Start the song. It's Left for Dead by Citizen Cope.

It had been far too long for Tyler to still be skipping school on the days he missed Josh, but his heart ached so badly today that there was no way he could go. Instead, he'd picked JJ up from Ashley's-not having to explain to her why he wasn't going to be in school. She'd just smiled sadly, given him their son and his diaper bag, kissed his cheek, and let him go.

They'd spent most of the day at Tyler's house. During JJ's naps, Tyler slept too. When he was awake, Tyler played with him. He changed diapers and fed him bottles of breast milk that Ashley had given him when he'd picked the baby up. Every now and then, his mother would check on him, looking worried but not pushing it. She was doing the best she could when she couldn't understand. Overcoming this would take time, and somehow, a year wasn't long enough.

In order to avoid having to socialize with his siblings when school ended, Tyler loaded JJ and his stuff into his car at about three, driving without destination. He listened to JJ babble as he drove, smiling whenever it sounded like he'd said something somewhat close to a word. The aching in his chest subsided slightly when he was with his son, but there was always a hole in his chest that couldn't be filled by anything but Josh.

"Want to go visit your dad?" Tyler asked quietly, glancing into his mirror at JJ, who smiled widely, flailing his little arms excitedly. Tyler smiled. "Let's go get flowers then."

----

The flowers Tyler picked never really held much significance. He mostly just wandered through the flower shop until something caught his eye. He'd come in so frequently since the mass grave had been filled that the workers didn't even bother to ask if he was looking for something specific anymore. They just greeted him with sad smiles, already knowing exactly what he wanted.

The bell on the door chimed as he carried JJ into the building. The girl behind the counter smiled when she saw the baby. Tyler held him out to her without hesitation, already knowing she wouldn't ask but always wanted to. She was his favourite worker here. She was the only one who didn't look at him like he was crazy for buying flowers for a dead cult member.

"Hey, Jenna," he said quietly as she excitedly took the baby.

"Hi! I hoped you'd come during my shift today. I found something today that he'd love." Her voice was chipper as she took his hand and led him to the back of the shop.

"Who, JJ?" Tyler asked.

She smiled at him brightly. "No! Josh. Like, the original Josh. I ordered these for you forever ago, but they just came in."

It was kind of nice to be around someone who wasn't afraid to speak his name around Tyler. That was the cool thing about Jenna. She didn't dance around topics like Josh or The Family. Maybe she just didn't think to.

The back of the flower shop was cold and smelled more industrial than like flowers. Jenna smiled the whole time as she led him to a fridge in the back. Inside were countless bouquets and flower arrangements meant for big events like weddings. With quiet anticipation, Tyler let Jenna hand him JJ so she could rifle through the flowers. Finally, she pulled something out that made Tyler's heart simultaneously swell and sink further into his chest.

Jenna held out to him a small bouquet of six pink carnations. They were nothing that would ever remind Tyler of Josh, but they were beautiful. The bright shock of colour would do well to brighten up the horrible grave Josh rested beneath.

"Pink carnations mean 'I will never forget you' and undying love," Jenna told him, her voice softer than usual.

Tyler held JJ a little closer as he looked at the flowers. That was it. That was exactly what he'd been wanting to say to Josh. Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked up at Jenna.

"How much for them then?" He whispered.

She smiled softly. "Consider them a late birthday present."

Tyler smiled and shook his head. "Why are you so nice to me?"

She shrugged. "Anyone who takes time out of every day to set flowers on a grave that otherwise wouldn't get any deserves a little love."

"Thank you, Jenna."

The girl smiled, holding JJ's hand softly before going back behind the counter. "Don't keep him waiting. I'll see you tomorrow."

He smiled as he walked back to his car, setting the flowers in the passenger seat before buckling JJ into his car seat. The baby babbled cheerfully, smiling up at Tyler with those familiar dark eyes.

"Ready to go see your dad?" He asked as he checked the straps.

JJ giggled, making Tyler smile. "Me too."

-----

Tyler set JJ's carrier down next to the memorial before crouching down in the snow. He pulled a tiny notebook out of his coat pocket and started to write out the note for today. He stopped when he saw a note stuck to the memorial with pink gum. Curiously, he read it.

Tyler, I love and miss you too. He's beautiful. Tell Ashley I'm sorry. I should've been there. Thank you for not forgetting me. I haven't forgotten you either. -Josh

A terrible feeling spread into his stomach. Who the hell did this? As much as he wanted to believe that it was his husband, he knew it was some asshole pulling a prank on him. It really wasn't funny. He pulled the note off, annoyed when the gum clung to Josh's name, ripping the paper slightly.

"Assholes," he muttered as he shoved the paper into his pocket to throw away later.

He scribbled a note back on his own paper before sticking it onto the same piece of chewed gum.

Josh is dead. Fuck off. -Tyler

Carefully lifting JJ out of his carrier and setting him into his lap, Tyler zipped the tiny boy into his coat with him. It was freezing out here. He then went about working on today's note. Shock sent him jumping nearly off of the ground when someone sat down next to him. It was a girl with white hair and a bright blue coat. She didn't seem to really notice he was there as she dug through the flowers.

