Start the song. It's Funtimes in Babylon by Father John Misty.
**Trigger warning in this chapter for mentions of Josh's childhood.**

Every time Tyler snored quietly, Josh smiled. Ashley kept snuggling closer against his side in her sleep. JJ's warm breath fanned against Josh's chest. This was simultaneously the safest and most overwhelmed he'd ever felt. He now had three people to protect, but with all of them here together, that didn't seem like an impossible task.

As much as he didn't want to think about it, his mind was reeling at the thought of Tyler having spent so long not wanting to be alive simply because he thought Josh wasn't. It was an unbearable weight to carry. He had done that to his husband, and he couldn't take that back.

The guilt of what he'd done to Ashley was just as great though. He'd left her alone with a baby that she had hated, simply because he'd been conceived so violently. Josh didn't blame her. If it wasn't for this feeling in his chest of overwhelming love and the need to protect JJ from anything that ever tried to harm him, he'd feel the same way. Looking at this baby made it impossible not to think about that day in the Sanctuary.

Josh looked down at Ashley, who was fast asleep. Her thick curls covered her face slightly, making Josh smile. She was so beautiful, even when all she was doing was sleeping. He hoped she was having a good dream. Who knew how many nightmares she'd had because of him?

His eyes then redirected to Tyler. The younger boy was smiling slightly in his sleep. He had one arm wrapped around Josh's waist still, which was comforting. Even while they were still inside of the community, Tyler's touch had always been soothing to Josh. Sometimes even just looking at his husband was enough to soothe his anxieties.

Josh pressed a kiss to Tyler's forehead, his heart swelling when Tyler instantly snuggled closer to him. "I love you, sleepyhead," Josh whispered.

There was no response, but he didn't mind. As long as Tyler was sleeping peacefully, nothing else mattered. He then turned to look at Ashley, pressing a kiss to her forehead as well. The corners of her lips twitched up slightly, making him smile.

"I love you too," he whispered to her. "I'll always protect you. I promise."

Josh looked over at the doorway leading from the kitchen to the living room when his mother came in. She smiled when she saw him and his sleeping family. For the first time in months, he smiled back. A part of him still partially blamed her for the childhood that had been forced upon him and his siblings, but he knew she'd always loved them. She'd been a prisoner inside of the community too.

"He's beautiful," his mother whispered to him.

Josh nodded proudly. "Yeah," He whispered back. "He gets it from his mom."

Mrs. Dun smiled at that. "He has your eyes," she told him.

He smiled as he looked down at the sleeping infant. "Yeah, he does." He hesitated before looking up at his mom. "I'm scared," he admitted.

"That's normal. Even parents who plan their babies are scared when they meet them. That's understandable. It's scary being responsible for another life. It's especially scary when you're seventeen," she told him, sitting down on the other couch across the small room.

"How old were you and Dad when I was born?" Josh asked curiously, realising he had no idea.

His mother hesitated. "Fourteen," she told him finally.

Josh nodded slowly, feeling his heart sink. So he'd been like Liv. "But they let you keep me?" He asked quietly.

"Not at first," his mother replied quietly, tears forming in her eyes. "They gave you away for a week, but I couldn't handle it. They'd already taken so much from me, and I wasn't going to let them take you. The elders kept telling me I could just have another in a year, but your father went to the house of the family who'd adopted you and brought you back. He was punished pretty severely for it, but I think we both knew we needed to keep you."

That surprised Josh. His father had defied the elders so they could keep Josh? His father, the boy who grew up to be the prophet, broke the rules for him? He remembered when his father had hugged him in the temple. That had been the first and only time Josh's father had told him that he loved him and possibly meant it. He'd said it to Ash and Abigail multiple times, but never to Josh or Jordan. Maybe he had loved them though, at least before he lost his mind.

Another thought crossed his mind though, and as much as he didn't want it to be, he knew it was the truth. "He only brought me back because he knew I'd be next in line after him to be prophet," he said quietly.

His mother didn't argue that. She just watched JJ as he began to suck his thumb. Josh rubbed his son's back. JJ would never have that expectation placed onto his shoulders. Josh's childhood had been horrible, and part of that was a result of being expected to take over as prophet when his father died. JJ would never have to do that, and now Josh didn't either.

"When you were little like this, you never slept at night. The elders always said you were nocturnal. They called you the Baby Bat. You slept all day and then stayed up all night crying like crazy. Lilith was the one who fixed that for us," his mother said thoughtfully.

Lilith. Josh hadn't allowed himself to think about her for a long time. She'd been the grandmother he didn't have, and now that he had one, he'd give anything to have Lilith back. Despite being an elder, she had always prioritised Josh's comfort and safety. When social services had demanded that at least the prophet's children attend a government funded school, Lilith had convinced their father to let them go. She'd told Josh that no matter what anyone said to him at school, he deserved to learn just as much as anyone else. He missed her.

