So like....I'm sorry

**

Louis' world just crumbled as he walked through the threshold of the front door of his home. He didn't cry or anything, he didn't even say anything to anyone. He just sat motionless on the couch in the living room.

Zayn looked at the man sadly, he didn't want to say something or even do something. Liam gave him a knowing look and the three others got to work on cleaning and moving things that were Harry's into boxes. They removed photos of them together, the only ones they kept were group photos of everyone.

Louis didn't realize he was hyperventilating until he felt a pair of familiar arms wrapping them around him. He was placed onto the lap of someone until he recognized it as Liam. Which, was a bit surprising cause it was usually Zayn who did all of the comforting, but Louis didn't care he just needed someone.

"Lou, honey, breathe." Liam started to rub comforting circles on the distraught man in his lap, Zayn had stepped out to get some food for them and Niall was on the opposite side of the house.

Louis tried to breathe, but he was still struggling hard.

Liam's pitter patter of his heart thumped against Louis' ear as he rested his head on his chest. He tried so hard to follow his breathing but it was only making it worse. That's when Liam realized he was now dealing with one of Louis' very bad panic attacks. There were only two people that ever managed to calm him down, Zayn and Harry.

Harry was 100% out of the question to help and Zayn should be back any minute but Liam needed to act fast before he got himself sick or he'd stop breathing.

"NIALL!" Liam's voice screamed in panic when he felt Louis' breathing become sporadic. The brown haired man came running in, he immediately seeing the commotion.

"Louis, listen to Liam's heartbeat, you got this buddy. In and out, take the deep breaths and slowly let it out," Niall spoke calmly, Louis' eyes looked at him, and they showed nothing. They were still the bright blue that everyone fell for, but they were dull and filled with sadness.

"Can't," he breathed out, he then started to scratch at his arms, leaving them red and raw.

Niall took hold of his arms to stop him. "Louis don't do that you'll hurt yourself," Niall spoke calm, rubbing up and down his arms. He made Louis look at him and it was almost instantly that Louis stopped crying.

Looking into Niall's eyes he saw something, he saw something that he thought he'd never see, he saw love. But most importantly he saw hope and safety. Never once did Niall give him a reason that he wasn't going to be okay. Even when they were in highschool, there was always something about Niall that made him different than everyone else.

"Where's Niall?" Louis asked curiously, he always wanted to be near the boy, and when he wasn't anywhere to be found it felt like a part of him was missing.

Liam raised an eyebrow in confusion, Louis and Niall had been attached to the hip recently and it made Liam wonder if there was something going on between the two of them. "I think he went to the bathroom? Why what's up?"

"Oh nothing, I just wanted to ask him something but it's okay, it can wait," he chewed nervously on his thumb nail, still had not made eye contact with Liam.

"What is going on between the two of you? You are always together and you guys won't even share half of the jokes you are always laughing about."

Louis couldn't help but blush at the thought of Niall, he did have a tiny crush on him, but they were way too close to even be together. "Nothing is going on, we are just friends."

Friends, just friends, that's all they ever were.

Louis curled into a ball on Liam's lap and sniffled. "M'sorry," he spoke into the bigger man's chest.

Liam carded his fingers through Lou's hair and kissed the top of his head, "No need to be sorry, it's okay. You're okay." Liam rocked him slowly back and forth, something that also really helped him calm down further.

Niall had left the room quietly, only to return with a washcloth and a blanket. He wiped off Louis' tear stained cheeks. He then helped Liam get him comfortable on the armchair, knowing the boy grew hungry from all the crying.

Niall took a good look at Louis, he didn't like to see him like this, he wanted the Louis he knew in highschool back. He wanted that rambunctious boy running circles around everyone. Louis changed so much and he hated to see that the change was negative.

"Liam I need to talk to you about something, I don't know who else to go to," the taller man smiled, no one ever came to him for help, it was usually Zayn.

"What's up? Everything okay?" He asked, a bit panicked since Niall never really talks to anyone about his personal life. He only recently started to open up, which was a good sign that he was trusting the group more.

Niall couldn't dare even look at Liam in his eyes. "I've developed feelings for someone and I really don't know how I feel about having these feelings."

