chapter six
i can't handle rejection

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Isadora Windsor would like to make one thing clear—she did not like many things. Like her name for example. She thought it sounded pretentious (which, okay, fine, it described her perfectly), and it also made her sound like a grandma during the nineteen twenties. She wanted to be a flapper, not some old lady sipping tea and eating biscuits for fun. She also had a distaste for hairless cats, because no one in their right mind wants to cuddle with a flabby piece of skin. She didn't care how rich she was or how many one-thousand dollar hairless cats she could buy with her wads of cash, there was no way in Hell she'd ever purchase one. She wouldn't be surprised if they were the devil incarnate. And last but not least, she absolutely hated being told 'no' or rejected in any way possible.

Maybe she felt that way because, since the day she was born, she had been fed from a silver spoon and dressed in only the most expensive fabrics. Maybe the fact that she had everything handed to her had taken its toll on her. Maybe her father shouldn't have purchased a small city in New York in her name for her eighth birthday. Maybe that would have fixed the girl from thinking that everything belonged to her and she'd get everything she ever wanted if she just asked.

Had Izzy Windsor not been so . . . well . . . Izzy Windsor, then maybe she wouldn't have found herself driving to The Wreck for some lunch because she had spent the whole morning trying to convince the mechanic at the auto repair shop to fix her car. Maybe she wouldn't have been so angry at the guy for turning her down. But really, she couldn't blame him. After all, a few weeks ago, she and Rafe had snuck into the salvage yard to make out because they were bored, and then they got caught. The guy had had it out for the two of them ever since, so obviously he'd turn down her pleads when she went to ask him to fix her car. He also mentioned something about a group of teens sneaking in there just a few days ago, but Izzy didn't really pay attention to what he said, she just heard him say 'no', and suddenly she was consumed by flames.

You see, here was the thing: that morning she woke up and got in her car, only to find the engine wasn't starting. She suspected that had something to do with JJ since she let him borrow it. She figured he must have broken it and that pissed her off. So she went into town in another one of her cars stored away in the garage, and she had spent the rest of the morning trying to convince the man at the salvage yard to come fix her car, but he refused. Now she was angry, hungry, and tired, so she figured going to The Wreck for lunch would solve her problems. She just hoped Kiara wasn't there to turn her away. (She would have gone somewhere else, but The Wreck was the only place she trusted to serve her good food. Call her spoiled and picky, but she didn't care.)

With smoke practically fuming out of her ears, Izzy ignored the traffic lights glaring at her as she pulled into the parking lot of The Wreck and trudged out of her car, slamming the door behind her. Her Birkenstocks flopped on the pavement below her feet as she stormed into the restaurant with a scowl plaguing her face. She went to the part of the restaurant where the pre-packaged food was located and sifted through the produce. She ended up picking up a box filled with fruit and grabbed a water bottle before she headed to the checkout.

Izzy realized she should have stuck it out and gone home without grabbing lunch, because near the register stood Kiara, who was trying to prevent JJ from sticking plastic straws up his nostrils. Izzy rolled her eyes, but stood her ground and tapped the call bell, a ring echoing throughout the restaurant.

Kiara glanced over her shoulder, her dark brows low on her face. Her eyes landed on Izzy and they instantly clouded with anger. "No, get out," she spat. She put a hand on her hip and shoved her finger at the door. "I'm not serving you."

Izzy rolled her eyes and dropped her products on the counter. "Look, I'm not staying. I just want to buy this shit and then I'm gone."

Kiara trailed her eyes over Izzy's face, setting her jaw as she analyzing her. After a second, she gave an irritated sigh and approached the cash register. "Fine, I'll ring you up and then you're gone," she said as she grabbed the items from the counter and typed on the register.

Izzy raised a brow. "Like I'd want to stay anyway."

The silence engulfed them. Izzy paid no mind to the sound of the keyboard, instead, she let her eyes wander around the restaurant. She hadn't been there since her mom died. That thought alone made her want to recoil into herself, but then her eyes landed on JJ, who was staring at her in confusion. When their eyes locked, his brows lifted on his face and a small smirk tugged at his lips as he raised a hand to wave at her. Izzy only scrunched up her face in disgust and rolled her eyes.

