***Trigger warnings for mentions of blood, mentions of past abuse/violence, and PTSD.***

Start the song. It's Break It Down by Sea Wolf.

Josh wasn't willing to admit how anxious it made him feel to have so many unfamiliar pairs of eyes on him as he unloaded the ritual bowls from his backpack, lining them up on one of the benches in the locker room. Debby, Ash, Sarah, Abigail, and Ashley were pulling jars of ingredients out of the backpack they'd convinced Taylor to carry for them, speaking to each other and the other members of The Family quickly and with very little detail as they ran through everything they'd need to do to make the paint for the devil's eyes.

"Should we like...help?" Brendon asked tentatively as he handed JJ to Josh.

JJ immediately began to giggle and coo as he gleefully grabbed fistfuls of Josh's shirt and hair. Tyler and Ashley both were too busy beaming at their baby and husband to respond, but Debby and Sarah both reflexively snapped, "If you want to go fucking blind!" Brendon's eyes widened, more from the aggression than the potential threat.

"Guys can't make the paint," Josh explained less severely as he carefully unfurled his son's tiny hands from his curls. "It comes with a curse. I've honestly only ever seen my mom and Ash make it. We almost never used this stuff behind the fence. It's not usually a fun experience to wear them, but that has nothing to do with the paint."

Tyler and Ashley glanced at each other worriedly, and Josh regretted saying anything before either of them could even get out the words: "We don't have to do this if you don't want us to for any reason," which they both immediately said.

"It's cool," Josh reassured them simply, taking the teething toy Patrick pulled out of Ashley's diaper bag and giving it to JJ as he spoke.

Tyler's team was watching in awe as the girls crushed berries, ground herbs, and mixed them with a sweet smelling oil in each of their bowls. Just when their mixtures were all getting to be the right consistency, Ash cleared her throat.

"So the next official ingredient is a drop of the prophet's blood," she informed the basketball players, who all immediately looked to Tyler for either a 'just kidding' or a way around that option. "Since our dad is dead, technically the next prophet would be Josh. He hasn't been initiated, and no one in our family is actively practicing Satanism anymore-" Josh received confused and fearful glances from his childhood friends at that, "-but Josh is the closest we can get to prophet's blood at the moment."

"So he's not really any more of a prophet than you or Jordan?" Pete asked, only barely masking his disapproval from the outsiders in the room.

"Josh is the firstborn son. Our dad started prepping him to be the prophet the day he was born, but he never passed on the torch because he didn't think anyone would outlive him. Josh knows better than anyone that our dad was always prepared to kill all of us if it meant he could escape the consequences of his actions. He wasn't a prophet of anything. He was just a narcissist who was lucky enough to be born into a family that had made themselves royalty in a safe haven for manipulative and abusive men. There's no reason Josh should have to attach himself to that legacy. Bitch about it all you want, but I'll slit your fucking throat before I'll let you bully my brother into becoming the same thing that's tried to kill most of the people in this room."

The room was deathly silent, and it felt like everyone was staring at Josh. Bile rose in the back of his throat, but he did his best to just swallow it down and ignore the twisting in his stomach. He only looked at JJ, who continued to babble happily around the toy in his mouth. His little brown eyes crinkled at the corners as he giggled at his dad. Josh couldn't give in and be their prophet just because he felt the weight of the burden his father had dumped on his shoulders when he'd abandoned these children to navigate the world on their own. He had to be here for JJ, and he couldn't put JJ at risk of being in the same position he'd found himself in.

Thankfully, Jordan broke the silence before it could crush his older brother. "I think we should skip the blood. The other team has no way of knowing there's even blood in the paint, and we're not using it for its ritual purpose anyway. There's really no use for the blood. Maybe we should just use Josh's blood to retrace Tyler's scars, but we'll leave everything else without blood," Jordan proposed, looking to Tyler for confirmation instead of laying the burden down on Josh once again.

"I'm good with that," Tyler confirmed easily, causing Josh's muscles to relax when he crossed the locker room to wrap his arms around Josh's waist from behind.

Josh subtly leaned back against Tyler's chest for stability as he soothed his palm across JJ's silky curls. His anxiety diminished greatly when Tyler pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before resting his chin on Josh's shoulder.