Liam smiled fondly at the shorter boy, "Let me guess, do these feelings involve a very rambunctious boy with bright blue eyes?"

Niall's head snapped up, the blush creeped to the tip of his ears. "How?"

"Give it a rest Niall, I know how you look at him. And I can assure you he feels the same." Niall's red face only grew darker, but he was quick to go back to normal when he saw Louis and Zayn approach them.

"What's going on? Why does Niall look like a tomato?"

"Oh nothing, he was telling me about how he almost walked in on his parents last night."

The other boys grimaced, "Yeah, I would definitely look like a tomato too," Louis spoke, he smiled at Niall. The other boy looked away, earning a raised eyebrow from Louis.

Niall was going to shoot his shot, he had it all planned, that was until a tall boy with green eyes swooped in and ruined it all. But it was okay, Niall was happy that Louis was happy.

Not a second later Zayn walks through the door and saw that Louis' eyes were puffy and frowned. "Everything okay?" He wanted Louis to answer him, but he would accept something from one of the others.

"He had a panic attack, he was fine one minute and the next he was hyperventilating," Liam spoke quietly as they noticed the pregnant man had fallen asleep.

Zayn sighed and went over to his best friend and left a small kiss to the side of his head. "Let's leave him be for the moment, we can eat and then wake him up in a little." Liam and Niall agreed, following him into the kitchen, devouring the pizza he had picked up on his way home from the grocery store.

Between the three men they managed to get Louis' fridge completely stocked up with necessities for him. They frowned when they saw that the fridge was filled with stuff Louis doesn't even eat, but stuff that Harry did.

Zayn let Louis sleep for about an hour before he went over to wake him up to eat. "Lou, sweetie gotta eat."

Lou whined, "Tired Zee, not hungry." He pouted at the man for waking him up, not wanting to move either.

"Either you get your ass up and eat or I will bring you to the kitchen and force feed you."

Louis rolled his eyes, he knew Zayn wasn't kidding. So he sighed and got up off the armchair, immediately he was doubled over, his hands clutching at his swollen stomach. A hot, searing pain rooted him to the spot. It shot up his spine, working it's way down around his lower ribs to where he had just felt one of the infants kick. "The babies!" And that's when everything went black.

**

Harry sighed, he really screwed up big time. He was told by Zayn that he would be able to retrieve his things tomorrow, so he just had what he was able to pack for himself the night before. He rubbed his hands over his face, letting out a loud yawn.

He was driving to the other side of town to meet with someone that he thought could help him. He was so desperate to get Louis to forgive him, but even then a part of him hoped that he wouldn't.

Harry still loved him so much, but if the roles were switched and Louis did all of this to him he wouldn't want him back either. He would be distraught and confused about everything that happened in such a short time.

He definitely wouldn't be opposed to getting Louis back, but he knows deep down that he doesn't deserve him anymore and that anyone would be lucky to have him in their life.

He pulled his car into a parking spot, sitting in silence for a few minutes before he got the courage to get out of his car. He was in a driveway of an apartment, he was given the code to get in and he had to walk up the one flight of stairs to the door of his friend.

He stood in front of the door and knocked quickly hoping he would be let in quickly. Harry didn't like the feeling of where he was, the hall lights were dim, the white paint now stained yellow. The light for the exit even was blinking rapidly, he wondered just how long that was like that.

The door in front of him freaked open breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Harry, mate! How are ya?" Nate spoke quick, he barely even let Harry answer him before he was pulling him into the room. "Sit, let me get you something to drink? What do you want?"

"Water is fine." Nate disappeared and then reappeared a few moments later with two glasses of water.

"Now what bring you here, you only call me when you need help. What's going on in the life of Harry?"

Harry sighed, he knew Nate wasn't going to be happy with what he was about to say, but this was his only friend that was the least judgmental and he wouldn't ever pick sides. Harry always went to him for advice and the older man would always be the devil's advocate when it came to him voicing out his thoughts.

"I cheated on Lou."

"Excuse me? You did what now?" Then as if right on cue the flood gates opened and Harry's shoulders started to shake as he sobbed into his hands. Nate was quick to console him, staying quiet until he was calm enough to answer.