"What are you doing?" He asked her quietly.

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Looking for something. It's not for me."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Is it not for you because it's for a dead person?"

A smile tugged at her lips as she shook her head. "An almost dead person. They got out before everything went to shit." She sighed and sat back beside him. "Did you know one them them?" She pointed to the plaque.

He nodded. "Yeah, a few. I lived there for a couple weeks. I got married while I was there. He snuck me and our wife out though."

Her eyebrows raised in interest. "That's amazing. What was it like in there?"

"Horrible," Tyler replied without hesitation. "The family I had in there was amazing though. I mean, my husband's dad was evil, but the rest of them were good. I miss them."

She nodded. "Where is your husband's name?" Her eyes scanned the plaque.

"Some jackass stuck gum over his name, but it's right there," he said, pointing to where his new note was.

The girl beside him froze as he went back to writing. JJ babbled inside of his coat, drawing her eyes downward. Her eyes widened.

"Oh my god." She pulled his note off before prying away the gum.

"What the hell are you-"

She dropped the gum on the ground and pointed to Josh's name. "This one? Joshua Dun? Is he your husband? Josh is your husband?"

Tyler eyed her suspiciously. "Did you go to our school or something?"

"No, I just.... He's my best friend. He lives next door to me," she said excitedly. "He didn't tell me he was married, but I know about you. You're Tyler. You leave him the notes. That's what I was looking for. I told him I'd see if you wrote another one."

Tyler glared at her. "You've been stealing his notes off of his grave? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"No! We only found them last night. He cried when he saw the baby, and he said you're everything and that Ashley wouldn't want him around the baby and-"

"We have to go," Tyler decided, ripping his note out of his notebook and tucking it in with the flowers before setting them down beside the last ones. The note was gone from those.

"Wait! You have to come see him. Did you get his note?" The girl asked breathlessly.

Tyler stood up, holding JJ inside of his coat as he picked up the carrier. "Yeah, I got it," he replied bitterly. "And you're a piece of shit for doing that. It's bad enough that he's dead. You can't toy with his family just because he was in a cult. He was still a person."

His words seemed to surprise her. "Wait, but I didn't-"

Tyler was already heading back to his car. Tears burned his eyes as he walked away from Josh's grave. He'd never missed his husband more than in this moment. He would give anything for that to have actually been a note from Josh, but he knew better.

"What if I get him to tell me something only you'd know? I could meet you here after school tomorrow and tell you what he said. He's probably babysitting Liv for Ash tomorrow, but he'll come see me when he's done. He always does."

The need for Josh to be alive outweighed Tyler'a fear of being disappointed. He turned around and faced the girl. "What's your name?" He asked her.

"Hayley Williams," she replied quickly.

"Okay, Hayley. If my husband is alive, ask him what he gave me before everything ended. It has to have details or I won't believe it. Better yet, ask him why he gave it to me too."

She nodded instantly. "I will. You'll come back tomorrow?" Her voice was hopeful.

"I always come back," he replied quietly. She nodded before picking up the flowers he'd just left. Just as she was about to remove the note, Tyler exclaimed, "Wait!"

Hayley nearly dropped the flowers, looking up at him in shock. "What's wrong?"

"Give him the flowers too. You know, if he's alive. They're important." His voice was small, and he hated that he sounded vulnerable in front of her.

She nodded, looking down at them. "Why are they important?"

"They're pink carnations," Tyler replied simply.

The girl hesitated before nodding. "I'll get them to him. Do you want like, a picture of me giving them to him as proof?"

Tyler swallowed thickly before nodding. "Yeah."

"I can do that," she told him.

"I should actually really go. It's too cold out here for him," Tyler said, gesturing to the baby in his coat.

Hayley smiled. "I meant it when I said Josh cried when he saw the picture you gave him. He said he's a bad person when he saw it though. He's been saying that a lot lately."

Although Tyler didn't want to give this girl any unnecessary or personal information in case she was lying, he couldn't live with himself if he knew he'd allowed Josh to think he was anything less than perfect. "Then tell him we named his son Joshua. We call him JJ though since he's Joshua Jr."

To his surprise, Hayley let out an excited squeak. "He's going to cry! Oh my god. I have to go so I can see if he's home. I'll see you tomorrow. If I can bring Josh, I will. If not, I'll let you know what he says. The last present he gave you and why, right?" She clarified.

"Yeah," Tyler breathed out.

The girl before him was practically vibrating with excitement. "Okay. Bye, Tyler! Good luck. He's still in love with you!" She called over her shoulder as she ran through the cemetery and out of the back entrance, a brightly coloured blur against the pale snow.

Tyler watched her go in awe before walking slowly back to his car. "JJ, what just happened?" He whispered.

The infant babbled back cheerfully. Ashley would kill Tyler if she knew he was even considering the possibility of Josh being alive after a year of radio silence on his end. There was no way he'd abandon their family like that. There was no way.

Yet, somehow, Tyler knew he could forgive everything if it meant being able to see Josh one more time. He wanted to kiss him and breathe him in and hold him and fall asleep beside him like he used to. Maybe it was insane, but he really wanted to be able to trust this Hayley girl. He really wanted his husband to be safe and sound.