"Why are you here anyway?" Kiara suddenly asked in a bitter tone, gaining Izzy's attention. "Shouldn't you be with your asshole of a boyfriend?"

Izzy pursed her lips. She didn't want to talk about Rafe. He had been a major ass to her the other night, and sure, he had come over to her house yesterday and told her he didn't mean it, but she was still angry. She couldn't show that, though. She had shown too much of herself the other night. She had to control herself. "He's working out . . . " she said, instead of blurting out what was really on her mind.

Kiara scoffed. "Of course he is. He's a meathead, after all." She held out her hand, gesturing for Izzy to hand her the credit card. Izzy dug into her tote bag and pulled her credit card from her reticule purse, then slapped it in Kiara's hand. Kiara swiped it and waited for the receipt to print.

Izzy inhaled sharply then sighed. She pushed the thoughts of her boyfriend aside and thought about her car. She just needed one thing to go right. Getting her car fixed would be that, but, apparently, she couldn't even have that.  "I came here looking for someone to fix my car, but apparently that's not going to happen," she snapped.

A look of amusement crossed Kiara's face as she opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, JJ approached them, leaning against the counter. He slid closer to Izzy, staring at the side of her face. "Car troubles, Princess?" he mused, his voice as smooth as silk.

Izzy sucked her teeth and glared at him. He was unbelievable. She was almost sure he had done something to her car on purpose and now he was mocking her to her face. "Yeah, no thanks to you," she spat. "You probably broke it on purpose."

The corners of JJ's mouth twitched. He studied her face for a moment, his eyes drifting to the cut on her forehead. It didn't look as bad as it did a few days ago, but it still made Izzy uncomfortable to look in the mirror. Izzy instinctively covered her forehead with her hair and turned away from him.

Kiara cleared her throat and broke the silence. "When did you borrow her car?" she asked, her voice filled with fire.

JJ store his gaze from Izzy and looked at his friend, scratching his chin as he racked his brain for an answer. "Like two days ago," he said, shrugging at his words.

All emotion drained from Kiara's face as she dragged her eyes down his face. She shook her head and set her jaw. "You're unbelievable," she muttered. "Driving her drunk ass home was enough, but that . . . you're an idiot, JJ. You could've called one of us to pick you up. Or I don't know . . . you could've walked to a bus stop or maybe, bro . . . you could've ordered an uber!" She slid the credit card and receipt across the counter, then turned around and walked into the backroom where only the staff was allowed.

A scoff left Izzy's lips as she grabbed the receipt and shoved it into her tote bag. She grabbed the bottle of water and box of fruit and put it into her bag as well before she flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to glare at the boy beside her. "Glad to see it's not just me that you annoy," she remarked, her tone mocking as the corners of her lips perked up.

JJ averted his gaze back to Izzy's face. "Funny."

Izzy screwed up her face, scanning her eyes over his attire. The collar of his shirt was rimmed with perspiration which made her wonder where he had been all morning. But she didn't bother to ask. She had other things to do like figure out how to bribe one of her housekeepers to fix her car. Maybe one of them could look up videos. If not, she'd have to call her dad and she so did not want to do that. "Whatever," she spat. "Bye, Seaweed Brain. I have better things to do." She turned to exit the restaurant, but a hand on her arm halted her in her actions.

JJ walked in front of her, blocking her path to the exit. Izzy huffed in response. That made JJ's expression change, an amused smile tugging at his lips. He searched her vacant green eyes for a second before he opened his mouth to speak. "What exactly's wrong with your car?" he asked.

Izzy made a face. "Do I look like I'd know?"

Something between a laugh and a scoff escaped JJ's lips. He shook his head briefly before he fixed his baseball cap, turning it around so the bill was in the back. "Just . . . maybe I can help."

That shocked Izzy. The scowl which normally resided on her face dropped and was replaced by a soft expression filled with confusion. She blinked a few times at him trying to figure out if she was stuck in some kind of alternate reality. When he didn't disappear after the third blink, she cleared her throat and pursed her lips, trying to find a response in her brain. "Uh . . . I don't know. I guess the engine or whatever is broken," she muttered, searching his eyes for his true intentions. There was just no way he would willingly repair her car without anything in return. No one ever did anything unless they got something out of it for themselves. Which was why she was still trying to figure out why he helped her the other night. "It wouldn't start and then it started smoking. That's all I know."