"I don't know why I did it. I was drunk and the man looked so much like Lou," Harry grabbed a tissue and blew his nose before he continued, "I was just so fucking horny and he was the only willing participant to fuel my desire."

"Why do you think you did it? Was your relationship with Louis going south?"

Harry nodded. "I had asked Lou for a divorce cause he couldn't get pregnant no matter how hard we tried. Then he got pregnant and we were trying to piece our relationship back together, but there was still something off about it."

"Like he didn't trust you fully?"

"Yes. I felt like he accepted the fact that we weren't going to ever be the same ever again. I was trying so hard to fix everything, but he barely even let me touch him."

"Well, you do have to understand that you hurt him by saying divorce, it was as if it was your way of saying that you didn't love him anymore. Didn't you use to say that one of his fears was never to be loved by someone?" Harry nodded, letting Nate continue, "So maybe it wasn't him doing all of that but his subconscious because he was still afraid of not being loved and you left him when he needed you the most."

Harry never really thought it that way, he never realized until now. It all made sense and he just went and ruined everything. His hand made his way into his pocket and his fingers brushed over the warm metal ring sitting deep inside. His fingertip brushed over the small jewels that ran across it, the band was simple but perfect, just like Louis.

His Louis. Not anymore.
His lover-nope.
His husband — ex-husband.

"I messed up big time didn't I?" Harry asked, not realizing that he spoke what was racing through his mind.

Nate sighed. "I know you came to me to help you but you've dug yourself into a bigger hole and the only one who can get you out is yourself. But, at this point I don't think that you'll be getting yourself out anytime soon."

Harry had to agree with him on that because he definitely wasn't wrong. He knew he wouldn't be getting Louis back anytime soon—if he ever does at this point.

Nate let Harry crash at his place since his roommate abruptly moved out last month and he told him as long as he helps with rent he can stay with him. He knew Louis from highschool, but he was never close to the friend group to really hate Harry. Not saying that he wasn't upset with Harry's decisions and he was not at all taking sides, but he wasn't going to just let the man sleep on the streets.

Nate helped Harry move in the things he was able to retrieve from the house. Harry had went back to the house to get some things and he noticed that no one was home so he decided to grab what was boxed up.

"Did you tell your mother what happened?" He asked after he plopped down on the couch, Harry doing the same next to him.

Harry shook his head. "I haven't really spoken to her recently, she's still mad at me for originally divorcing Louis. She always loved him like a son even before we got married. She didn't like that I basically shattered his life by leaving him."

"She's not wrong dude. You've always jumped to conclusions before you thought things through. You really gotta stop doing that."

Harry sighed, "I know, I'm just an idiot."

Nate nodded. "You definitely are."

As they were talking his phone stared ringing breaking them out of their conversation. Harry raised an eyebrow when he saw Zayn's name light up on the screen.

"Hello?" Harry's chest was pounding, he didn't know why Zayn was calling and what could have happened. He heard Zayn sigh through the phone before he started to speak.

"Harry, I'm only calling you because it involves your babies. Louis has gone into premature labor and he's got to stay at the hospital until his due date. Louis doesn't want to see you and I don't want to see you either." Zayn spoke, the tone was evident that he was exhausted and angry, but still wanted to inform him what's going on. "The doctors said stress brought it on, this is all your fault, you caused this. Anyways, one of us will keep you updated. You are allowed to be here during the birth because they are your kids, but it's up to Louis to decide if you can see the birth."

Before Harry was able to say something, Zayn hung up the phone.

This is all your fault...all your fault.

A tear trickled down his face, he was quick to wipe it away. No one liked him anymore, no one wanted to be around him anymore. He should have never said and did what he did.

But, what's done is done, there's no going back.

**

Louis' eyes blinked open his eyes, he heard a beeping in the background, and when he finally adjusted to the brightness he noticed he was in a hospital bed. His arms immediately when to his stomach, thinking the worst, but smiled when he felt kicks against his hand.

"Lou, how are you feeling?" Niall spoke from the right side of him, it looked like the man made himself comfortable with the pillow and blanket he had on the chair he was lounging on. Louis took a good look at him and noticed that it looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"What happened? How long was I out?"