"I love you. You're doing so great, and I'm so proud of you," Tyler murmured into Josh's ear as the girls began dictating who would paint whom, and distributing bowls of red paint. "Thank you for helping me."

Josh sighed softly, resting his head back against Tyler's shoulder and welcoming a kiss to his temple as well. "I love you too. That's why I'll help you anytime."

Tyler hummed softly, gently rocking Josh in his arms. Both Josh and JJ yawned at the soothing movement. Tyler laughed quietly, nuzzling his nose against the space beneath Josh's ear before placing a kiss there as well.

"I was really nervous too before you got here," Tyler admitted to Josh, drawing his focus back once again. "I knew I'd be okay as long as I had you here though, whether the team wore the eyes or not. Honestly, fuck those guys on the other team. I've got people who love me here, and even if we lose pathetically, I'll get to kiss you and Ashley when it's over. That's a win for me."

Josh couldn't help but smile at that. He pressed a kiss to JJ's velvety forehead as he looked over at Ashley, who was very carefully beginning to paint beneath Brad's left eye as she sat across from him on the tile floor. She was so focused, her eyebrows knitted together slightly and her bottom lip occasionally finding itself trapped between her teeth. Josh's smile widened. Tyler was right. As long as their family was still here together, everything would be fine.

Josh looked over his shoulder at his husband, whose eyes were soft and warm when they met his. "We're definitely both going to kiss you when this is over, but I think you're still going to crucify those assholes," he stated simply.

Everyone looked over in surprise when Tyler laughed loudly at that response. He squeezed Josh tightly around the middle and buried his face against his shoulder as he laughed so hard that it made him snort, causing Josh to grin in spite of how flushed his face was from having all of the eyes in the room on the two of them. The harder Tyler laughed, the more JJ giggled with him. Josh's smile widened when he glanced over at his wife and found that she was beaming at all three of them.

"You guys are making it very difficult for me to focus right now," she informed them amusedly. "Don't make me confíscate that baby." Ashley's smile only widened when both of her husbands immediately pouted and held JJ a little bit closer. "Fine, you can keep him, but only if you start painting and stop distracting everyone."

"I get to hold him while you paint my face since you get to hold him during the game," Tyler decided, but his arms remained wrapped around Josh instead of their baby.

As much as Josh wanted to keep JJ all to himself and never have to set him down ever again, he shifted himself out of his husband's arms and handed him their precious little son. "Okay, but I'm not giving him back to you for the rest of the night after this game."

Tyler hummed thoughtfully as he shifted the baby in his arms until JJ could comfortably snuggle up against his chest without having to look over his shoulder to see Josh, whom JJ was still smiling toothlessly at. "I hold Ashley while you hold JJ," Tyler bargained.

"Deal," Josh agreed. He pointed at the tile floor. "Sit. I'm gonna go get paint. Don't lose him. I'll never forgive you," he only half-joked, earning an eye roll from his husband.

He was just picking up the final bowl of paint when the door opened to reveal a large man whom Josh had never seen before. That alone was enough to startle him at least a little bit, but what really threw him was that the man was holding his niece. He heard three sets of feet immediately shuffle into a standing position behind him when his did, and he didn't have to look to know that they belonged to Ash, Jordan, and Pete. Josh felt disoriented as he looked around the locker room quickly.

When had they lost Liv? How long had she been on her own? Who was this complete stranger who had her? Was he like Mathias? Was he going to take her away to be initiated? She wasn't even ten yet. He felt like he was going to throw up, but his feet wouldn't move an inch.

He blinked in confusion when the man set her down, saying in a gruff voice to Tyler, "I found this kid wandering around looking for you. You know who this is?"

Josh's wide eyes immediately shot to Tyler as Liv ran past him and right into Ash's waiting arms. Tyler didn't seem fazed at all. He just kept rubbing JJ's back calmly after seeing Liv be safely returned to her mother, offering the large man a smile.

"Yeah. She's kind of my niece. Thanks," he replied, looking to Josh for confirmation on the 'niece' thing. It was then that he seemed to register Josh's panic. "This is our coach," he explained quickly.

