❝jisung i-it really hurts..❞

caressing the older's hips, jisung leaned down and then gave soft kisses to calm him down. for a moment, chenle could see jisung, the jisung he loves, the jisung he fell in love with him. chenle knew he was drunk and he honestly had thought that jisung could deal with him rough but he was wrong. slightly wrong.

❝pay attention to me.❞ jisung whispered, his kisses went to the older's exposed neck and then went to settle one on his cheeks, tasting the dried up tears.

chenle hated how he can still see the jisung he fell in love with. he shouldn't like this, he should hate it. he should not submit himself and he should push the younger instead. jisung had a big effect on him that even though he's drunk, chenle could still feel the person he loves.

it was like he's submitting himself to the jisung he fell in love with and not the jisung who's out of control because of alcohol.

❝does it still hurt?❞  jisung asked as his hand went to chenle's cheeks and wipe the tears away that still keeps on falling down.

even though the jisung he fell in love with is there, the fact that jisung is drunk while doing it with him is still wrong.

chenle breathed out the air he's been keeping and shook his head as a no. ❝i-i'm okay now..❞

he should hate him. chenle should hate jisung for this.

but he is handling him with care. chenle wanted to be hurt to have a reason why he should get mad at the younger but jisung his taking care of him gently. how can someone be drunk and out of his mind as of the moment be able to be so gentle at a situation like this?

❝ah shit..❞ jisung groaned as he buried his head down on chenle's shoulder, catching his breath.

❝ji!❞ chenle moaned out loud as he felt something being released inside of him.

hate him, chenle kept on repeating inside his head. he's finding a reason why he should hate jisung. he should hate him.

chenle needs to hate jisung.

🐋

morning came and chenle didn't want to wake up. although he was now conscious, he still had his eyes closed. he could feel a pair of arms wrapped tightly around his waist and it's making him lose hope. he was hoping, wishing, and praying that everything is just a dream and that right now he's going to wake up inside his room without having anyone sleeping beside him. no one is hugging him except for his pillow, that's what he wants to think.

he still couldn't believe that it happened. he wanted it to be a dream, a nightmare.

but everything broke to pieces as he felt someone move beside him and the arms wrapped around his waist now gone. chenle just shut his eyes tight as he forced himself to go back to sleep so he wouldn't be able to hear or witness what's going to happen next.

❝what the fuck..❞

chenle heard that very well despite of it being a whisper. he then clutched to the bed sheets tight and buried his head down on the pillow next to him. he didn't want to see jisung, neither did he want jisung to see him. right at this moment, chenle is hoping to be unconscious and never wake up anymore.

meanwhile, the male who is just recovering from his pretty bad hangover couldn't believe what he is seeing right now. chenle was laying down with him with nothing on but luckily the blanket is covering his lower body. jisung stared out of space and now started to recall what had just happened last night. he swore that he was just drinking and probably also dropped a bottle and hurt himself. but after that, everything is just a blur.

he could only hear noises from last night and that all it took for jisung to catch up to the situation.

covering his mouth as he gasped, jisung quickly stoos up from his bed and wore sweatpants that is thrown on the ground. ❝fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—❞

chenle was still sleeping there and he didn't know how to explain everything to him. he recalled chenle visiting him but jisung told him to leave by knocking the door twice. that's all he could rememeber before drinking countless of bottles in one go. he couldn't even rememeber how many bottles he had finished. probably a lot since he couldn't remember anything last night except for their moans and groans.

❝holy fuck. someone kill me right now.❞ jisung covered his face as he slid down from his closet, facing chenle who's still laying down the bed.

not knowing that he was awake.

❝this is so wrong.❞ he didn't mean to do it. heck, he wasn't even in his sane mind last night. ❝jisung park, you fucked up big time.❞

and knowing that it's chenle that he's dealing with last night made jisung feel like punching himself so hard that he could see blood dripping down on the floor. what he just did is unacceptable. he was hurt, sure. seeing the sight of xiaojun kissing chenle hurt so much that he could feel himself losing life every minute but he shouldn't have drank a lot. he wasn't even legal yet. he's going to get in trouble.

well, he deserves it.

❝chenle?❞ jisung gathered the guts to approached the older laying down and poked him. he looked so peaceful in the morning but jisung can't even look at him without the thought of destroying him last night. ❝chenle, wake up.❞

and to top every problem that is building up, they still have classes to attend today.

chenle now opened his eyes but didn't dare to look at jisung. he was scared that he might break down in front of him, he needed to be strong. being weak last night was enough already.

jisung could see that he was awake and could now feel his heart breaking into pieces. ❝i'm so sorry.❞ jisung mentally slapped his forehead as he listened to himself apologizing. what can an apology do? mend chenle back to pieces? ❝i was drunk last night and i wasn't conscious with—❞

❝it's fine.❞ how on earth can it be fine? he just lost his first at an early age and at a very wrong situation.

