was smiling, she just was. It was weird, but a part of her liked it. She forced those feelings away and flopped down on her bed, closing her eyes, but the smile remained on her face. She wanted to know why the smile wouldn't leave her to rest. After all, JJ Maybank was just an idiot. There was no way he could be the sole purpose of the warmth growing in her chest, replacing the void which gnawed at her flesh. There was just no way.

a/n: yes, the first paragraph is inspired by thohh and that's because i have an obsession. anyways, i love them dearly. And please, don't drink and drive, i don't endorse that and i also don't endorse underage drinking. be safe.

thanks for reading!