It may seem like I don't like my friend anymore, and that she's a bad person, but she's not.

When she's alone.

I love my friends, I really do. But just... recently I feel like I don't have as many friends.

My real, true friends that I've known forever aren't in any of my classes and I see them for ten minutes at the beginning of the day before the bell.

And I have other good friends, but none like those.

And the friend that I'm talking about... I just don't get it.

At the beginning of the year, I was one of her only friends. Everyone said she was the weird creepy new kid who's a furry. (#exposed)

And suddenly... she's everyone's friend, popular, dating, guys chasing after her, all of that.

And then there's me...

I'm a nobody. And I've always thought that I was fine with that.

I don't want to be popular. I just want to be noticed. I'm so lonely, it hurts.

I'm seriously crying on the bus while I'm writing this. It's that bad, guys.

And you probably think that I'm just pitiful, petty, attention seeker.

And I probably am. It's just... this is the only place I can rant, where I can pour it all out.

Writing has helped me cope with this extreme loneliness.

And I guess I could tell my parents, but they would just pity me and do something stupid. And I'd have to tell them everything, including that some of my friends are gay. I don't know how they'd react to that.

And my friend, I love her. (As a friend). I just want her to spend more time with me. I'm a jealous little friend, and I need attention and am a diva.

I'm horrible, I know.

But she's always with her girlfriend, or people who I'm not friends with and don't want to make friends with.

At first I liked her relationship. It was cute, I was happy for them.

But most importantly:

They. Spent. Time. With me.

And now? If I come close, HAHAHAHAHA, I don't exist.

And the little flirting that I once thought was cute is now annoying.

After my complaints about not sitting with my friends, my friend read it and came over, saying that I should come and sit with them.

I asked where I could sit, and she gave me her chair. I sat on the edge so she could share with me, and offered to share.

"No, I'll sit with my waifu!"

That hurt, ok?

I want to spend time with you, but you're pushing me away for her.

And the thing is, I thought that sitting in the middle with her and our friends would help.

No. It just made it worse.

You know what happened? She gave me her pencil and drawing pad and said that I could draw.

And then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of class.

She didn't notice when I angrily erased my drawing five times in a row.

She didn't notice me banging my head on the table and groaning because I couldn't get something right.

She was so immersed in talking with her girlfriend that I didn't even freaking exist.

You're asking why I don't want them to break up?

Because they're both my friends. And I care about them still. I won't begrudge them their happiness, and I won't take away their happiness for mine.

I'm not that selfish...

If you read this whole thing... thank you.