JJ nodded and huffed out a sigh. "Yeah, your engine's overheating," he informed.

Izzy groaned. Great, just what she needed.

That almost made JJ smile, but he stopped himself. "I can help if you want," he found himself offering. It was clear by the shock which crossed his features that he had no idea what he was saying. He blinked, shaking his head before he cleared his throat. "My dad taught me a few things from his work at the shop . . . before he got fired."

Izzy felt an insult on the tip of her tongue, but she forced herself not to fuel the fire she had started years ago. She realized if she insulted him, then she wouldn't have anyone to fix her car, and she'd probably have to call her dad for help. And she couldn't have that. "What's the catch?" she asked instead of mocking him about his father and his inability to keep one job to save his life.

That time JJ did smile . . . well . . . it was more of a half-grin. "You know me so well," he mused, his voice smooth. He slid his tongue across his teeth as he contemplated a price to accommodate for his work. He snapped his fingers when an amount popped into his head. "Uh, a hundred bucks."

Izzy pinched her brows together. "What? No," she spat.

JJ scoffed. "You're literally a millionaire—"

"Billionaire," Izzy corrected.

JJ scoffed almost as if it were instinct. "How could I forget?" he said, his tone bitter for a second. He looked as if he were contemplating something but before long, he sighed and shook his head to rid himself of his thoughts. "My point is you're rich as fuck, you can spare a hundred bucks."

Izzy gave him this look—something between pissed off and confused. She pulled down her Chanel sunglasses over her eyes and raised a brow. "But I don't want to," she stated as she crossed her arms over her chest.

JJ shrugged. "Suit yourself." He straightened the strap to his backpack around his shoulder then shoved his hands in his pockets and made an advance to walk around the blonde girl.

But before either of them could process it all, Izzy put her manicured hand on his chest, stopping him from moving. She gave him a glare then rolled her eyes so hard that it hurt. "Fine," she spat, setting her jaw. "Fifty bucks?"

JJ stepped back, looking to the ceiling as if he were thinking over her offer. A second later, he shook his head. "Ninty."

Izzy was going to kill him. "Sixty."

"Eighty."

At that point, Izzy wanted to walk around him and fix her own damn car, but she knew, realistically she'd be trying to figure out the problem for the rest of the day. And then, she'd have to call her dad, and William Windsor wasn't the most pleasant of people. So she tried one more time and offered, "Sixty-five and I'll throw in a free drink."

That made JJ grin. "Deal." He shoved out his hand toward her, offering to shake her hand as a way to seal the deal made between them.

Izzy made a disgusted face as she looked between his hand and his face. "No, ew, I'm not shaking your hand," she said bluntly. "I have no idea where you've been."

JJ scoffed and stepped aside. "Lead the way, Princess," he said, gesturing to the exit door. "Oh, wait, would you like for me to hold the door open for you? Would that please her royal highness?"

Izzy pursed her lips. "You're an idiot," she spat before she curled her hair behind her ear and walked out the door, heading toward her car. She could hear JJ walking behind her, and she could have sworn he was laughing quietly to himself, but she didn't care enough to look over her shoulder and check.

When they approached her car (this one was a Mercedes G-Wagon), an actual laugh did bubble from JJ's lips. Izzy whipped around and glared at him. "What's so funny?" she spat, her nose scrunched in anger.

"You have another car," JJ stated. "A sick one, too."

Izzy quirked a brow in confusion. "And?"

JJ furrowed his brows and turned his attention to her. He took a few seconds to look at her . . . like really look at her before he wet his lips and opened his mouth to speak. "And you're complaining that one out of your . . . what? Fifteen cars . . . is broken?" he rhetorically asked, slightly shaking his head as if he couldn't believe the words tumbling from his tongue. "You rich people are fucking weird."

