chapter four
1 step forward, 3 steps back

$$

Sometimes Izzy Windsor thought her life was passing through her peripheral vision in a blur. Now, don't go scoffing at her, she knew what it sounded like. She knew it sounded stupid, but it was the truth. Because you see, she could remember the important moments like walking into the hospital and seeing the doctors trying to bring back her mother, despite the noise of the flatline echoing throughout the building. (She could still hear the piercing sound sometimes. It haunted her in her dreams.) But anything other than that was a complete blur.

There were times when Izzy would completely mix up scenarios and confuse them with another one of her memories. They just didn't seem important to her so she forgot them or confused them with something else that had happened to her. And not only that but the days started to pass by faster. Everything started to speed up. One second she was at her mother's funeral, then the next she was turning sixteen. October melted into December and quickly turned into April before she could comprehend it all. Then it was the summer again and the anniversary of her mother's death was on the horizon.

Izzy didn't know what to think of it all. She wasn't sure if she could even comprehend it. She just knew she had blinked and an entire year had passed.

The days after the kegger at the Boneyard had flown by, too. Once JJ fired the gun, Izzy's head began to spin and spin and it didn't stop until she realized a few days had passed. The world would have kept spinning on its axis without her knowledge had Rafe not dragged her out of the house and forced her to accompany him on a trip to the Cut. (She drove, of course, while he rode on the stupid motorcycle he wasted his father's money on.) She didn't know why he wanted her there anyway, but it all passed by in a blur, and pretty soon he was barging out of a trailer looking frantic. She didn't bother to ask him what had happened, she just went along with it.

The rest of the day went by quickly after that. Hours turned into minutes and minutes turned into seconds until the moon took its spot in the sky while the sun was laid to rest. Normally, Izzy would have gone home and turned on her webcam, but Rafe had other plans. He claimed they had to go to the party Topper informed them about earlier that week. He didn't tell her why he was so intent on going, but she didn't put up too much of a fight. She realized the night would go by fast anyway, so she might as well be in a room surrounded by people rather than stuck in her vacant house with only the stars to keep her company.

As Izzy drove down the road, the image of the house party came into view. It stood tall with pillars adorning the front view, but it wasn't anything special. It looked just like any other house on the Figure Eight. Izzy's house . . . now that was something. So Izzy scoffed at the house and pulled into the driveway. As she parked off to the side, she almost hit some half-naked couples walking across the pavement, who shot her dirty looks and cursed at her. Izzy only rolled her eyes and turned off the engine to her car. She hopped out of the car and put her hands on her hips, leaning against her car as she waited for Rafe.

A few seconds later, Rafe sped into the driveway and parked his motorcycle behind Izzy's car. He took off his helmet and threw his leg over the seat to get off the motorcycle. "I don't know why you don't just ride on the back on my bike," he commented as he rested the helmet on top of his bike. "It makes no sense."

Izzy narrowed her eyes into slits and set her jaw. "Because I like my car," she stated, her voice sharp. She crossed her arms over her chest and quirked a brow. "Does there have to be a reason?" There was a reason. She didn't trust going in others' cars. It made her sick to her stomach if she wasn't in control. She had to be the one driving her car, otherwise, she felt like she was drowning.

Rafe scoffed and turned his head to the party as he stuffed something into the pocket of his khaki shorts. He clasped Izzy's hand in his, lacing their fingers together despite the irritated look which crossed his girlfriend's face when she felt the warmth of his skin on hers. Izzy didn't put up much of a fight. She let him interlock their fingers together as he led them toward the entrance of the house.

"I saw that Pogue's dad in the Cut earlier," Rafe said after a moment. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, studying her face.

Izzy furrowed her brows and shrugged. "Okay?"

She felt Rafe's stare harden as they entered the house. She wasn't sure what he was expecting her to say or do with that information, but she assumed it had to do with what happened between her and JJ the other night at the Boneyard. She pushed those thoughts away and took in the party coming to life around her. All around her were people she had seen before but she had no idea what their names were. She had never cared to learn them, and here they were, waving at her and smiling as if they had been friends since grade school. Izzy rolled her eyes. Assholes. That was what they were. Every single one of them was a freeloading asshole.

A low noise sounded from Rafe's throat. He squeezed her hand in his, causing her to look at him with her brows furrowed on her face in confusion. "I just keep replaying it in my head—" He tapped the side of his head with his fingers— "He was gonna' shoot, Iz. Fucking Pogues."