"How did she do it?" Josh asked quietly, smiling when Ashley mumbled something in her sleep before snuggling against him more.

"She talked to you like an adult about the importance of sleep and rubbed your back. You were out in minutes. After that, your sleep schedule was normal. I have no idea how that helped. She did the same with Abigail," his mother explained with a smile. "She had the magic touch, I guess."

"I miss Lilith," Josh told her quietly. He rested his head atop Tyler's. Instinctually, Tyler's arm around him tightened slightly. It relaxed when Josh kissed his forehead.

His mother smiled sadly. "She loved you so much. She was so proud of you when you let Tyler and Ashley go. Did you know that?"

A smile tugged at Josh's lips as he shook his head. "No."

"She told me she'd never seen anything like it, and that she knew you were going to be able to change things inside of the community. You're very brave, Joshua. A lot of people loved you for that."

Josh didn't correct her on his name this time. How could he? That was his son's name too. There was no reason to be ashamed of it anymore. Besides, the anxiety attached to the word was gone now that it made him think of this little boy.

"Do you ever wish we could go back?" Josh asked, knowing it was a dangerous question. He wasn't even sure what he would answer with. All he knew was that he missed Lilith and Pete and Patrick and even his dad.

After a moment of consideration, his mother nodded. "Sometimes. I know I shouldn't, but I miss your father. He wasn't always like he was in the end."

"I miss him too," Josh replied, saying it out loud for the first time.

"You're allowed to. You know that, right? He did terrible things, but he still loved his family. Every night, he used to pray for Ash for hours. I know he felt guilty for what he put her through. He prayed for Liv too."

Josh looked down at JJ. He was still fast asleep, sucking softly at his thumb with the hand not gripping Josh's shirt. Josh couldn't imagine looking at four children he loved like this and allowing them to be tortured and raped and maimed and ridiculed for any reason. There wasn't a single deity worthy of allowing someone to hurt this baby.

How had his father justified giving away Ash and Abigail to men who wouldn't take care of them? How did he justify initiating them? How did he justify allowing every member of the community to punish Josh for setting his spouses free? How had he justified pushing Jordan to the back of the line simply because Josh was supposed to be the next prophet and not him? Josh could never do anything like that to this baby.

"I don't think he loved us," Josh told his mother honestly. "He only wanted us around when we were useful."

His mother nodded sadly. "He loved you in the beginning. Things changed when he became prophet. After that ceremony, he never looked at any of you the same. He hit you the next day. That was the first time he'd ever done that. I can't even remember why he did it. I just remember how scared you were."

"I don't remember that," Josh whispered anxiously.

"I'm not surprised. You were only seven. You ran away for a few days after that. The elders found you and Pete living in the barn where the sacrificial animals were kept. Your father didn't sleep until you came back, but he acted like he didn't care once you did come home. He just made your siblings go to their rooms and took you into the basement. After that, you never reacted when he hit you. You didn't act like a kid anymore."

The guilt on his mother's face made his heart ache. He looked down when he felt Ashley's grip on his arm tighten. She was watching him with tears in her eyes. Careful not to wake Tyler or JJ, Josh wrapped the arm she'd been holding around her shoulders. She pressed herself against his side silently.

"Hi, sweetheart," Mrs. Dun said quietly to Ashley. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay," Ashley said so quietly that it was hard to hear the words.

As he looked at his mother again, Josh realized that she had been in Ashley's position at a much younger age. If she'd had Josh at fourteen, she'd have to have been collected and taken around thirteen. Unlike Ashley, her husband hadn't helped her get out. He'd trapped her there and hurt her children. A sick feeling burnt at Josh's stomach as he thought about all the times he'd yelled at his mom. This wasn't her fault, even if she had been the only one who could've saved them earlier.

"I'm sorry," Josh blurted out to his mother.

She shook her head, smiling solemnly. "It's not your fault, honey. None of this was."

Ashley kissed his shoulder softly, silently confirming that she agreed. As much as the confirmation eased his anxiety, he knew that there was at least one thing that was entirely his fault.

"I was mad at Dad and your mom and The Family and myself, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry for that," he explained.

"My mom?" His mother asked quietly.

Josh shrugged shamefully. "She doesn't like me. After she made us tell her everything we did in the community...she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," his mother tried to assure him.

"She thinks I raped Ashley and Hayley," Josh said quietly, hating hearing the words out loud. Ashley tensed beside him. "And she looks at me weird whenever I'm by any girl, even Ash or Abbie. She thinks I'm like Dad. Every time something bad happens, she blames me. I wish I hadn't told her anything."

