“W-what happened to him?” I asked Yeonjun in concern.

“I d-don’t know either. We can’t see him for now, the nurses are still taking care of him,” he stated.

“But what happened? Why is he in here? Accident? What!?” I’m getting more hysterical.

“I swear to God, Choi Beomgyu I don’t know why he did that to himself! I numerously called him to stay with me during holidays and he said he’s going home, so I let him. Only to find out that he didn’t. I called him, asking where he is and how is he and he said he’s fine,” he storied.

“It took me for a while to get back to him because I went to Australia to celebrate with my family too. When I arrived at his house, it’s so silent. And when I reached his room he’s almost half dead,” he continued.

“W-why? What!? How!?” I panicked.

“The workers of his house said he locked himself and didn’t want any disturbances and they also said Hueningkai was constantly seeing him. Goddamnit! Why didn’t he tell me about it! I never knew he’s going to cut himself again!” he ranted and covered his face with his palms.

“A-again!? And why the hell that jerk visited him again!? What’s really happening here? Why did he cut himself?”

“Taehyun has PTSD,” he stated.

I froze. “W-what?” I acted like I didn’t hear it— hoping I heard it wrong. “W-what do you mean?”

“He was a victim of domestic violence when his parents left him with his uncle. It causes so many traumas to him but he’s getting better when he started to live alone and his parents went back. But the thing is it happened again to him,” he explained.

My fist clenched, I gritted my teeth. I didn’t know. He never told me. I can’t see it through him. He looks so strong.

“With the same person?”

“No, it’s Hueningkai. But rather physical abuse, it was a psychological violence. He loved him so much that he let him do that to him— that asshole!”

I was about to throw a fit when the room opened and medical staff came out. “Dr. Park, how is he?” Yeonjun asked the female doctor who just came out with the other nurses.

“It’s getting worse than the last time. He was also overdosed. Good thing is he avoided the vital points on his wrist. I think something triggered him again. And Yeonjun, I need to talk to you for a minute, we need to discuss about his medication,” the doctor said.

“O-okay Doc,” Yeonjun nods.

“Come with me in my office,” she instructed and walks away together with the others.

“Look after him first, okay? I’ll be back,” he said and taps my shoulder before following the Dr. Park.

I went inside the room and I saw Taehyun sleeping. He’s with nasal cannula, a bandage wrapped around his right wrist, big dark circles, and when I held his hand and accidentally pulled the sleeve of his clothes, I saw some scratches in there.

My tears escaped without realizing it. I hold onto his hands so tight and cry on it while I’m pressing it on my forehead.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I cried. “I don’t have any clue, I’m s-sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” a low, whisper-like voice speaks.

Our eyes meet, he smiles— forcedly.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered in a low voice too. “I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have leaved you. I’m sorry,” I cried.

“I’m sorry too, I don’t want you to get worried—“

“No, you should have told me. You know I’m always here for you.”

He chuckles. “T-thank you, for always being with me. I appreciate it a lot. Thank you, hyung,” he cried. “T-thank you for keeping me warm everytime.”

I caress his face. “You can get through this. I will be with you,” I assured him.

“Hyung, I want you to leave me.”

I paused and pursed my lips. I don’t know what should I react to what he just said. “N-no, I can’t. Not at this time where you needed someone the most,” I refused.

“Hyung, you don’t understand. I don’t want to depend on anyone right now. I need to be with myself—“

“The last time I left you, this happened. Why would I let you be alone again? You said you’re going to fix yourself then what is this?”

“I tried. I tried so h-hard. I thought it’s already gone. I thought I can handle myself now but,” he paused and sobs. “But it’s still here. And it won’t leave me if I will depend my healing to other people. People come and go and you will too. That’s why I need to be firm. I need to train myself that being alone isn’t lonely anymore. Please, I hope you can understand.”

“But you don’t really need to be alone. Taehyun, I’m here. I’m here for you. So, please,” I pleaded and held his hands. “Please stop pushing me away from you.”

“Please hyung, for my own sake. I need you to leave me. I need to be with my own, hyung. Please.”

“Taehyun, don’t be like this, please,” I cried.

“I don’t know how to thank you for saving me countless times but I will still thank you for being with me. Thank you for coming into my life and give me another reason to live.”

Loud sobs are the only thing I responded to his confession. I’m holding his hands so tight because I don’t really want to let go of him. I can’t. I can’t afford to lose him.

“And you, letting me go for now will make me even stronger enough and be a better person for you.”

“I’m going to wait. I’ll wait for you no matter what. I’ll be here for you, Taehyun,” I give up and hugged him tight.

“I’ll come back as someone you will love the most.”

I cupped his cheeks and kissed him. “I love you, Taehyun.”

He smiled at me. “Thank you for loving me, hyung.”

I hugged him again and we both cry at each other. The room filled with sadness and hope. If this is what the best is for him, if this is what healing that he needs, I will gladly give it to him.

“Let’s take different paths for now and see each other at the end of the road.”

I nods and looked at him then pressed our lips together. It’s warm and trembling. I never knew this time will come. I thought I could keep him as long as I can but fate has its own plans— better plans, I hope.

“I’m going to wait for you in there then let’s cross the bridge together.”

“Thank you hyung, see you again,” he said as he smiles with tears escaping from his eyes.

The door opens and Yeonjun appeared but didn’t bother us. I wiped the tears on Taehyun’s cheek and smiles at him, I even giggled.

“Take care. Eat a lot. Drink proper medications and don’t tire yourself. Know that someone’s here for you, always. We love you so much and,” I paused. “See you again, Taehyun.”

I stood up properly and bowed in front of him then I smiled. I slowly turned my back expecting to hear a stop from him but I already reached the door and didn’t hear anything from him until the door closes.

My feet started to feel numb. My shoulders fall and I cried so hard while walking mindlessly away from that room. Then my phone rings and didn’t even bother looking who is it and just answered it.

(Where the hell are you!?)

“Why?” I asked in whisper.

(Aera got into accident she’s in hospital right now. I’ll send you the address. Goddamnit! Come here before her parents arrived!)

I don’t have the energy already but I tried so hard to drive just to reach the hospital where she is. I head to the emergency room and I saw Soobin hyung waiting for me.

“Where is she?” I asked him.

“A-are you okay? What happened to you?” he asked after seeing my current state.

“Nothing,” I just replied and he pointed me where’s Aera.

I parted the curtain and I saw her lying in the hospital bed with some bruises. A bandage in her head and totally not in her mind. She’s also crying silently while gripping the blanket right above her stomach.

“What happened?” I asked her but she just looked at me and even cried harder. “Tell me what happened to you,” I insisted trying to calm myself.

“Excuse me, Ms. Choi?” a doctor appeared and asked then she looked at me. “Are you her husband?” she asked.

“I’m not,” I answered.

“Well,” she paused and looks at Aera. “Even before you got into the accident, you are already stressed and that’s one of the reasons why we couldn’t save her,” she stated.

“W-who?” I asked confusedly.

Aera burst in crying that she even covered her mouth with her hands to control its sound then that’s when Soobin hyung came to comfort her while I’m just standing there, clueless.

“I’m sorry, we lost the baby.”

The doctor excused herself and then Soobin hugs Aera who’s crying so hard. I exited myself and couldn’t think properly after what I just heard. I continued walking away until I reach the dark hallway of the ER and felt myself fall on the floor.

I cried in there silently, thinking about everything that I did to her. I should have seen the signs. I should have thought why she’s desperate not to let me go.

These are my entire fault.