Anger flashed in Izzy's eyes as she slid her hand out of his and crossed her arms over her chest. She was tired of having the same argument with him day after day. He just kept going on about how JJ threatened to shoot him. For some reason, it made her blood boil. "I don't think he was going to shoot," she stated simply. She leaned against a wall to avoid getting bumped into by drunk teenagers.

Rafe shook his head, stepping close enough to her so she could smell the spearmint on his breath. "What so you're on his side?" he asked, setting his jaw.

Izzy groaned and tilted her head against the wall, craning her neck to look at the ceiling. "God, Rafe, there are no sides!" she muttered. "Topper was going to drown John B. You'd do the same thing if it was Topper's life on the line."

Rafe pressed his thumb against her chin and tilted her head down so their eyes were locked. Betrayal and hurt clouded his blue eyes and for a second Izzy thought she was looking at the boy she once knew. Before she could even blink, the vulnerability molded into anger and the boy was gone, replaced by whoever he claimed to be. "You think I'd kill someone?" he asked.

That rubbed Izzy the wrong way. Never once would she ever even think Rafe was capable of hurting someone so severely. He could be mean and irritable, but he'd never go as far as to take someone's life. She knew that, and for him to accuse her of thinking of him in such a way, set the epidermis of her skin on fire. "Did I fucking say that? No," she spat through gritted teeth. "I don't think you'd kill anyone. I'm just saying we protect our own right?"

A scoff left Rafe's lips as he combed a hand through his slicked-back blond hair. "Sounds more like you're trying to defend him."

Izzy shook her head and curled her hair behind her ear. "I'm not defending anybody."

Rafe took a step forward and put his hands on the wall, caging Izzy between his arms. "Really? 'Cause I saw you guys. Your hand was on his leg, Iz," he snapped, running his tongue across his teeth and setting his jaw. "Plus, he's giving you compliments and calling you . . . what was it? Princess? Yeah, what's that shit about, huh?"

"I'd never cheat on you, Rafe. Never. I don't know who you think I am, but it's not that," Izzy sharply affirmed. She stole one last glance at him before she shoved his chest and pushed past him, knocking his arm in the process. But she didn't get far before he wrapped a hand around her forearm and halted her in her tracks.

Rafe pulled her back into him, encircling his arms around her small frame as he rested his chin on her shoulder and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "You're right. I'm sorry. Some things have been going down with my dad and I'm just . . . " he trailed off, exhaling a heavy breath into her neck. "I'm under a lot of pressure."

Guilt plagued her. Izzy sighed as she turned around in his arms and stared up at him through her mascara coated lashes. She placed her hands on the sides of his face and rubbed his jaw with her thumbs. She knew how much pressure his father put on him, and she understood it. It was why they connected so quickly. They both had immense responsibilities to uphold that were put on by their fathers and they had no one there to relieve them of that pressure save for themselves. It was why Izzy believed they would always find a way back to each other. But it wasn't just that. She'd never admit it, but she wanted to be there for him, not just to stop the void growing in her chest, but to fill the one plaguing his.

As Izzy opened her mouth to comfort the boy standing before her, a familiar male voice cut her off. "Hey, Rafe, Iz, where have you guys been?" the voice greeted them, pulling them out of their trances. Izzy turned to see Kelce approaching them with a wide grin stretched across his face. He swore a Polo shirt paired with khaki shorts—his typical attire.

Rafe pulled apart from Izzy and hugged his friend, slapping him on the back. "Hey, I got some stuff. Spread the word and meet me downstairs in fifteen," he muttered into Kelce's ear so only he could hear. Izzy still heard every word which spilled from his lips, and she wasn't pleased.

Kelce winked and snapped his fingers at the Cameron boy before he took off in the other direction and disappeared somewhere inside the house. Izzy averted her gaze from the spot where Kelce once stood, and locked eyes with her boyfriend, who looked as if he was consumed by anticipation. He was hiding something. Izzy knew it.

Izzy narrowed her eyes into slits and stepped toward her boyfriend. "Are you going to tell me what that's about?" she asked, drawling out her words to make sure they stuck in Rafe's brain long enough for him to comprehend what she was saying. "Does it have to do with the crackhouse you made me go to earlier?"