That rubbed Izzy the wrong way. She knew she was super privileged and she always would be, but she didn't like the way he had discredited her like that. She knew it sounded ridiculous that she was complaining about her car being broken when she had others at home, but that car was different. It was her mom's and when Izzy drove it, she felt like her mom was still there.

The thing was—Izzy could try to get rid of everything that reminded her of Julia; she could do whatever she wanted to differentiate herself from her mother, but a part of her would always need her. A part of her would always be comforted by the smell of her mother's perfume, just like a part of her held onto that car like a lifeline, because without those reminders, she feared she'd forget her mother entirely. And despite what she wanted to believe, Izzy didn't want to forget her mother no matter how much it hurt to remember.

Izzy cleared her head of those thoughts. "Whatever," she bit out, but her voice sounded different, almost melancholic. "Do you have a ride or am I going to have to let you borrow another one of my fifteen cars?"

JJ did this weird laugh—something between a scoff and a light chuckle. "Don't you worry. I've got a dirt bike."

"Great, hope you don't fall off," Izzy deadpanned before she unlocked her car and hopped into the driver's seat, slamming the door. She started the car and put her hands on the steering wheel, but before she could move, JJ decided he wasn't done bothering her.

The Maybank boy stepped forward and rested his forearms on the sill of the driver's window, slightly leaning into the car. "You know that's so funny, but actually I was going to ask how you were doing. Any more snot running down your face? Huh?" he asked, his voice bitter. It was clear Izzy had pissed him off. "I just—I hope you have enough cash lying around to wipe your tears."

Izzy blinked. She didn't know what to say to that, she just felt her heart swell in her chest. She knew she deserved it, and it shouldn't have bothered her, but it did. She hated that his words got under her skin. "Asshole," she spat. She was filled to the brim with anger, wondering when she'd finally explode and set the whole world on fire. "For the record, I would have gone with eighty bucks, but you know . . . enjoy your sixty-five dollars. Hopefully, you don't spend it all on booze like your dad."

That seemed to irritate the boy, which Izzy found amusing. She liked that she could get under his skin just as much as he could get under hers. But JJ was better at hiding his emotions, and the next second, the scowl on his face was replaced with a smirk. "So does that mean I can get the eighty then?" he asked.

Izzy narrowed her eyes into slits. "No, fuck-head."

JJ laughed at her insult, shaking his head. He averted his gaze from her face and looked around the interior of the car. His eyes stopped on the star pendant hanging on the rearview mirror. "What's this?" he asked as he reached out to touch it.

Izzy immediately smacked his hand. "Don't touch that."

JJ put his hands up in surrender. Izzy turned away from him with a scowl on her face. She glanced at her rearview mirror and adjusted it, but her eyes stayed on her reflection. She wanted to look away, but before she could, her eyes drifted to the cut on her forehead, and an uneasy feeling plagued her. She brought her hand up to touch it, but quickly stopped herself and averted her gaze.

"Hey," JJ said quietly, his voice like a whisper in Izzy's ear. He reached out and gently touched her arm, gaining her narrow-eyed attention. "How's your boyfriend?"

"Why? Are you guys in some secret relationship I should know about?" Izzy remarked, her voice monotonous.

A smile tugged at JJ's lips. "Yeah, how'd you know?" he asked, humorously.

That almost made Izzy smile, but she refrained.

The smile fell from JJ's face. "No, uh, I guess I'm just wondering . . . did he do anything to you?"

Izzy furrowed her brows. "I already told you no."

JJ was looking at her weird now like he wanted to say more, but couldn't think of the right words. But then he did speak. "Yeah, I was there, but I also remember you telling me I should have shot him."

Izzy only shrugged. "I was drunk. I didn't mean it."

JJ scoffed. "And I have a bar of gold shoved up my ass."

Izzy made a face. "Good for you . . . ?"

"No, Iz . . . " JJ sighed. He briefly closed his eyes before he opened them again and their gazes connected. A mix of emotions swirled in his eyes, almost as if he was pleading for Izzy to admit the truth. "Just answer the question."

"No, Rafe has never hurt me," Izzy affirmed. "He's not like that." She bit her lip to prevent herself from saying any more.

"Are you sure?" JJ pressed.