"You shouldn't have had to do that anyways," Ashley said, sounding protective. "None of that had anything to do with who you are as a person. You saved Tyler and me, and missed out on most of your education so you could come home and take care of me. The only reason you killed Mathias was because he hurt Tyler, and they drugged you. You're just a kid, Josh. She can't hold this over you."

The living room was silent. "I still hurt you," Josh said quietly. "And we can try and justify that as me protecting you, but whenever I look back on it, I realize I could've just killed Titus. I could've just told my dad about the mistletoe and let him sort it out. You were three days away from going home, and I couldn't just think of a way to keep you safe without hurting you."

"Josh, I couldn't think of any other way either at that point. We were practically staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Neither of us were thinking straight," Ashley said quietly.

"My mom just doesn't understand, Joshua. She doesn't hate you," his mother tried to explain.

"She seems to understand Ash and Abigail and Jordan. Jordan told her he used to help catch animals for sacrifice and drain their blood, and she just felt bad for him. He told her about when Dad took us to a human sacrifice, and she hugged him. I told her the same story, and she asked me what we did with the body," Josh said defeatedly. "She thinks something is wrong with me. She thinks I'm Dad."

"She's wrong," his mother replied simply.

Ashley nodded easily. "You're a good person, Josh. I wouldn't be here if that wasn't true. Tyler wouldn't be here. JJ definitely wouldn't be here. We know you though. You're a good person. It isn't your fault you've seen such terrible things."

Part of Josh really and truly didn't believe those words. Why would those things happen to him if he didn't deserve them? Surely he'd done something horrible, even if in another life, in order to earn this kind of upbringing. This had to be punishment for something. There was no other explanation.

Tears gathered in his mother's eyes when he didn't reply. "You really think this is your fault, don't you?" She whispered.

"It has to be someone's," Josh replied simply.

"It's your father's," his mother said quietly.

Josh shook his head. "Dad didn't kill Mathias. He didn't hurt Ashley. He didn't cut off Ash's fingers. He didn't initiate Abigail. I did. That's on me."

"Josh-" Ashley's voice trembled.

He handed JJ to her, no longer feeling worthy of touching him. JJ's sleepy eyes opened. His bottom lip trembled when he realized Josh had given him back. He let out a loud wail as he reached out for Josh, startling Tyler awake.

"What happened?" Tyler asked fearfully.

"He wants Josh," Ashley told him gently. "It's okay, honey."

With shaking hands, he took JJ back. The infant began to whimper, babbling anxiously as he clung to Josh. Somehow, this only made him feel worse. Growing up, he'd thought his dad was amazing. He'd attend horrible rituals and be proud that his father was in charge of them. His son was blindly trusting him now too, and he didn't deserve that. He wasn't a good person.

Tyler yawned, kissing Josh's cheek before laying back down against his shoulder. "Relax," he said quietly to Josh, rubbing the taut muscles of his back gently. "We're all safe."

His wife hesitated before draping her legs across his and Tyler's. Somehow, the weight was comforting to Josh. Tyler's fingertips trailed along his back gently, making him shiver. Once again, they were diffusing the anxiety within him simply by being gentle and present.

He looked up at his mother, who had tears in her eyes. The guilt was still there. He didn't have to punish her for not taking them out of that fence earlier. She'd been doing that on her own for years. Only now was he seeing that she looked much older than she was. Given how old she'd been when he was born, she'd only be thirty-one right now, yet she could easily fit in with people in their mid-forties. The community had aged her too quickly, just as it had done to Josh and Ash.

Ashley kissed Josh's neck softly before looking to Mrs. Dun. "Can Josh come stay at my house tonight? I want him to be able to help with JJ. Besides, I don't think JJ is going to let us leave without his dad at this point."

As if on cue, JJ lifted his little head and looked up at Josh, babbling cheerfully as he tugged at his hair. Tyler was smiling as he disentangled the baby's hand from Josh's pink locks, kissing it softly before setting it down on Josh's chest once again. JJ giggled, squealing with joy when Josh kissed his forehead.

Mrs. Dun smiled, still looking like she was on the verge of breaking down. "Of course," she said quietly. "I'm going to go check on Abigail and Jordan. Let me know when you're leaving," she told them before leaving the room.

Josh's heart fluttered at the idea of being able to help take care of his son for the first time. Diapers were gross, and he knew that, but he'd give anything to contribute to this kid's life. Any interaction with him would be the best thing Josh could ever experience. He loved this baby.

Tyler's palm flatted against Josh's back as he whispered, "He loves you so much. Look at him."

The words made Josh smile. JJ was babbling at him excitedly, occasionally looking extremely frustrated at his inability to form actual words. Josh smiled at him when he let out a frustrated whimper.

