Please don't hate me...but like I'm sure you all saw what's coming.

Trigger warning mention of self harm, read at own risk.

And thanks again to my lovely friend tommoLo ☺️
**

When Harry told Louis that he would never leave him again he wasn't lying. He never left the driveway. He sat in his car all night trying to figure out what happened. His memory is so foggy from him drinking so much, he can't really recall anything.

He punched the steering wheel hard and laid his head on it. "What the fuck did I do this time?" He muttered to himself quietly, he definitely sobered up quite quickly but not enough to remember exactly what had happened. But do you blame him? He was basically kicked out of his house.

He tried to go through his day, trying to figure out what went wrong. He could figure it out. He sighed knowing it was going to be a long night.

He managed to get himself comfortable in his car and he fell asleep. It wasn't comfortable at all, but he was going to make do with what he had. He wasn't going to his mothers or sisters, they were still mad at him for what he did to Louis and he's sure that they will disown him if they found out what he did.

He wasn't even sure of what he did.

After two hours of him tossing and turning, not able to get comfortable, he decided that sleep wasn't going to happen so he sat up and took in his surroundings. A few cars would pass by the house every so often, but the night was just too quiet, it usually was louder.

His ears picked up on loud sobbing. It came from the direction of the house, up near where their bedroom window was. There was a faint light on behind it and his heart broke when he realised that it was Louis still crying. He didn't understand, was it the yelling from before? Did that really upset him? He didn't yell at him that bad, did he?

Harry sighed and his phone buzzed from his pocket. He was alerting him that it was at 10% and going into low power mode. He frowned, he never lets his phone get down that low, he barely even uses it.

Harry plugged it in to his car adapter and decided to see what his drunken self did. He didn't see any messages or recently sent ones, he had no missed calls.

But, then his eye caught the outgoing call he made hours before. It lasted 10 minutes and it was to Zayn, he tried to remember what happened but his memory was still so foggy.

He groaned and leaned his head back on the headrest. He rubbed his hands over his face until he started to doze off.

"Thas'nough talking, where were we?" Harry slurred, moving to suck a dark mark on his neck. The two men were getting more and more worked up, the eagerness between the two were evident, they both were looking for some relief.

Harry's mind was running a mile a minute while this was all occurring, his subconscious was screaming at him, almost like he had an angel on one shoulder and devil on the other telling him what he should do.

What would Louis think? What about the babies?

Harry, he still wanted a divorce, his mind was already made up. He barely lets you touch him.

"Louis..." he mumbled against the strangers lips, who then stopped suddenly.

"M'Lee," his eyebrows furrowed, they had exchanged names a bit ago and he was confused why he called him Louis. "Who's Louis?"

Harry's ears rang when he heard the name Louis roll off the man's tongue.

His Louis.
His lover.
His husband.

Harry pulled away instantly when the man tried to kiss him again when he didn't answer. "I'm sorry this is so wrong, I can't do this."

"You said it yourself you're getting a divorce, why can't you have some fun?" Harry tried to pull the guy off but he couldn't, he just held him against the wall and he couldn't budge.

Him being so drunk he wasn't thinking straight, the mouth on him felt different, it wasn't Lou's, the moans that filled his ears weren't his either. He couldn't push him off, but he also was so fucking horny that he didn't try hard enough.

He barely was able to touch Louis, he wanted so much to just be able to make love to him again. He closed his eyes and tried to picture the man Louis but it wasn't him.

Harry's drunken mind was racing, before he was able to collect his thoughts he spilled into the man's mouth below him.

"Fuck."

Yeah Harry, fuck.

**

"Fuck!!" Harry screamed, jumping up as the whole night came back and the memory was now fresh in his mind. His mind was spinning. "Why did I even do something like that? Now I really screwed everything up."

He sighed and decided to call someone who may be able to help him.

**

"Is he still out there?" Liam asked, knowing that Zayn has been watching him all morning. "Would've thought that he would have left."

"I thought he left hours ago until I peeked outside and he was fast asleep in his car."

"He won't leave," Louis mumbled quietly, his eyes were sunken in from lack of sleep and his skin all blotchy from the crying. "He promised me the other day that he will never leave me again."

Three pairs of eyes looked at Louis curiously, a tear escaped his eyes and it trickled down his face. "I freaked out the other day and he told me he wouldn't leave. So he's out in the driveway waiting for me to tell him to go." Louis pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands to wipe at the tears freely falling down.

Zayn sighed, he knew his best friend and he knows why he won't say anything. His best friend was still in love with the man outside. Which he completely understood because he's been in love with Harry since highschool, he can't just wake up one day and not feel those feelings. He just knew that right now Louis needed the three of them, as last night he almost tried to hurt himself and the babies.

After Harry left the house, Zayn caught eye of Louis watching from the hallway and he didn't look so good. He saw the broken man before him, they were going to have to pick up the pieces for months until he's 100% himself.

"Lou?" Zayn spoke calmly knowing that he was deep in thought. But what he didn't expect to happen was Louis going into the kitchen and grabbing the huge steak knife from the block.

"I don't want to live anymore! Maybe the world would be better off without me! Harry doesn't want me anymore! No one wants me!"

"Louis drop the knife!" Zayn's voice bellowed deep with sadness and pain for his best friend.

"No! Zayn I can't do this anymore, I can't!"

"Lou, just because Harry doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean that we don't still want you here," Liam spoke calmly, his voice came with the truth. From the years that Louis knew Liam the man never lied to him, even if it was the cold hard truth, he never did beat around the bush.

