I never expected Choi Aera— of all people will use self-harm to threathen me just to make me stay with her. I know she loves me so much but I know how Aera thinks too.

She knows her worth. She can live without me. She’s independent. She’s strong. She’s matured that’s why I never knew she’ll reach this extent just to make me stay.

Why? I don’t get her. I cheated so we should break up, right? Is she giving me second chance even if I don’t want to? Then what’s the point of staying with her?

“I’ll stay. I’ll be with you, okay? I’m here. I won’t go.”

Out of a sudden she suddenly fainted so I run towards her and catch her before her body could hit the floor. I take her inside my room and laid her to bed then covered her with blanket.

I called Soobin hyung to come over and while I’m cleaning the mess, the door opens. “Where is she?” he asked and I pointed my room.

He rushed inside my room probably to check her. I just sighed as I’m done cleaning and then washed my hands to grab a glass of water.

“What really happened?” he asked as he closed the room. “How did she catch you?”

“She saw us kissing inside my room,” I casually replied.

“Dumb.”

I looked at him. “I was that confident to do that because I thought I can break up with her,” I replied.

“But then?”

“Then she threatened me that she’s going to kill herself. Do I have any choice?”

He crossed his arms above his chest and leans against the counter looking like he’s about to throw shits on me again. He looks so prepared as well, what the fuck.

“How about Taehyun?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be more concern that your cousin was about to cut her life earlier?” I asked him instead, raised brows.

“Let’s talk about Taehyun first,” he insisted and smirks.

I scoff. “He left me—“

“See! I’m right!” he snapped so I rolled my eyes. He’s really waiting for this moment.

“Don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you at all because I did! I told you to stop doing that shit but you really want to fuck him—“

“Hyung it’s beyond fucking him anymore, okay?”

“But still! It’s still cheating! You cheated, cheater! So, where’s Taehyun now? He’s gone! He don’t love you and I want you to leave my cousin alone,” he give me an earful.

“Hyung, I already told her I want to break up with her but she doesn’t want me to,” I replied.

“I’ll talk to her about that and will try to change her mind as much as I can,” he stated. “But I want you to stay away from Taehyun too. You won’t gain anything from me, I tell you,” he continued.

I looked down. “I will try to change his mind too,” I muttered. “Hyung, can you call Yeonjun? To ask where Taehyun is,” I asked a favor.

“No,” he shook his head.

“Please?”

He groans before opening his phone. “You really love that guy? Does he even love you?” he asked in disgust.

“I can feel that he does.”

“Yeah, assume as much as you want.”

No, I’m really sure about it. Even Yeonjun’s saying the same thing. He just doesn’t want me to get hurt by staying with him for long. If only I can change his mind.

“Junie!”

I gestured him to put it in loudspeaks.

(Yes Bin? Why? The Nutella thing we did last night was—)

“Yes! Yeah good! Wow! Okay now shut up about it, please?”

(H-huh why? D-did I do something wrong? Bin! I’m sorry! Did I hurt you—)

“Mr. Yeonjun! Let’s just talk about it later okay? May I know where Taehyun is?” he cuts him off.

This two doing wild things.

(Taehyun? He’s in meeting right now. Why?)

Wow! He can still attend the meeting after what just happened!?

“Oh, they got caught by Aera earlier so I thought he isn’t in the office and if your friend really loves my friend here means he should be crying or what, right?”

(They got what!? They got caught!? And Taehyun’s not crying at all. He still looks unbothered, entering the office with coffee in his hand. For real! Though he looks a bit murderous than usual so I just thought something happened on his way here. T-they really got caught?)

“Thanks for that, Jun. Let’s talk again later.”

(Bin wait—)

He ended the call before his boyfriend could even talk more. “See? He doesn’t care at all,” he stated.

I sighed and drink my water again. “You’re right,” I agreed.

He doesn’t really look like he cares about it but I just remember than Taehyun looks more dangerous whenever he wants something that he couldn’t get.

What is he thinking?

“W-what are you thinking? You look so serious…”

If he really loves me why did he let me go? If he wants to keep me, then why?

“Nothing just thinking of a way how to talk to him,” I replied and smiled at him. “What do you want to eat for dinner?”

“You look so unserious, Choi Beomgyu.”

“Drag your cousin out of here. I don’t want to hurt her anymore,” I stated.

“I’m really going to do it because I don’t want you to be with her instead. Duh? Cheater!”

“I already get that I cheated. Now, shut the fuck up,” I shot back.