"You're getting there, buddy. Keep trying," he told the infant quietly.

Instantly, JJ's face lit up. "Dadadadada," he babbled out, making Josh grin.

"Almost there. Too many da's," he told him.

Ashley laughed. "It's 'mama,' honey. Not 'dada.' I'm supposed to be your favourite. Mama."

JJ watched her in confusion before looking back to Josh. "Dadadada."

They all laughed. "Closer," Josh assured him. "Just a couple too many."

"Da," JJ replied.

Josh grinned. "Try, Dada."

JJ tilted his head. "Dadada."

"So close!" Tyler laughed out.

Ashley finally gave in. "Dada," she coached. "He's Dada."

"Baba," JJ said, smiling widely.

"We'll work on it," Josh told his son calmly.

JJ laid his head back down on Josh's chest, sucking his thumb again. He giggled around his thumb, making Josh smile again. He looked to Ashley.

"I love him."

She smiled. "Me too."

"Me too," Tyler yawned out.

Josh chuckled, kissing Tyler softly, making him smile sleepily. "You're adorable," he told his husband.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Tyler replied with a grin. "You know who's really adorable though?"

"Who?" Josh asked, glancing over at Ashley knowingly. She was adorable, but Tyler was the most precious person in his life.

"My husband," Tyler replied, taking Josh by surprise.

Ashley nodded. "Oh, definitely. Especially when he smiles and his eyes get a little crinkly and-Oh, look. He's doing it right now."

They laughed when he blushed, hiding his face against Tyler's shoulder. Tyler kissed the top of his head. "Adorable."

"Well, let's get our adorable husband in the car so JJ can take a proper nap. He's going to be hungry soon too," Ashley said with a smile.

Tyler's eyes widened. "Oh my god. My car has been at the cemetery since last night. I forgot I drove there."

"I can drop you off there if you want. You can grab your car and follow us home," Ashley told him.

Tyler nodded. "Good idea. Actually, I should probably go check in with my parents too. I think I kind of scared them by not coming home last night."

"Understandable," Ashley commented. "Just come over when you're done then, okay?"

Tyler nodded, and Josh felt a tug of anxiety at the thought of Tyler leaving him for even a second. He'd just gotten him back. What if Tyler decided in the time that he was gone that he didn't want to see Josh again? His husband seemed to sense his anxiety. He sat up fully and kissed Josh, soft and slow, before sitting back and looking him in the eyes.

"I'm not going to be gone for long, okay? I just have to go see my family, and then I'll be back to being extremely clingy again," Tyler assured him.

Josh nodded, pecking Tyler's lips again. "I love you so much."

Tyler smiled, pecking Josh's lips twice in a row. "I love you too." He kissed Josh one more time, making him chuckle. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself. You're just so adorable."

"Alright, lovebirds. Let's go," Ashley laughed out. "As disgustingly cute as this is, Tyler's car is probably going to get towed, so we should hurry."

"Okay," Tyler sighed out before kissing Josh quickly and climbing off of the couch. He smiled at Josh. "I missed having you look at me like that."

"Like what?" Josh asked as he stood up, using one hand to help Ashley off of the couch as well.

"Like I'm important," Tyler replied simply.

Josh held JJ on his hip, looking at Tyler in confusion. "You are important."

His husband blushed taking a step closer and hugging Josh, burying his face against his chest. JJ giggled excitedly at having both of his fathers so close to him. Josh kissed the top of Tyler's head while Ashley smiled fondly.

"I missed you," Tyler whispered, and it sounded so small that Josh's heart shattered.

Ashley's eyes widened, taking JJ so Josh could hug Tyler fully. Tyler melted against him when he did. His thin frame was shaking. Josh collected him in close, kissing the top of his head once again.

"I'm here," he whispered to Tyler. "I'm not going anywhere. We're safe."

Tyler nodded against Josh's chest. He looked up at Josh, revealing the tears in his eyes. "Thank you for finding us."

"Thanks for the notes," Josh replied, making Tyler let out a watery laugh. "And the flowers. Those were pretty too."

"You're pretty," Tyler said quietly.

Josh laughed. "Says the princess."

Tyler blushed. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Josh nodded, kissing Tyler softly. "Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

It was settled now. Josh wasn't going to be like his dad, simply because he refused to be. His family deserved all the best in the world, and he'd give it to them. He'd look at Tyler like he was special and hold Ashley when she was scared and encourage JJ even when he messed up. Unlike his father's family, Josh's was going to know that he loved them. Not only because he'd tell them every chance he got, but because he'd prove it to them with his actions. His family was everything to him, and he'd be damned if he didn't make sure they knew that.