Rafe averted his gaze to her, raking a hand through his hair. "That doesn't concern you."

That only made Izzy more suspicious. She couldn't stop herself from prying further. "Then why was I there in the first place?"

Rafe sighed and approached her, placing his hands on her face. "I just needed you to be there in case things went south," he explained, searching her eyes for a cue to let him know that she understood.

Izzy shook her head, pursing her lips. "So, I was your what? Your witness? Your getaway driver?" she scoffed. "Real classy." She didn't know exactly what Rafe had gone there for, but she assumed it had something to do with drugs. That wasn't the problem. The problem was he had brought her there without telling her why she was there, and he neglected to tell her he was on drugs in the first place. She knew what his father would do to him if he found out. He'd leave him, and Izzy didn't know if she could handle being the only person in Rafe's life. She had enough to deal with. She wasn't sure if she could deal with him fighting with her every single second of every damn day.

Rafe shrugged. "I don't know I thought we could be like Bonnie and Clyde," he mused as he tucked pieces of Izzy's white-blonde hair behind her ears.

Izzy felt herself smile. Don't get her wrong, she still thought he was an idiot, but he'd said those words to her many times before even before they were dating, and somehow it made her feel like things were normal again. "Yeah, right—" she nudged his chest— "you're too much of a pussy."

A smile of his own lifted onto Rafe's face. "Just forget we ever went there, okay?" he pleaded. "I swear, it's not a big deal. It doesn't even matter. It doesn't have anything to do with you anyway."

Izzy deadpanned, tilted her head to the side in disappointment. "It does if some fuckhead comes after me because of you." She glanced at him a little longer than she should have, a gloomy look in her eyes. "Or if someone comes after you," she confessed, her voice soft and low, almost a whisper. "I don't want that to happen either."

"Nothing's going to happen," Rafe reassured. "I have everything under control, so just go find Sarah and relax, babe." He nodded his head to the party happening around them.

Izzy sighed. "I hate you."

"No, you don't," Rafe said. He pressed his lips against hers before he pulled away from her and disappeared around a corner, leading to the downstairs area.

Izzy sighed and tore her eyes away from where he once stood. She suddenly felt very alone without him by her side. She was surrounded by groups of people she didn't really know or care to get to know and she had no idea where Sarah was or how she was going to find her in this mess. She forced herself to move before she froze to the floor, and walked to the kitchen, searching for a familiar face. She entered the kitchen, finding it deserted other than one girl who was passed out on the floor, snoring softly. Izzy rolled her eyes. Idiots. She was surrounded by idiots and assholes without a clue on which category she fit into. But she didn't have to think too hard before her phone buzzed in the pocket of her high-waisted black skinny jeans, tearing her attention from the party. (Her father shipped her a new phone yesterday with everything already installed on it. Perks of being a rich bitch.)

Dread filled Izzy as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She pressed the home screen and it lit up, revealing a text message from her father. (He rarely called.) The dread set in as she stared at his contact name. She allowed herself to let out a heavy sigh before she unlocked the phone and clicked on her father's text message, opening it so she could read what kind of great disappointment she was today.

Dad: Isadora, Ward informed me someone brought a gun to the last event you attended and I have just caught news from Ada that you have decided to go out again. I am very displeased with you. I had hoped you'd learn from the last event and decided to stay home. I can't imagine why you would want to expose yourself to such things, not to mention it makes our family look tacky.
I expect you to act your age and head home before anything else goes wrong and it gets back to my clients. We cannot endure any more damage from your attitude and careless actions. We already lost many clients since last year due to your outburst, and I cannot blame them.
No daughter of mine should be breaking anyone's nose, going to parties with lower-class citizens who pull guns on respected members of our society, and drinking as well as doing drugs with these said low-lives.
Next time you decide to disrespect me, think of what your mother would say. She would not be pleased with this behavior.

Tears pricked her eyes as she read the last sentence over and over in her head as if she thought the words would change the more she read it. But they never did. They stayed the same, haunting her. She would not be pleased with this behavior. Izzy knew what that meant. Her mother would be disappointed in the person she had become. She had already realized that the moment she punched Amelia Wright in the face and quit the cheer squad. Her mother would have been disappointed that she acted in such a way. Izzy knew that. She just didn't want to admit it.