"Why?" Izzy huffed, throwing her hands in the air. "Do you think he's capable of that?"

JJ wet his lips. "He's kind of a loose cannon."

Izzy scoffed, shooting him a harsh look. "Says the idiot who pulled a gun at a party," she spat, her voice filled with venom.

Something snapped in JJ's eyes as those words registered in his brain. He looked as if he was contemplating telling her something. It wasn't long before he puffed out his cheeks and exhaled. "He caved in Pope's face, okay?" he admitted, setting his jaw.

Confusion hit Izzy. "What?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. In all the years she had known Rafe, he hadn't once laid a finger on another person. Sure, he would get in their face, but he had never inflicted physical pain on anyone . . . at least . . . not that she had seen. She had to believe he wouldn't have done that. She had to believe that JJ was lying. "No, he wouldn't do that."

JJ scoffed, shaking his head at her. "Well, he did, Iz. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want to go see Pope's face? 'Cause I gotta' say he's lookin' like shit."

"But why would Rafe . . . " Izzy trailed off, swallowing her words. She glanced up at his face, confusion swirling in her brain. "Why would he want to do that?"

A hint of guilt plagued JJ's face as he stepped back and looked down at his hands. "Uh . . . I don't . . . "

Izzy realized then the reason. "Because of you," she bit out. She shook her head and set her jaw. "You shouldn't have pulled a gun on Topper."

JJ snapped his eyes to hers. "I wasn't actually going to shoot," he defended himself.

"How do you know that? How can you be sure?" Izzy asked. "Because, okay, sure, maybe you think you wouldn't, but one wrong move, and you could've. If your finger slipped . . . Topper would be dead and you'd be—"

JJ cut her off. "You don't know anything about me," he spat. He walked closer to her car and leaned against it. "Like you said, we're not friends, Iz. But I can tell you right now, I wasn't going to pull the trigger." A look of anger set on his face as he clenched his jaw to control his emotions. "Believe what you want, but I don't ever want to hurt anyone."

"Then why did you do it?" Izzy asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper now.

His eyes flicked to the cut on her forehead then locked his gaze on her. His blue eyes bore into her green ones, and for a second, everything was fine, until it wasn't. "Why do you drive through the red lights? Why were you drunk? Huh? Are you going to answer those questions?" JJ spat. His nostrils flared as he clenched his jaw and searched her face for an answer he knew he'd never find. "Didn't think so."

Izzy placed her sunglasses on top of her head so the boy could see the fire igniting in her eyes. "You don't get to know those things about me," she seethed.

A scoff left JJ's lips. "That's your problem. You think you're so much better than everyone else. You and all your Kook friends." He took a step back and shrugged.

That pissed Izzy off. Her veins coursed with magma, setting her skin on fire. She felt like she might explode. "One: you don't know me," she bit out, her voice raising an octave the more she spoke. "Two: you don't know me. And three: you don't fucking know me, so stop acting like you do."

JJ shot her a glare. "Really? I don't know you?"

Izzy pursed her lips. "That's what I said."

A scowl crossed JJ's face as he took in her words. He nodded a few times to show he was processing it all. But then he stopped and stepped forward so Izzy could see the emotions clouding his blue eyes, making them appear darker. "You're wrong," he started. "I know you hate your full name. Why? Because of your fucking father. I know that. It's so goddamn obvious. He's the only one who calls you Isadora. You say it's because you think it's an old lady name, but bullshit! You used to tell people your name was Isabella just so they wouldn't call you that shit. And that's why you make everyone call you Izzy . . . because of your dad." He wet his lips and started listing off things on his fingers. "You think I wasn't paying attention all those years, Iz? I know you hate the ocean because your parents never taught you how to swim. You used to cry when I would try to get you in the ocean. Like, cry-cry, Izzy. I was there for that, remember?"

          "Shut up," Izzy mumbled, but her voice was on the verge of breaking.