Josh's tense muscles relaxed slightly as he nodded, but he still felt sick to his stomach as he avoided eye contact with the giant man. He didn't know if he was supposed to look at him like Ashley's dad had wanted him to or if that was forbidden like it was with adults in the community. Any and all of the safety and confidence he'd felt mere moments before had been absolutely eviscerated, and he couldn't help but notice that the rest of The Family were keeping their eyes down and their mouths shut too.

Even Pete looked sick in the man's presence. Debby was sitting just close enough to him that he could feel her entire body trembling. He watched out of the corner of his eye as one of the boys from Tyler's team-Josh was pretty sure his name was Donald-subtly shifted himself between her and the coach from where Colin had been painting his eyes. Donald's eyes met Debby's for just a moment, and Josh watched her realize this complete stranger was promising her safety right now. She relaxed slightly too.

The coach left without asking for any further information about the face painting or the strange kids in the locker room. He just disappeared from the same door he'd come in through, and suddenly Josh could breathe again. No one spoke for a moment, and Josh found himself feeling ashamed that Tyler's team now knew how terrified the children of The Family had adapted to be of men. This was too vulnerable. This was too much. Giving them devil's eyes was one thing, but this filled Josh's ears with the sounds of the sanctuary and the smell of the blood that had been matted into Abigail's hair for weeks after they'd run from the fence.

"Josh?" He heard Tyler ask softly, cautiously, like he was trying to draw a frightened animal out of a corner. "Josh, do you want to come sit with JJ and me?"

Josh's eyelids slipped shut as he tried to remember where he really was. He wasn't bathing Abigail in blood for her initiation. He wasn't in Ashley's bedroom as her dad yelled at him. He wasn't in the temple with his dad. He wasn't in his grandparents' house the night after escaping the community. He was at school. He was in the locker room. He was with family and friends and people Tyler trusted. He was safe. He was safe. He was safe.

Somehow, his heartbeat wouldn't calm itself, however, and he found himself unable to grab hold of anything stable enough to ground him as the smell of blood filled his nostrils, sharp pains stabbed at his stomach, and he could hear the sound of a butcher's knife slicing through his little sister's hand. It was too much. It was all too much, and he couldn't take it, so he was moving. He was moving until he was in a room that was way too loud, a hallway that was just as loud, a slightly quieter hallway, and finally a silent room where he could lie down on the floor and try to breathe.

Josh covered his face with his hands as he tried to draw in and push out breaths, but he only managed to do so two and a half times before he was sobbing. Lying on his back with his hands barely muffling his sobs, Josh allowed himself to break down. He wept, his throat feeling raw as he did so.

He didn't have enough stability to peek through his fingers when the door opened and he heard someone else come in. He was too convinced that it was Titus entering the sanctuary or his father coming in to tell him he would have to decide how Mathias and Ash would be punished. All he could do was tremble and sob himself hoarse. He didn't even react when the intruder sat down beside him. He didn't have the energy to.

"I'm going to move you so I can hold you, okay?" Ashley's voice told him softly.

Josh could only sob in response, but he wanted her as close as possible. He needed her as close as possible. He couldn't do this by himself. He was too scared. Everything was so fucking scary.

It was kind of amazing how gently Ashley rolled him over onto his side before taking her usual spot as the big spoon. She held his waist tenderly and pressed gentle kisses to the back of his neck, effectively relaxing the muscles there slightly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked gently. When Josh simply coughed out a sob and shook his head, Ashley pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "That's okay. I can just hold you if that's what's going to help you most right now. I just want to take care of you and keep you safe. You are safe. We're all safe."

Josh whimpered, rolling over to bury his face against her chest, where he could hide from all of the horrible things that were happening all at once inside his head. He held onto the back of her shirt as she rubbed his back softly and patiently reminded him again and again that he was safe and loved and never alone. It seemed like hours passed before the unbearable smells and sounds finally released Josh, allowing him to be completely aware of the fact that he was lying on the floor with Ashley in an art classroom and not being forced to initiate Abigail or maim Ash within the confines of the fence. Shame and exhaustion slowly replaced the terror and panic he'd been feeling before.

For a moment, Josh just remained still and allowed his wife to keep twirling his curls around her fingers and soothing her fingertips along his back. His mind and body needed a moment to recuperate before he could inform her that the flashback was over, or even that the government counseling lady his social worker made him see had told him that experiencing something like that was called a flashback. He felt flimsy, like he was made of felt. He felt like he was going to fall down, but he was already lying on the floor.