“Cheater!” he even sticks his tongue out that made me rolled my eyes.

“I want to break up with Aera and go to Taehyun but why don’t you want me to be with him?” I asked.

“Are you blind?”

I frown. “What?”

“He loves you or not he’ll bring danger to you. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to get help to begin with. If he really wanted to get over from the past pain he had from his ex, he should have allowed you already to help him. But did he? Not.”

Yeonjun probably told him the situation so he knew about Taehyun’s ex. I just sighed. “I s-still want to try tho?”

“I don’t really want you to be with my cousin but can you please stay with her at least? She needs you,” he stated. "For now, just for now. Okay?"

“Huh? I don’t really understand you. You told me to keep away from her but now you want me to stay with her. What do I really need to do hyung?” I asked with hint of irritation.

He sighs and his shoulders fell in disbelief. “Right, but she really loves you and I know you still love her too. I j-just don’t want you to be with Taehyun,” he reasoned.

“Hyung, I know what I’m doing and yes, my love for her is still with me but it doesn’t mean I want still want to be with her. I love her enough for me to let her go,” I defended. “How is she supposed to stay with me knowing I’m not into her anymore?”

“You have the point but I think one of the reason she wants to stay with you is because of her parents too,” he opened.

“Why? What do you mean?”

“She’s an only child, Gyu. She has the responsibility to get married and bear a child. They have been pressuring her about marriage the past few days so she can’t break up with you,” he storied.

“What? Then do you think I’m worthy enough for her? No. I cheated, hyung. I don’t want her to marry me just because of her family. I want to marry someone I’m in love with… and that’s not her.”

There’s a long moment of silent between us.

I’m only saying the truth. I don’t want her to be with me knowing what happened. I will stay if I’m regretting my affair with Taehyun. I will beg for her forgiveness if I know I will change and be a better partner. I will ask her to marry if I know I want to be with her.

But I don’t.

My feelings for Taehyun are clear. I know I want him. I know I want to be with him.

“I’m going out first. Please look after her,” I asked for favor and get my padded jacket.

“Where are you going?”

I didn’t replied and just went outside. I drive my car and stopped in front of KTH Brand and Clothing Co. building. I head inside and went straight inside the elevator after the staff confirmed who I am.

I arrived in front of his office and a new woman sitting in the secretary’s desk approached me. “Good evening sir. Do you have any appointment?” she welcomes.

“Is KTH inside?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry but he’s not in here. He’s in China together with his secretary to get some business done in his Chinese partners. Do you want me to set an appointment?” she replied.

“When is he going to come back?” I asked.

“I am not sure when, sir.”

“Choi Beomgyu?”

I looked back and saw Yeonjun in his fitted jeans, black turtle neck sweater while holding a cup of iced Americano in his hands. “What are you doing here?” he asked me.

“I’m looking for him,” I replied. “You said earlier he was just on meeting,” I added.

“Dude he just flew to China,” he answered. “Let’s go inside my office,” he invited me and started walking.

“You have an office?”

“Yeah. He made me one although I’m not really working as an employee here. It’s like my personal space,” he replied.

He swiped his ID and the door opened. We head inside and it doesn’t really look like an office to me. More of a dressing room to be exact. I just took a seat and he also rest across me.

“What did Taehyun said when you two will get caught?” he asked right away.

“We’re not going to see each other again,” I answered.

“And you agreed?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Then it should be done already between you two. Why are you still insisting things?” he asked and leaned back.

“I love him.”

He suddenly groans. “Argh! You two are making Soobin and me headaches. You know what? We’ve been talking on what we should do about you two,” he complaints. “Listen, why do you really want to be with him when clearly he’s avoiding you now?”

“He needs me.”

“Even if he does he will still turned you down. You don’t know Taehyun than much,” then he sighs. “I can’t actually read him nowadays. He really looks fine but I can tell there’s something wrong but he won’t fucking open up. When he was dating Kai before, every small detail of them he’s going to update me and even with the other guys but in you,” he paused.

He sips his coffee and looked at me. “It seems like he’s hiding his real feelings. He’s acting tough again. Maybe he’s just really right,” he stated.

“Right about what?”

“That staying with you will never be the right choice.”

I looked down after hearing that. He’s really giving up on me now. He doesn’t really want me to be with him. Should I just give up too? Should I just really let go of him now?

“S-should I really let go of him?” I asked him in my cracked voice.

“You two shouldn’t be holding at each other in the first place.”