❝it's not fine chenle.❞ jisung looked away as he noticed chenle standing up and getting his clothes that's scattered on the ground. ❝hit me.❞

❝what?❞ chenle looked up as he finished wearing his uniform, not bothering to even tuck it inside his pants.

jisung bit his lower lip out of guilty, ❝hit me, punch me, hurt me.❞ he had done wrong to chenle. the older male hurt him emotionally but he shouldn't have done that to chenle. even though he was drunk, he is still the one doing it to chenle. he destroyed him. ❝report me chenle.❞

actually, chenle wanted to do all those. he wanted to hit jisung so hard till he can't see tomorrow anymore, he wanted to punch jisung till he won't survive till sunrise, and he wanted to hurt him and make him feel what it was like when he hurt him last night. but he couldn't do it.

love, it was stopping him from doing anything.

❝all i ask is for you to delete the video.❞ turning around, chenle took his tie on the floor and wore it. ❝we made a deal last night.❞

jisung couldn't remember but if chenle said that they made a deal then he should delete that video. ❝i will.❞

❝then,❞ heaving out a sigh, chenle walked towards the door. ❝i'll be going now.❞

❝wait!❞ jisung stood up and held the older's hand before he could step out of his room. having in contact with jisung hand, everything came flashing inside of chenle's head.

chenle closed his eyes and held himself back from snapping. he needed to control himself, he knew it wasn't complete jisung's fault. he was too. if only he left when jisung told him to then it wouldn't have come to this. but no, he just had to care so much for him that he went to find a way inside the house to check up on him. ❝what?❞

❝does it hurt..❞ jisung looked away while rubbing his nape. ❝down there?❞

chenle scoffed, is jisung seriously asking this? he then harshly pulled his hand back and opened the door. ❝i said i'm fine.❞ but honestly speaking, he's not. it hurt so much but he had to deal with it.

jisung stood there frozen as he watched chenle leave his room. going down to the living room, chenle widened his eyes at the mess. there were dozens of alcohol scattered down the living room and some of it were even broken and glass pieces were everywhere.

he had the urge to clean it but checking the time, he was late for school. he them ignored the mess and made with way out of the house, not looking back and continued to walk towards his own so he can get ready.

with that happening, jisung was still standing inside his room and staring at where chenle stood before leaving. after a few moments of thinking about nothing and regretting about everything, jisung leaned his back to the door and slid down the ground.

he then hugged his legs tight and buried his head down to his knees as he let the liquid from his eyes fall down uncontrollably.

❝i deserve to die.❞

🐋

lucky for chenle, he made it to school just in time. the bell hasn't rung yet and he still has time to take his books from his locker. stepping inside the school campus, he forced out a smile and pretended to be okay as he was walking towards his building.

but everything wasn't okay.

chenle then felt uncomfortable when he saw all eyes were on him. he looked down while pressing his lips into a thin line as he continued to walk towards his locker. did something happen?

bumping to someone, chenle looked up and shivered at the sight of two seniors looking down at him with those weird looking smiles.

❝hey,❞ one spoke as he leaned down to match chenle's height. ❝you'll be singing in the grand ball, right?❞

oh. so that's probably why all eyes were on him. chenle managed to pull out a smile and nodded his head. ❝yeah.❞

the other one snorted as he nudged his friend. ❝i hope you don't puke in front of us and ruin the night.❞

they then left after that, leaving a surprised chenle there.

his heart was then starting to beat very fast each step he is taking. laughs and whispers were now heard around him and chenle tried his best to reach to his locker without breaking down. he suffered his way in listening to them talk about a specific video and kept on pointing fingers at chenle. his locker isn't even that far away but chenle felt like he was walking a mile just to reach his lockers.

and he wasn't happy seeing what's inside as he opened it. ❝oh no.❞ they were filled with insulting notes and screenshots of him vomiting on stage. that's all it took to make him break down.

❝what are you all looking at!?❞ one brave soul then stood up in front of everyone that's surrounding chenle and gave them looks. ❝mind your own business or i'll snap your bones.❞

they all then scrambled away and left chenle there crying with someone behind him. chenle heard the familiar voice and as he turned around, he was engulfed by a tight hug. he couldn't help but cry even more as he hugged back. ❝renjun ge..❞

renjun stayed quiet and just comforted the younger with the hug. he may not know what's happening but he sure knows that chenle needs someone right now.

⚊ t b c ⚊