"From all the stress and exhaustion your body was going through it put you into premature labor. You blacked out from the pain and you've been out since yesterday. Babies are good and healthy, doctors said that they managed to stop labor for now, but you have to stay here for the next couple of weeks until you're ready to deliver."

Louis frowned, he didn't want to be stuck here, he wanted to be free. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for? It's not your fault one bit, things like this happen." Niall came over to him and pulled a chair next to the bed, he grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. "All that matters is that you are okay and the babies are okay."

Louis couldn't argue with Niall. "Where's everyone else?"

"What is my company not enough for you? Rude."

Louis smiles fondly, rolling his eyes, "Niall, I always love your company, I was just curious."

"Zayn tried to take off of work but they denied him because you weren't an immediate family member and Liam is actually on his way over now. Your parents were here earlier and they just left, they will be back on Friday to check up on you."

"How are you here then? Don't you have work?"

"I'm still working, my boss is allowing me to do remote work until you get better. It's a glorious thing when your boss is your brother's wife. She completely understood that you needed someone so she told me to just keep her updated and keep up on the deadlines and I'll be good."

Silence fell between the two of them, they really just enjoyed each other's company. Louis was watching whatever he could find on the tv while Niall was typing away on his computer to the right.

A few hours later Louis had woken up from dozing off earlier, the room was quiet and dark. He looked on his phone and noticed it was around 10 at night, he saw Niall was still in the room sleeping soundly. He noticed the armchair was moved closer to him and he finally got a good look at the man next to him.

The curtains were drawn, the moonlight shining bright against Niall's porcelain skin, accentuating his facial features. He wasn't an ugly man and Louis always wondered if he never met Harry if they would have ever ended up together.

All these years no matter what happened it was always Niall. Niall was there for everything, he never took no for an answer. He was there when Louis with the divorce, with him finding out he was pregnant, the accident and now this. He hasn't left his side since and by the looks of it he won't be leaving anytime soon.

It always was Niall, kept repeating over and over in his head.

The whole time Louis was watching Niall, he thought he was asleep, but he actually was awake. He was asleep in the beginning but when he noticed he was being watched, he just pretended he still was asleep.

After what seemed like forever Niall opened his eyes and caught the pair of bright blue eyes looking right at him.

"Sorry," Louis mumbled, looking away and fiddled with the loose string on the blanket. He couldn't put into words what he was feeling, but it was almost as if he was back in highschool again.

"Sorry for what?" Niall sat up and stretched his arms above his head, moving to pull the shades closed so the sun wouldn't wake them up in the morning.

"I'm such a burden," Louis mumbled quietly, not moving his eyes from where they were fixated on his lap.

"You are not a burden, don't ever say that."

"But I am! Someone is always having to take care of me! I'm always the one who gets hurt or is in the hospital. I don't want you to risk living your life by being here with me."

"I chose to be here, I always chose to be with you. No one ever forced me or the others to be here. I am here because I am your best friend and I don't want you to be alone."

Louis wiped away the few tears that trickled down his face. "I'm such a mess," he couldn't help but laugh a little bit, Niall just rolled his eyes. Before Louis could react a wash cloth was pressed against his face and his tears were wiped away.

Niall kisses the top of his head softly, "Let's get some sleep, doctors said tomorrow is filled with a bunch of tests."

Louis let out a yawn, "Why do I need to be poked and prodded at?"

"They gotta make sure all the babies are good and you are good."

Louis nodded, he wanted so badly to ask Niall to cuddle him. But he couldn't bring himself to saying a word, he opened his mouth only to close it a second later.

Niall must have read his mind cause the covers were pulled back and he was getting into the bed beside him, it was a bit difficult to get comfortable with Louis' pregnant belly but they were able to make do with the space they had.

Louis placed his head on Niall's chest, the beat of his heart pulled him to sleep quicker.

Niall stayed awake a little longer, he was rubbing soothing circles on Louis' stomach, he smiled when he felt a slight kick against his palm. He really did wish for once that Louis would be genuinely happy and that he would be safe.

One day, one day everything will be okay.