❝hyung?❞

jaemin literally rushed from the kitchen to jisung the moment he heard the younger's voice. barging inside the room, his eyes softened at jisung being wrapped like a burrito. he would have cooed if it weren't for jisung being sick.

❝why am i here hyung?❞ jisung's voice even changed because of his state right now and jaemin can't do anything but sigh. ❝where's chenle? i have to give the macaroons to chenle.❞

jaemin approached the younger and sat on the bed. he then placed a hand on his forehead and frowned when he was still hot. ❝jisung go back to bed.❞

the younger sat up and removed himself from the blanket that's wrapping him up. ❝no, i need to see chenle. the macaroons and the banana milk. hyung, where's chenle?❞

chenle, it's always chenle. jaemin looked down with the feeling of guilt running through his veins. he is somehow at fault. he should have known that chenle couldn't forgive jisung for what he has done yet he still pushed jisung to doing this. he gave jisung false hope because he thought that maybe, just maybe, chenle still loved him. but seeing this, seems like this is getting unhealthy. maybe it's time to let go and move on.

maybe it's time for jisung to let go of chenle.

❝you're stupid, you know that?❞ jaemin scolded the younger, pushing him back down the bed since he was slowly getting up. ❝you think i didn't see chenle using your umbrella? he passed by the cafe renjun, jeno, and i were in.❞

jisung sniffed as he shuffled down on the bed, squirming, and whining about the headache he is feeling. ❝he had no umbrella hyung.❞

❝and you think giving him your umbrella and just running home under the rain is right?❞

the younger buried his head on the thick blankets that's being wrapped around him. ❝i deserve more than having a fever.❞

❝jisung..❞

❝hyung, i need to go.❞ jisung tried again to stand up, ignoring the stinging pain on his head. ❝i still need to give the macaroons and banana milk to chenle.❞

sighing for the nth time today, jaemin again pushed jisung down the bed with force since he was getting hard headed and not listening to him. ❝don't you think it's time to stop?❞

that also crossed in jisung's head countless of times. he wanted to stop, he wanted to give up, but a small part of him still hopes for a chance. and jisung was risking it, he listened to that small voice inside his head and continued whatever he is doing. it came to the point that he isn't caring for himself anymore because all that's inside his head is chenle. it's always chenle.

❝my head hurts.❞ jisung said, his voice cracking. the next thing jaemin knew, he was already crying. jisung sniffed and sobbed as he tried to cover his face with the blanket around his body.

jaemin knows that it's not only his head that's hurting, it's also his heart.

❝i'll go buy medicine for you. promise me you'll stay here and not do anything stupid.❞ jaemin said, rubbing circles behind jisung's back.

but the younger male didn't reply and just continued to let out muffled sobs.

❝jisung, promise me.❞ jaemin removed the blanket and could see jisung's face turning red, his eyes half opened, and his cheeks, nose, and lips swollen. ❝i won't leave if you if you don't promise me.❞

jaemin was thinking twice about leaving jisung. with his worst state right now, jaemin just wants to stay and look out for him every second in time. but then, who would buy medicine for jisung? he can't call renjun and jeno, the two of them still doesn't want to side with jisung but they did talk about it and agreed to just let jaemin be. neither can he call mark and donghyuck, he just heard that the two of them were having a fight and he didn't want to add up more problems. is chenle available?

❝i'll be good hyung.❞ jisung managed to say. ❝i promise.❞

❝really jisung?❞

the younger nodded his head and closed his eyes as he sniffed again since his nose was itching.

❝don't break this promise jisung.❞ jaemin smiled as he ran a hand through the younger's hair and brushed some that's sticking to his forehead. he then let out a chuckle when jisung leaned forward to the touch. jisung rarely gets sick but when he does, he always craves for skinships. it's kinda weird since jaemin isn't used to the boy being like that.