Anger bubbled in Izzy's chest, threatening to pour out of her any second. First of all, she was pissed at Ada (one of her oldest housekeepers) for ratting her out, and second, she was angry at herself. She felt like an idiot; like a fuck-up.

She quickly shoved her phone in her back pocket and went in search of a bathroom. She shoved past people, ignoring their protests and barged into the first bathroom she saw. She had to yell at the person washing their hands to get the hell out before she shoved them out the door and closed it behind them, locking herself in the small bathroom. She banged her hand on the door, not caring if anyone heard her. The music was too loud to hear Izzy anyway. (Even if there was no music, it wasn't like anyone would care to listen to her cries.)

Izzy slid to the floor, backing herself into a corner with her knees pressed to her chest. She kept reminding herself that pretty girls didn't cry. Rich girls didn't get to be sad. She wasn't allowed to do either. But her emotions were too much to keep locked away and she found they kept bubbling up no matter how many times she pushed them down. And once the first tear spilled over her cheek, the floodgates opened.

She clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle her cries as tears slid down her face, ruining her makeup in the process. She tried to get herself to stop crying, but she couldn't. She didn't feel like a pretty girl right now, she just felt lost. She couldn't help it. Everything just kept flooding back. She saw flashes of her mother's corpse, the funeral, all the times people said 'i'm sorry for your loss' . . . everything came rushing back in a blur and it didn't stop until it consumed her.

The memories built up, securing a tight grip around her throat. She felt like she could scream. She wanted to. She wanted to forget the bottle and let her emotions control her. She tried to stop it, but it was all too much.

A scream ripped through her, vibrating off the walls of the small confinement. She tightened her hand around her mouth to muffle the screams, but it didn't matter, the music overpowered any sound she emitted. And when the scream had torn through her throat, she sat there, gasping for air.

Izzy swallowed the lump in her throat and stood to her feet, carrying herself to the mirror so she could see just how much damage she had done. A fucked up version of her mother stared back at her, reminding her she would never be Julia. Her makeup was smudged, streaks in the foundation running down her face from where her tears had spilled. The skin around her eyes was puffy and her green eyes were lined with red veins. Mascara ran down her face, smudges of black crowding around her eyelids. She looked like a mess, and she felt like one too. There was no way she could fix this. No matter what she did, if she walked out of that bathroom, everyone who glanced upon her would know she had been crying. They'd call her a basket case again. Their eyes would tell her she didn't belong among them.

But screw them. She wanted to say 'fuck you' to her dad. But mostly, she just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget her mom's death and everything in between. She just wanted it to be gone and the only way to do that was to drink until she couldn't feel or remember a thing. Because honestly screw the drinking rules she had set for herself, she wanted a release. So she decided, fuck it, and stormed out of the bathroom with mascara running down her face and the intent to drink whatever she could find on her mind.

Everything after that was a blur. Izzy approached many people and stole their drinks, downing it right in front of them. When people started protesting, she went in search of something more sustainable. She soon found a bottle of tequila and began drinking from that until she forgot why she was drinking in the first place. That was when she found herself stumbling outside with the bottle of tequila in her hand.

Her vision was clouded, preventing her from seeing who she was weaving through. She didn't care until she collided with someone. "Woah, Iz, what are you doing?" the person, who she bumped into, asked. Their voice sounded familiar.

Izzy blinked to clear her vision, discovering she had bumped into Sarah and Topper. A smile slid onto her face. "Rewarding myself," she said. She brought the bottle of tequila to her lips and took a swig.

Sarah furrowed her brows, a look of concern crossing her face. "For?"

Izzy laughed. She tilted her head to the sky, finding the stars, but they didn't make her feel safe. She felt as though they were judging her. "For being a great fuckin' person, what else?" she scoffed, the words sounding like lies as they tumbled from her tongue.

Sarah stepped forward and tried to take the bottle from Izzy, but the Windsor girl tore away from her. "Okay, Iz, I think you should calm down," the Cameron girl warned. "I know you don't like to drink. You're going to regret this, okay? I know you will."

Izzy laughed darkly. She could feel herself forming words she knew she'd regret when she was sober. "You don't know anything about me, Sarah," she spat, her words filled with venom. "You were gonna' drop me just like we dropped Kie. That's why I called her. I called my mom to pick me up because you came to me and said you didn't want to be friends anymore."