"It doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters! If I can't be happy I don't want to be here," Louis was full on sobbing at this point, his breathing was heavy and he started to hyperventilate, "I don't want to hurt anymore," he said quietly, "I don't want to live like this, always sad, always getting hurt." He wiped the tears from his face roughly. "I want it to end, I want it to stop."

Zayn came over quickly, gently taking the knife from Louis' hand. He passed it to Niall who then put all the knives somewhere he couldn't reach.

"Lou, I know it hurts I really do but this isn't good for you. This is only going to cause you more problems because of the babies. Harry is a dumbass for hurting you and no one deserves this."

Louis muttered, "Apparently someone thinks I do."

"Louis you have to listen to me, this is not how anyone's life should be. If you are always constantly hurting and sad then you need to talk to someone that isn't one of us. Don't get me wrong I'm always willing to help you work through those thoughts but I'm not always going to know what to say or know what you want to hear."

"I just want someone to tell me everything will be okay. I want someone to tell me this is all worth it. I want someone to tell me they love me and mean it. I want someone to come into my life and won't leave me. Is that too much to ask?"

The three others all had tears rolling down their faces watching the pregnant man break more and more in front of their faces.

This time Niall spoke up, having been quiet for most of the ordeal. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be okay because we aren't sure what is going to happen but what I can say is you have the three of us to help you. We will never, ever leave you." Niall walked closer to Louis and thumbed away more tears, "And you going through this is worth it because you'll come out stronger than before. You'll build thicker skin and you'll be a better you."

"I don't want to go through this anymore, this is too much."

"Will you please let me finish?" Niall asked calmly, waiting for Louis to nod his head, sniffling quietly. "We all love you equally, all of us have been here from the start and are still here. Do we count?"

Louis nodded, "Yes, but I want someone to really love me. Someone to be there with me the rest of my life. Someone to grow old with and help me with these babies."

"We may not love you the way you want, but we made the pact years ago remember? Whenever one of us needs help we all are here. We never let anyone suffer alone. If one suffers, we all suffer."

"I just feel like I'm the one who always needs the help. Why for once can't something go right?" He wasn't wrong, everyone was always running to help him. "I'm always the damsel in distress. You three never have anything bad happen."

"It doesn't matter who has needed the most help, all that matters is who stuck by you through it all," Liam said, wrapping his arms around his husband's waist and placing his chin upon his shoulder.

"I promise you after all of this something good could happen." Niall grabbed a wet cloth and wiped Louis' face. Then all four of them piled into a hug, each of them shedding a few tears.

The house may have been quiet the rest of the night, but there was no sleeping as each of them stared blankly at the ceiling, the events of the night laid heavy on their mind.

"So what are you going to do? Have him sit in the driveway forever or are you going to go outside and tell him off? If you don't tell him off I will," Zayn spoke with hatred towards Harry.

"No. I think I need to talk to him myself." Louis grabbed his glasses off the kitchen table, he definitely wouldn't be able to wear his contacts today, his eyes were so raw and swollen from the crying. He rubbed at his temples trying to ease away the fatigued driven headache before he left the house, the others waiting on the doorstep as Louis approached the car.

Harry was broken from his thoughts when he heard a knock on the door and he immediately jumped out. He knew he messed up and he knew he wouldn't ever be forgiven. He frowned when he saw Louis, his eyes were red and swollen from all the crying and his skin pale from lack of sleep. He had his glasses on, a sight that Harry never really got to see, and his hair sticking up all over the place.

"I'm sorry Louis! I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? All you can say is sorry? What the fuck Harry! You cheated on me and we heard it through a fucking phone call!! Was that your plan the whole time? How could you?"

"I didn't even know I called Zayn! It wasn't my intention."

"Of course it wasn't Harry. You never intend to do anything, right? But that doesn't matter, you cheated on me."

"I don't know why I did it! I was drunk! I didn't remember until 10 minutes ago!"

"Bullshit Harry! You know damn well that if you didn't want to cheat on me you would have never done it! How could you? You said you loved me before you left, I'm carrying your babies that you put in me!"

"I messed up okay! I'm just so lonely with and without you, you barely let me touch you. You just let me back in the bedroom the other night, what was I supposed to do? Wait around forever?"

Louis' head snapped up, he was about to say something before he heard commotion and he looked to see that both Niall and Liam were holding back Zayn who wanted to so badly beat Harry for hurting Louis. He saw Zayn struggling to break through, he wanted so bad to get his hands on Harry. A part of Louis wanted to let him do whatever, he wanted Zayn to beat him to a pulp. Liam may act all tough and come off as so, but it was always Zayn that had the balls to go through with it.

Liam and Niall managed to hold him, kept him from breaking through, but the strain was evident on both of their faces. Zayn may not be the biggest guy out there, but he was strong and it didn't help that he was 100% done with Harry so his anger was definitely not helping. Louis wanted to have them release their hold, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Why?

Looking back to Harry, it hit him again how much he loved him. He had his faults, we all did, and he couldn't bear to see the damage Zayn would do if he were free. Louis was pissed and hurt but he couldn't see Harry like that.

Louis finally sighed. "Please, Zayn,...." only then the man stopped trying to breakaway from Liam and Niall, but he was still standing guard making sure Harry doesn't do anything.

"Fuck you Harry. If you truly loved me you would have stuck by me. I guess our vows meant nothing to you." He then did something that shocked the all, he took the wedding band off his finger and grabbed Harry's hand.

He placed it in his hand and then he uttered the words Harry never wanted to hear again. "We are done. Now it's me who wants a divorce." Louis was about to walk away before he turned around and punched him in the nose. He didn't say anything to his now ex-husband before he walked quietly back into the house.

..to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part..