          "No," JJ refused. He was angrier now. "I was the one who sat there with you. When you were crying over all those little fears, it was me who was there. Me. Not your stupid friends or your stupid boyfriend. It was me. I'm the one who knows you don't like to get drunk because of what happened to your mom. And I know you mostly stay away from that shit now more than ever because your dad's always on your case about being this stupid, shitty person you pretend to be. You hate drinking because it makes you feel like shit. That's what you told me when you and your friends crashed my homecoming. You told me that. No one else." He paused to swallow his anger before it spilled over and consumed him whole. "Which is why I can't figure out why you were driving drunk the other day."

"Shut up, JJ!" Izzy spat, desperation in her voice. She didn't like how uncomfortable his words made her feel.

JJ looked as if he expected her words, but he didn't let that faze him. "Maybe I have no idea why you drive through those damn lights, but I do know you," he muttered. "I don't know everything about you, but we used to be friends. Whether you choose to remember that or not, it did happen and you can't change that."

Izzy met his gaze. A hint of vulnerability clouded his eyes, piercing Izzy's heart with a feeling she had long forgotten. She didn't like the way it made her heart swell. So in true Isadora Windsor style, she buried the feeling and replaced it with the fire which coursed through her bloodstream. "We were never friends," she muttered. "You mean nothing to me. You don't even exist in my mind."

JJ clenched his jaw. "Then why was I the one who drove you home, and not that boyfriend of yours that you think so highly of?"

Izzy blinked. "Mention that to anyone and I'll gut you," she harshly muttered, but her words sounded forced almost as if she didn't mean them.

"Sure, Princess, your wish is my fucking command," JJ retorted. Anger plagued his face, but he contained his emotions and breathed out a heavy sigh. "But for the record, I'm fixing your car for the money, not for you." With that, he turned around and walked off to where he had parked his vehicle.

Izzy watched him leave, her eyes narrowed in on his back as he approached his motorcycle (or whatever it was; Izzy didn't really pay attention to the details). Her eyes stayed trained on his back as he mounted the bike. He didn't wear a helmet, which Izzy thought was stupid but she honestly had no room to talk with her track record of speeding through red lights. And just when Izzy was about to look away, JJ glanced over his shoulder and sent her a hard glare before he revved the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. He then took off down the road, heading toward the Windsor estate.

When Izzy couldn't see his figure anymore, she tightened her grip around the rim of her steering wheel and swore under her breath. His words had struck something inside of her that she thought she had buried well. She didn't know exactly what it was, but anger blossomed in her chest the more she thought about what JJ had said to her.

The anger ignited the epidermis of her skin as she tried to figure out why his words had bothered her so much. She just didn't like knowing that JJ had pieces of her soul embedded in his brain. She hated that he knew she was afraid of the ocean and had a distaste for her name. She hated that he knew why she didn't drink. But most of all, she hated that despite knowing all those things about her, he still wanted nothing to do with her. He was only helping her for her money, and that left a bitter sting in her chest.

That was the thing that pissed her off—she cared what he thought. Because there was a part of her that craved attention and validation from the people around her. She couldn't handle rejection. It had been ingrained into her. She had to be adored. And normally she got exactly what she wanted and was the image of what every girl wanted to be, but with JJ it was different. He was always there to rip pieces of her facade, forcing her true colors to seep through.

And here was the thing about Izzy Windsor's true colors: they were ugly.

Perhaps, the person she had hidden under all the designer clothes and plastic skin was the only ugly thing about her. Izzy knew she was pretty with or without makeup. She had to be. She was born to be. But the person she hid beneath all the superficial accommodations was truly ugly. Her heart was a piece of black coal, plaguing her entire body.

Izzy Windsor was a stone-cold bitch. That was what everyone told her. They feared her for that exact reason.

Her resting bitch face was enough to make someone walk in the opposite direction just to avoid running into her. She found power in that thought. It made her feel like she was in control of her own life. And she liked knowing people took one look at her and decided she was too good for them.

Maybe that was why she always found herself circling back to JJ Maybank. Maybe a part of her wanted him to adore her like the rest. And maybe a part of her hated that when he looked at her, he glared with hatred in his eyes, a clear sign of rejection. Because in all truth, Izzy Windsor couldn't handle rejection even from him.

a/n: this was short oops, but the next two chapters are my favorites & then there's midsummers and ugh i love that episode.

thanks for reading!