Guilt struck Sarah, showing through the expression on her face. "Izzy, I didn't mean—"

"Yeah, you don't mean a lot of things," Izzy interrupted her with a sharp voice. Her face was blank, but a few tears still leaked from her eyes. "You just don't think. Like ever. You stomp all over people. You use them, until all their use is used up and then you drop them. You were gonna do it to me. You did it to Kie. And you'll probably do it to Topper, too, just like all the other boys that came before." As the last words left her lips, she wasn't too sure if she was talking about Sarah or herself.

Sarah's eyes were glossy. "Izzy, that's not fair," she whispered as she crossed her arms over her chest. Topper put at hand on her shoulder but she shoved him away.

"No, what's not fair is that my mom died," Izzy sobbed, her voice cracking as she spoke. "I know you only stayed friends with me because you felt guilty. Well, no need for that. You can stop with the act. Go ahead and drop me just like everyone else. I won't mind. I promise. It's not like we were ever really friends anyway."

A tear spilled down Sarah's cheek but she quickly wiped it away. "You're being a bitch," she spat, looking her up and down.

Izzy gave a vindictive smile. "I'm always a bitch." She flicked her eyes to Topper and smiled even wider. "Watch out for this one, Top. She'll break your heart and she won't even care."

Anger morphed onto Topper's face. "Get out," he seethed, setting his jaw. "Izzy, get the hell out. Go home. Now."

A sinking feeling filled Izzy. She wanted to take it all back, but she couldn't. She had gone too far. She always went too far. Izzy Windsor was a time bomb, and she had just detonated. There was no way to reverse the impact of a bomb, except to deal with the fallout. So Izzy played her part and plastered that smirk on her face. "My pleasure, pretty boy," she silkily said as she patted Topper's face.

          Topper only responded by shoving her hand away and grabbing the bottle of tequila from her. Izzy only scoffed and turned on her heels, walking past all the pairs of eyes watching her. She briefly caught sight of her so-called friends (or whatever) Scarlet and Jennifer, who were watching her stumble across the patio. They clearly didn't care. She knew that, so fuck them. She flipped them the middle finger as she walked by, and entered the house.

Izzy walked through the house, trying to find her way to the one person who could make her forget it all. She stumbled through hoards of people, her eyes on the search for the blond boy. She spotted the top of his head and walked toward him, but she stopped in her path when she saw him snort cocaine up his nose. A blonde had her manicured hand wrapped around his arm, making Izzy's veins fill with fire.

"Oh, god, of course!" Izzy exclaimed as she approached her boyfriend. She stood next to Kelce (who looked mortified by her appearance) with her arms crossed over her chest as she tried to glare at him through her blurred vision.

Rafe glanced up from the white lines on the glass table. His gaze connected with hers, and something shifted in his eyes when he caught sight of her appearance. "Iz?"

"Cocaine, Rafe?" Izzy spat. Her voice was shaking now. She wasn't angry that he kept his drug abuse from her, she was just irritated that he didn't tell her. And he had used her as a getaway driver or a witness or whatever for a drug run. She felt disgusting. She felt used, and Izzy didn't like that. She was the user, she wasn't meant to be the one being used. "I should have fuckin' known."

Rafe stood to his feet, trying to reach out to her. "Just calm down, would you?"

A laugh bubbled from Izzy's lips. "Calm down? What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice dark as she slapped her hands against her clothed thighs. "I'm totally calm."

Rafe wet his bottom lip. "You're making a scene," he whispered. He brought a hand to touch her arm, but she yanked it out of his grasp.

Izzy glared. "And you don't like that, do you?" she scoffed, taking a step toward him. "Do I embarrass you, Rafe? Huh?"

Rafe shot her a look, warning her. "Relax."

"I am! Can't you see how fucking relaxed I am?" Izzy exclaimed, gesturing to herself as a laugh bubbled from her lips.

Rafe sighed, combing a hand through his hair. "You're drunk," he whispered, but his voice was hostile, angry.

A malicious smile slithered onto Izzy's face as she glanced at Rafe's nose, noticing residue from the drugs. "And you have cocaine on your face," she pointed out. "Might want to wipe that off before daddy sees."

Something twitched in Rafe's jaw. "You should leave."

Izzy raised her brows. "Just me?"

"Yeah, just you," Rafe muttered, setting his jaw. "You're making yourself look like an idiot . . . like one of those Pogues."