❝jaemin..❞ jisung pouted and pointed his forehead.

rolling his eyes playfully, jaemin leaned down and placed a peck on the younger's forehead. and the next moment, he slapped it that made jisung yelp and then whine. ❝i'll be back.❞

with jisung just laying down the bed, jaemin took a few more seconds in checking up on him before finally leaving the room. making his way down the living room, jaemin went to take his phone and wallet out from his bag that's on the sofa and stayed standing there for a few moments to see if jisung would go out of his room. just when he was sure that jisung will stay inside his bedroom, jaemin went to the front door and gripped on the door knob.

"you can do it chenle."

"it's not like something bad will happen. he's sick."

"you're going to talk to him, you'll just be checking up on him."

"calm down, zhong chenle. breathe in and breathe out."

that was what greeted jaemin the moment he opened the door, chenle talking to himself. he looked crazy but it was honestly cute for jaemin. he was walking in circles and had different expressions.

❝what am i doing? jaemin hyung is there.❞ chenle sighed and turned back to the door only to be shocked to see the person he just mentioned. ❝jaemin hyung!❞

crossing his arms across his chest, jaemin gave the chinese a teasing smile as he leaned by the door frame. ❝what brings you here chenle?❞

❝w-well.. i.. uh..❞ looking everywhere, chenle settled his eyes on the box of macaroons he is holding and the plastic bag and showed it to jaemin. ❝i came to give this back to jisung.❞

hearing that made jaemin frown. ❝but he gave those to you.❞

chenle knows that but he can't seem to accept it. even though he had already eaten some pieces of macaroons, he's still giving them back to jisung.

❝chenle, please accept that.❞ jaemin begged for the sake of jisung. ❝he woke up early and went out to buy those despite of being sick. don't give it back to him, he's going to be disappointed.❞

jisung is doing so much.

seeing that chenle is now here, standing in front of jisung's house, an idea then popped inside jaemin head that made him smile so wide. ❝hey, i'm going out to buy medicine for jisung.❞

chenle looked up at jaemin and tilted his head to the side, not getting why the older said that to him.

❝can you watch him for me?❞ jaemin said, giving chenle those cute puppy eyes. ❝i'm doubting that he'll stay in bed.❞

chenle wanted to say no.

his head was telling him to say no.

but what came out of his mouth was the opposite ❝sure hyung.❞

❝great then! i'll be leaving now chenle. you can place those on the sofa.❞ jaemin said while clapping his hands with a bright smile and then ruffled the younger's hair. ❝i won't be long.❞

chenle nodded his head but a thought in mind passed by that made chenle furrow his brows after seeing jaemin walk away and leaving him there alone with jisung. why did he wish for jaemin to take long?

shaking his head, chenle went to place his things down the sofa, next to a familiar looking bag that probably belongs to jaemin, and made his way to jisung's room with light steps. it felt like he walked for only a second but it actually took him long. he was too clouded with thoughts of what's going to happen inside, what he should say to jisung, and how he would take care of him.

opening the door, he wasn't expecting to be hit by the events that happened in that specific night. he started to breathe heavily upon hearing his own cries and jisung's soft voice comforting him. he didn't even notice himself shutting the door very loudly and taking steps back away from the room.

but he was then pulled back to his senses once he heard jisung's cracked voice.

❝jaemin hyung?❞

taking a deep breath to calm himself down, chenle gathered the guts to open the door. he agreed to this, he can't back down now. not when jaemin trusted him to watch out for jisung. opening the door for the second time, chenle now felt different. his heart broke at the sight of jisung laying down the bed in his worst state.

❝you're back early hyung.❞ jisung mumbled, finding it odd that his cousin isn't speaking. ❝is there anything wrong jaemin?❞

chenle didn't know why he isn't speaking, it's as if someone stole his voice. instead of speaking, he was walking towards the sick male and then sat down on the bed. eyes glued to jisung, watching him with his eyes closed.

jisung then had a smile on his face when he felt a weight next to him. he took all the energy he had and pulled his hand out, asking for jaemin to hold it. ❝i know you have been out for a short while but i can't help but feel lonely.❞

chenle stared at jisung's hand. should he hold it? hesitating for a short minute, chenle placed his small hand on top of jisung's large ones. a small smile then curved on his lips as he saw how they hands fit together like a puzzle piece.