"Does this happen a lot?" Ashley asked him softly, the touch of her fingertips remaining consistent as she spoke. She made no move to readjust him or to force him to get up. She just kept holding him and soothing him. He loved her so much. "I guess that's a dumb question. This seems like a really normal reaction to everything you've been through and how little time you've had to process and learn to cope."

Josh kept his eyes closed and his head tucked in against her chest as he admitted to her in a whisper, "This part might not ever fully go away. Some of the stuff I've been through...it can change the shape of your brain and stuff. It can fuck you up for good. It can make your brain be shaped so you have to be like this. Permanently."

Still, Ashley's touch didn't falter. "Well, I guess it's a good thing you have Tyler and me then because we're too stubborn to stop loving you just because things are tough sometimes. Tyler told his coach he wasn't going to play tonight because you needed him. After all the energy he's put into this game today, he was going to walk out on it without hesitation because he loves you too much to let you deal with something scary on your own. Believe me. We are going to love you no matter what."

Josh lifted his head to look worried at Ashley. "He has to play, Ashley."

She nodded, smiling slightly as she pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose before telling him, "Don't worry, little spoon. I already got really bossy and told him he wasn't allowed to miss the game because you would feel really guilty and think it was your fault he didn't play. He's gonna play. Do you think you want to go watch him, or do you want to go home?"

Josh sighed. He was drained, emotionally and physically, but Tyler needed him to be there, and he wanted to be there. He was so proud of his husband, and he wanted to be able to support him like Tyler always did for him. There was no way he could miss this.

"I want to at least try to be there for Tyler," Josh told Ashley quietly, already feeling anxiety pulse inside of him at the idea of going back into a room full of people.

Ashley nodded. "You just tell me if it's too much, and I'll take you straight home. No questions asked, okay?" Her voice was the most reassuring sound Josh had ever heard.

He nodded. "Thank you," he whispered, searching her warm hazel eyes for a moment and finding nothing but love and support within then.

She smiled easily before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "I love you," she told him softly.

"I love you too," he replied quietly. He wiped at his eyes and let out a sigh before asking, "Where's JJ?"

Ashley's eyes lit up at the question. "Brendon and your siblings have him for a minute. We can go get him whenever you're ready though."

Josh nodded, taking another deep breath before deciding, "I think I'll feel a little bit less overwhelmed when I can see him and know he's safe."

"Me too," Ashley agreed gratefully, immediately standing up and helping Josh to his feet.

It was strange, but Josh didn't feel embarrassed about the tear tracks on his cheeks when Ashley was holding his hand as they walked through the hallways. He didn't feel as panicky when they came back into the gym either. He was grateful to find that the game hadn't started and the teams weren't out on the court yet, so he would be able to reassure Tyler that everything was okay before he started playing. While he wasn't looking forward to facing Tyler's team after all of this, he knew he would feel relieved enough to see his husband that their opinions of him wouldn't matter much.

The second he followed Ashley into the locker room, he was being pulled into a tight hug. He felt his heart rate regulate instantly when Tyler told him quietly, "I love you so much, and I would never let anyone who would hurt you or our family anywhere near you. You're safe. You're always safe with me here, and I love you so much."

"I know," Josh whispered in response. "I love you too."

He buried his face against Tyler's throat, breathing him in calmly. He felt a lot safer with both of his spouses and his son in the same room as him. Everyone was together, and everyone was safe. Everything was okay.

"Josh," Ashley said softly to get his attention.

He lifted his head to look at her, feeling an instant rush of endorphins flood his system when he saw his tiny grinning baby in her arms. He released Tyler just long enough to carefully take JJ from Ashley before leaning against Tyler's chest and allowing himself to be wrapped up safely once again in his husband's arms. Ashley soothed his hair back off of his forehead softly as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, making him feel even safer and more loved.

Josh couldn't help but feel incredibly grateful for his family. Five minutes ago, the world had been a terrible place where the sky was crashing down all around him, yet his spouses and baby now had him feeling absolutely safe and sound. He loved them with everything he had inside of him, and there wasn't a doubt in his mind that they loved him just as much.