Izzy shook her head, scoffing at his comment. "Right . . . I just expected you to drive me home . . . since you're my boyfriend and all, but I guess that's too much to ask for."

Rafe dragged a hand down his face and released a heavy sigh. "Just go home, Iz. Go home before they—" he pointed at the crowd of people that had begun to encircle them like vultures to their prey— "start posting pics of you and it gets back to your dad."

They shared a long look, too many emotions to decipher swirling in their eyes as the time ticked by. Izzy felt trapped when she looked into Rafe's blue eyes. She felt like she was slowly sinking into the ocean and he was watching her drown. But Rafe quickly cut off their eye contact and sat back down to make another white line. Izzy scoffed at that.

"Are you fucking serious?" Izzy yelled, her voice echoing throughout the room. All other conversations halted and turned to look in her direction.

Rafe shook his head, putting his hand on his knee as he glanced at her with anger in his eyes. "What you want some . . . Princess?" he asked, mocking JJ's nickname he had given to her. He brushed off her hard glare and went back to snorting another line of cocaine.

That pissed Izzy off. She knew he wanted to get a reaction out of her, and she would do exactly that. If Rafe wanted a show, then Izzy would give him something to watch.

Izzy turned to two girls staring at her with wide eyes. She shot them a lazy smirk and grabbed the glass of alcohol in the brunette's hand. The brunette whined in protest, but Izzy took the glass in her possession and shot the girl a glare before she turned her gaze back to Rafe and poured the drink onto his gelled hair. As the liquid trickled down his head and soaked his shirt, he shot up and grabbed the glass from Izzy.

Rafe slammed the glass down on the table and grabbed Izzy's arms. "What the fuck is the matter with you?" he yelled, shaking her.

Izzy pushed his chest and freed herself from his hold. "Nothing," she spat, "I just didn't realize how fucking pathetic you were."

Rafe shook his head, running his tongue across his teeth. "You know what? I'm done caring," he said, his words like kerosene in Izzy's veins. "Do whatever the fuck you want, Iz. You wanna' fuck that Pogue . . . then that's fine by me just get the hell out of my life." He sat back down on the couch with his head in his hands.

That plagued Izzy more than she wanted to admit. She didn't want to need him. She didn't want to care, but she did. "I hate you!" she yelled. Tears trickled down her cheeks, but she doubted anyone noticed considering she already looked like a mess. "I fucking hate you!" She swirled around, beginning to storm off in the destination of her car.

"Yeah, go on!" Rafe yelled after her, his voice vibrating off the walls. "Go fuck the Pogue! We all know you're a fucking slut!"

Izzy shot her hand in the air and flipped him off. She hated him. God, she hated him so much. But she knew deep down, the next day they'd find a way back to each other. It had always been that way. And she hated herself so much for it, because while Izzy was sure she was kind of fucked up inside, she had this thing about fixing people. It made her feel better about herself and more in control.

So, really, no matter how many times Rafe yelled at her or gripped onto her wrists a little too tight, she felt like she had to stick around. It wasn't even the violence that scared her; it was the fact that she knew, no matter what he did, she'd always go back because she had to. It was what her father expected from her; it was what the world expected from her, and she knew that alone made the whole thing so fucked up. But the world just expected too much from her, and deep down, she didn't want to disappoint anyone ever.

It all had been ingrained into her. Be nice. Do as you're told. Act like a lady. Don't cry. All of that had been ingrained into her brain. But what if Izzy didn't want to be nice? What if she wanted to be lethal? Whatever . . . it didn't matter. No one would listen to her anyway. She was just a girl living in a world that expected too much from her. That was all.

a/n: this was going to have jj in it but if i did that it would literally be 10,000 words and . . . no. anyways izzy has the biggest heart pls, but i still hate rafe with every bone in my body and i just want to shake her and tell her she deserves someone better than him. can't wait for izzy's love to be appreciated by jj.

also i'm putting this in every chapter that rafe is in: so i don't know who needs to hear this, but rafe IS a toxic person. he's a toxic person in the show and he's a toxic person in this fic. i wrote him like this because it's canon to the show. his and izzy's relationship should NOT be romanticized. i am not romanticizing them, and you shouldn't either. so please don't romanticize them. it's not cute. it's not romantic. it's wrong.

thanks for reading!