❝your hand is soft hyung.❞ jisung said with a smile curved on his lips. ❝please don't leave me.❞

❝i won't.❞ it took chenle a good five minutes to realize that he had just spoke. he then gasped and covered his mouth squeezing his eyes tight hoping that jisung won't find out about him not being jaemin.

jisung's brows furrowed at the familiar voice he had just heard, clearly not jaemin's, but just shrugged it off. it's probably just one of the aide effects of having a high fever, hearing things. instead of thinking much about it, jisung gripped the hand very tight as he intertwined their fingers together. it was completely normal for jisung to be like this, jaemin knows about him acting this way when sick.

but it's not jaemin that's present there, it's chenle. the chinese found it odd and he could feel his heart beating like crazy when jisung held his hand tight like he didn't want to let go.

❝hyung maybe you're right.❞ this time, a frown was shown on jisung's face that also made chenle unconsciously frown. ❝maybe i should stop.❞

stop? chenle wanted to ask what he should stop but then reminded himself not to expose who he is. so then, he stayed quiet and just hopes that jisung will continue talking for him to understand.

only to regret it after.

❝chenle and i aren't meant to be.❞

he felt like his heart was hammered to pieces. it hurt. jisung had done so much and ruined his life. but thinking about it, chenle never wanted for him to disappear from his life. chenle never wanted for jisung to stop loving him and chenle had never stopped loving him. sure, chenle had thought of hating him, he kept on telling himself to hate jisung, he kept on reminding himself to despise the younger for everything he had done, but did that ever happen? no.

did chenle ever hate jisung? nope.

chenle wanted to ask what kind of person he is. who one earth would still love someone who took his first without consent? who on earth would still love someone who treated him like a bank account? chenle maybe.

❝i'm just grateful to have met an angel like him.❞ jisung said, playing, with what he thought, jaemin's fingers. ❝but that's all i can ever be, grateful.❞

chenle bit his lower lip and held himself back from speaking. he didn't want to hear what jisung is about to say next.

meanwhile, jisung only smiled the pain away. for the sake of jaemin, he won't hurt himself even though he did deserve to suffer. he wasn't the only one doing everything, jaemin too is trying his best. jisung didn't want jaemin to regret staying by his side. which is why he had finally decided to let go of everything. pushing himself on chenle would only lead him to a heartbreak. it's not chenle's fault, it's his fault for starting all of this.

❝a monster like me shouldn't love an angel like chenle.❞ jisung didn't want to cry but he can't help it, he was emotional these days. ❝i don't deserve to love chenle.❞

he's not a monster, chenle badly wanted to say that. but just when he was so ready to say something, no words would come out of his mouth.

❝i should just thank him for still giving me chance to live my life outside the prison cell.❞ he was crying yet jisung still let out a chuckle. ❝whoever is going to end up with him sure is lucky.❞

jisung can't see it since his face was buried on the thick blanket that's wrapped around it but tears were already falling down on chenle's eyes.

was it wrong to feel bad for someone who ruined your life?

❝i mean, i would. i would feel so lucky if i end up with him. i would shout it to the whole world let them know that he's mine, i would be so proud. i would be the happiest person alive if i have chenle.❞ jisung breathed out, feeling himself about to break down once again. but nonetheless, he still pulled out a smile. ❝sadly, i can't have him.❞

with the two boys crying inside the room, one was listening outside and couldn't help but feel bad about them.

why was fate being harsh to them?

all jaemin wanted was for his ship to sail but instead, it's sinking.

⚊ t b c ⚊